


Whole Again

by spaze_cat



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Amputee, Angst, Budding Love, Eventual Smut, Healing, Incestual relationship, Injury Recovery, Leg amputation, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Turtlecest, tcest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 13:25:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 86,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7642339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaze_cat/pseuds/spaze_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a deadly battle with the Shredder, Leo loses a leg. He becomes depressed, knowing that his life as a ninja is over, and he’s doomed to spend the rest of his life a cripple. He can no longer be the leader his brothers need. But Donnie has a plan. He decides he’s going to help Leo recover, and he’s going to give him his leg back. He’s going to make him whole again.</p><p>(((INDEFINITE HIATUS)))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Undone

**Author's Note:**

> Just a disclaimer: I don't believe amputees are worth any less than non-amputees. People who have lost or who are born without limbs are just as capable and worthy of respect and love as any other person. The reason Leo is so broken up about his loss is because he's a ninja, and because his life revolves around protecting his brothers and leading his team. He believes it's the only reason for living, that it's his destiny, and now that he's unable to do those things (at least not in the way he's used to) he's become lost.
> 
> Please note that if Leo expresses any disgust for his situation it's directed towards himself, not amputees in general. I'd like to believe Leo is a good person, and that he believes the same as I do, that everyone is deserving of love and respect.
> 
> Of course, right now, he doesn't know what to believe about himself...

_**Come undone** _   
_**Surrender is stronger**_   
_**I don’t need to be the hero tonight**_   
_**We all want love**_   
_**We all want honor**_   
_**Nobody wants to pay the asking price**_

**– “Undone” by FFH**

* * *

When he woke up, he was staring at a bathroom ceiling.

He knew it was a bathroom because of the musty smell in the air. Stale water, rusty pipes, an underlying scent of mildew. He recognized those smells from his life in the sewers, but they’d never combined quite like this before.

He wasn’t in the lair.

He stirred, gently tilting his head from side to side. He must have been hit by a semi, if he was this messed up. There wasn’t a muscle in his body that wasn’t sore; even moving his fingers hurt.

So carefully, then. Carefully, he began bringing his body back to life. He started from his head, blinking until his eyes no longer watered and stung. Then, he tested his mouth, frowning and smiling to test the muscles in his cheeks. He gently stretched out his neck and felt a few satisfying pops, providing some relief from the soreness there. Man, how long had he been laying here?

He slowly rolled his shoulders, trying not to wince. He didn’t mind the sore muscles too much, but there were a few stitches in his arms that weren’t fun to pull on. He made sure to keep his movement around those areas limited.

Skipping the abdomen for fear he’d mess with his internal organs somehow, and instead went straight to loosening up his legs. First, he wiggled his toes—

He… Wiggled his toes…

Heartbeat rapidly increasing, Leo took a deep breath and forced himself to look down at his legs. He needed to know why he only felt one of them responding to his brain’s commands and—

And he… he...

He was missing one of them.

His plastron rose and fell rapidly, his eyes wide and staring at the stump just above his right knee where his leg used to be. It was covered in clean, white bandages that hid the mess of flesh and tissue that must be underneath.

He was dreaming; he must be. He was a ninja, a warrior that by its very definition was careful, quick and precise. He wouldn’t have allowed this to happen. He’d have died before losing something this crucial. Without his life he was a martyr, a memory for his brothers to fight for. Without his leg he was…

What was he now?

He felt a scream building up from somewhere deep inside him, could feel the anguish and rage and desperation in that scream, but even when it finally boiled up to the surface, when it was finally ready to break free of his body, he found he wasn’t able to let it out.

He couldn’t even scream in horror. His vocal chords were broken, too.

That’s what he was. Broken. He’d been shattered like a porcelain doll, and the Shredder…

The Shredder had taken off several pieces of him.

So instead he cried. He knew he was alone, for now, so he took advantage of the privacy and cried. And even though his vocal chords didn’t let him make anything more than a hoarse, choked whistle, he still used that to sob, to scream in his own silent, broken way. He clenched his hands into fists and pounded against the bathtub he’d been set into. He cried until he no longer had the tears to cry, and screamed until he tasted blood in the back of his throat.

And even then he kept going, wishing desperately for the ability to scream properly, wishing desperately for the ability to take his katanas and stab them clean through the bastard’s heart. Even when he’d been fighting him earlier, when he’d been so enraged that the Shredder was hurting his family that he’d nearly lost it trying to defeat him, Leo hadn’t felt a need for revenge as great as this.

Before, he’d wanted to end the Shredder once and for all, if only to keep his family safe, to keep the people of his city safe. Now, he wanted to see the look on Shredder’s face when he took his life from him. He wanted to twist his blade inside of him and make sure his death was slow and painful. It was the least the Shredder could do for taking his leg from him. The least he could do was give him his life in return.

Because without a leg, Leo could no longer walk. He could no longer perform his katas. He could no longer fight.

And what good was a ninja who couldn’t fight? What good was a brother who couldn’t protect his siblings? What good was a leader who couldn’t lead?

Shredder had taken something far more precious to Leo than his life. He’d taken the very things that made life worth living.

He’d taken his very soul.

And once Leo realized this, he knew the fight was over.

He knew he’d been defeated.

* * *

It was time to change his brother’s bandages.

Donatello stood up from the table without a word, and no one protested as he dropped his plate in the sink and made his way to the upstairs bathroom. They all knew what time it was also, Don had made sure of it. If he was ever out hunting or gathering food, he wanted someone else who was here to be able to change the bandages in his place.

Leo had already lost enough; Don wasn’t about to let him succumb to infection.

He grabbed his med kit and headed for the bathroom, knocking despite the fact he knew he would receive no answer.

He always knocked. Just in case.

This time was like all others, and with a sigh, Don opened the door and let himself in anyways…

…and promptly dropped his med kit onto the hard tiled floor.

“Leo.”

It was a whisper, a breath, said quietly like a spell. Maybe he was afraid saying his name too loud would undo whatever miracle had been done, would put Leo back into his coma.

But then Leo turned to him, his head making the slightest, easiest movement to look over at his brother – who was still standing in the doorway like an idiot – and Don saw the redness in his eyes, the puffiness to his face, and it broke his heart all over again.

“Oh, Leo…”

Don moved closer, ignoring his mess of supplies littering the floor in favor of comforting his brother. He knelt on the floor and didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around his brother’s shoulders. He was gentle, careful to avoid the tender wounds. He rested his chin on top of Leo’s head and stroked his shell. He pretended he didn’t notice the way Leo’s shoulders shook as silent waves of sobs wracked him once more. Don almost didn’t want to know how long Leo had been up, how long he’d been alone in this bathroom with his thoughts and no one to hold him like this.

And it was weird, how he was holding Leo. Don knew this, but he didn’t stop, because Leo didn’t seem to mind either. He’d never held any of his brothers like this before, never felt this… warmth for them before. Not when Mikey broke his leg, or when Raph lost his first pet. But this was different, he told himself. This was infinitely different…

He knew what this meant for Leo, knew what his brother was thinking. He thought he was useless now, a burden, and worse, that he’d never be a ninja again, that he’d never be able to lead, to protect his family. Don knew him well enough to know how torn up he was, how different things were going to be now.

And he vowed he would not stand for it.

“I’ll find a way to give you your leg back,” said Don, and he knew now that he’d said it, he wouldn’t stop until he’d made good on his word. “I promise. So hang in there, Leo. Don’t you dare give up on us, got it? Because we’re not giving up on you.”

He knew Leo didn’t believe him, but his brother nodded anyways, and rested his head against Don’s plastron. Don swallowed, feeling another surge of that warmth. He resisted the urge to back away, to leave the room, because he recognized that feeling.

It was the same warmth he felt when he looked at April.


	2. Of These Chains

**_Afraid to open up the door to_  
_Who I was before_  
_And if I let go of these chains now  
Will I float away?_  
** **_Can I just hold on?_**

**– “Of These Chains” by Red**

* * *

 

Don and his brothers helped Leo out of the tub he’d been in. His stump had been raised above the water by a small stool they’d found in one of the closets, so they’d had to make sure to drain the tub before lifting Leo out of it.

They’d all gone pale at the choked noises of pain Leo made at the movement. He couldn’t even cry out properly; his vocal chords must have been damaged pretty badly as well. Don would have to remember to examine them later, as well as… well, the rest of him.

Leo was in poor shape. He’d been out for almost a month, and though Don had kept him alive via an intravenous, the lack of movement had caused much of his muscle to disappear. He was even leaner than Don now, and that was saying something. Don had always been the skinniest of them. No matter how hard he’d worked, he could never seem to build up the muscle like the rest of his brothers. Eventually he’d given up, and his lean frame proved to be a perfect fit for his fighting style anyways. He was quicker with his Bo staff and lighter on his feet because of it.

But even if Leo could walk, he couldn’t have put up much of a fight. Not looking like this.

Neither Don nor Raph could bring themselves to smile, but as they placed Leo onto the bed in the adjacent bedroom, and Don began to methodically change his bandages and tend to his wounds, Mikey picked up the slack for both of them.

“I’m so glad you’re awake, bro!” He said, nearly bouncing off the walls in excitement. “I can show you around the farm! As soon as you can get around, I’ll introduce you to all the chickens! I got to name them all, April let me! She said if I was gonna take care of them I might as well name them. Oh, and we’re surrounded by this awesome forest, dude! I’m uh… I’m not into it, but I know you’ll like it! You’re all about that nature stuff, right? But don’t worry, there’s a tv, and we can still get all our old shows up here! There’s this new show you might like, too…”

Don let Mikey babble on as he worked. Leo looked so tired, so beaten, but still his eyes were following Mikey as he ran about the bedroom. He was still awake in there, still alive enough to cling to the bright ball of sunshine that was their little brother.

When Don was done patching Leo up – excluding checking and changing the bandages on his stump – Raph and Don sat on either side of his bed. Raph pointedly stared at anything besides Leo’s stump, but Don openly studied it. He’d cauterized the wound to staunch the bleeding, and wondered if that would keep him from fulfilling his promise. When he said he was going to give Leo his leg back, he didn’t mean just any prosthetic. Don never did anything without giving it his all, especially when it came to his brothers.

Don was going to build him a leg Leo could use, could _control_. Or he would die trying.

Genius as he was, Don was no doctor. He knew what he wanted to do would require surgery, would require reopening the wound to get to the nerves in Leo’s leg and find a way to attach them to whatever artificial leg he came up with. He would devote himself to studying the procedure, would make sure to do everything in his power to do right by his brother.

“What happens now, Donnie?” Raph asked suddenly, looking up at him. Don swallowed and glanced nervously at Leo, not sure whether or not he wanted to talk about his condition in front of him, but Raph assured him firmly, “He has a right to know. He’s still our leader.”

Leo’s eyes finally tore away from Mikey – who was still in his own little world describing all the fun things about the farmhouse – and he looked up at Raph. He still looked numb, lost, but now there was a faint glint of surprise in his eyes, along with a slight twitch of his lips that indicated annoyance.

He thought Raph was taking pity on him.

“Yes, he is,” Don said firmly, bringing Leo’s attention back to him. He met his brother’s blue eyes. “When your wounds close up, we’ll get to work on rebuilding your muscles. Meanwhile, I’m going to get to work on your new leg. Just like I promised, Leo. You’ll be back to yourself in no time.”

Leo glanced down at his arm, which Don only now realized he’d taken hold of. Feeling way too warm all of a sudden, Don pulled away with an awkward cough.

“I… I’ll…” Leo tried to speak, coughing slightly and raising a hand to his throat, face twisted in pain. Before Don could tell him to save his voice, to let his vocal chords heal, Leo continued. “I will… never be the same… again…”

“No,” Raph said firmly, glaring at Leo, “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to check out on us. Not after making us think we’d never see you again. Donnie’s gonna fix you up. He’s made artificially intelligent robots, the Shellraiser, and countless other inventions that would put _Einstein_ to shame. If he can do all that he can make you another leg, Leo. Yeah, it won’t be yours, but you’ll get to walk again. You’ll get to kick Shredder’s butt and make him pay for this, and you’ll do it all on your own because you’re the strongest turtle I know. All of us would go through hell and back for you, and we’d do it again as many times as it took to get you back on your feet. We’re not quitting on you, fearless, so you’re not allowed to quit on us.”

Everyone stared in shock at Raph’s passionate rant, including Mikey, who’d gone uncharacteristically silent as soon as Raph raised his voice. Even Leo looked shocked, temporarily shaken out of his blank, dead expression to stare wordlessly at his brother.

“Okay,” said Leo, clearly his throat gently again. “Okay… I won’t give up on you guys.”

Raph looked around at the bewildered expressions on his brother’s faces and seemed to realize the extent of his rant. He coughed, nodded once at Leo, and took off, saying something about needing to get some fresh air.

“Can you… do it?” Leo rasped, looking back to Don.

Don had already made his promise, and he meant it when he said he’d do everything in his power to give Leo his leg back, but he needed to know what he was dealing with before he could say with confidence that he could do it.

“I won’t give up until I do,” Don said instead of a direct yes. “Now, let me take a look at you. I’ve got to make sure the rest of you is still working.”

Leo swallowed, but nodded in agreement. Mikey took that as his queue to leave. He walked over to the side of the bed Raph had been sitting at.

“I’ll go get April and Casey,” said Mikey, “They’re at the store, but they should be back any minute now. I’m… I’m really glad you’re back, bro.”

Mikey had enough sense not to go in for a full-body hug when Leo had so many wounds, so he settled for gently wrapping himself around Leo’s arm, nuzzling against his brother sweetly before letting him go. With one last smile, Mikey left them alone.

“Master… Spli—” Leo rasped, and Don immediately knew what he was going to ask.

“We don’t know,” Don said, looking down at his hands, “He was… defeated by the Shredder. He could– he’s probably still alive.”

“He is,” said Leo, giving a single resolute nod. “I know he is.”

Don wasn’t sure he believed Leo, but he wasn’t about to tell him that. He smiled lightly and gently began his examination. He gently turned Leo onto his side to check the crack in Leo’s shell. He hadn’t been able to check it that often when Leo was still out since it was a lot more risky to move him, so he made sure to be thorough now.

For the first time, he was able to get a clear view of the injury. Cracked shells were serious; as turtles, even mutant ones, they relied on their shells for survival. The soft skin and tissue beneath was fused with their shells, as well as their ribs and spines. A cracked shell could mean not only an open wound and years of healing, but if it was bad enough, it could mean their spines were damaged as well.

And so far, Don hadn’t seen Leo move his legs.

But after examining the injury, Donnie was finally able to put his worst fears aside. Leo’s mutation may have saved him from an even more devastating injury; the crack didn’t run down to the skin. Their shells were far more flexible than normal turtles; it allowed them to move the way they needed to as ninja, and it was part of the reason they were able to stand and walk on two legs. Donnie blew out a mental sigh of relief; this meant there would be no braces or epoxy-impregnated fiberglass cloth necessary.

But just to be sure everything was in working order…

“Leo, can you wiggle your toes for me?”

With no hesitation or questions asked, Leo’s remaining toes wiggled against the bedsheets. Don smiled.

“Thank you.”

Don gently turned Leo on his back again and dutifully checked at the stitches on a few of the more serious wounds he’d patched up. He worked his way down Leo’s arms, asking him a few times to move his fingers in a certain way. He wanted to make sure Leo still had complete dexterity of his remaining limbs.

When everything checked out, he scooted over and placed both of his hands on the bed beside Leo’s stump.

“I’m… I have to…” Don began, but Leo seemed to understand what he was trying to say.

“Do what you gotta do, Donnie,” Leo said, his voice soft and expression unreadable.

Unable to think of anything else to say, Don just sighed and did as he was told. He gently unwrapped the bandages encasing the remainder of Leo’s right leg. As he got closer to the place where Leo’s skin met the fabric, Don slowed his movements considerably in favor of being gentle and making this process as painless as possible.

And then he began to pretend.

He pretended not to see how Leo winced and closed his eyes as the last shreds of bandage fell away. He pretended that it didn’t bother him to see only a bloodied mess in place of his brother’s leg.

And as he finally laid eyes on how the tissue had tried to heal together, how the skin there rose and fell like jagged mountains instead of a smooth hill, Donnie also pretended that he knew exactly what he was doing, and that despite everything, he would be able to give his brother his leg back.

Don took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.

“Nothing’s infected?” Leo choked out, his eyes still closed.

“Nope,” Don said easily, putting on a soft smile. “Clean as a whistle. Well, uh, except for the—”

“Blood,” Leo said for him, “And… flesh.”

“Yes,” said Don, “But it’s clean. It’s workable. I can already see how I can—”

“Don’t,” said Leo, finally opening his eyes. His eyes met Don’s, and they went nowhere else. “You don’t have to… Not when we’re alone. I want you to be honest with me, Donnie.”

And here was his last chance. Leo was giving it to him; a way out of his promise. He understood that Don was quick to make them, that what he’d said earlier were just words of comfort, and what he’d promised in front of Mikey was as much of a false assurance for their brother as it was for himself. But now that they were alone again, now that Donnie had shifted roles from brother to doctor, Leo demanded the truth.

So, Donnie had two options.

He could tell Leo the truth; that he was overwhelmed, and lost, and more terrified of failure than he’d ever been in his life. That he didn’t know what he was doing, not enough to feel confident that he could do it. He’d engineered countless machines that improved their lives, and built the Shellraiser, and figured out how alien technology worked to such a degree that he was able to turn their own weapons against them with Metalhead.

But this was different. This was flesh, and blood, and tissue, and it was _messy_. Machines were rarely messy, rarely imprecise. He had no doubt he could build the greatest artificial leg the world had ever seen, but he had absolutely zero idea whether or not it would be compatible with Leo’s body, whether it would work the way he wanted it to.

He could tell Leo all of that, empty all of his worries onto his leader so that Leo could make sense of them, and offer him direction like he always did. But doing so would hurt Leo, would take away what little hope he was still clinging to. No one wanted to be told their doctor was clueless. Nobody wanted to hear that their savior wasn’t perfect.

And so that left the other option. The option of keeping all of it inside. He might slowly kill himself from stress that way, might explode on someone like Raph did when _he_ bottled things up.

But in Donnie’s mind, it was the _only_ option.

“I already told you,” Donnie said with more confidence than he’d ever had in his life, “I can do this. Trust me, Leo.”

And the look in Leo’s eyes was worth whatever hell Donnie had just signed himself up for.

After cleaning the area carefully, Don wrapped fresh, clean bandages around Leo’s stump. He was neat and careful, performing the wrap precisely just as he’d seen it in that medical textbook he’d read for fun all those years ago. The physical copy was still sitting in a closet back in the lair, but he’d read it enough times to remember how to treat most wounds and injuries.

He looked in Leo’s nostrils, his ears, and finally his mouth.

“Say ahh,” Don told him.

“Ahh,” Leo intoned, his voice breaking slightly. Don could tell the back of his throat was swollen, and by feeling along the vocal chords in his neck, he knew there would be permanent damage to the area.

“Your voice may never be the same as it was,” Don explained, “Your vocal chords sustained a lot of damage.”

“First my leg,” Leo said, “Now my voice. What else changed while I was out?”

And just then Donnie knew he’d made the right decision, because there was a hint of Leo in there. He heard the sarcasm, the way he said those words as if these issues were a minor inconvenience, and he didn’t even seem like he was using humor to cover his grief. The only reason he was being so cheerful was because he believed in Don, and with that kind of belief invested in him, Don knew he couldn’t fail now.

“Well, Mikey grew a fourth toe and Raph fell in love with one of the farm’s chickens,” Don joked, trying and failing to keep a straight face as he said it, “So, you know, not much.”

Leo laughed at that, but seemed to regret it immediately.

“Oh, oh, mistake,” he said, rubbing his throat, “Laughing was a mistake.”

“Heh, sorry,” Don said, reaching down to rub at Leo’s throat for him in apology for making him hurt, “I’ll try to be less silly from now on.”

Leo looked like he was about to say something before he noticed Don’s hand on his neck, rubbing at his sore vocal chords. He stilled, staring up at Don, looking confused.

“Donnie?”

Don pulled away then, trying not to act like he was doing anything untoward. He was just being a good doctor, just helping his patient recover. Just… a healthy neck massage. For his… vocal chords.

“Yeah, Leo?”

“Don’t ever stop being silly.”

* * *

Don rarely left Leo’s side after that. He wanted to be there beside Leo as he worked on his artificial leg, to show his brother that he was working hard, that he was getting very little sleep all for him, and that he was doing it gladly.

Don and April took turns playing nurse for Leo. At first, Don wanted to be his brother’s only caretaker, insisting that Leo might not be comfortable with their human friend taking care of his more embarrassing needs, but then April said something to Leo about Donnie shouldering the burden or whatever and Leo had agreed to let April help.

Raph could only handle seeing his brother and leader bedridden for so long before he started making excuses for why he didn’t want to help anymore. Mikey was definitely gentle enough, but he was just too clumsy, and he seemed just as disturbed by the idea of a hurt Leo as Raph was.

That left Casey Jones, but Casey Jones was… Well, he was Casey Jones.

Donnie and April were the only ones both gentle enough and well-versed enough to handle taking care of Leo, but Don was the only one qualified to design and create an artificial limb for him. He spent the first few weeks laying out multiple blueprints, creating multiple designs. Then, he began building prototypes. Small, hand-sized practice runs to see how well the mechanics worked.

And that was where he hit his first wall.

He had tested four out of five of his designs, and none of them had performed the way he’d expected. One of them wouldn’t stop kicking him in the face once he’d turned it on. Another didn’t move at all, and the two others weren’t stable enough to act as a proper prosthetic. There was one design left, the one he’d been leaving for last. It was perfect, the ideal design he was sure would work, if only he had the parts to build it.

He’d drawn it up as more of a final design than anything. He hadn’t thought his other designs would fail so easily, was expecting at least one of them to allow Leo to walk around until they got back to New York, where he would work on the final, more permanent product.

One that would not only allow him to walk, but also to practice ninjutsu again. This limb would be built specifically with Leo in mind. Don would need Kraang tech to make it work, but once it did, the limb would be able to read the very signals from Leo’s brain that flowed through his nerves. It would detect the smallest command of movement, would be able to bend in all the ways Leo’s leg used to. If Don had his way, Leo wouldn’t know the difference between his old leg and his new one.

And Don wanted that for Leo. He wanted it so badly it hurt, because each day that Don failed, he knew Leo’s hope for normalcy was slipping away. His smile became less pronounced, his eyes dulled. He didn’t look up when someone entered his room anymore. He rarely stopped staring out his bedroom window.

“Get some rest, Donnie.”

Don looked over to Leo and shook his head.

“I’m not tired,” he said softly.

“You should be.”

“But I’m not.”

Leo sighed, looking back out the window again.

“Okay.”

Don swallowed. He hated that resigned look in Leo’s eyes, the way he gave up so easily. The brother he knew before would’ve made sure Don went to bed, regardless if he himself was bedridden. The Leo he knew didn’t need to resort to physical force in order to get results, especially not with Donnie.

“Don’t do that,” said Don.

“Do what?”

“That,” Don clarified. “Giving everything that thousand-yard stare. Looking out the window like a man on his death bed. And don’t give up so easily, either. If you want me to go to bed, you _make_ me go to bed. Don’t just… Don’t just say ‘okay’ and be done with it! That’s not _you_ , Leo!”

Don’s voice had risen to a bit of a shout, and he cut himself off before he could go any further.

“I’m sorry,” Don said softly, turning back to his blueprints. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, Leo, but… We miss you. _I_ miss you.”

Leo stared at him, just a hint of that sparkle in his eyes as he contemplated Don’s words. It was a sparkle more than what there was a few minutes ago, and Don would take it.

“I miss me too,” Leo said finally, his brows furrowing slightly. He looked down at the space where his right leg used to be. “I lost a lot of things, Donnie, but I feel so much heavier.”

Don turned the rest of his body to face Leo. He watched him silently for a moment, pensive, open to anything Leo had to say. As far as he knew, this was the first time Leo was talking about it. When Leo didn’t look like he was going to continue, Don got up from his chair and walked over to Leo’s bedside.

“Master Splinter once said emotional pain is often a much harder burden to bear than physical ones,” Don offered softly.

“What are we going to do?” Leo asked, ignoring Don’s reassurances. “Are we ever going back home?”

To see Leo this uncertain, this broken up about their direction, was not only heartbreaking, but terrifying as well. He was their leader, their guidance, and he was asking them where they were headed.

He was already giving up his role, already believed it to be taken from him, just like his leg, and his voice, and his spirit.

“When you get better,” Don said, running his thumb over the back of Leo’s hand, “When you’re strong enough to fight again, _you’re_ going to tell us what to do. You’re the only one who’s ever known what comes next, Leo.”

Leo turned his head to look down at Don’s thumb. Don paused in his admittedly non-brotherly stroking and began to pull away.

“S’fine,” Leo mumbled. “It feels nice, Donnie.”

Don's heart soared in his chest, his stomach doing backflips. _No_ , he thought. _This is wrong. This is weird, right? Brothers wouldn’t do this. He’s not supposed to let me. I’m not supposed to…_

But his thumb continued, and after another few seconds of staring down pensively at their hands, Leo squeezed Don’s, and then fell back into a restful sleep.


	3. Rescue Me

**_Rescue me_  
_Show me who I am_  
_‘Cause I can’t believe_  
_This is how the story ends_  
_Fight for me_  
_If it’s not too late_  
** **_Help me breathe again_ **

**– “Rescue Me (How The Story Ends)” by Kerrie Roberts**

* * *

 

Leonardo lay awake, staring out the window of his room. A bit of the night sky was visible as well as a few dark silhouettes of trees in the distance, and though he couldn’t actually see the moon, its light streamed in gracefully through the glass.

It highlighted his stump.

Leo reached down to scratch at the bandages despite Donnie’s insistent pestering that he not do so. It was itchy, Leo reasoned, and he would be careful not to make himself bleed.

He spent some time looking down at the toes on his left leg. He wiggled them, flexed his foot, tilted his ankle to mock the positions his foot would be in for certain stances he knew. He wanted so badly to believe in Donnie, but Leo knew he would never be able to practice like he used to. Leo had no doubt Donnie could make something amazing for him, but it wouldn’t be the same as the limb he’d lost.

He’d never be able to wiggle the toes on his right foot again, or flex his ankle. Even Donnie couldn’t craft that kind of dexterity onto an artificial limb.

And so he spent the next few hours contemplating his new life. If they ever went back to New York, managed to defeat the Kraang and Shredder, and somehow regain some semblance of their old life in the sewers, things would still be forever warped by their battle.

He'd been moving around for a few days now. Nothing too crazy, everyone told him, but just enough to keep his blood flowing, get his muscles moving. So he’d done a few stretches, and if supervised, he was allowed to use the cane Donnie made him to hobble to the bathroom on his own. It was only about two feet away from his bed, after all.

He was still getting used to the new balance of his body. He’d sprained his ankle badly once, a long time ago during practice, and he’d been forced to use crutches to get around. That was easy to adjust to, because though he couldn’t put any weight on his injured leg, there was still _mass_ there, something to counterbalance the weight of his other leg. Hobbling around without one of his legs was exceedingly difficult, simply because he just wasn’t used to it being… _not there._

When he still had all his parts, he was somebody. He was a leader to his team, making sure they got out of every situation safe and alive. He was also a brother, someone who could be counted on. He was a sparring partner. He was a ninja. He was a protector of their city.

If he couldn’t fight, he was none of those things.

And without any of those things, he was nothing at all.

* * *

Don was getting nowhere, fast.

He was so very limited out here in Bumfuck, Nowhere. He’d sent April and Casey off to the general store a few times, and the only luck he’d had in acquiring anything of use were the basics. Screws, wrenches, wire, even a few sheets of metal. But the metal was too soft to act as a main part of the prosthetic, so he cut it into workable bits for soldering to be used later.

What he needed was his equipment back at the lair. They seemed to have an abundance of steel, cast iron, and other durable metals back in New York. Don had already calculated the weight of the limb he would need to aim for in order to allow Leo to actually use it, and through those numbers he’d found how dense the alloy would have to be.

It would have to be strong, but also fast to match Leo’s speed and precision. And that was just the thinking that went into the type of alloy he would use. He also had to figure out joint articulation and shell, even something small such as wind resistance and texture could throw the entire thing off. And not to mention he still hadn’t quite figured out how to even _tackle_ the connection between flesh and metal, and how he could make the two work together in symbiosis, and…

Flesh and metal, together…

The Kraang.

They’d managed to create a neural transmission interface sophisticated enough they could physically connect themselves to a machine and have it obey the very will of their thoughts.

But where would he find Kraang tech out here? Virtually nothing was in his reach, least of all this.

And just like that he was back to square one.

Donnie _hated_ square one.

* * *

Raph came and sat with Leo a lot.

He was quiet, for the most part. Mikey had dragged their tv up into his room a while ago and liked to watch cartoons with him, but whenever Raph was here by himself, the tv was usually off.

And to Leo’s surprise, Raph liked to talk, as long as the subject wasn’t feelings. He talked now more than Leo had ever heard him talk. His voice was soothing, Leo realized. When Raph wasn’t yelling, he sounded a bit like he was mumbling, and it was surprisingly lulling. Leo tried to be an active part of their conversations, but even when Leo’s voice couldn’t take it, or when he just wasn’t feeling up to talking, Raph didn’t mind. If there was nothing else to talk about, he would just sit with Leo for a while in silence, maybe hook up a video game.

Raph kept him updated about the goings-on around the farmhouse. Told him what everyone was up to, how they were faring, because they both knew nobody would tell him themselves Raph told him about everyone else’s feelings save for his own, and as much as Leo wanted to ask, he knew bringing it up would scare his brother away, so he stayed silent.

According to Raph, Donnie was a mess. Leo wasn’t surprised about that. Whenever he saw Don, he could tell his brother was trying to hide his pity, his pain. He was chasing his blueprints like a mad scientist trying to bring a loved one back from the dead. He was about as torn up as Leo was about the fact that he’d never get his leg back, so much so that he couldn’t even admit it to himself. But Leo knew better.

Raph, on the other hand, was more realistic. He kept saying Don would fix everything, would make everything the way it was, but Leo could see it in his eyes; his brother didn’t believe that. But that was a good thing, Leo thought, because it grounded him, kept him from getting his hopes too high.

His leg was gone, his life was forever changed, and he would have to adjust the way a ninja was supposed to adjust. He would work to find a new purpose to his life, a new place in his family.

It didn’t keep him from mourning his loss, though. Not a night went by where he didn’t cry himself to sleep. Not unless there was someone else in the room with him.

“Does it hurt?” Raph asked one day, nodding to his stump.

“Yeah,” Leo admitted.

“Want me to get Donnie?” Raph offered, “He can give you something for it.”

“No,” Leo declined with a shrug, “It’s not too bad. Just had a dose, anyways. Sleepy.”

_Besides_ , Leo thought, _this isn’t the kind of pain Donnie can make go away._

* * *

His brothers came to Don one day when he was out in the barn.

Building prototypes in the bedroom was risky enough, but April was livid when he suggested he remain in Leo’s bedroom to work on the life-sized versions. So he’d moved his project out to the barn, where he’d set up some semblance of a lab and workspace. Despite how pissy it made him, Don knew April was right; if any of his work went awry, it was better to burn the barn down than the house.

Don told himself he was just upset because he had to share it with Casey, not because he didn’t want to leave Leo’s side.

Raph and Mikey shuffled into the barn casually, looking around as if they were observing the interior with interest. Even Casey didn’t seem convinced; looking up at them with a raised eyebrow from under the hood of the car he was working on.

“What is it?” Don finally asked. Raph and Mikey exchanged a glance.

“We just wanted to see how it was going,” Raph said.

“Yeah,” Mikey chimed in, “With the leg… thing. Mostly, I wanted to know if you were following my suggestion of—”

“I’m not putting rocket launchers in it, Mikey,” Don said for the twenty-eighth time that week. But he said it with a smile, because Mikey’s silliness was the main thing keeping him afloat right now, and he had a feeling it was doing the same for Raph and Leo as well.

“ _Toe missiles,_ ” Mikey corrected indignantly.

“Come on,” Casey said, “You gotta give Mikey credit for this one. What if when we get back to New York, as we're kicking Shred-Head's butt, one of his lapdogs knocks our weapons away? Leo can just aim his leg, and—”

“Can it, nut head,” Raph hissed. “What we _really_ came here for was to make sure you weren’t driving yourself crazy. You’ve been wearing that look all around the house for days now; the one you get when you can’t figure something out.”

“And we wanted to see if we could help!” Mikey said with a smile. Don held in his initial panic at the idea of Mikey wielding a blowtorch at his precious project.

“Um, thanks for the offer, guys, but—”

“Not that kind of help,” Raph assured him. “We mean with supply runs. Or moral support. He’s our brother, too, you know, and we’re here for you just as much as him. If you need something, all you gotta do is ask, Donnie.”

All you gotta do is ask, Donnie. Those words sounded like a promise, and Don really could use all the help he could get.

But he couldn’t ask for what he needed, what _Leo_ needed. It was too much, too risky. Going back to New York right now was a suicide mission, and he was not about to sacrifice his brothers in the name of a leg. Even Leo would object to that.

So, he smiled and assured them both that all he needed right now was time. Time to figure this out, time to put it all together.

“But I will take you up on those supply runs,” Don said at the last minute. He knew he couldn’t ask them to get the Kraang tech he needed, but there were some other things they could get from nearby cities or towns that _weren’t_ overrun by aliens and mutants. He began listing off certain items, but when he saw the blank looks on both of their faces, he chuckled nervously. “I’ll, uh, I’ll make you a list. With pictures.”

“Thanks, Donnie,” said Raph.

“We got your back, bro,” Mikey added.

Donnie smiled. It seemed he was finally getting somewhere, after all.

* * *

Mikey came to him even more often than Raph.

To absolutely no surprise to anyone, Mikey was _loud_. But it wasn’t just noise he brought with him, it was pure, unfiltered happiness.

He always made sure the window was wide open, that the curtains were drawn to let the sun in, even if Leo himself had closed them. If he wasn’t watching – and mostly talking over – his new favorite show with Leo, then he was telling Leo stories about the farmhouse, same as Raph.

Except Mikey’s stories were far more entertaining. They involved dragons, and superheroes, and chickens. A _lot_ of chickens. Like, far more chickens than Leo thought were actually involved. Hundreds of chickens. _Thousands_. Leo was beginning to suspect it was Mikey who’d fallen in love with one of the birds instead of Raph.

Mikey was bright, hopeful. Leo couldn’t actually tell whether or not Mikey believed Don would give him his leg back, but it didn’t seem to matter to him, because he still thought life was beautiful, and that everything happened for a reason, and Leo found that after the first hundred times Mikey brought that up, he was starting to believe it himself.

And he _needed_ that. He needed all of them _so much_ …

But he needed Donnie most of all.

Because Donnie was the one with the plan. For once, Leo had no idea what the future held, and it was Donnie he had to look up to. Donnie was the thinker, the genius. If anyone knew what came next, it had to be Donnie.

But he didn’t seem to visit as much as his brothers, not even as much as April or Casey. Ever since he’d left the room to work in the barn, Leo’s entire world felt smaller, emptier. He’d gotten too used to waking up to his brother’s half-lidded eyes, his shell slumped over the back of his chair as he worked tirelessly on Leo’s future. Those eyes, the color of redwood, staring down with such determination at whatever creation he sought to bring to life…

Leo missed him so much it hurt.

So when Donnie _was_ here with him, Leo found he was smiling brighter, found the pain in his chest wasn’t as sharp. When he was with Donnie, the hope felt _real_. It wasn’t like a drug, like a daydream, as it was with Mikey. It wasn’t like a shot-down bird as it was with Raph. It was a soaring feeling, like he was standing on a mountain high enough that he could actually see the horizon – _his_ horizon – and in Leo’s new world of shadows and pain, being next to Donnie was glorious in every way.

They sat together, on one of the rare nights where Donnie had no choice but to give himself a break, and he elected to not only visit Leo, but sleep in his room with him. Apparently the sudden need for each other’s presence was mutual.

The brothers needed each other, as they always did when one of them was sick or injured. It just happened that way; they could all be at odds one night, but if one of them got hurt they’d be children again, clinging to their brothers and Sensei for dear life because growing up, it really had been that way. They were all they’d ever had.

April and Casey wouldn’t get it. Even if either of them had siblings, it just wasn’t the same. When you’re one of only five abominations with nowhere to live save for the shadows, your siblings weren’t just your siblings; they’re your life, your everything. Their family understood their bonds were far stronger than most human families living on the surface. Donnie didn’t have to explain to Raph or Mikey why he wanted to sleep near Leo, but of course he’d come up with a clever excuse to satiate their human friends’ curiosity.

“I’m his brother,” Donnie said, “But I’m also his doctor. I need to be able to help him immediately if he ever needs it. I can run over here fast enough from the barn, if I’m fully awake. But at night, I’m not as quick to jump into action, so I’ll need to stay with him to minimize the risk.”

April and Casey had bought it, but Raph and Mikey were still confused. They knew about their special bond because they were a part of it, but what they didn’t understand was why Leo only wanted Donnie to be by his side. They were his brothers, too.

And to be honest, Leo didn’t really understand it either.

But they weren’t his doctors, and they had no clever excuse to appease their human friends, so they said nothing and instead slept in the adjacent room; as close to Leo as they could. Leo had never seen it, but he knew Mikey crawled into Raph’s bed as soon as April and Casey were asleep. The urge to be close was too great for any of them to push aside, and instead of keeping close to Leo, the next best thing was to be close to each other.

Leo glanced down at Donnie, curled up against him with one arm draped across Leo’s plastron. Donnie’s head was tucked against Leo’s bicep, using him like a pillow.

Donnie started out laying on the other side of the bed. It was big enough for both of them, plus maybe one more. Through the night Donnie had slowly migrated toward Leo until he was incapable of getting any closer. They’d slept near one another plenty of times, but none of them had snuggled like this since they were kids.

Leo knew in the back of his mind that brothers weren’t supposed to hold each other like this, but he also knew that it felt nice. Like Donnie needed Leo as much as Leo needed him. And for once Leo ignored the voice of reason and restraint and instead opted to indulge himself, because he was running pretty low on comfort these days.

Yet, if April or Casey walked in on them right now…

But they didn’t, and the house was completely silent. Leo was completely relaxed, and he nuzzled his cheek against the top of Donnie’s head in thanks for keeping him company tonight. He knew that wasn’t very brotherly either, but he again pushed the nagging thoughts away. The farmhouse was a peaceful place, but it was still foreign to Leo. In this moment, the only thing familiar to him was Donnie. His scent, the feeling of his skin, the soft, rhythmic puffs of breath against his bicep.

The curtains fluttered in the chilled wind. Winter was only beginning to settle in when Leo’d been defeated by Shredder. He remembered it was snowing that day, the falling snow dampening the sounds of battle, the flakes melting on his hot skin. His blood was boiling with rage, desperation, and not even the snow could slow him down…

Leo shuddered, suddenly remembering flashes of memories he didn’t want to relive. He knew he would have to meditate on it someday, to unlock the memory of that fight. He would have to examine how exactly he lost his leg; it would help him come to peace with it. But he wasn’t ready just yet, so he forced himself to change his train of thought before he could dwell too much on that day.

He seemed to have skipped the dead of Winter, yet the first signs of Spring had yet to arrive. It was February, they told him. He had to get his head out of January.

Again a gust of wind blew into the room, but this time it brought with it a single green leaf. Leo found himself raising an eyebrow. There were very few leaves that stayed bright green during Winter, and this leaf didn’t seem like one of them.

Yet here it was, this defiance of nature dancing through the wind into his room. It came to land gently on the blanket covering his and Donnie’s bodies. Leo stared at the leaf for a long time, feeling a strange, yet familiar pulling sensation in his chest.

It was the sense he got when he was deep in meditation, when all of his senses fell away and he seemed to exist within the very idea of tranquility.

_“Very good, my son,” said Sensei, “You are the first of your brothers to achieve this meditative state. You have a very strong sense of spirit, Leonardo. For this reason you must learn to trust your instincts before your ideas. A sharp mind is a very important trait of a leader; a balanced spirit is invaluable.”_

Leo reached out a tentative hand – the one not occupied by Donnie’s still sleeping head – and touched the leaf. It was as big as his hand and was shaped like a three-point star. Each of those points rested on one of his fingers, its center sitting within the palm of his hand.

Not only was the leaf green, but as Leo held it up to the moonlight, he could see the bright, healthy veins still running within it. Leo wasn’t sure how, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that despite no longer being attached to its respective branch, this leaf was very much _alive_.

Just as he realized this, there was another rush of wind through the window. It plucked the leaf from Leo’s hand and brought it back into the air. And there was no way it was possible, but Leo saw it happen anyways; the leaf did a small loop in the air before blowing right back out of the window. As it left, the feeling in his chest pulled him to a word, a suggestion his conscious brain could process:

_Believe._


	4. The Sound of Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains a graphically described nightmare sequence that include blood and gore.

**_Look left to right_  
_I assure you the hope that you're seeking_  
_Will only take pursuing to find_  
_Patience now_  
_Our mind so relentless_  
** **_Yet afraid of what lies underneath_**

**– “The Sound of Grace” by The Workday Release**

* * *

 

Don woke the next morning to find himself clinging to Leo.

Thankfully, his older brother was asleep, so Don saved himself an embarrassing conversation – and possibly a lecture on personal space – by gingerly removing himself from Leo’s embrace. He managed to get out of bed without waking Leo and quietly let himself out of the room.

He walked past the kitchen and headed straight for the front door, ready to head right to the barn and pick up where he last left off. Despite his lack of access to Kraang technology, he was making some headway in terms of functionality. It was far from finished, of course, and the skeletal structure had plenty of tests to go through before he would approve it for further development, but—

“No breakfast, Donnie?”

Donnie looked over his shoulder to see April standing at the kitchen counter. She was stirring some pancake mix in a large bowl and wearing a concerned expression. Don realized it had probably been a while since he’d last eaten, at least in front of her. She was worried about him.

“Eh, I’ll have some later, April,” he said amiably. “I wanted to get back to—”

“You mean you’ll be having lunch,” she said with a frown. “Not breakfast.”

“Well, not—”

“And if every day for this past week is anything to go by, you’ll turn that down too,” she continued, beginning to sound angry. Her brows furrowed and she all but scowled at the pancake mix, her stirring becoming more aggressive. “And then when you finally come back to the house for dinner, it’ll be so late at night that everyone’s asleep.”

“April, I—”

“When’s the last time we all had dinner together, Donnie?”

_Since before Leo woke up_ , Donnie thought, but he didn’t say it out loud. He knew the question was rhetorical. Well, not entirely; she still demanded an answer.

“I’ll eat something,” he conceded, taking a seat to show her he wasn’t going anywhere.

“And?” She pressed.

“And I’ll eat dinner with you guys tonight,” he said, barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes. Since when did anything April say ever annoy him? Before now, he was sure she could kill a man and he’d still see her as an angel. Now, she’s making a perfectly reasonable request – though really, it’s a little bit more like a demand – and he’s holding back insults? Maybe all this bottling-stuff-up-like-Raph really was getting to him.

“You promise?” She asked softly, looking him in the eyes to make sure he was telling the truth. Don knew she learned that from Splinter, because he’d taught them the very same thing.

_“You can tell much from your opponent from their body,” their master said, “A shift in their stance, or even a twitch, can tell you where they will move. However, should your opponents be ninja or other skilled martial artists, they may know how to make it seem as if they will be moving in a certain direction. You must learn to see the true signs of intention without looking to the body. The biggest tell is in the eyes. When you develop a sense for it, even the greatest liar will not be able to hide the truth from you. It is in the eyes you will find one’s true intentions.”_

“I promise,” Don forced himself to say. “With everyone. We’ll bring the food up to Leo if we have to, but I’ve got a feeling he wants out of that room.”

“I don’t blame him,” April agreed. “He’ll have a hard time getting down the stairs.”

_Duh_ , he thought to himself, then checked his attitude. Seriously, what’s gotten into him lately?

“We’ll be there for him,” Donnie insisted.

April dished him out some of her pancakes, and after a polite thanks, Donnie dug in.

“I know you will,” April said softly

* * *

 

“April invited us all for dinner,” said Mikey. “Wanna join us?”

“What do you mean?” Leo asked. He was staring out of his bedroom window, again. He hadn’t even looked over to spare Mikey a glance for over ten minutes now. “We’re all here. Where’d she invite us to?”

“Uh, the _kitchen_?” Mikey said as if it answered Leo’s question, “We usually just kinda grab what we want when we’re hungry, but she thinks it’d be good for us to have dinner together.”

“That’ll be a bit difficult,” Leo said dryly, watching the wind rustle a nearby tree’s branches. “I’m not exactly… in the best _condition_ to tackle those stairs.”

“We’ll help you out,” Mikey said easily, “We got your back, bro. April said she’s making stew tonight. It’s no pizza, but she says it’ll be easier for you to eat. Plus it’s easy to make and I’m not sure if she’s lying or not, but she said it makes vegetables actually taste good somehow. I think she’s just trying to get me to eat them.”

“Probably,” Leo said with a lazy shrug.

“Hey, Leo?” Mikey said. Leo didn’t answer, but Mikey didn’t continue, so Leo finally tore his gaze from the window and back to his brother. “How are you?”

Leo blinked in surprise; it was the first time someone even bothered asking him that question. Everyone else must have been afraid of his answer.

“I… I’ve been better,” Leo answered, and Mikey nodded. But it wasn’t a sad nod, or one of understanding and pity. Mikey had been expecting that answer, and he didn’t even flinch.

“And you’ll be better soon enough, bro,” said Mikey with resolution.

Oh, right. In Mikey’s fantasy world of rainbows and sunshine, everything was fine and all pain was temporary. Leo tried not to roll his eyes.

Waking up to find his leg gone had shattered his gentle optimism. It put their family out of balance because Donnie and Raph were the pessimists – Don liked to believe he was too realistic, and Raph’s opinion on hope was on par with his opinion on Shredder, that it was dangerous and useless – and now that Leo had joined their team, life seemed that much bleaker.

“I don’t know about that, Mikey,” said Leo. “Sometimes things just don’t get better.”

Leo expected Mikey to argue with him, but Mikey continued to surprise him.

“I get why you feel that way,” Mikey said.

“You do?” Leo asked, though his voice made it sound like a statement he didn’t believe. That was because he didn’t.

“Mhm,” Mikey said.

He looked down at his hands, which were resting in his lap, and his brows furrowed in sudden concentration. Leo knew that meant Mikey was looking for the right words to express his thoughts. When he actually put effort into it like that, all of them knew to pay attention, because what Mikey was about to say was something no one should take for granted.

“When you’re down there,” he started a few seconds later, still staring down at his hands. He messed with the wraps on his fingers a bit as he talked. “In that dark place… When it feels like even the good things don’t feel good anymore… It can be really hard to see how things can ever get better.”

“Mikey?” Leo whispered, his brother’s name a feather on his lips.

“Leatherhead,” Mikey answered Leo’s unspoken question, “He used to tell me about all the stuff the Kraang did to him. The really bad stuff. He told me about how they kept him in chains most of the time, and when they didn’t, he was strapped to a table. Sometimes… Sometimes they left him there for _days_ , and they would— would cut him open…”

“Mikey,” Leo breathed, sitting up in bed. “Why didn’t you tell us any of this?”

“You guys already knew.”

“Well, yeah, but we didn’t know he was sharing _details_ with you,” Leo said, “You didn’t need to take any of Leatherhead’s burden without us, Mikey.”

“I know I didn’t _need_ to, Leo,” Mikey answered with a roll of his eyes, as if it were that simple. Maybe to Mikey, it was. “Leatherhead needed help, and I was happy to be there for him. I wasn’t ever gonna tell you guys, but I feel like you need to hear it now.”

“Hear what?”

“How Leatherhead got better,” Mikey answered. “He’s still got a long way to go, but the last I saw him, he was much better than when we first met him.”

“He didn’t seem that different to me,” Leo said.

“Well yeah,” said Mikey, “You don’t sit and talk with him for hours like I do.”

Leo raised a brow. Was that what Mikey did with Leatherhead when he went to visit? It wasn’t hard to imagine Mikey talking up a storm, but he wouldn’t have pinned Leatherhead as the talkative type.

“What do you talk about?” Leo asked. “Aside from… What happened to him.”

“We talk about everything!” Mikey said proudly, “It’s not all about his past; we mostly just talk about cartoons or comics or video games or pizza or ninjutsu or skateboarding or—”

“I _get_ it, Mikey,” Leo said with a smile.

“But when we first started talking about the bad stuff,” Mikey continued, “He kept telling me he’d already accepted what happened to him, that he knew it would never get better unless he really worked on being happy again.”

Mikey frowned, and picked at the wraps on his wrists.

“But that’s not what I wanted him to do at all,” Mikey said.

“You didn’t want him to be happy?” Leo asked.

“Of course I did!” Mikey huffed, “I just didn’t want him to _pretend_. He was doing it all wrong. You can’t just go from the really bad stuff to happy again without working through it. So I told him the same thing I’m gonna tell you now: don’t push the feelings away, Leo. Don’t smile if you don’t want to.”

“Why not?” asked Leo. “Isn’t that what you do?”

“Sometimes,” Mikey admitted, “Mostly because it’s easier, at first. But you know how Raph gets; you push everything down like that and all it does is sit there until you can’t take it anymore.”

Mikey was telling him to let out his emotions, to be as transparent as he was. What he didn’t consider was that maybe Leo wasn’t taking this loss as badly as everyone thought he was. Leo’s lip curled.

“So, what?” Leo asked, giving a dry, humorless chuckle. “You want me to wallow in misery?”

“I want you to get better,” Mikey said seriously. He frowned and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. Guilt was a filthy, writhing creature in the pit of Leo’s stomach. “I just know it’s not always easy, that you can’t always brush things off. I know you guys think that’s what I do; just let everything go like it doesn’t matter. And you’re not wrong, because most stuff really doesn’t get to me. But this won’t get better, not for a long time. I’m here to remind you that no matter how long it takes, eventually it _will_.”

And just like that Mikey’s hope no longer felt like a daydream. He’d brought it down to earth for Leo, explained _why_ he’s so optimistic. He didn’t want Leo to plaster on a smile and fake it until he made it. What Mikey wanted was to be here for him until the smiles were real again.

And because Mikey was not one for giving up, Leo knew that he always would be.

* * *

They’re in the sewers, and the very ground beneath them trembles.

All six of them are gasping for breath. Their legs are on fire, but fear propels them forward. The crumbling walls of the sewers keep their adrenaline levels high, keep them running.

_“Power…”_

It’s getting closer, gaining on them. April and Donnie each let out horrified, choked noises. Mikey just screams.

_“So much… Power…”_

Two metal claws, sharp as razors and made of steel, rain down upon them, piercing through the ceiling of the tunnel. It cuts through the stone like a hot knife through butter, but so far no one is skewered. It’s only blocked off their exit.

Casey and Raph waist no time in turning on their heels, weapons drawn and charging back at the creature chasing them. Before April can even call out for Casey to wait, he is effortlessly sliced clean in half. April screams their friend’s name, and Leo has never heard anyone sound more horrified and heartbroken in his life. The crack in her voice makes him shudder. Pieces of Casey flutter wetly to the ground.

_“Fast… Efficient…”_

No one has any time to process Casey’s gruesome death. Leo’s balance is suddenly thrown off as another rumble in the earth shakes them hard. All five of them fall to the floor. Four of them stand up.

“Raph!” Leo cries, struggling to rise to his feet. He can’t manage it; his right leg has gone completely numb somehow. He, the leader of their team, can no longer stand for them. “Get back here!”

But instead of listening to him for once in his life, Raphael is grabbed by one of the steel claws. They immediately cut into his flesh, making hot, red blood flow openly from his new wounds. Raph cries out in pain, realizing his struggles are only getting him more injured. As much as it must have pained him to do so, Raph goes limp in their enemy’s arms.

_“Fascinating… Specimen…”_

Another one of the claws reaches behind Raph, taking hold of the top of his carapace, near the base of his neck. With unnerving precision, it begins to pull back, peeling Raph’s shell away from his body.

Raph screams at the top of his lungs, ignoring the lacerations from the claws in favor of escaping with his life. Leo drags himself by the arms towards his brother, shaking with terror and desperation. April faints. Mikey and Donnie are already running to save their brother, but they are too late.

With a sickening wet, crunching sound, the creature tears the rest of Raph’s shell from his body. Raph goes deathly still in the creature’s arms, and despite knowing he is gone, Leo can’t stop sobbing and screaming for his brother.

Why couldn’t he get up? Why couldn’t he save him?

_“And… Then…”_

The creature slams a clawed hand down with a mechanical whir, and the ground shakes once more as Mikey’s body is crushed into a bloody mess beneath it.

“Please!” Leo screams, tears streaming down his face, cutting lines in the layers of dust and powdered debris. “Please, stop!”

_You’re killing them_ , he thinks, _you’re killing_ me.

Donnie has enough sense to fall back. He launches himself forward, away from the thing’s claws and back towards Leo. He falls to his knees and curls over Leo like some kind of shield. Leo tries to push him off, tries to tell him to run, but—

“There’s nowhere to go!” Donnie shouts. His lips press against the top of Leo’s head, and both of them are sobbing, sobbing... “I’m not leaving you, Leo.”

_“I’m… Coming, Leonardo…”_

The thing draws closer, thrusting out one of its claws to impale April’s still unconscious body. She doesn’t even flinch; she is already dead.

_“I’m coming… For the rest of you…”_

Leo finally places the voice, and the entirety of his body goes cold and rigid. He whispers the name, and it sounds so small on his tongue, so harmless, even though the creature just viciously murdered his brothers.

“Shredder.”

“I’m sorry,” says Donnie, whispering in his ear. A bright white fire begins searing through Leo’s right leg, and he cries out. Donnie only holds him tighter. “I’m so sorry, Leo. I’m _sorry_ …”

And when the claw comes for Donnie, it drags him into a cloud of smoke and debris. Donnie screams and the sound shatters everything. A misty rain of Donnie’s blood coats him and the surrounding walls, and that is how the last of the sunshine in Leo’s world is taken from him.

* * *

Donnie helped April set the table as she cooked.

Leo was asleep upstairs, so Raph, Mikey, and Casey were squeezed in on the couch together, their eyes hyper focused on the tv screen. Raph and Casey were playing some old SNES game. It had been quite a while since April’s family had been out here, so all they had were older games. Not that anyone minded.

“I’m surprised you even had them to begin with,” said Donnie, his eyes glancing up at his brothers every now and again as he set the plates down.

April looked up from stirring the pot of stew she had cooking to see what he was talking about. Once she did, she raised an eyebrow.

“What, are you saying girls can’t play video games?”

“What?” Donnie cried, panicking, “No, no, of course not! Girls can do anything they want to! I mean, not _anything_ they want because some things are humanly impossible, but that logic applies to men as well, and—”

“Donnie,” she said through a giggle, “I’m teasing you.”

“O-oh,” Donnie said lamely, fighting a rising blush. He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

“But why were you so shocked to see I had video games?”

“You don’t seem like the type,” he said, but quickly amended, “For games of this variety, I mean. I’d have pinned you as more of a strategy, RPG, puzzle games kind of girl. _Super Mario_ , _Earthbound_ , etcetera.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m mostly concerned as to why you seem to be in possession of _Chester Cheetah: Too Cool to Fool_.”

April laughed and said, “What, you’re gonna question that, but not _Earthworm Jim_?”

“What the heck is _Earthworm Jim_?” Donnie asked.

“I don’t even know,” April admitted, “And to address your _concerns_ , Donnie, I guess all the games I didn’t want from Christmases and birthdays ended up here. All the good ones were always at home.”

Ah, that made sense. He eyed the small collection of games in the corner and raised a brow. That explained why April also had _Lemmings_.

“You should probably get Leo down here,” April said softly. Donnie tore his eyes from the collection to meet hers. She smiled, and Donnie could tell it wasn’t forced. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

"You got it," Don said. He checked the clock hanging above the kitchen sink. “I’ll change his bandages first, then I’ll pry Raph and Mikey from _Kirby’s Dream Course_.”

Donnie headed up the stairs. He didn’t really want to wake Leo, but he hadn’t been eating all that much. Besides, tonight would be special – they’d eat like a family again. And what was better – Leo agreed to it, after some coercing from Mikey, of course.

As Donnie got closer to the bedroom door, he noticed a faint moaning coming from behind it. Worried, Donnie knocked softly and waited for a response. The moans seemed to grow louder, and they sounded pained. When Donnie heard sobbing, he knew something was really wrong.

He opened the door to see Leo tossing and turning in his bed. The covers were a mess, and Leo seemed to have been thrashing around so hard he made himself bleed again. Several of his wounds had reopened, and a small amount of blood was visible through the bandages around his stump.

“Leo?” Donnie cried out as he rushed to Leo’s side. “Hey, Leo, wake up!”

After a moment, Leo’s eyes flew open and he glanced around wildly. He shot up into a sitting position and frantically searched the room he was in, looking for the shadows in his nightmares that he soon found weren’t there.

“Do-Donnie…” Leo whispered, his voice hoarse again. He looked into Don’s eyes as if he was looking at a ghost, and flung his arms around his brother’s neck, hugging him close.

“It’s okay,” Don soothed, patting his brother’s shoulder awkwardly. He itched to hold him closer, to curl up beside him and chase his fears away, but he knew he couldn’t. “It was just a nightmare, Leo, don’t—”

“You were dead,” Leo whimpered. Something in Don’s chest tightened and he finally returned Leo’s hug, rubbing the back of his shell gently. God, it felt so right just to hold him. “You were all dead, and… I couldn’t do any— It-it ripped off Raph’s _shell_ …”

Don gasped, shuddering at just the mental imagery of what Leo must have seen in his nightmare.

“You’re safe now,” Don assured him. He expected Leo to slowly pull away as his mind fully woke up, but Leo just clung to him, shaking like a leaf. Donnie found he didn’t want to let go either. “We’re all okay, Leo. Nothing’s gonna happen to us.”

Leo said nothing. Don wanted to say something, wanted to assure Leo that none of them thought he was useless, that he was just as capable—

But that wasn’t true, was it? Leo wasn’t and would never be useless, but he wasn’t the ninja he used to be, and unless Don could fix him, he never would be again. And Leo’s nightmares would only get worse the more he realized that.

So, Don made a calculated decision; he was just going to have to try harder. He promised April he’d eat with them tonight, and he wasn’t about to break that promise. But as soon as they were done eating, he’d take Raph and Mikey up on their offer.

They’d start here, scavenging anything April’s farmhouse could do without. Wiring, circuitry, lubricant, fuses, anything they could get their hands on that wouldn’t destroy the house. Don needed Kraang tech as well, but that would have to wait. Don knew Raph and Mikey wouldn’t have it if they knew what Don was about to do, so he’d go alone for this one.

He’d sneak past mutants and aliens and the Shredder himself if he had to, but Don was going to find a way back into New York if it killed him.

* * *

“Leo?” Don asked softly.

Leo started; he’d forgotten he was still clinging to Don. Despite it being the last thing he wanted to do, Leo let go of his brother. He felt too hot all of a sudden, like Donnie was some kind of fire.

“Sorry, Donnie,” Leo said once he’d given his brother some of his personal space back. “I just… It was a bad one, this time.”

“So I presumed,” Donnie said with a nervous chuckle. “The, uh— the shell thing… I’ve had that one a couple times.”

“Dissection,” Leo started, holding up fingers to tick off each type of nightmare he’d had far too often, “Capture, torture, mutilation, brainwashing…”

“Yeah,” Don said, confirming he got them too. One of his arms reached up to rub the other. “Guess it’s part of being a mutant; the constant worry of being discovered, and all the horrible possibilities that come with it. That, combined with our ever-growing list of enemies that would love to get their hands on us.”

“I’ve had this nightmare before,” Leo admitted, “But this time, I couldn’t even fight back. Usually, I have no weapons, or I do, but I just can’t beat the thing, and then… I lose everyone.”

“Only this time you didn’t have your leg,” Donnie guessed softly, looking down at the sheets.

“Yeah,” Leo choked out. He didn’t trust himself to say anything else. He’d already freaked out in front of his brother; he didn’t need to start crying in front of him too.

“I need to patch you up,” Don said, “You ripped out a few stitches, and your leg is bleeding again. I… I assume you’re not feeling up to joining us for dinner?”

“What?” Leo asked, trying not to sound too desperate. He needed to see everyone cheerful and _alive_ after a nightmare like that. “No, I still want to. I-it was just a nightmare, Donnie. Besides, I’ve been hiding up here long enough.”

“Alright,” Don said with a nod.

He got up to gather his doctor kit, and Leo felt suddenly that every step Donnie put between them in distance was equivalent to a mile. He knew it was weird, wrong to want his brother to hold him like he did in his nightmare, with his lips pressed to the top of his head, lean but strong arms wrapped protectively around him. And he wanted to do the same for Donnie – wanted to do everything in his power to make sure nothing anywhere remotely like the events that occurred in his dream would happen.

Was it– was it really so weird that he’d want to keep his brothers safe? No, he reasoned, it most definitely was not. But wanting to hold him, to hold only Donnie like _that_ …

That was a little on the weird side.

Leo would have to meditate on this someday. Along with every other newfound problem in his new life as an amputee.

_Amputee_ ; the thought of that word brought to mind a question he hadn’t yet thought to ask.

“Did you do it?” Leo asked him. Donnie walked back over to the bed, med kit in hand, and cocked his head to the side in gentle question. “Cut it off?”

Donnie paled as soon as his quick mind made sense of Leo’s words. He opened his mouth to speak, but only a raspy choked noise came out. His eyes went wide, his pupils dilating. Fear; he was expressing fear.

“Yes,” Donnie said eventually, swallowing thickly and looking down at something he could comprehend far easier than whatever he was just thinking of. Tools, precision, calculation. Leo knew Donnie was finding solace in something mathematical, could _feel_ how Donnie was pushing away whatever morbid thoughts had previously occupied his mind.

And it wasn’t good for him; even Leo knew that. It wasn’t good for any of them to pretend anymore, just like Mikey said. You can’t keep that kind of force contained within you; not forever, at least.

With a sigh – mostly because he knew he was acknowledging Mikey was right about something – Leo reached out to pause Donnie’s busy, well-practiced hands preparing the equipment for use.

“What is it, Donnie?” He asked softly.

Donnie stared down at Leo’s hand upon his. His mouth hung slightly open, and a pulse point at his neck told Leo his brother’s heart rate had increased.

“I needed tools,” Donnie said, his voice so quiet even Leo could scarcely pick up the words. “I had some things on hand, as I always do, but… We had to get out of there, and no one had time to double back to try to gather what we could. We just had to go.”

Donnie’s eyes drifted from Leo’s hand and back down to the open medical kit waiting patiently on the bed. He gingerly moved his hand away and reached for some sutures. Leo let him work, staying quiet and patient. He knew Donnie wasn’t done talking, but Leo was known for his patience – or at least for being the one who possessed the largest amount of it amongst them – and he would wait as long as it took for Donnie to find the right words.

Not long after Donnie began working on a gash over Leo’s left bicep, his patience was rewarded.

“You were bleeding everywhere,” Donnie said quietly, his eyes glazing over as he tried to suppress his emotions even now, when Leo was encouraging him to vent them. “I managed a tourniquet with an old blanket we found in the van and I had to break off a piece of my Bo to secure it, but none of us were certain you’d make it.”

Leo winced as one of Donnie’s stitches pierced a nerve, and his brother paused, waiting for him to signal with a nod to continue.

“When we got here, just carrying you inside jostled the tourniquet enough to get you bleeding again. We dusted off the kitchen table and cleaned the surface as best we could before setting you down. And then I told everyone to get out.”

Leo pulled his gaze from the window to look at Donnie. The genius was slouching slightly, his shoulders heavy with the weight of such a burden. Of course, Leo realized, it was Donnie who’d saved his life. Well, _all_ of them had, but Donnie had been the one to… _operate_.

It sunk in then, for Leo, just what Donnie had done. He’d seen his brother, dying on a kitchen table, and had to amputate his leg, performing his first major surgery; something he was certainly not prepared for.

He’d been forced to see his leader, bleeding out on the table, unable to simply wake up and assure him of anything; he’d had to go with his gut, and that was not something Donnie had ever been comfortable with.

“April helped me find some tools,” Donnie continued, “Raph refused to leave your side, so she and I went out to the barn and… we found this… _saw_.”

“Donnie…” Leo begged, his whole body suddenly very tense. Oh god he did not want to hear this. He wanted Donnie to get those memories out, to expel them from his body but Leo knew for a fact he could not handle what Donnie was about to say. He’d had enough gore in last night’s dream to last him a lifetime.

“Sorry,” Donnie said with a swallow, tying his final stitch for the gash. “I won’t… go into details.”

“No,” Leo said. He was suddenly seized with an urge to wipe the tight frown off his brother’s face. “I’m the one who should apologize. Because of my failure, you were forced to do something you never should have had to.”

“You can’t blame yourself, Leo,” Donnie said immediately, his brows furrowing sternly. “The Shredder did this to you. He…”

“Crippled me,” Leo finished softly, turning to look down at what he’d lost. “He made it so that I could never fight him again.”

“He sure as shell _thought_ he did,” Donnie all but growled. His eyes had followed Leo’s and were fixated on the spot Leo’s leg would have occupied. “But if he thinks I can’t fix this, he’s made a severe underestimation of his enemy.”

And it was then that Leo knew just how serious Donnie was about building Leo a new leg. Donnie was absolutely filled with determination; he had no doubts he would succeed in not only getting Leo to walk again, but getting him to _fight_.

Donnie really was going to give him his leg back.

Leo was leaning in before he even understood what he was doing.

His lips brushed Donnie’s cheek. Donnie went rigid, stiff as a board, and Leo pulled back with a smile. Something warm ignited deep in his chest and sent his stomach doing backflips and this was not good, not good, not good—

But it felt like he was over the moon, high as a kite, chasing the sun as it fell in the sky.

Mikey had kissed Don on the cheek before, plenty of times. Mikey was affectionate, even with his brothers, and it was normal behavior for him.

A kiss on the cheek was _not_ normal behavior for Leo, and judging by the look on Donnie’s face, he was firing on all cylinders; immediately on hyper-alert, because he knew just how _not normal_ this was for Leo.

And it was unmistakable; Don was red as a tomato in the face.

_Not brotherly, not normal, not right, not okay, **incest—**_

“Um—”

“Thank you,” Leo blurted, “For not giving up on me.”

Donnie’s face softened, and though the blush was still clearly visible, it was no longer as comical.

Without skipping a beat, he reached for Leo’s hand, looked him square in the eyes, and said, “ _Never_.”


	5. Everything

**_The road ahead of us is gonna turn and shake_  
_We're a second closer to the next big mistake_  
_But as long as I'm with you I'm gonna be okay_  
** **_Oh, all I need is you, everything else can wait_**

**– “Everything” by Kaptan**

* * *

 

  
Leo had kissed him.

Sure, it was on the cheek, but the effect was unmistakable. Donnie could almost _hear_ his blood pumping through his veins. His stomach felt like it no longer obeyed the laws of gravity, and he wasn’t entirely convinced he wasn’t experiencing some form of spontaneous turtle combustion, because his skin was on _fire_.

And it felt so similar to how he felt with April, but he realized now that the two feelings were still somehow miles and miles apart.

With April, it was intense, but swift. She was beautiful to him, even now when he was suddenly seeing his own brother in that new kind of light. And she was cute, pretty, but she was also fierce. She had a resolve unlike any other human Donnie had met – which, granted, wasn’t saying much, since besides her and Casey, every other human he’d ever met had either run screaming from him or tried to attack him.

His point still stood.

April was brave, and she believed in fighting for the what’s right. At the same time she was a pacifist. Her psychic abilities allowed her to empathize with almost anyone. Because of her, they’d been able to pick their fights far more carefully, and avoided battles that would have wasted their time and put them in harm’s way without reason. For example, back when Dr. Rockwell was still mostly mindless and unable to communicate, April had been the one to tell them that he wasn’t their enemy, that he was just scared.

With Leo, the fire in his chest burned at a lower temperature, but it was less sporadic. April only made him feel it when he was near her, or when he was thinking about her. But with Leo, it was constant. Doing the dishes, working in the barn, training with Raph and Mikey; all of that was accompanied by this new and foreign warmth radiating from his chest.

And when Donnie thought of April, he thought of her delicate kind of strength. She’d been through so much ever since she’d met the turtles, and through it all she’d stood her ground. Yet through that she’d also had the strength to cry when she needed to, to speak her mind unless she felt her ideas and opinions were unwarranted.

He admired her so much, because she was intelligent, and believed in doing the right thing, and her strength was not strictly physical, and in some ways she was just like Donnie—

She… _was_ , wasn’t she?

Neither of them relied on their brawn to defeat their opponents. They’d both adapted to the hand they’d been dealt, which was that they’d never once had the advantage of brute strength or sheer speed. They were both quick on their feet in terms of coming up with plans and ideas, and though neither of them really ever made the final decision, whenever Leo went with one of their ideas – as he so often did – it usually met with success.

So, which one was love?

He’d been so sure before that what he’d felt for April was love. He’d researched symptoms of having a crush about a day after meeting her, and everything fit. But if he examined the symptoms he had for Leo, they resulted in the same prognosis.

Yet they were so _different_. It almost frustrated him. How could he love two different people at once? And how could those two people be so vastly different from one another?

Leo was the very definition of a true ninja; silent and deadly. He was the second strongest fighter among them, but Raph only beat him out in that category because of sheer muscle. Leo was a faster, more resourceful fighter, and that was the only reason he beat Raph about half the time.

And when he trained, or fought, or did _anything_ with those katanas…

When the sweat beaded on Leo’s forehead, ran down the soft contours of his face, dripping onto his plastron to travel down his center line—

Don paused, his whole body going stiff as he processed the thought that just went through his head, and the way his body was _reacting_ to such thoughts…

“Donnie?”

Don’s eyes snapped up from the open flesh of Leo’s stump to look in his brother’s eyes.

“What happened?” Leo asked, glancing quickly down at his severed leg, “Is something wrong?”

“Huh?” Don asked, blinking out of his thoughts, “Oh! No, no, everything’s fine. Just, uh, just thinking about dinner.”

Leo raised a brow, but didn’t say anything. Don mentally shook himself out of his thoughts to focus back on what he was doing. He finished cleaning off the last of Leo’s open sores and began to bandage the area with fresh, sterile cloth.

“Is it because I kissed you?”

* * *

The words were out of Leo’s mouth before he even processed them, and the results of his strange, sudden loss of patience and caution were immediate.

Donnie went rigid, his pupils dilating. The flush was back on his cheeks and he was staring at anything besides Leo and that’s how he knew Donnie’s unspoken answer. He most definitely was thinking about that kiss, and what it meant, and maybe he, too, was questioning why exactly he’d suddenly felt the need to be so close to his own brother and now Leo was thinking about what to do next, because this time he _actually_ had to think about it and was it just him or was Donnie getting closer to his face—

“So this is why you guys are taking so long.”

Both Leo and Donnie nearly jumped out of their shells. They looked up to see Raph and Mikey in the doorway. Raph had his arms crossed over his plastron, and Mikey was wearing an amiable smile, his eyes sparkling like he knew something they didn’t.

“What?” Donnie squeaked, and Leo didn’t blame him for it. His own throat was tight, constricted, and he felt if he tried to talk the results would be exactly the same.

“Looks like he opened some of his cuts again, so you’re patchin’ him up,” Raph stated as if it were obvious, which to be fair it kind of was. What else could they have been doing together? Nothing, obviously. Just Donnie patching Leo up, like his nurse, like his brother, because that’s what Donnie did, alright. He patched Leo up, and nothing else.

“April said to hurry you guys up,” Raph added, “She said it doesn’t take twenty minutes to change Leo’s bandages and she wanted us to make sure you didn’t escape out the window like a jailbird.”

“He’s more like a jail-turtle,” Mikey added helpfully.

“Sure, Mikey,” Raph said with a roll of his eyes, “Jail-turtle.”

“Almost done,” Donnie said, finishing up the last wrapping as he spoke. “Do me a favor and get the crutches. We don’t have to carry him or anything; he can walk on his own if he’s got some support.”

_I can walk just fine without the support_ , Leo grumbled internally, but even as Donnie helped him swing his lower body over the side of the bed, he knew Donnie was right. As soon as the crutches were under his arms and he began heaving himself up, he remembered just how much muscle he’d lost during his month-long bath-coma.

He was getting a bit more used to getting around now. This was his first time actually going down the stairs since he’d been here, but he’d already explored the rest of the upstairs by now. Moving wasn’t the hard part; it was moving downward that had them all nervous. But Leo would have _crawled_ down those stairs if he had to; he’d had enough of not being able to accomplish even the most menial of tasks.

Donnie and Mikey went ahead of him so they could catch him if he fell forward. They didn’t tell him this, but Leo didn’t have to be a genius to put two and two together. Raph went behind him on the off chance he fell backward. There wasn’t enough room for one of them to help him from the side, so they had to shuffle down single file. The entire thing made Leo feel ridiculous, but he processed his shame in silence.

When they made it down the stairs, Mikey went ahead to pull out a chair for him. Donnie hovered next to him as if he expected Leo to fall down any second, though of course he tried not to make it look that way. Raph, bless his soul, just went ahead and sat down beside Casey at the table. He was the only one not treating Leo like he was made of tissue paper, and Leo appreciated that so much.

Though, for all of his wounded pride, he was definitely out of breath just from walking down that stupid staircase.

“Hey, Leo,” Casey greeted with a genuine smile. Leo nodded at his friend, returning the smile.

Casey was like Raph; he didn’t treat Leo like he was some small, frail creature. In fact, he thought Leo losing his leg was, ‘ _so metal!_ ’ and despite glares from April and Donnie whenever he mentioned it in front of them, Leo appreciated his friend’s warped optimism as well.

Once Leo sat down, Donnie helped April set the pots and pans of food in the middle of the table. Neither Raph, Mikey, nor Casey wasted any time in loading up their plates and bowls. Only Raph took some of the steamed veggies, though he scrunched up his face a bit as he did.

“Mikey, you helped pick those!” April chided, “The least you could do is have a few.”

“Nuh-uh,” Mikey said with a pout. Before April could argue further, he dug in to his stew with a spoon.

April had given him paper dinnerware, but Mikey didn’t seem to mind. Besides, she was right to do so; as soon as the food hit his tongue, his eyes widened and he nearly moaned in delight. Tossing his spoon somewhere behind him, he instead gathered the bowl in his hands and began to noisily slurp down the rest of the stew.

“So much for our talk about table manners,” April grumbled.

“Dude, you tried to talk to _Mikey_ about table manners?” Casey asked in disbelief.

April only sighed, returning to the counter where Donnie was. Leo watched him pull a tray from the oven and carefully set it on the grills of the stove to let it cool.

Leo narrowed his eyes as he watched April approach Donnie. Her hand rested on his shoulder and she smiled at him. Donnie seemed to melt, his cheeks blossoming as he smiled back. Leo gripped the table hard.

“Dude, aren’t you going to have some?” Casey’s voice snapped Leo out of it.

“Iss rully gud,” Mikey mumbled with a full mouth, gulping down the last of his stew.

With one last glance at April and Donnie, Leo forced his gaze to stay on the food before him. He silently began loading up his plate and bowl with some of the stew and veggies. Because what was he going to say to stop them? ‘ _Get your hands off my brother_ ’? How well would _that_ go over when everyone and their mother knew Donnie liked April, and everyone – save Casey, of course – wanted them to get together?

And what reason would he give for being so hostile towards her so suddenly? ‘ _I just kissed my brother and I kinda want to do so much more and with every minute passing I care less and less about how wrong it is_ ’?

Not only would that not ‘go over well’; it wouldn’t go over at all. It wouldn’t even go under. It would just… sit there, and everyone would stare at it, and Leo would probably die.

Donnie and April made their way over to the table, Donnie carrying the tray of bread with oven-mitted hands.

“Figured you wouldn’t want to miss out on something pizza-y,” April explained as Donnie set the tray down in the last empty space on the table.

Aligned in neat little rows were slices of baguette with some kind of tomato sauce baked onto it. Layers of cheese still bubbled on its surface, and it was topped with what looked like fresh basil. Leo guessed it was, since April said something about Mikey helping pick the vegetables. Maybe April had a garden out there.

“Woah,” Leo said in wonder, his face lighting up. The stew smelled delicious, but this looked divine!

“Thank yooouu, April!” Raph exclaimed.

“Actually, this one was Donnie's masterpiece,” said April, arms gesturing to the blushing turtle.

Mikey was looking at the pizza-bread like he was seeing the face of God. In an impressive feat of both stealth and possibly a bit of magic, Mikey’s hands moved in a blur to gather as many slices as he could. Before he could grab them all, however, Raph loudly cleared his throat, capturing Mikey’s attention. Raph’s eyes went white as he glared at their little brother, the low warning growl encouraging Mikey to slowly set down some of the slices. While Mikey was still distracted by Raph’s unspoken warning, everyone grabbed a few slices for themselves.

Donnie sat down beside Leo, who was seated at the end of the table. April sat on Leo’s other side, across from Donnie. Casey was seated at the other end of the table, while Raph and Mikey sat across from each other, each beside April and Donnie, respectively.

“Thank you, April,” Leo said sincerely. “And you too, Donnie. It smells delicious.”

“Oh, just dig in, already!” Raph said, doing just that with his own dishes. Leo smiled and brought his hands together, bowing his head.

“ _Itadakimasu_ ,” Leo said quietly, before picking up his spoon and following suit.

* * *

For the first time since Leo had woken up, their strange little family felt somewhat normal again.

Donnie watched, elated, as everyone shared stories and laughter. It was as if everyone had forgotten Leo’s predicament, their loss in battle and of Master Splinter. Even Leo looked alive and animated again, and it was a welcome change to the usual dull, broken husk that he’d been ever since he woke up.

Their eyes met on more than one occasion. Every now and then Don would look up and notice Leo’s eyes trained on him. They’d both quickly look away, but soon enough they would find each other again, pulled back together by some unknown force. The fire in Donnie’s chest burned steadily on.

“So D,” Casey spoke up once the energy had quelled once more, “How goes the kickass robo-leg?”

Any residual laughter died down then, and everyone’s eyes flickered to Leo. Donnie almost growled, fighting the urge to get up and smack Casey in the back of his stupid head. Thankfully, Raphael did it for him. Casey winced and rubbed the spot Raph had smacked.

“Oh, uh, sorry Leo,” Casey muttered, realizing what exactly he’d just done.

“No worries, Casey,” Leo said, and he sounded so sincere that everyone looked up to read his face for any hint of a façade. Leo looked at Donnie and continued, “I’d like to know, too.”

Don blinked and said nothing for a solid ten seconds. Everyone at the table held their breath save for Leo and Casey; they weren’t the only ones looking at him for an answer – Donnie could feel everyone’s eyes on him.

“It’s going well,” Don said eventually, and he smiled because this time he didn’t have to lie. “I’ve finalized the design that works best and have already started building it. It’s not much to look at just yet, and I have yet to calibrate the mechanics, but it’s all progress.”

“That’s great!” said April.

“Thanks, Donnie,” Leo said again. Beneath the table, his hand came to rest on Don’s knee. Don shivered, his legs trembling at the light touch, and thought of what Leo had said to him before Raph and Mikey came to drag them downstairs.

_“Is it because I kissed you?”_

_Yes_ , Donnie thought, his pulse racing, _It absolutely is._

“Th-there is one thing that I still need, however,” Don continued, coughing to cover the sudden crack in his voice. “The parts. I was planning to go out on a scavenging mission tonight with Raph and Mikey, if they were up for it. There’s a few other ranches out here with sheds and barns even older than this one. I’m sure the owners won’t miss some scrap metal and old car parts.”

“Of course we’ll go with you, dude!” Mikey replied with his usual verve.

“Count me in,” said Raph with his trademark smile.

“There, uh, there’s something else,” Don continued, looking to April. “I wanted to ask you if we could search this house first. Anything we can find here could save us a trip, and therefore pose less risk of us being seen. I know exactly how much power and circuitry this house needs to run, and what it can do without. Since it’s been here so long, there should be plenty of obsolete mechanics and wiring. There might even be some old machines in the basement that could prove useful.”

“We don’t have a basement,” said April, “And even if we did, I doubt there would be anything useful there. We always just used the barn for storage. But you’re welcome to look, Donnie.”

“Thanks,” Donnie said with sincerity. He wasn’t expecting to find much, but it was better to look here first.

“Alright!” Casey exclaimed happily, “We get to wreck the place!”

“ _You_ will not be doing anything, Jones,” April said firmly, shooting him a glare that made him shrivel up like a raisin in the sun. “And nobody’s wrecking the house. Donnie’s going to salvage what he can, stuff we don’t need but he does. Right, Donnie?”

Don chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck.

“You got it,” he affirmed. Man, deactivating a bomb set to level the whole city was less stress-inducing than April’s warning glare. He really hoped he didn’t cut the wrong wire on this one; April would have a fit if he messed with the electricity – or worse, the warm water…

God help them all if Don accidentally shut off the hot water.

“So, D…” Casey started again, tapping his fingers together and looking at anything but Don. “About those upgrades we talked about…”

“I’m not putting a flamethrower in his patellofemoral joint,” Don said with a groan.

“I called them ‘Hot-Knees,’ remember?” Mikey stepped in. “And come on, bro! Tell me it wouldn’t be sweet to see Leo kneeing Shredder between his legs and then setting him on fire!”

“Yeah!” Casey added, high-fiving Mikey. “How’s that for coming back with a vengeance!”

“Okay, that would be pretty sweet,” Raph agreed, earning a glare from Don. Great, they were ganging up on him now!

“I think I’m good on the knee-flames, guys,” Leo said quickly, smiling nervously.

“I’m not adding any ‘upgrades’ to Leo’s artificial limb unless he tells me to,” Don said firmly, crossing his arms after putting air quotes on the word ‘upgrades’. “And even if he did, I’d make sure he wasn’t actually you two in a costume.”

Leo chuckled, and the sound made Donnie’s chest ignite, the strong warmth branching off to the rest of his body. With just a soft puff or two of air, Leo singlehandedly stopped Donnie’s body from functioning properly.

April’s laugh was cute, but Don noticed how muted the effect was in comparison. He liked the sweet, airy sound of April’s giggling, but Leo’s deeper, more subtle chuckle was definitely some kind of music.

* * *

When everyone was done eating – and Mikey was done stuffing himself to the brim – Leo watched as Donnie made to gather the dishes to wash, but April didn’t let him.

“Oh no you don’t,” she said, putting her hands on his to stop him.

Leo’s jaw clenched and his eyes flickered up to see Donnie’s expression. A flood of satisfaction washed over him when he saw the almost bored look on his face. No blush, no ditsy smile for her. Leo felt a surge of guilt at his newfound possessive feelings for Donnie, but his smug satisfaction trumped it.

April released Donnie’s hands and turned to Raph and Casey.

“You two are washing these dishes,” she said with finality. “Donnie and I cooked, so you guys get to clean.”

“Aw, Red!” Casey groaned, running his hands over his face dramatically. “How come Mikey doesn’t have to do the dishes with us?”

“Why do you think I gave him a paper plate and bowl?” she said. “Because I value my family’s dinnerware, that’s why.”

When Mikey stuck his tongue out at Raph and Casey, April narrowed her eyes at him.

“But the metal pots and pans aren’t fragile,” she said slowly, “Why don’t you help with those, Mikey?”

Everyone, Mikey included, knew April wasn’t asking. Mikey pouted and groaned his dismay, and Raph and Casey grinned back at him.

Later, Leo watched as Donnie gathered their brothers to begin their mission. Donnie made sure to spend extra time with Mikey, no doubt trying to reinforce his rule of ‘ _if it looks even remotely like anything on that list I gave you, don’t touch it, just yell my name’_. Raph, on the other hand, could be careful when he needed to, so he didn’t need the lecture. As soon as they split up, Raph headed right for the closet down the hall.

It felt weird to see them all geared up and ready for anything while he simply sat and waited. He itched to get up and join them, because at least he’d be with them, doing something.

At least he’d be part of the team…

Leo didn’t think his brothers would find much of anything here, but he appreciated them taking the time to look. Truth was, Leo wouldn’t have minded if they didn’t find anything ‘useful’. He was pretty sure Donnie could build a spaceship out of toothpicks if he really wanted to. And if they didn’t find anything here, there were other places to look.

Mikey’s advice from their talk earlier suddenly came to Leo’s mind. He remembered what Mikey said about faking happiness, and that in order to get past things you need to go through them. But Leo knew he wasn’t faking this; the confidence he felt was real. He knew Donnie would come through for him; not only because his brother was like Einstein and MacGyver combined, but because he wouldn’t allow himself to fail.

And Leo knew how much stress Donnie must’ve been putting himself under, because each time something broke that only the genius of the family could fix, he quite possibly lost several years of his life from stress.

He did that quite often for them, sacrificing his sanity and comfort for their well-being. Leo admired his brother from afar, and Donnie stayed in his mind long after he’d disappeared to scour the house for parts.

Donnie was so much stronger than he believed. He wasn’t the best fighter of the group, but he was by far the most heroic. He’d disarmed bombs, built advanced offensive weaponry and vehicles from practically nothing. He’d built and rebuilt much of the inner workings of their home with his bare hands. He was a prodigy, a genius, and he’d gotten them all out of more sticky situations than Leo could count. He did it all for them, for family.

For love.

And it was then that Leo decided that maybe these new feelings for Donnie weren’t so misplaced. Yes, they were brothers, but that word didn’t mean the same thing to them as it did to the humans that lived on the surface. They weren’t blood related, and even if they were, they couldn’t reproduce. No one else would suffer in the name of their happiness.

Save, perhaps, their family, which had already been thrown far out of balance by the time they left New York. Leo’s life had changed forever, and therefore so had his brothers’. Things would never be the same, so what was one more shift in their dynamic? Was it really so selfish to want Donnie this way?

Leo swallowed down his guilt and fear because he knew the proper answer to that question. Of course it was selfish; he just didn’t care.

So here was a better question: did Donnie even return his feelings? Leo’s kiss earlier had clearly affected them both, but looking back on it Leo couldn’t be sure Don wasn’t just surprised or weirded out by the action. And then there was April, whom everyone knew he’d fallen in love with at first sight. But he’d seemed less eager to go after her recently. He still blushed sometimes, and stumbled over his words when talking to her, but there wasn’t that desperate and frantic energy about him whenever he was with her.

Yet all of that could have been in Leo’s mind; after all, he’d only seen them together when they were both upstairs, and that didn’t exactly happen all the time.

Thinking of April and Donnie together in any way was starting to irritate him, so he opted to think of something else; something that would calm him down. His mind wandered back to Donnie – which was becoming something of a habit recently – and now that he was out of sight, Leo pictured him in his mind’s eye instead.

The gap in Donnie’s teeth had never before looked so adorable before; Leo wanted to know how it felt against his tongue. And the slight rasp to his voice had never seemed so appealing; Leo wondered about the noises Donnie made when he masturbated, and he wondered about the tone of his churr – that special noise turtles made when they were feeling immense pleasure. Leo had wondered before about how different their genitals might be, but until recently that had simply been a matter of curiosity, not this desire to touch, to _explore_ …

While his brothers worked, Leo sat with April and Casey at the table. Leo gave himself a break and focused on their board game. Thinking of Donnie was starting to have an effect on the lower region of Leo’s plastron, and he was not about to let his human friends discover where mutant turtles ‘kept it’ right at April’s dinner table.

They were on their third game of ‘ _Sorry!_ ’ when a sudden scream made them all jump, cards flying everywhere as Casey panicked and knocked over the deck.

“Donnieeee!” came Mikey’s scream, ringing throughout the house as well as everyone’s skulls. What was worse was the fact that it came from right outside the kitchen, by the front door where no walls separated their poor ears from Mikey’s voice.

“Mikey, what the heck?!” April cried, holding her ears tenderly and glaring in the general direction the scream had come from. Casey placed his palms to his ears and gently pulled them away, appearing to search his hands for any sign of blood.

Leo knew Mikey’s scream wasn’t one of fear, nor a call for help. His call was hesitant, and though it was as loud as any frantic yell could be, it held an uncertainty that had Leo’s curiosity piqued.

Mikey had found something.

“Michelangelo!” came Donnie’s returning cry, though his was one of a similar tone as April’s. Leo could hear him stomping toward Mikey, his voice increasing in volume as he drew closer. “I was right over here, you didn’t have to burst everyone’s eardrums like that! And what exactly was so important that—”

Donnie stopped with not even a gasp to cut off his words. Every one of Leo’s muscles was tensed, ready to push his chair back and run over to whatever had both Mikey and Donnie so stunned. But of course, that was no longer a possibility.

Casey stood up and headed towards the commotion, and April stood to help Leo. Together they made their way towards whatever it was that had everyone so freaked out. Raph was already standing by Donnie, the three of his brothers crowded around the old green rug that covered the hardwood of the front walkway.

“Check it out!” Mikey said in awe, waving Leo and April over.

As they drew closer, Leo could see that what they were crowded around wasn’t actually the rug, but what lay hidden beneath it.

“A trap door?” April wondered out loud.

“I thought you said you didn’t have a basement,” Raph said.

“I didn’t know we did,” April answered honestly. Leo limped over on his crutches, narrowing his eyes at the wooden door at their feet.

“What do you suppose is down there?” Leo asked, his eyes narrowed. He had a strange feeling about this, but couldn’t place his unease.

“Evil clown!” Mikey suddenly shouted, making them all jump. He dove at Raph and clung to his shell, terror in his eyes. “Evil cloooown!!”

Surprisingly, Raph made no effort to shake Mikey off of him. Instead, he whipped out his sais and spun them expertly in his hands.

“Only one way to find out,” he said resolutely, and before anyone could protest, he dug the metal tips under the wood, prying the mystery open.

Darkness consumed much of the rickety staircase that led down into the basement. Leo couldn’t see where it ended, much less anything that might be stored inside.

“So,” Donnie said slowly, “Who’s going in first?”

A resounding chorus of 'not its' sounded off in perfect sync, and the only voice not heard within the mix was that of Michelangelo.

“Aw, man!” Mikey groaned, trembling in fear. Then, to Leo’s surprise, Mikey looked up to Raph. “H-hey, you know who’s the bestest, most fearless bro in the whole wide world?”

To Leo’s even greater surprise, Raph didn’t simply shove Mikey down the hole first. Instead, with only a roll of his eyes, Raph twirled and sheathed his sais, stepping forward.

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled, “I’ll go in first, ya big baby.”

Everyone followed in silence, either too nervous to speak or too confused to. For Leo, it was the latter, and the rest of the way down the dark, creaky staircase, Leo could only glance between Mikey and Raph, perplexed at their behavior. When was the last time Raph let Mikey cling to him like that? It wasn’t unheard of, just extremely uncommon. Raph was by far the least outwardly affectionate of the Turtles, so he only let Mikey cling to him like this in dire situations.

And while walking down a dark stairway to their possible doom might have been considered dire to your _average_ turtle, it was sadly not anywhere near their top-ten list of dire things to have happened to the teenage mutant ninja ones.

The sound of Raph’s steps suddenly shifted from the creaking wood of the staircase to the crunch of some kind of old, dusty earth. He paused for a moment, making everyone behind him stop.

“Woah,” said Raph, peering at something in the darkness. Leo’s eyes struggled to adjust, straining to see what had Raph so awed.

“What?” Casey asked desperately from his courageous position of last in line, “What is it? What do you see, Raph?”

“Uh…” Raph hesitated, “I think it’s better if you just see it for yourselves.”

With that cryptic advice, Raph stepped forward and everyone clambered down the rest of the way into the basement. Leo’s eyes found it right away; it was much easier to see without Casey’s big head blocking all the light from upstairs.

Just a few feet before them, buried beneath April’s very home, was a silver pod lined with streaks of dazzling purple. Leo recognized it immediately, and judging by the collective gasps of shock that followed, so did everyone else.

Leo’s jaw clenched angrily, and his hands itched to let go of his crutches and reach for his weapons though he knew they weren’t there. He growled out the name of their familiar enemy, as if it would somehow ensure the alien’s defeat.

“The Kraang.”

* * *

The Kraang.

Donnie was too stunned to draw his weapon, though he registered that everyone else who had theirs seemed to be doing just that. Don was vaguely aware that drawing his bo was probably the correct action to follow discovering a Kraang ship buried beneath April’s house, but his mind was too occupied with the implications of this new discovery.

He’d just found his lucky ticket; access to desperately-needed Kraang technology. And he didn’t even need to sneak back into the Big Mutated Apple to retrieve it! It was all here, right in front of him, ripe for his scavenging. Don silently bade farewell to his sleep, because he knew it’d probably be days before he could get a wink in now that he had access to all this.

“Uh, guys?” Mikey asked, “How did a Kraang ship get into April’s house?”

Don narrowed his eyes at the ship, noticing its silver color was faded. While no rust had seemed to accumulate on its surface, there was a solid layer of dust and dirt coating the metal. He walked up to what he now understood was a harmless, deactivated ship and ran a finger along Leo’s saving grace.

“It didn’t,” Don answered simply, “This ship’s probably been here for years, maybe decades. I’ve now idea why it’s here, but I’m so glad it is.”

As Don pet the cold, dusty surface fondly, April spoke up.

“Wait, why is this a good thing?” April said, “This has been here for decades, right under my home, where I ate and slept and _lived_ throughout the years? And everyone is okay with this?”

“Nah,” Raph said with a shrug, “Just Donnie.”

Don quickly stepped in to clear his name and explain.

“That’s not what I meant,” he assured her, “The fact that it’s a, uh, an alien spaceship buried under your house. It’s just that this ship contains precisely the kind of neurotransmitter I need to be able to build Leo’s leg!”

“I don’t understand,” said April, “How do you know it’s in there?”

“The Kraangdroids use a complicated piece of equipment that allows their organic bodies to directly communicate with the mechanics of the droid,” Don explained excitedly. “Even if there’s no Kraangdroids inside, their entire mechanism as a species revolves around that line of communication between flesh and metal, and every piece of their technology we’ve seen so far has some form or another of this interface!”

Neither Mikey nor Casey seemed to grasp what he was trying to say, but that was to be expected. Raph seemed to get the gist of it, judging by his expression, and so did April.

The expression on Leo’s face was one of absolute and undying joy.

“You can do it,” Leo said, his voice low but loud in the silence that followed Don’s explanation. “You can really do it.”

“I can,” Donnie said confidently, fueled by the adoration in Leo’s eyes. “And I will.”


	6. Tender

**_Tender is the night_  
_Lying by your side_  
_Tender is the touch_  
_Of someone that you love too much_  
– “Tender” by Blur**

* * *

 

Donatello stepped inside the Kraang ship, his fingers twitching slightly, ready to withdraw his staff if necessary. He doubted there was anything living within the ship after all these years, but there was always the possibility of the Kraang leaving behind booby traps.

“Who’s that?”

Don’s gaze followed Mikey’s, and landed on the strange pillar in the middle of the ship. It had caught his eye before, of course, since it was smack dab in the middle, but at first glance he’d figured it was some kind of support beam. He hadn’t seen that it was made of glass, nor that it seemed to contain a shadowy figure…

They all cautiously approached the foreign object, thoughts of strange genetic experiments coming to mind. Mikey tilted his head at the figure. He was closer to it than all of them, and he seemed to be getting a good enough look to not be freaked out.

“She looks kinda familiar,” Mikey said in wonder, reaching out a hand to touch the glass. Don’s eyes widened.

“Wait, Mikey!” he cried, throwing himself between Mikey and the glass container. “We don’t know what’s in there. We don’t want to wake up some kind of monster, do we?”

“She’s not a monster, yo!” Mikey said resolutely. “She’s a person! See for yourself!”

Satisfied that Mikey had been prevented from touching anything for the time being, Don turned to face the mystery.

The glass was tinted purple, and was opaque enough to make it difficult to see what was inside. Don squinted at the form, eyes tracing the edges of the figure and trying to discern exactly what was inside of this container. After a moment, he could see it; a female figure, apparently human.

“I think…” Don started, eyes widening a fraction. “Mikey’s right. It looks like there’s a person in there; a woman.”

“That’s impossible,” April said from somewhere behind him. “Any human would be long gone if they’ve been trapped in here for years.”

“Maybe they’re in some kind of stasis,” Don mused, “Alright, nobody touch—”

With a sudden beep of some pressed button, the ship began coming to life. Lights twitched on, a shuddering whirring noise indicating some kind of motor struggling to start. It soon did, and the air around them immediately cleared away the dust and stale oxygen, circulating a pleasant, regulated supply instead.

“Mikey!” Don shouted, glaring at his youngest brother.

“Oops,” Mikey giggled nervously. “My bad.”

Before Don could rip him a new one, a sudden hiss of air stopped him in his tracks. Whipping around, Don saw the glass container opening. Too transfixed to do anything else, Don watched as the glass lifted, revealing the human woman. About a second after the glass finished moving, she began to stir. With a groan she stumbled forward, clinging weakly to the edges of her prison as she tried to scramble out.

April gasped from behind them, muttering out a single, quiet word as she took the woman in.

“ _Mom?_ ”

Don was sure he wasn’t the only one whose face was frozen in shock at April’s utterance, but he didn’t look around to confirm the hypothesis. He struggled to process the feelings surging up within him, but realized now wasn’t the time for that when the woman began to lurch forward. Don reacted instinctively and reached out to catch her, along with Raph.

“Woah, there,” Raph said under his breath, carefully holding who they now knew to be April’s long-lost mother.

Alright, that was going to take some _serious_ getting-used-to.

Mrs. O’Neil looked up at them, her eyes widening as the effects of whatever kind of stasis she’d been in wore off. She took in the two mutant turtles holding her up, and as was pretty much custom at this point, she screamed in horror and shoved them away. This time though, she managed to elbow Don hard in his carapace, nearly knocking the wind out of him before she took off.

“Oof!” Don cried, keeling over as he struggled to take in air. Yeah, if this lady could hit like that she was definitely related to April.

“Mutants!” she cried, making a break for it.

Mrs. O’Neil then tripped on her heel, sending her careening forward. This time it was Casey who caught her, and Mrs. O’Neil, though still disoriented and thoroughly freaked out, seemed to calm down when she saw it was a human who had helped her.

“Take it easy, Mrs. O’Neil,” said Casey, “These guys are good mutants! Well, except for Donnie; he’s kind of a jerk.”

Don glared at Casey, but otherwise said nothing. He knew immediately what the idiot was trying to do; he wanted to make Don look bad in front of April’s mother to drive them further apart. But instead of taking it as a score point for Casey in their fight over April, Don simply let the insult roll off his shoulders. Lately, he hadn’t felt the driving need to strive for April’s favor, which was either a sign he was maturing, or maybe that his feelings were being diverted elsewhere.

“Mom?” April asked softly, peering at the woman still being held up by Casey.

“April?” The woman answered, stumbled forward to reach out hesitantly for her daughter. “N-no, that can’t be… You’re only… six…”

And just like that, April’s mother fainted. But April was soon to follow, the immense shock at seeing her long lost mother suddenly pop out of a glass enclosure within a buried Kraang ship proving too much for her. Mikey surged forward to catch her, and the room was silent for a moment with the tension weighing on them all.

“Snap!” Mikey said, looking up to meet Leo’s own surprised eyes. “What do we do, Leo?”

* * *

Everyone was looking at him.

They were giving him that look; the look of desperation combined with a resolve to work together no matter the costs. It was a look they gave Leo when all of them, even Raph, wanted him to understand that they were about to put aside any and all differences in order to overcome this new threat. A look that conveyed how much they trusted him, and how far they’d go to follow his command because of it.

They wanted direction only a leader could give, and for the first time in weeks, Leo found he was able to give it to them.

“Take them upstairs to recover,” he said, “Let Mrs. O’Neil take April’s bed to rest, and give April the couch.”

“Dudes, is she really April’s mom?” Mikey said softly. Leo didn’t blame him For the disbelief in his voice, and he didn’t blame April for fainting either. None of them could ever have guessed what they’d find on this ship.

“We’ll figure this out, Mikey,” Leo assured him, “For now, let’s just make sure they’re both alright.”

With a nod, Mikey gently gathered April in his arms, carrying her against his plastron as lovingly as he would have a real sister. Mrs. O’Neil, however, was a full grown adult, and needed both Raph and Casey to carry her back up the stairs. As they all made their way back up the creaky steps, Leo noticed Donnie wasn’t with them.

Turning back, he saw his brother still inside the ship, already studying some exposed wires behind a panel he’d pried from the underside of one of the control panels. He was laying back on his shell, angling himself beneath the control panel in order to better access its underbelly. As he made himself comfortable, his legs spread slightly. Leo fought to keep his gaze away from the area between Donnie’s legs.

“Donnie?” Leo asked, hobbling back in through the ship’s entrance. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for one of those neurotransmitters I was talking about,” he said, eyes focused on the mess of wires. Leo noticed Donnie’s tongue peek out of his mouth as he concentrated. The slick pink muscle ran along his lips as he worked, and Leo couldn’t help but stare at it.

“What about April?” Leo asked, eyes still locked on Donnie’s tongue.

“She’ll be fine,” Donnie answered without looking away from his work. He pulled a small pair of tweezers from a pouch along his belt and raised it to the wires. “I need to grab at least one of these guys, and it’ll only take fifteen minutes at most. April and her mom should be up by then.”

Leo didn’t know what to say to that. Donnie wasn’t suddenly apathetic to April’s wellbeing, but neither was he fretting over her like a mother hen. Leo remembered one time when April fell and scraped her knee, and Donnie had acted like she was on her death bed. Now, he was more concerned with obtaining this piece of Kraang tech than April?

But no, Leo reasoned, that surely wasn’t the case. Donnie loved April, at the very least in the way they all did; as a friend so close she might as well be family. So he wouldn’t have waved her fainting off if he didn’t know for certain it was nothing to worry about. And yet, the behavior was still abnormal for Donnie. Why stay behind when his precious April was out cold, almost like Sleeping Beauty waiting for her Prince Charming to swoop in and save the day.

It was a textbook scenario, at least for the average romantically-challenged, hormone-fueled teenage boy – a position Leo could very much sympathize with, considering what happened with Karai – yet Donnie didn’t jump on the chance to play the hero for April, to try and win her favor like he usually did. Nor did he seem clouded by the fog of his crush on her, which usually shut down his intelligent brain and made him impulsive and a bit more aggressive than normal.

Suddenly, Don’s arms dropped to drape across his thighs, his eyes finally dislodging themselves from the wires and into Leo’s eyes. Leo’s breath quickened.

“I can feel you trying to read me, you know,” Donnie said quietly, though he didn’t seem upset in any way. “The reason I’m not up there right now is because I know April’s going to be fine. I wanted to scavenge what I could here in case some family drama kicks up to try and keep me busy. April just found her _mother_ , who’s been missing for years, and she was just sitting in her basement inside a Kraang stealth ship the whole time. There’s a lot of ways this reunion can go, and quite a few of them are potentially disastrous. I’d rather be in the barn, working on something far more important should stuff hit the fan.”

“More important?” Leo pressed.

“Your leg,” Donnie said as though the answer were obvious. “That’s priority number one for me, Leo. I’ll be there for April if she needs me, but you come first. Family comes first.”

Leo didn't miss the way Donnie said that last sentence, almost as though it were an afterthought. His brother smiled at him, and as soon as Leo offered a tentative smile in return, Donnie looked back at his project.

Leo didn’t want to leave Donnie down in this alien crypt by himself – and okay, maybe he was a little daunted by the idea of having to climb those stairs without someone behind him to catch him if he fell – so he gently lowered himself to the ground and took a seat a few feet away from his brother.

The ship was silent save for the sounds of Donnie’s tinkering, and though normally Leo might’ve been annoyed, he found they were actually quite methodical, almost like a white noise that served to focus his mind. And so he did just that.

He wasn’t yet ready to face everything going on in the deeper parts of his mind, so he didn’t fully meditate. He simply sat with Donnie’s unique aura of calm, calculated rhythm and began smoothing over his recent experiences with some introspection – one of the things he was quite good at.

_You come first_ , Donnie had said. Sure, he’d quickly amended that, but the words refused to stop rolling around in Leo’s mind. Donnie had put him before April, and though he probably did that because helping Leo meant helping their team and family, Leo hoped part of the reason was because Donnie’s infatuation with her was coming to a close, if it hadn’t already.

Donnie no longer looked at her like she was beauty incarnate, like she was his sun and everything he did revolved around her. Leo hoped that with time – and maybe a bit of suggestive pushes in the right direction – Donnie would someday look at him like that.

Oh shell, he really was in too deep, wasn’t he?

* * *

Don tried to focus on his dissection of the mechanics of the ship. He hadn’t found the triangular purple chip he was looking for, but he had found some kind of motherboard, and planned to collect it for study later. It could prove useful for Leo’s bionic leg as well, so he was making sure to be as careful as he could in getting it out.

But what was normally a simple enough task for Don was now a background mission. Leo hadn’t left even after he’d had his explanation, instead opting to come sit by Don and rest.

At least, it looked like he was resting. Maybe he was meditating, or doing something close to it. His eyes were closed, and he looked very at peace. Don even wondered if his brother had fallen asleep.

Either way, there was something soothing about simply sitting so close to his brother in such comfortable silence. Don loved all of his brothers, but due to his reclusive nature, he’d always felt like Raph and Mikey could be too much for him to handle, sometimes. Leo never radiated that kind of passionate inferno of an energy.

Don and Leo were similar in that same way. It wasn’t as if they couldn’t get angry, or never snapped or made mistakes – Don had never once thought of himself as better than any of his brothers – it’s just that their levels and outputs of energy were vastly different from his own.

They were four brothers, but two channels of a radio, broadcasting at different frequencies. Don and Leo had always just been closer on the scale to each other than they were to Mikey or Raph’s. And likewise, Mikey and Raph’s frequencies weren’t as far apart as they might like to think.

Mind too distracted for the careful work, Don silently replaced his tools in their pockets in his belt. For a moment he contemplated his brother, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of his plastron as he breathed at an even pace.

He wanted to say something. More specifically, he wanted to say something about Leo’s kiss. It was so unlike him that Donnie might’ve been moved had he not actually been attracted to Leo. Well, he was moved regardless, because what was such a simple action had been made precious by its rarity with Leo, and even if there really were no romantic intentions behind it, the feeling was still there. The feeling Leo was passing on to him with that kiss; the feeling of pure and undying gratitude.

“You didn’t have to kiss me,” Don said quietly, capturing Leo’s attention. His brother looked up at him, momentarily dazed as though breaking through the fog of his inner thoughts – yep, definitely some kind of meditation or deep thinking exercise – before he seemed to absorb Don’s words.

And there was a moment, so brief yet passionate, of sorrow and regret that flashed across Leo’s face, that Don hurried to correct his meaning.

“But I’m glad you did,” he added, feeling the heat rush to his cheeks. “It meant a lot, you know, coming from you. Since you don’t do it often, I mean.”

“I don’t do it at all,” Leo pointed out, letting out a nervous chuckle, turning his face away as though embarrassed. “I mean, I haven’t. Not for a long time. But what you said to me then, I couldn’t just say ‘thanks’ to that, you know? I didn’t know what words to use instead, so I just did what felt right.”

Don shivered, every nerve in his body on edge. His stomach was one big knot, and his heart was on fire. He leaned in slightly, unable to stop himself from saying his next words.

“And kissing me,” Don said softly, “That felt right?”

* * *

Leo swallowed, his throat clenching up. He forgot how to use words for a moment, his eyes glancing down at Donnie’s lips. It wasn’t the place he’d kissed before, but it was the place he wanted to kiss now.

But he couldn't. Not now. He needed to make sure Donnie wanted the same before he went for it, otherwise he could do some serious damage. They were closer than ever now, and Leo didn’t want to blow it.

So, he smacked some sense into himself mentally. Donnie might not be chasing after April at the moment, but that didn’t mean his crush on her was over. He was probably preoccupied with the parts because he knew the sooner Leo’s leg was done the sooner things could get back to the way they were.

“Well, yeah,” Leo said, “You saved my life, and you’re about to make me a new leg, and you’re always making sure my stitches haven’t come undone. I can’t imagine you’ve gotten more than twenty hours of sleep for the whole week, and you do it all without complaint. You always have. We’ve never given you enough credit for that.”

“I don’t care about credit,” said Donnie. He seemed slightly disappointed as he leaned back and looked away. “It’s enough to know my family is safe and healthy, and when they’re not, I do everything I can to rectify that. We all do, my way’s just more visible. I’m not the only one trying to put our family back together.”

“Maybe,” Leo conceded, “But you are the only one actually succeeding.”

Donnie studied Leo’s eyes then, his brows furrowed in soft confusion.

“The others just talk,” Leo clarified, “It helps sometimes, but only in the moment. Not later that night, when the nightmares keep me up and all I can do is sit in that stupid bed and think about how useless I am… The only thing that keeps me going then is you.”

“Me?” Donnie’s voice was soft, almost a squeak. Leo smiled, and nodded.

“You,” he repeated. “You’re the one with the plan, Donnie. You have the schematics, the charts, the brains. It’s like everyone else just talks and suggests and makes promises they can’t keep, and I want to believe them, I really do, but… but while they’re all smiling and handing out reassurances left and right, you’re in the barn, sweating and bleeding for me. It’s like everyone here floats around, like ghosts, o-or clouds, and you’re the ground beneath my feet. You’re the only thing that’s actually solid here, the only thing I can hold onto. Does that make any sense?”

Leo knew his words might make Donnie uncomfortable, but he had to make his brother understand just how much he meant to him. He needed Donnie to know how heavily Leo was leaning on him right now, because if he knew, maybe he could stop and set Leo down somewhere before both of them fell over. Leo didn’t know how much of him Donnie could hold before collapsing himself, but Donnie had to know his own limits, so here was his chance to regulate the weight of Leo’s burden.

Here was his chance to stop this unhealthy dependence before it got too—

Lips. Donnie’s lips, on his. Donnie’s hands firmly holding his upper arms, thumbs rubbing those sweet, slow circles into his flesh. Leo immediately forgot everything he’d just been thinking, and saying, and suddenly everything in his life was Donatello.

Their lips moved against each other like waves on a shore. Donnie was so warm there, and soft, and wet, which made kissing him that much easier. Without even having to be told, Leo slipped his tongue past his own lips and ran the tip along Donnie’s. His brother shuddered, a motion only felt by Leo through their plastrons, which were now pressed flush against one another, as if neither could get enough contact.

A few seconds later, Donnie pulled away. Their eyes met, and for another few seconds, they were suspended in time together. Donnie’s eyes were lidded, glazed over with a fog of something beautiful and passionate, yet still soft and calm like Donnie himself.

“Wow,” Leo breathed, and much of the fog lifted from Donnie’s eyes as they brightened considerably. He chuckled, the light rasp to his voice coaxing a smile out of Leo.

“Did you plan that?” Leo continued. He noticed his own hands had come to rest against Donnie’s hips, gripping the bridges between his plastron and shell. The hold felt right, natural, so Leo didn’t let go.

“N-no,” Donnie admitted, his cheeks flushed. And suddenly the weight of what they’d just done crashed down on him like a ton of bricks. Leo could see the panic rise in Donnie’s redwood eyes. “Holy chalupa, I just kissed my _brother_ …”

“Don—”

“I’m sorry!” Donnie cried, jumping out of Leo’s arms like the touch suddenly burned. “Oh boy, Leo, I’m so sorry! I didn’t— I shouldn’t—”

“Donnie, wait—”

“I’m a terrible brother,” Donnie continued, standing so he could pace a few feet from Leo. His hands were trembling, and his beautiful irises were pinpricks against the stark whites of his eyes. “I don’t even know how I can _begin_ to apologize for that, that was so uncalled for! I’d never have thought I’d— I mean, I didn’t— I just wanted t-to show you how I f-fel— But I went too far, I went _way_ too far and I’m so sorry, Leo, I’m so—”

“Donatello!” Leo nearly shouted, determined to be heard over Donnie’s spew of doubt and horror.

It seemed to work. His brother stopped pacing and turned to face him. Every one of his muscles seemed to lock up, freezing his whole body as he stared in apparent fear of the repercussions he seemed to think Leo would deal him.

“Come here,” Leo said softly. He would have walked to Donnie, but he was sort of stuck sitting on the ground and getting up by himself would have taken up precious seconds Donnie could’ve spent running away.

Donnie slowly did as he was told, kneeling before his brother and sitting back on his heels in a formal display of submission. Leo frowned and reached out a hand to gently cup Donnie’s cheek, applying just enough pressure to tilt his brother’s head so they could look into each other’s eyes.

“I’m glad you kissed me,” Leo began softly, leaning in until his face was inches from Donnie’s. He didn’t stop there. “It meant a lot, coming from you…”

* * *

This time it was Leo who kissed Don, and the difference was palpable.

Don had given him tentative, quiet, but Leo apparently had no doubts about what he wanted to give Don. He held both of his cheeks now, one in each hand, and the sensation felt like some kind of completion of a circuit, an opening of a channel for electricity to flow. Leo’s tongue was back, only this time he pushed against Don’s lips more insistently, and Don found himself wondering if Leo knew about French kissing from movies or porn or some kind of awkward sex talk their father may have had with him, because Don _knew_ none of them had ever actually done it before, unless—

Unless… with Karai…

With a feral-sounding growl that seemed to originate from somewhere deep in his throat, Don draped his arms over Leo’s shoulders, pulling his brother closer. Leo answered with a pleased grunt of his own and gripped Don’s hips, using his superior strength to drag Don onto his lap.

A wave of euphoria washed over Don; he felt powerful up here, like he was in charge. He could take what he wanted from here, or he could pin Leo down and make him beg for—

Leo gasped into the kiss, breaking it off sharply. It was only then that Don realized his hand had been traveling without his permission, on a southbound expedition to the juncture between Leo’s legs.

“I-I’m—”

“No, it’s okay,” Leo interrupted, placing another quick kiss to Don’s lips in assurance. “I want to. _Shell_ do I want to, Donnie, but I… uh…”

Don heard a noise coming from the top of the staircase. Of course, being the excellent ninja that he was, Leo heard the noise as well. They shared a quick but meaningful look that served as a quick discussion. Neither of them seemed to be ready for anyone else to know about this new thing between them – not yet at least – so Don gently yet swiftly removed himself from Leo’s lap.

“Oh lover-boy,” came Raph’s teasing sing-song voice from the top of the basement staircase, “Your princess has awoken! Get your butt up here. And bring Leo with you! We’ve kind of got our hands full up here.”

Leo’s grip on Don’s hips grew tighter, and Don swore he could hear a low rumbling tone emanating from Leo’s chest.

“Tch,” Leo scoffed, “Your _princess_ …”

Don barely contained his smile of pure glee; was Leo seriously jealous of April? Despite the fact that it was quite a shock, especially given what they’d both just done, it made Don’s heart soar. Suddenly the idea of his older brother fighting for him was quite appealing…

“Just a sec!” Don called back to give Raph an answer. Then, in a quieter tone directed at Leo, “Guess I’ll finish the scavenging later; I should make sure they’re both okay.”

Don put it that way on purpose, knowing Leo’s protective instincts would override his jealousy if he was reminded of the trauma April had just gone through. At the end of the day she was still family, after all.

Leo nodded firmly and Don eased himself off his brother’s lap. As soon as he had his footing he reached down to offer Leo a hand, but found his brother was already halfway up himself. Don watched in fascination as Leo managed to rise without any aid by using the crutches at a specific angle, not wobbling or faltering once.

“Come on, slow poke,” Leo said to him, using his crutches as effortlessly and efficiently as he did his blades.

Don smiled and followed his brother out of the Kraang ship and up the basement stairs.

 


	7. The Rose

****_**And baby I thought I told you  
**_**_You’ve gotta be a soldier  
_ _You can’t break down now  
_** ******_They’re all counting on you_**

**– “The Rose” by To Be Juliet’s Secret**

* * *

 

There were three salvageable neurotransmitter chips in the buried Kraang ship. One of them was broken; a sizable crack running straight through its three hexagonal buttons. The other two chips appeared unharmed and undamaged, though Don wouldn’t know for sure until he found out how to activate them.

Don’s eyes drooped closed again, but he jerked himself awake. He could almost feel how red his scleras must look, but he wasn’t about to sleep now. Not when he was so close to getting this thing open.

There were no seams in its metal casing. No areas that had been welded shut, or fastened into place. From its appearance it looked like it had just been carved from a hunk of metal, but Don knew that couldn’t be the case. There had to be some kind of inner mechanism that allowed for the chip’s unique properties to function. After all, it had three hexagonal buttons on its front.

He’d quickly discovered the only way to open it was through the already-present crack, but soon enough he’d realized that wasn’t going to be as easy as it seemed. The metal looked familiar enough, but the Kraang were aliens from another dimension – a dimension that didn’t obey the same laws of physics as theirs did. The metal didn’t give under the amount of pressure it normally would, so cutting it open with sharp, strong scissors didn’t work. Thankfully, a blow torch did.

The problem with a blow torch, however, was that it wasn’t nearly as precise as Don would have liked for the job, and using it could potentially compromise the mechanics and even contents of the chip should they not be resistant to heat. But Don had been at this for hours, and the only other possibility he’d considered was using acid, which was even more of a risk.

So, as carefully as he possibly could, Don began to cut away at the metal near the crack. He used the coldest possible setting he could and only cut away small chunks at a time. The process was tedious and was taking him forever, but Don just had to think of Leo and some of his vigor would be renewed.

Don smiled at the thought of him. The fear and doubt surrounding their first kiss had subsided within the first few hours. Once Don had seen how the sky hadn’t fallen down around them and everyone seemed oblivious, his nerves calmed immensely, and his fear turned into a thrill.

He’d kissed his brother, and Leo had kissed him back. If Don wasn’t shocked that Leo returned his feelings, that Leo gave into those feelings definitely did the job. His brother had the most self control of any of them; if anyone could suppress their desires for the rest of their lives, it was Leo. And suppressing more-than-brotherly feelings for Don was something he expected from Leo. Giving in and kissing back when Don lost his own self restraint was not.

But Don couldn’t have been happier he did.

A little while later, Don had finally cleared away much of the metal casing of the Kraang chip. What he found inside was not at all what he’d been expecting, however.

A tiny, pinkish-purple opaque crystal was suspended in the middle of the chip. After a moment of studying it, Don recognized it was one of those volatile, explosive crystals from Dimension X. Connected to it were countless, extremely thin yet sturdy wires that seemed to stretch from the crystal to the metal inner walls of the chip. Don wondered if they were some form of artificial nerve endings.

Don carefully burned away the wires with his blow torch, careful not to go anywhere near the crystal as he did. He then pried the shimmering pink gemstone from the chip and held it up to the light. Because he’d been careful not to cut too close to the crystal, some remnants of the thin wires were still attached to its surface. Using a magnifying glass, Don studied the point of connection between the wires and the crystal. It seemed like the wires were simply stuck into the crystal like toothpicks into jello, though Don knew the crystal was quite solid. He wondered how the Kraang had managed to fuse these two separate materials together so flawlessly.

After carefully placing the crystal into a glass jar and tucking it away in one of the drawers by the desk, Don stood up from his chair and stretched. He let out a long, satisfying yawn before flicking the table lamp off and turning from his work.

He probably could have gotten some more work done on Leo’s leg, seeing as it had passed all the tests he’d set for it, but it was early in the morning and he was already nodding off. He might’ve been able to perk up with more coffee, but a nice, warm bed beckoned him, and even better – the Turtle who occupied it.

Don made his way back to the farmhouse after silently closing the barn door behind him. The air was chill and moist, dew already forming on the blades of grass beneath his feet. He missed New York, but he had to admit it was really nice out here. The air was clean and fragrant, and though he still much preferred the Great Indoors – where he had access to treasures like running water and electricity – he had to admit that the country had its upsides, too.

Don opened the front door without a sound as only a practiced ninja – and seasoned brother of four – could. The house was quiet, save for the faint snoring sounds coming from the upstairs bedrooms. April was sleeping in the same room as her mother, no doubt afraid she’d disappear if she didn’t stick by her like glue.

Don didn’t blame her; the woman was like a ghost sometimes. It was actually a bit unnerving how she could sneak off without anyone noticing, since she’d been the center of attention since her, uh, _discovery_. Evidently, Mrs. O’Neil liked wandering, much to April’s dismay, and she was fairly good at it. And whenever April would confront her about it to express how much it made her worry, her mother apologized and said she just wanted to take the world in again, since she’d been gone so long…

Don made his way up the stairs, careful to avoid the twelfth step as he knew it was creaky. He passed Mikey’s room and immediately noted it was far too quiet. Mikey always snored when he slept – no exceptions. Don narrowed his eyes at the door suspiciously, focusing his attention on the faint sounds around him to see if he could pick up the distinct sound of Mikey snoring, or maybe mumbling in his sleep.

After a moment of intense listening, he heard it, only it was coming from Raph’s room up ahead. Don breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Mikey must’ve had a nightmare and gone to Raph for comfort. Either that, or Leo’s condition was still haunting them both, and that desire for closeness they each had when one of them got sick or injured was proving too much to ignore. And because they couldn’t go to Leo without April and Casey getting suspicious – which would mean the Turtles having to explain what they themselves could scarcely put into words – they’d instead found each other.

A stray thought nestled its way into Don’s head, then. What if, instead of clinging to each other due to the nature of their unorthodox familial bond, Raph and Mikey had come together for the same reasons Don and Leo had? And if they did, why did the thought not strike Don as odd, or wrong? Raph and Mikey were brothers, too, so why shouldn’t the thought of _them_ pursuing a romantic relationship bother Don as much as his desires for Leo did?

Because, he thought, Raph and Mikey belonged together. They were vastly different in so many ways, but they had far more in common than one would think at first glance. Those two were like puzzle pieces meant to fit neatly into place, and in some way Don had always known that about them. And now, acknowledging the slight yet plausible possibility that they’d become involved romantically, Don found he wasn’t at all shocked, or repulsed, or confused by the idea…

So why did he still have so much doubt about him and Leo?

Don passed his old room and then Raph’s, landing in front of Leo’s. He gently took hold of the doorknob and turned, hearing a faint click before pulling it open slowly.

He’d meant to not wake Leo, but as Don peered into the darkened room he saw he’d failed in that endeavor. Leo wasn’t wide awake, but his eyes were open. He was staring up at Don in a sleepy haze, but once Leo recognized his brother’s face, a smile bloomed on his own.

“Donnie,” Leo cooed, lifting up a tired arm to reach for him. “C’mere.”

That beautiful warmth bloomed in Don’s chest at the site, and he did as he was told. He closed the door behind him and slid under the covers with Leo, curling up against him. Leo’s arm instantly wrapped around him, pressing their bodies flush against each other.

A feeling of peace unlike anything Don had ever experienced washed over him. Here, in Leo’s arms, Don felt safe, protected. And when Leo rested his chin on the top of Don’s head, Don felt wanted, needed, loved. He felt like the center of the universe, like some revered thing that would live forever.

Though precious as he felt, he also felt the same about Leo. He’d almost lost him because of Shredder – no, worse; he’d almost lost Leo because of himself. If he hadn’t insisted on taking the offensive position with his turtle mech instead of actually listening to Leo, his brother never would have lost his leg. They should have all packed up and retreated here when they had the chance. If Don hadn’t chose that critical moment to disagree with Leo on a major decision – something he’d never done up until that point – none of this would’ve happened.

Don frowned, tracing invisible circles against Leo’s plastron. A soft, pleased growl rumbled in Leo’s chest.

“Why me?” Don whispered, the words coming out before he even knew what he was thinking.

“Hm?” Leo asked sleepily.

“When I kissed you, why did you kiss me back?” Don asked, mumbling the words against Leo’s neck. Leo shivered at the feeling, so Don continued. “Why do you hold me like this, after all I’ve done? I don’t… _deserve_ this, I—”

“What are you talking about, Donnie?” Leo asked, pulling away so he could meet Don’s eyes. He rested a warm, calloused hand on Don’s cheek, and at once Don felt that strange, electrical current again. He couldn’t help a low hum of pleasure; it felt like the most soothing, relaxing touch, Leo’s hand against his cheek. Don wasn’t sure why, though.

“What do you mean you don’t deserve this?” Leo asked again, removing his hand once he saw it was clouding Don’s mind over. “You mean… affection? Love?”

Don’s pulse raced at that four letter word, but he didn’t dare repeat it. That word was heavy, and powerful, and in all honesty, Don feared it.

He met Leo’s eyes and for a moment his mind went blank. Something about looking into those eyes reminded him of a few minutes ago, when he was outside with the relaxing chill of dew condensing on his skin and the soft chirping of distant crickets. When he was so close to his brother, Don could almost understand the force behind his attraction to Leo.

Where Don was anxiety and crumbling landslides and earthquakes, Leo was calm and gentle breezes and a breath of fresh country air.

“You,” he said softly. “I don’t deserve _you_.”

* * *

Leo gaped at his brother. How could he say something like that?

Donnie, absolutely brilliant genius, who taught himself engineering, chemistry, physics, biology, astronomy, among who knows how many other sciences? The equations covering pages of paper sometimes strewn about his lab made no sense to Leo – or any other members of their family, for that matter – but Donnie knew it all fluently. He built his laptop from scratch, turned a retired garbage truck into a battle vehicle, and basically built and designed the entirety of their home.

And he thought _he_ didn’t deserve _Leo_?

The same Leo who’d failed to defeat Shredder, who’d failed to keep them all safe. The same Leo who’d gone and lost his damn leg, which would’ve left him crippled for life had Donnie not stepped up to the plate. Donnie was cleaning up Leo’s messes for him when it should be the other way around. Leo was supposed to be the leader, the one they could always look up to. Now, without Donnie, he would never be able to lead them again.

“That’s not true,” Leo said quietly. “You deserve so much more than me.”

Donnie smiled at him, but there was a sadness in it that said he didn’t believe him. Before Leo could insist, Donnie spoke up.

“Well, regardless of what I do and don’t deserve,” he said, “I have you now, don’t I?”

Leo didn’t miss the real question there. Donnie said it in a teasing manner, a manner that had Leo’s mind spinning with the need to kiss him again, but Leo knew he was being sincere; he really wanted to know if this thing between them was serious, was real.

Leo curled around Don and rested his chin on the top of his head again. It was the same way they held each other as kids. Don wrapped his arms around Leo’s shell to complete the familiar position, and Leo hummed in appreciation.

“Only if I have you too,” Leo said.

Donnie nuzzled further against him, as if he couldn’t stand even an inch between them. His beak fit snugly against Leo’s throat, and he kissed Leo’s pulse point.

“Yeah, Leo,” Donnie said with a smile, “You have me too.”

* * *

The next morning, Leo woke up feeling feverishly warm.

He stirred, finding Donnie still wrapped in his arms. He impulsively pressed a soft kiss to his brother’s sleeping brow, nuzzling the tip of his beak against the top of Donnie’s head. Despite being the taller one, Donnie seemed to like being the one enveloped, rather than the one doing the enveloping. Leo didn’t mind either way; as long as their bodies were touching, all felt right with the world.

So, Leo kept it up. His lips stayed pressed against Donnie’s head, his hand stroking soothing circles into Donnie’s upper arm. Sometime in the night, their legs had intertwined, making it so that each of them had a leg pressed in between the other’s. Donnie started to hum, a soft, calm tone that signified his approval of Leo’s gentle assurances.

Assurances that he was here. That he wasn’t going anywhere, especially not after they’d discovered – decided, really – they were allowed to feel _this_.

And then Donnie woke up, his eyes fluttering open then pinching shut, then opening once more as his eyes adjusted to the light streaming through the window.

“Leo.”

It wasn’t just that he’d said Leo’s name, it was the _way_ he’d said it. Like he was his favorite food, or a cold drink on a hot day. Like he was a pan of freshly-baked cookies, still steaming from their time in the oven.

Leo couldn’t help it; he felt himself harden.

“Hey.”

It was all he could say, even if it was stupid and didn’t actually convey anything he wanted to. But it must’ve meant something to Donnie, because his genius smiled, and something dark and wonderful sparkled in his eyes.

And Donnie’s ninja skills were certainly not lacking because without Leo even noticing it, a sudden pressure against his slit told him Leo’s hands weren’t the only ones that liked to explore.

“Hey,” Donnie replied, his voice holding that same darkened quality as his eyes.

The tone made Leo’s hidden member jump, and Donnie’s smile grew.

Before either of them could stop what they’d started, their lips found each other once again. Leo was marveled by how easy it was, to lose himself in something so indulgent as a kiss. What time was it? What day? Leo didn’t care, as long as Donnie kept rubbing insistently at that sweet spot on his lower plastron…

When Leo tentatively licked at Donnie’s lip, they didn’t need to say anything; their tongues seemed to know what to do. It was awkward, at first, because neither of them had done this, ever, with anyone. But soon enough they each had a good idea of what felt the best. For a moment, Donnie’s hand even stilled, his attention solely focused on their kiss.

Making out was almost like sparring, Leo realized. There was a back and forth to it, a flow of energy between each opponent as they took turns attacking and defending. In actual sparring, Raph was the one who liked taking the offensive. Leo had no preference; he attacked when he had an opportunity, and defended when he needed to. Sometimes he switched it up to keep his opponent confused.

In kissing, however, Leo found he loved being on the offensive.

It was the little noises Donnie made when Leo managed to nip him. The light roll of his eyes, or the furrow of his brow. Leo ran the tip of his tongue along the adorable gap in Donnie’s teeth and he squeaked in apparent surprise. He was thrown off, distracted and confused, so Leo took advantage of it.

He rolled them over until he was laying on top of Donnie—

Or, he _tried_ to.

When his right leg fell against the soft bedsheets, it sent a jolt of pain through his whole body. He cried out and gingerly shifted back onto his side. He cursed himself; he’d been so focused on Donnie that he’d actually _forgotten_ how completely useless he was now.

“Leo?” Donnie asked, sitting upright and immediately shifting into nurse mode. “Are you okay? Where does it hurt?”

If the pain wasn’t enough to kill the mood, Donnie’s doting on him was. Leo felt like a child whenever Donnie acted like that, and it bothered him immensely that he could so easily go from the blushing, moaning turtle Leo would die for, to this irritating reminder of Leo’s incompetence so quickly.

“Leo, answer me, what hap—”

“Shut _up_!” Leo snapped. Donnie recoiled as if he’d been slapped. “I’m fine, Donnie! It was just my stupid leg. I was going to, uh… but it hurt, and I couldn’t…”

He could tell Donnie wanted to ask more questions, to find out what exactly had happened so it could be prevented next time, but knew that Leo wanted the subject dropped.

“Okay,” said Donnie, and despite the tension between them, he leaned forward and sweetly kissed Leo’s lips. “I’ll, uh… I’ll go see what’s for breakfast.”

“Good idea,” Leo said, unable to meet Donnie’s eyes.

Donnie left, and in the silence Leo managed to calm down. He chastised himself for snapping at Donnie when none of it was his fault. It was just this frustration that had been building within him ever since he got over the initial shock of losing his leg.

He felt like nothing more than a weight on everyone’s shoulders. If he’d managed to keep all his limbs – or better yet, _died_ to save them all the trouble – all of them would probably be back in New York by now, stronger than ever, fueled by vindictive rage and hardened enough to end Shredder and his minions once and for all…

Leo gasped out loud at his own thoughts. Since when had he ever thought revenge was a viable option? Splinter had made sure they all understood early on in their lives how destructive a force revenge could be.

_“A wise man once said, ‘before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.’”_

The imagery of that quote had stayed with Leo all these years. Losing his leg was hard, but he didn’t think anything would ever be enough to cast aside his Sensei’s teachings.

And here he was, a mutant amputee wallowing in so much bitterness at not being able to make love to Donnie that his mind was conjuring images and desires of Shredder’s death and destruction.

By the time the bedroom door opened once more a few minutes later, Leo was ready to give his brother a sincere apology.

But it was Mikey at the door, not Donnie. He was holding a tray of fresh eggs, bacon, and toast. Leo’s stomach growled so loud Mikey heard it. With a smile, he came over to the bed and set it down beside Leo. He didn’t try to help Leo sit up, though he did look like he was fighting not to show his concern. Leo realized Mikey wasn’t trying to help because he knew it would only irritate him.

“Thanks, Mikey,” Leo said softly. The look on his face told him Mikey understood the double meaning.

“No problem, bro,” he said. He sat down on the bed, crossing his legs and watching Leo eat, looking content as a sunbathing cat. “Me and Raph were gonna start training again today. Wanna come with?”

Leo’s fork hovered an inch from his face, the eggs drooping slowly from its prongs.

“To watch?” Leo said. He set the fork down and met Mikey’s eyes.

“Nah, bro!” Mikey said. “There’s a lot of stuff you can do with just one leg. I know not all of it’s as cool as backflips, but with D working so hard on that metal leg for you, you’ll be able to work your way up to backflips in no time. Raph said we just gotta make sure you’re strong enough by the time your leg’s finished. He says you need to build up the muscle first.”

Oh, right. Leo remembered him saying that when he first woke up. It made sense, and just the thought of being outside had his pulse racing with excitement.

“Alright, I’m in,” said Leo.

“Cool,” said Mikey. Leo went back to eating, but Mikey stayed silent. The unusual behavior worried Leo. Mikey had never enjoyed silence, and unless they were in ninja stealth mode, he usually filled that silence with anything his wandering mind could think of. Now, though, he was staring at at the bedside lamp, looking deep in thought. For once, he wasn’t letting those thoughts past his mouth.

“Mikey?” Leo asked carefully.

“Have you noticed anything… _weird_ about April’s mom?” Mikey asked suddenly, still not meeting Leo’s eyes.

“What?”

“You know, weird. _Off_. There’s something fishy about this whole thing, right?” Mikey asked, now looking into Leo’s eyes with a hint of desperation.

“I guess,” Leo hesitantly acquiesced. “I mean, this whole thing has been weird. But most of the things that happen to us are weird, Mikey.”

“I know, dude,” Mikey said. “But it’s not just about the ship, or the whole buried-under-the-house thing. It’s like, I don’t know, something about _her_ is off.”

“Oh,” Leo said lamely. “I, uh, guess I haven’t noticed. I’ve only seen her a few times since she got here. She doesn’t come up to visit unless she’s with April.”

“Maybe,” Mikey said, sounding somewhat defeated. But there was a look in his eyes, like he was determined to get to the bottom of his suspicions. Leo hoped Mikey’s pursuit of knowledge wouldn’t get anyone hurt.

“Mikey, she’s been trapped in stasis for a long time,” Leo said, “What you’re sensing might just be her awkwardness and fear at waking up to see her daughter almost fully grown, not to mention hanging out with a bunch of mutants.”

Surprisingly, Mikey seemed to accept Leo’s reasoning. With a gentle hug and the promise that he and Raph would come pick him up later, he left the bedroom, taking Leo’s dishes with him.

It was then that Leo realized that Mikey hadn’t said anything about Donnie joining them for training.

* * *

“I’m telling you, bro,” said Mikey, “She’s _evil_. I’ve got those bad ninja vibes, yo!”

Less than half of Don’s attention was focused on this conversation. He was too engrossed in his work, and the only reason he could even talk to Mikey right now was because he was an excellent multitasker.

“It’s not that I doubt your _bad ninja vibes_ or anything, Mikey,” Don responded, “It’s just that there’s no hard evidence to support your conclusion. You can’t just call someone evil because you don’t like them.”

“It’s not because I don’t like her!” Mikey snapped. Don rolled his eyes; Mikey was probably just annoyed that he wasn’t being given the attention he clearly desired. “Come on, Donnie, you gotta know what I’m talking about. Something just doesn’t feel right about all this.”

Mikey was accusing April’s mom of being evil, which in Don’s opinion was a new low for Mikey to sink to in order to stir up his usual trouble. Don sighed and finally put down his tools, turning to face his little brother.

“Mikey, she came out of a Kraang ship,” Don said sympathetically. “A Kraang ship that’s been buried under this house for years. Of course it’s weird, but stranger things have happened to us. April and her mother have been given a second chance. It’s bound to be awkward, but they’re working through it. That’s probably what your _ninja vibes_ are picking up on. Besides, don’t you want April to be happy?”

Mikey looked like he was going to say something but stopped after Don’s last words. Don knew he’d taken advantage of Mikey’s sensitive side by implying he’d only hurt April if he kept spouting this stuff about her mom, but it had to be done. Mikey needed to see that this was one prank that could really hurt someone.

With an exasperated sigh, Mikey nodded, turning to leave the barn.

Once his brother was gone, Don turned back to his work on Leo’s leg.

The Kraang chip had worked wonders for Fishface. After his mutation he was no longer able to walk on land, much less fight. Now, he could fight just as well as – if not, better than – before. Yet his movements were more jerky, less fluid and graceful. While that worked just fine for Fishface, it would mean death for a ninja like Leo.

Brickhold Stinkman was a narcissistic megalomaniac who was gullible and clumsy, but when it came to robotics, his work was pretty good. But Don was far more than just _pretty good_ , and for Leo, he refused to be anything less than perfect.

All he had to do now was figure out how to integrate the technology with Leo’s body in such a way that was better than a Kraangdroid, better than Fishface. It would be no small task, but Don had no qualms about taking it on. He resolved to stay in this stinking barn until that task was completed. Don swallowed, knowing this would be his most draining project yet.

He had to make sure this metal, mechanical leg could be as swift and silent as his brother.

* * *

Donnie didn’t come home that night.

Leo didn’t sleep a wink.

* * *

“Leo’s looking for you.”

The mention of his brother caught Don’s attention. He turned away from his work to see Raph leaning against a wall near the barn’s entrance. He looked somewhat annoyed. Don wondered how long he’d been standing there.

“Did he offer a reason?” Don asked carefully.

“Didn’t have to,” Raph retorted, raising a brow. “We all miss you, Donnie. You’ve been sitting at that desk since yesterday.”

Don went rigid in genuine shock. He glanced back at his desk to see a small pile of dirty dishes to one side. He vaguely remembered April and at one point Mikey bringing him food and coffee. When he tried to remember the last time he’d slept, his mind drew a blank. He knew he had to have gotten some rest, but it evidently wasn’t much.

“I-I have?” he asked shakily. He could’ve sworn he’d only been in here for a few hours.

“Good to see you looking out for yourself, bro,” Raph said with a roll of his eyes.

Don took a long look at all the progress he’d made. The design of Leo’s new leg was sleek, efficient, and it had beat all the tests Don could possibly think of putting it through. He’d made sure the metal he used was durable and resistant to rust and weather damage. He’d even stripped out some of the metal from the Kraang ship to form an even stronger alloy than he’d originally planned to work with.

In addition to that, he’d figured out how he was going to make Leo’s leg silent as well as swift. He’d found a way to pad the metal panels he’d designed to give the leg its fluidity, effectively muffling any metallic sound that would give Leo’s location away.

Despite the fact Don hadn’t meant to, barricading himself in the barn for a full day had yielded satisfactory results. At the same time, he found himself sorely missing not only Leo, but everyone else too. He was exhausted and wanted sleep more than he cared to admit, but even greater than that was his need for company.

“Come on, you can step away for a while,” said Raph, no doubt picking up on Don’s hesitation. “April’s mom made some pie from the wild berries we picked earlier.”

“Wait, you guys picked berries?” Don asked, standing to follow Raph out of the barn. He felt a little dizzy. “How did Mikey rope you into that one?”

Raph tensed for a moment, the action so quick Don almost missed it. Raph played it off as a shrug, and Don pretended not to notice.

“Uh, April did, actually,” Raph said. “Same way she did with Casey. I couldn’t really say no.”

“You’re not exactly the berry-picking type, Raph,” Don pointed out, only half paying attention. The sunlight hitting his face felt wonderful, and until now he hadn’t realized how chilly it was in the barn.

“Neither is Casey,” Raph said in his best drop-it-now-or-I’ll-smack-you voice. “So what, she asked nicely. You’re one to tease me about it; when have you ever said no to April?”

Don felt heat crawl up the back of his neck and pool in his cheeks. His former crush on April had admittedly made him do some pretty stupid things. Raph picking berries because she asked him to wasn’t exactly something to be embarrassed about, especially given the things Don himself had done in attempts to win her affection. Like thinking he could take on the Kraang all by himself and somehow magically rescue April’s father all by himself.

Not one of his proudest moments, all things considered.

“Point taken,” Don said quietly. He let Raph think the blush on his face was because he’d brought up April, rather than him being called out on something.

Don left the subject alone; even in his exhaustion he could sense that Raph was on the defensive for some reason. Was it Don’s light tease about Raph picking berries, or his mention of Mikey that triggered such a reaction?

Instead of heading for the house, Raph turned towards the open field in front of it. When Don finally noticed, he looked up to see Mikey and Leo waiting there for them. Their youngest brother was doing backflips. Whenever he’d land, he’d shift flawlessly into an offensive stance and attack the very air with his nunchakus, then effortlessly perform another backflip.

Leo was seated by a tree, leaning his shell against it, appearing almost lazy in his attempt at nonchalance. It was the subtle twitch of his upper lip, the way his fingers were laced together just a tad too tightly, the intensity with which he stared at Mikey’s performance.

Don recognized the feeling; it was one each of them had experienced at least a few times before. Whenever one of them was out of commission with some injury, they’d be forced to sit on the sidelines as the rest of their brothers trained without them.

According to their father, it was a valid substitution for physical training since watching others perform and learn would still be more valuable than sitting at the TV. Don agreed with his father on this one, because it was just as efficient as it was wise. If you can’t fight, why miss an opportunity to learn?

Yet to the rest of his brothers, this “benching” meant different things. Raph always seemed to take it like a consequence of weakness rather than an affirmation of strength. For Mikey, it was a day off. He didn’t mind watching his brothers work out; in fact it seemed as entertaining as cartoons for him.

For Leo, however, it was torture. Don could only imagine the self-deprecation that Leo experienced every time he sat on those sidelines. To him, mistakes were equivalent to failures, and – as everyone in their strange little family knew – failures could all too easily lead to death. Leo had all that and more constantly riding on his shoulders.

Don felt an itch, then; a sudden need to wrap Leo in his arms and press warm, soft kisses to his face and cheeks, all the while telling him just how great he really was. He wanted to relieve Leo’s burden, his stress and self-doubt. He wanted to do so many things right then and there that he knew he could never do unless they were both behind closed – and _locked_ – doors.

“Sup, D!” Mikey called out suddenly, snapping Don from his train of thought.

His little brother was currently upside-down, his whole body balanced on one hand. The other was waving at him.

Smiling, Don made his way over to his brothers.

* * *

Leo turned to see a very tired-looking Donnie trailing behind Raph.

Donnie’s eyes were red and droopy. There was a dark smudge of grease on the end of his beak, and a few extra bandages on his fingers. Leo felt a bit guilty for missing him; he’d clearly been overworking himself yet again for Leo’s sake.

Even after Leo had snapped at him.

Leo wanted to drag Donnie somewhere out of sight from their brothers and kiss him silly. He wanted to make sure Donnie at least heard his apology, and a decent explanation for Leo’s mini tantrum. He wanted to assure Donnie that it wasn’t going to happen again.

His fit had made Donnie leave him. Even if it was just for a day, Leo couldn’t stand the thought of another without him.

“Hey, Mikey,” Donnie answered Mikey’s call with a genuine smile. “What’s with the gathering?”

“Raph didn’t tell you?” Mikey asked. “We’re training today!”

“Training?” Donnie muttered through a long, adorable yawn. He looked surprised. “Who’s leading?”

Leo felt his lip twitch with bitterness, but did his best to suppress the feeling. This was no time to feel envious of his own brother.

“Raph,” Leo answered. Donnie looked at him then, regret swimming in his eyes. Leo knew he didn’t mean anything by asking the question, so he offered Donnie a smile.

“Yeah, I’m just standing in for Leo ‘til he’s better,” Raph said, “You’ve been working on that thing for weeks, so I’m sure he’ll be able to drill us himself soon enough.”

Leo heard the accusatory tone in Raph’s voice – directed towards Donnie – and clenched his teeth in anger. Was Raph really trying to put even more pressure on Donnie by basically telling him to hurry up?

“You’re right,” Donnie said before Leo could even think of how to tell Raph to knock it off. “I think it’ll be done soon, actually. Maybe by the end of the week.”

Leo froze, looking up at Donnie. He saw the rest of his brothers were doing the same. Donnie, however, seemed confused. Was he really so exhausted he hadn’t realized what he’d just said?

“The end of the week?” Mikey repeated, making sure for all of them that their ears hadn’t deceived them.

“Um, yeah,” Donnie answered, glancing between them. “I’ve discovered a way to muffle the panels correctly and still keep fluidity of movement at an optimum. Now that I’ve got that down, it’ll only take a few more days to build.”

_A few more days._

“And then Leo can walk again?” Mikey asked, his eyes wide and full of hope.

Donnie smiled, and nodded.

Leo’s head swam with strong, wonderful emotions. He barely stopped himself from jumping up to tackle Donnie with a mind-blowing kiss. In fact, the only reason he didn’t was because it took him more than three seconds to stand up, and in that time he’d regained his senses. But just barely.

“In fact,” Donnie continued as Leo walked over to him. “He should be able to do everything he could do before. I’ve put it through flexibility, durability, and efficiency tests and it passed with flying—”

Instead of the passionate kiss he wanted to give, Leo settled for wrapping his arms around Donnie and holding him close. The genius stiffened, glancing at Raph and Mikey before returning the embrace.

“Thank you,” Leo whispered in his ear, his voice cracking with emotion. “ _Thank you._ ”

And though he would still give a more transparent one later, within Leo’s gratefulness was also his apology.


	8. Open Water

**_Please tell me anything,_ **   
**_We can build this like a dream,_ **   
**_Let’s make believe, just you and me_ **

**– “Open Water” by Blessthefall**

* * *

 

  
“You gotta believe me, bro,” Mikey said, holding onto Raph’s shoulders to keep his attention.

“No, I don’t,” Raph replied. Mikey frowned at the irritation in his brother’s voice.

“Remember what you said about trusting each other?” Mikey pressed. Raph looked away, color rising to his dark cheeks. “I need you to believe me, Raph. I’m telling you what I know is right!”

“You’re telling me what you hope is right,” Raph said, “You stir up trouble, Mikey. That’s what you do.”

_That’s_ all _you do._

“Why does everyone think this is some kind of prank?” Mikey said, frustrated. He’d been trying to get his brothers to understand this for days now. “I wouldn’t go this far for a joke!”

Raph considered him for a moment, his green eyes boring into Mikey’s.

“You’re telling me the truth?” Raph asked, his expression serious. Mikey nodded, completely sincere. With a sigh, Raph threw his hands skyward in annoyance. “Okay, so if it’s not a messed up prank, then what is it?”

“I don’t know,” Mikey admitted, suddenly feeling like he had no defense. “It’s just…a feeling. She walks like a robot, dude. And there’s no life in her eyes. What if this is some trap set up by the Kraang? What if April’s in danger? We’ve gotta do something, Raph.”

“Like what?” Raph countered. Mikey lowered his gaze sheepishly to the floor.

“I don’t know,” Mikey said softly. “We have to figure out what’s going on. Maybe we could stake her out, try to catch her in the act.”

“The act of what?” Raph asked, fighting back his annoyance. “Do you even know what it is you’re accusing her of? What if you’re wrong and we end up causing trouble for nothing?”

_You’re bothering him again._

“I don’t know,” Mikey admitted, turning away. This is exactly why he’d waited to tell Raph of his suspicions about April’s mom. He knew from the start that there was a good chance neither Leo nor Donnie would believe him. That didn’t bother him. What did was the chance that _Raph_ wouldn’t believe him, that he’d say it was all just in his head.

Mikey didn’t care as much when Leo or Donnie said stuff like that, but with Raph it was different. It had always been different. They teased each other all the time, but when it came down to it, Raph always had his back. And if he believed Mikey was telling the truth, that he was in the right, Raph was fiercely loyal and would go up against anyone to stand by his little brother.

That was what Mikey needed to do now. He needed to get Raph on his side, for April’s sake. Because this wasn’t all in his head. Something was seriously wrong here, and he needed to find out what before someone got hurt.

“Raph,” Mikey said, keeping his voice low and calm, willing himself to sound as serious as he possibly could. “I need you with me on this, bro. Leo and Donnie don’t get it. It’s that gut feeling Master Splinter’s always talking about. Donnie’s too busy working on Leo’s leg to sense it, and Leo… he’s…”

“Out of commission,” Raph finished with a sigh, “Yeah, I know.”

_Gently now, gently…_

“You can feel it too, right?” Mikey continued, pushing just a little further. Convincing Raph was all about making a connection. _Find common ground_. “You and I are like that. We might not be the smartest ones, but we always know when something’s up.”

Raph’s lips curled into a smirk.

“I can’t tell if that was supposed to be a compliment or an insult,” he said.

“A little bit of both,” Mikey said, unable to keep the smile off his face.

“Oh, yeah?” Raph’s smirk grew even wider. Before Mikey could throw up his hands in defeat, Raph charged him, tackling him onto their bed. His hands found Mikey’s sides and neck and thighs and tickled until Mikey could barely breathe.

They hadn’t done this kind of stuff since they were kids. Lately, though, Raph had been getting more affectionate. It probably had something to do with Leo, since all of them got real cuddly and clingy whenever any of them was hurt, but Mikey loved it. It was exhilarating, to be able to play with Raph instead of fight him. It was nostalgic, but it also seemed that growing older had changed something about the play. It felt like they were doing something they weren’t allowed to do, which of course only made it all the more fun.

They lay next to each other on their bed some time later, both panting from exertion. As usual, Raph had won the tickle fight. He was more ticklish, but he was also far better at keeping those spots protected.

“I believe you, Mikey,” Raph said once he’d caught his breath. Mikey’s heart soared, and it felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders. “I’ll tell the others. Maybe if it comes from me, they won’t think it’s just a prank.”

“Yeah,” Mikey said. “They’ll believe you. You wouldn’t lie about something like this.”

_But they think you would. Even if it would ruin people’s lives, they think you would. That’s why they don’t believe you—_

“You wouldn’t either, Mikey.”

_…but Raph does._

Mikey rolled onto his side, staring openly at his brother. Raph’s eyes were closed, and though he’d no doubt felt the bed shift, he didn’t react to Mikey’s movement.

“Raphie?” Mikey asked. His own voice sounded foreign to him, too quiet and shy. Raph didn’t seem to care, nor did he grumble about the childish nickname Mikey hadn’t used genuinely since they were maybe five.

“Hm?” was all he said, his eyes still closed in contentment.

Usually, Mikey said whatever was on his mind. It did no one any favors to hold back, especially in this family. But all that was in Mikey’s head at that moment was fear, and uncertainty. All he needed was a—

“Can I hug you?” Mikey asked, feeling so, so small.

Raph opened his eyes then, and turned just his head to meet Mikey’s eyes. He didn’t look angry, or annoyed. Instead, he looked surprised, and maybe like he thought Mikey was pulling his leg. After a beat, Raph seemed to decide Mikey’s request was sincere, because he rolled over onto his side to face him.

“I won’t tell,” Mikey insisted in a whisper. Raph smiled, amused. “Please?”

“C'mere,” Raph said softly, pulling Mikey closer. “You don’t need to ask.”

The two shuffled and scooted on the bed until their bodies were pressed flush against each other. And just like that, Mikey felt safe, like nothing in the world could touch him. Like when they were kids, and Raph would hold him the tightest. Raph was always making sure that no matter how tangled everyone’s limbs were, it was always _his_ arms that held Mikey.

“It’s okay, little brother,” Raph murmured in his ear. “It’s all gonna be alright.”

And Mikey had thought that already, because he always did. Even when times were dark, Mikey strove to see the light. But now that Raph said it, it felt as real as one of Donnie’s cold, hard facts.

* * *

Leo sat alone in the middle of his bedroom. His stump was propped up on a pillow on his left ankle, allowing him to sit as close to lotus position he could.

He’d been trying to meditate for what felt like hours. He used to be able to get into a meditative state within minutes, and now he felt about as focused as Michelangelo.

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

Leo glanced over his shoulder to acknowledge Raph, who stood in the open doorway. Leo’s scowl fell away when he saw the teasing smirk on his brother’s face.

“I’m trying not to,” Leo said with a sigh.

“Yeah, that’s the problem,” said Raph. “You’re trying too hard. Don’t tell me you need the hothead to tell you how to meditate. I mean I know you’re rusty, but I didn’t think we’d need to have an intervention about it.”

“Raph,” Leo said quietly in warning. Raphael was trying to lighten the mood, but Leo was having trouble not taking his remarks seriously.

“I mean, you’re not even doing it right,” Raph continued, ignoring Leo’s poor attempt at concealing his annoyance. “There’s not even a single candle in here. And where the hell’s all the incense?”

“We’re a bit short on incense, Raph,” Leo practically hissed through clenched teeth. His brother came around to squat before him, eyeing Leo’s meager setup thoughtfully.

“Leo, we’re surrounded by woods,” Raph said, meeting his eyes. “There’s fresh pine not too far from here.”

“It wouldn’t be the same,” Leo said shortly, frowning down at his stump. _Nothing will ever be the same._

It was quiet for a few minutes. Raph picked at the carpet absently for a while before sitting in front of Leo.

“So,” he said, “How long’s it gonna be this time?”

“How long?” Leo echoed.

“Before this pity party’s over,” Raph answered.

“I lost my _leg_ , Raphael,” Leo growled out, barely keeping himself from cursing. His hands balled into fists against his thighs.

“And in a few days, you’ll have it back,” said Raph.

Leo paused, thinking about that. Then he let out a long, tired sigh.

“You were the one who told me not to hope,” Leo said quietly.

“I never said that,” Raph said, “And even if I did, what makes you think you suddenly gotta listen to me? Last time I checked, you were the one Master Splinter named leader.”

“Yeah, well, maybe he made a mistake,” Leo grumbled, fighting to contain his irritation.

“Listen to yourself, Leo,” Raph said earnestly, leaning down to try and get Leo to look at him. Leo adamantly avoided his brother’s eyes. “The Leo I know would never doubt his Sensei.”

“I’m not the Leo you know,” he answered.

“Don’t give me that crap,” Raph said, “You’ve gone through a lot, bro. As far as I’m concerned, you’ve been to hell and back. Maybe you even think you’re still there. The world’s a darker place, life is tougher, and everything’s different now. But you’re still you, Leo. You’ll always still be you.”

Leo smiled, and it was a genuine, appreciative smile.

“I think you’ve been hanging out with Mikey a bit too much,” Leo teased. He didn’t miss the faint blush that rose to Raph’s cheeks, though he said nothing of it.

“You should try it sometime,” Raph countered with a smile, “He’s a lot smarter than we give him credit for.”

“Aw man,” Leo said through a chuckle, “Now I _know_ you’ve been hanging out with Mikey too much.”

“Speaking of Mikey,” Raph said when his own chuckle died down, “I think he’s onto something about April’s mom.”

“Not you too,” Leo sighed.

“I’m serious, Leo,” Raph said. “I’ve been feeling it too. I just didn’t want to do anything about it because… because…”

“Because it’s April’s mom?” Leo supplied.

“I don’t want to hurt her,” Raph confirmed, “But it wouldn’t be the first time the Kraang wore someone else’s skin to get at us.”

Leo thought of Irma, April’s best friend for about a year. The entire time April had known her, Irma had secretly been one of the highest ranking members of the Kraang. And even with her psychic abilities, April hadn’t noticed until Irma literally split open at her seams to reveal Kraang Subprime, seated within the Kraangdroid suit that was Irma’s true body. By then, it was too late.

The Kraang invasion – and the eventual loss of his leg – had been set off because of that trust. Leo didn’t blame April one bit, but he was starting to see the reasoning in Raph and Mikey’s caution.

“I’ve barely even seen her face since the day she was freed from that ship,” Leo said, his voice lowered.

“She’s kind on the surface,” Raph said in an equally quiet voice, knowing Leo was subtly asking for intel. “I mean, the lady had us go out picking berries so she could make us a pie. She hasn’t actually done anything yet, but she avoids all of us like it’s an allergy. And she goes on these long nature walks, which wouldn’t be weird normally, but it’s the one time she doesn’t want April to come with her.”

Leo frowned, growing suspicious. But he knew he couldn’t order an attack on someone who very well may be completely innocent.

“If you think someone’s in danger,” Leo said carefully, “You move. Until then, we need more proof. Keep an eye on her, but use discretion. If this is some sort of trap, we don’t want to tip her off.”

Raph nodded, a triumphant smile growing on his face.

“What?” Leo asked.

“Nothing,” Raph said, standing to leave the room. “You just proved my point, is all.”

“What point was that?” Leo narrowed his eyes. Raph paused in the doorway and glanced at Leo over his shoulder.

“That despite everything, you’re still you,” said Raph, “You’re our leader, Leo, and we need you. Always will. Don’t forget that again, okay? I’m getting tired of reminding you.”

“Noted,” Leo said with a smile. “And Raph.”

“Yeah?”

“Be careful, okay?” Leo said. “You know I’ll never let you live it down if you need the amputee to come save you.”

“Ha-ha,” Raph deadpanned, though he was working hard to fight back a smile.

* * *

Donatello was in the barn again.

He kept an eye on the clock, knowing it would upset Leo if he was late for bed. Earlier, Leo had said he wanted to talk to him in private, and Don agreed to remain aware enough of the passage of time to get back to the house at a reasonable hour.

_“Come to bed tonight, okay? I sleep better knowing you’re there.”_

Don smiled behind his welding mask.

The training session Raph had surprised him with had both filled and drained him of energy. Don had dreaded training in front of Leo. It felt similar to holding a strip of bacon in front of a starving dog. Yet Raph proved to be less oblivious to Leo’s feelings than he let on, because he wasn’t actually left completely out of the practice.

After some one-legged push ups to get his blood pumping, Raph had Leo work on handstands. At first, Leo was frustrated, even mumbling out a few curses as he fell over and over again. He’d been stretching and doing a fair bit of weight lifting from inside his room, but this kind of vigorous exercise had Donnie worried.

Eventually, however, Leo had gotten it. At first, he needed the help of a tree to make up for what his arms were no longer used to doing. After the first half hour, he was walking around like Mikey on his hands. Another hour and he could effortlessly shift from walking on his hands to a seated position without toppling over.

Sure, it left him exhausted and weak, but all that hard work seemed to have a positive effect on Leo. When he could finally take no more, he fell back gently onto his shell and in between his gasps for air, he let out billowing breaths of joyous laughter.

The four had lunch together, all of them in good spirits. Mikey even ate a bit of the wild cucumbers from April’s garden, knowing it would appease Leo. They shared criticism openly, being only a slight amount more gentle on Leo. They each agreed they were all rusty, and they had to get back on track with their training. After, they all played Super Smash Bros – which Casey had been so kind as to buy for them to spice up April’s " _collection"_.

For the first time since they’d arrived at the farmhouse, everything felt normal.

A high pitched beeping noise told Don it was time to head back. He dismissed the alarm he’d set and turned off the welder. Setting everything down, he got up and left the barn.

As he walked across the field separating the barn from the house, there was a growing sense of unease in the pit of Don’s gut. He glanced around, fingers twitching to draw his bo just in case, but he saw nothing, and kept moving.

Only when he was a few feet from the front porch did he see it; the dark figure moving away from the clearing and into the forest. Don stood silent and rigid as he watched the figure sneak away. He tried to ignore the thought running through his mind, but it was insistent.

The figure looked an awful lot like April’s mother.

What she was doing outside at night was none of his business. Maybe she couldn’t sleep, and had wanted a breath of fresh air to clear her head. There was nothing wrong with taking a stroll through the woods, even if it was dark out, and was probably dangerous, and the woman was already a little skittish, even around them…

Okay, maybe he should follow her. Just to make sure she was okay, and that no wild animals attacked her in the night.

Shifting into stealth mode, Don quickly made his way to the edge of the woods. Hiding behind a tree, he peered into the thick grove of trees. The moon was in waxing gibbous tonight, so there was enough light to see by out in the open field. But here the tree branches and leaves provided cover against the moonlight, shielding Mrs. O’Neil from even Don’s excellent sight.

Don ventured forward. Even though he'd already lost her, he wanted to be nearby in case she needed help. There were wolves and bears in these woods; Don had seen them while foraging. Did no one warn Mrs. O’Neil about them? If she knew there were wild and possibly hungry animals out here, why on earth would she venture into the woods in the dark?

Don continued silently wandering deeper into the forest for another ten minutes before he decided to turn back. He realized what he’d seen could easily have been a trick of the light. Even if it was April’s mom, she must’ve turned back by now. There wasn’t a trace of her anywhere, and Don hadn’t even heard so much as a twig snap to indicate she was anywhere near him.

He was a few minutes into heading back to the house when he saw it; a faint green light emanating from what looked like a tiny pond. When he went to get a closer look, he noticed it wasn’t a pond that was glowing, but a puddle of a familiar green, glowing substance.

“Oh no.”

Mutagen, out here? He’d taken some with him during their hasty evacuation, but the container was safe and secure back in the barn. So where had this come from? And better yet, how long had it been out here? There was only a quarter-sized amount of the stuff clinging to leaves on a bush, but that was more than enough to do serious damage to the wildlife around here.

Not to mention how many mutants they could now have on their hands…

Don knelt on the forest floor and retrieved a small container from his belt. He scooped as much of the mutagen as he could into the glass, careful not to touch any of it. When he got as much as he could, he used a small knife to cut the contaminated leaves – which had sprouted tiny, wiggling hairs thanks to the mutagen – from the bush. When he was done with the mess, he screwed the lid back in place and tucked the container away.

He continued walking back. Just a few feet before he hit the clearing, the house in his sights, he heard a twig snap from somewhere behind him. A blink later and his staff was out and ready, his body in a defensive stance as he peered into the darkness of the forest.

Nothing. He waited for a full ten minutes, completely still at the edge of the woods, expecting either a person or animal to come jumping out at him. But there was nothing, no one.

Just to be certain, he didn’t put away his staff, instead keeping the solid wood firm in his grip as he crept quietly back to the house. Once he was indoors again, he let his guard down. Not all the way – never all the way, for any of them – but enough to relax.

He decided to hold off telling the guys about the mutagen until tomorrow. No need to wake them up now.

When Don made it to his and Leo’s room, he noticed the door was partially open, a soft light streaming into the dark hallway. He very gently rapped his knuckles on the wooden frame.

“Donnie?”

“Yep,” Don answered, pushing the door open. Thankfully, he’d oiled the hinges not too long ago, so it no longer squeaked loud enough to wake the dead.

Leo was sitting up in bed, reading a book. When Don sat beside him, Leo closed the book and set it on the nightstand.

“You actually came back,” Leo said.

“I said I would,” Don told him, frowning. Did Leo really think he wouldn’t come?

“You did,” Leo acquiesced, shifting to face Don. “I just thought you might still be upset with me. I want to apologize for yesterday.”

Don sat up a bit straighter, surprised. What could Leo possibly have to be sorry for?

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that,” Leo continued, meeting Don’s eyes. “In the morning, when we…”

_When we were committing such a grievous, wonderful sin_ , Don finished in his mind. It was a lot easier to ignore how wrong it was when it felt so right.

“… I just wanted to, you know,” Leo continued, a sudden flush of red swimming in his cheeks. “Um, t-to be on… t-top, and when I went to do that, m-my leg hit the bed wrong and, uh…”

“You hurt your leg?” Don asked, managing to keep the worrying tone from his voice. Instead he made it sound like he was simply making an inquiry to better understand what happened.

“Yeah,” Leo said. He paused for a moment, and Don waited patiently. “And then you asked me what was wrong.”

Don studied the look on Leo’s face. “Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” Leo said quickly, but then he looked uncertain again, like he was trying to hold back from saying something. “You just… Sometimes, you treat me like… Like I’m made of glass.”

Don’s eyes widened. He knew what Leo meant was that Don had made him feel inferior, and he had already been struggling with enough of those thoughts on his own. Don felt terrible; he’d never meant to hurt Leo, to make him feel like he was some child.

“And sometimes I feel like I am,” Leo continued, “So I guess you’re not wrong to be careful around me. I think what I was really mad about was that in the heat of the moment, I’d forgotten just how much everything’s changed. The pain brought me back to reality. It reminded me than everything’s different now. I can’t move in the ways I could before. I can’t give you what you deserve, and—”

“What do I deserve?” Don cut in. Leo looked up at him, the flush still in his cheeks.

“Physical love,” Leo said quietly. “Pleasure, passion, sex—”

Don silenced him with a kiss. Leo froze for just a moment, but then melted against him. For a few seconds it was just their lips, but then Leo’s warm tongue ran along his, and Don knew he’d have to pull away or he would forget to make his point.

“Leo,” Don said softly, one hand cupping Leo’s face. “You know that I’m a genius, right?”

“Yes,” Leo answered, though it sounded like a question.

“And that as the only technical genius in this family, it is my duty to advise our leader in order to ensure his decisions are both accurate and informed?”

“Of course, Donnie—”

“So when I tell you exactly how incorrect your perceptions of this situation are,” Don said sternly, “Will you listen?”

Leo blinked, going very still. Color once again rose to his face, and after a few seconds, he nodded. For some reason, this sent a thrill through Don’s body. Leo was _listening_ to him. There was immense power in that, and Don felt it ring in his every nerve.

“For one,” Don started, “You’re equating the present with the future. You think losing your leg has rendered you broken, worth less than what you were. Physically, you’ve lost balance, speed, and mobility.”

“All things a ninja needs in order to survive, much less lead a team.”

Leo said this, but his eyes were focused on Don’s. Dark blue eyes searched his own, as if looking for something. Something solid. Something to hold onto.

“True,” said Don, “But I can give you back what Shredder stole. And I’m so close to doing that, Leo…”

Don ran his thumb over Leo’s cheek, wishing he could somehow show his sincerity, his promise and determination, in some other form than words. Leo wanted tangible proof, and Don understood that better than most. But for the first time, all Don could offer was faith.

“Just promise me you’ll hold on,” Don continued, “Promise me you won’t let him take part of your spirit, too.”

“I won’t, Donnie,” said Leo, and there was something so sincere, so determined and honest, that Don felt a weight lift from his shoulders. “I promise.”

It was Leo who initiated the kiss this time. Don immediately fell into the heated dance of their lips, not even hesitating for a fraction of a second. Time spent kissing Leo was too precious to waste.

Slowly their kiss gained heat, gained friction. Soon Don was gasping, leaning in for more, despite his need for air. One of his hands found the knot of Leo’s mask and he tugged, breaking their mouths apart so he could lean down and latch onto Leo’s neck. Leo cried out, his voice music in Don’s ears and his fingers tight on Don’s shoulders.

“That wasn’t the only thing you were wrong about, Leo,” Don rasped, sitting back up so he could drink in the blue of Leo’s eyes.

“N-no?” Leo breathed, eyes half closed, pupils wide and darkened with arousal. Don was working hard to contain his own erection, and a quick glance told him he wasn’t the only one.

“There’s more than one way to have sex, Leo.”

Leo’s cheeks went even redder, and Don nearly drowned in the wave of desire that hit him. If Leo could barely handle talking about it, Don looked forward to seeing him come undone when he showed him what they could do.

Not that Don was an expert in sex – he had the same amount of experience as Leo did, after all – but what did have was knowledge. A _lot_ of it. He was aching to try some of the things that he’d seen online, and now he had someone to do them with.

But first, something simple. Something easy.

“Let’s go take a bath,” said Don, giving no room for argument as he pulled away from Leo, whose face chased after his, already missing the contact. That little action boosted Don’s ego just enough to keep Leo hanging, rather than giving in.

“B-bath?” Leo said, turning his body to watch Don head for the bedroom’s private restroom. “Now?”

“Now,” said Don, “I told you, there’s more than one way.”

Don stood in the doorway and held out his hand, but the gesture was less of an offer for assistance and more of a gentle beckoning. He refused to help Leo off the bed and into the bathroom, knowing his brother would resent that. Besides, he wanted Leo to get over this idea he’d gotten into his head about him being useless, and helping him walk the ten feet to the restroom – especially when he’d just seen him perform flawless handstands earlier today – was not going to help.

Leo carefully stood from the bed, leaning on his crutches but not nearly as heavily as he had been. When he saw Leo was coming, Don chose to turn to start a hot bath, rather than standing there awkwardly for a minute or so as Leo hobbled closer. He checked the water’s temperature to make sure it was hot enough to soothe aching muscles, but not hot enough to burn, then turned around—

And he jolted, surprised. Because for the first time since losing his leg, Leo had managed to sneak up on Don. He knew he was coming, of course, but Leo was faster than he’d been, more stealthy. Even without Don’s prosthetic to aid him, Leo had regained much of what he’d thought was lost forever.

And judging by the way Leo was smiling at Don’s reaction, he’d reached the same conclusion.

“Leo,” said Don, his heart still hammering within his chest. “You’re amazing.”

Don paused, realizing how genuinely he felt those words. He hadn’t even meant to say it, but it was incontrovertibly accurate. Leo’s resilience was astounding. With just a few hours of practice with his brothers, Leo had come further than he had in the weeks since waking.

Hope and determination truly were living, breathing creatures, and they flowed aplenty in Leo’s veins.

Leo gently placed his crutches on the floor, balancing on his only leg for a moment as he lowered himself to sit on the tub’s edge. He then began divesting himself of what little gear he wore.

Don watched Leo even as he stripped away his own clothing. And that’s what it was to them, really. Protecting their body’s weak points had had the unconscious effect of making those parts somehow intimate and, well, naked. Even back when he could scarcely leave the bedroom, Leo had worn his joint pads and bandages, save for the ones that once occupied his right leg, of course.

As Leo’s medical bandages fell away, Don tore his eyes from the site. He knew as the family doctor he had every right – and in fact, a duty – to examine his brother’s injury. And a few weeks ago, he would have done it. In fact, he _had_ done it. Plenty of times. Because that’s what doctors do.

But he was no longer only Leo’s doctor; he was now also his lover. And lovers don’t take pity on their partners. They keep them strong, they encourage them. Lovers don’t worry or dote or nurse or cure.

Doctors help their patients survive; lovers help their partners _live_.

“Donnie.”

Don looked up at Leo just as he finished taking off the last of his ‘clothing.’ The sight of Leo’s bare, leaf green skin sent chills up Don’s spine. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen Leo naked, but it was the first time there was a deeper feeling of intimacy about it. This time, it wasn’t that the clothes were in the way of a wound or injury Don was fixing up. This time, they were in the way of Don’s gaze.

This time, Leo was willingly baring his body for Don to see, and no other reason.

“I-in,” Don stammered, gesturing to the bathtub needlessly. “Uh, get in. We’re g-getting in. I mean, I get in, and then you get in, and then…”

Wow. Here he thought this would be easy. It was like a test he’d studied so hard for. He’d been so confident, but when he came down to it, when the both of them were standing naked in front of a bathtub and they were going to…

_We’re brothers. We’re brothers we’re brothers **we’rebrotherswe’re** —_

“Okay,” said Leo, smiling. The blush was back on his cheeks, but somehow it was less than it had been. Don didn’t understand how Leo could be so flustered when talking about sex conceptually, yet seem to be so level-headed when it came down to it. For him, it was the other way around.

Don swallowed, nodding once before lowering himself into the water. The heat immediately seeped into his muscles, draining the tension and stress from every cell in his body. He hadn’t actually had a bath in quite some time – he preferred showers, if only for the fact they saved precious time. When the heat dug deep into him, he couldn’t help a small groan of pleasure.

“Enjoying yourself, there?” Leo asked, amusement evident in his voice and on his face. Though, by the way his hand was conveniently covering the bulge in his lower plastron, Leo must’ve been fighting to contain his arousal.

“I’d enjoy it far more if you were in here with me,” said Don.

Leo smiled at that, but it fell once he looked down at the steaming water. Don didn’t miss Leo’s glance at his still healing limb.

He was about to tell Leo that he needn’t worry about getting his leg wet, because most of the sores had closed up, and Don could always redress it once they got out. He might not even need to, since keeping a wound bandaged up for too long wouldn’t allow it to scab over and heal on its own.

And then he remembered the difference between lovers and doctors.

“Come on in,” Don said instead, “I made sure the temperature was just right.”

There; it wasn’t a lie, but it didn’t sound like something a caregiver would say. Not when it was said in that tone of voice, at least. And hopefully, Leo understood it as a green light.

Leo carefully lowered himself into the tub, facing Don. There was just enough space for both of them to sit relatively comfortably. Well, that is if Leo would just—

“Turn your shell to me,” Don said, “Then lean back; it’ll help us both fit.”

If Leo had any qualms with Don telling him what to do, he did not voice them. Instead, he did as Don asked, and before sitting down all the way, he turned his shell to Don. One of his hands held what remained of his right leg above the water, now clearly worried about getting the area wet.

“It’s okay,” Don said, placing his hand on top of Leo’s to hold him steady. He didn’t want to baby Leo, but he couldn’t just pretend he wasn’t handicapped. He wasn’t going to let his overthinking things get Leo hurt. “It’s going to sting at first, but it’ll feel better in a few minutes.”

Leo audibly swallowed, giving one curt nod before slowly lowering his stump in the water. He sucked in a breath when his stump was submerged, but he didn’t stop. He kept lowering himself, slowly and carefully, until he was fully leaning back on Don.

There was little friction to hold Leo’s wet shell to Don’s plastron, so the genius quickly wrapped his arms around Leo’s midsection to keep him securely in place. Leo exhaled in a puff, and somehow Don understood this expression of gratitude. He smiled and pressed a kiss to the back of Leo’s head.

“Talk to me, Donnie,” Leo said through gritted teeth.

Don didn’t have to ask to know that Leo needed a distraction from the pain. So he indulged his brother, not even thinking as he talked about the technical aspects of Leo’s new leg. As he explained the padding system he’d come up with, Leo grew more and more relaxed in his arms.

“You really thought of everything, didn’t you, Donnie?” Leo asked once he’d gotten over the worst of it.

“I try,” Don said with a smile. “I told you I’d give you your leg back, Leo, not just help you walk again. Making a simple prosthetic wouldn’t have taken much time at all, but it would’ve taken months for you to acclimate to using it, and for all that work it wouldn’t have been what you wanted. This way, I can integrate it directly with your body, making it so that there’s no need for shrinker socks, or months of physical therapy.”

“You’ve done more for me in the past few weeks than I could ever repay in a lifetime,” Leo said quietly. “And all I’ve given you is more weight on your shoulders.”

“Don’t,” Don said, almost before Leo had even finished that sentence. “Don’t go down that road, Leo. You’ve walked it far too many times already. How about instead we finish what we came here to do?”

Before Leo could say anything else – and before Don himself could think too much about it – the genius lowered his hand down to rub at Leo’s lower plastron. It was an action that captured Leo’s immediate attention.

“Y-you trying to distract me, Donnie?” Leo rasped as Don’s fingers circled the slowly opening slit between his legs.

“I’m trying to enlighten you,” Don said, making sure to whisper directly into Leo’s ear. Leo’s noises were doing wonderful things to Don’s own hidden cock, and the lust was evident in his voice.

“Enlighten me how?” Leo asked breathlessly. His hands moved down to grip Don’s thighs, sending shivers down the genius’ spine.

“Maybe I’m trying to help you realize that, after facing death itself, beating yourself up is far less prolific than taking the time to indulge in life’s simple pleasures.”

“I’ve been indulging far too much as of late,” Leo groaned, his dick dropping into Don’s waiting palm under the warm water. Don pressed his lips against Leo’s skin, showering him with tiny, soft kisses that he only hoped would convey the way his heart was fluttering in his chest.

“Then maybe it’s my turn,” Don said softly, beginning to stroke Leo’s cock just as he would his own.

He was floored by how simple this was. He’d read so much about first times being awkward and fumbling messes, mostly because they were always shone to be pure and perfect in movies and books. Yet here Don was, his brother’s penis in his hand and his lips trailing along the back of his head and what he could reach of his neck.

And Leo couldn’t seem to get enough.

Don didn’t even have to ask the awkward, ‘do you like it?’ question because Leo was already vocalizing his enjoyment. Leo’s voice held a tonal quality that was not unlike music. Don found himself wondering what these moans would sound like in Leo’s old voice, but he knew this one was his favorite. It was raspier, deeper, and it almost sounded like Leo just had a perpetual cold, but somehow it was perfect, especially when Leo was making sounds like _these_.

Don’s own penis slipped free of its confines and after some quick and careful shuffling so it wouldn’t get squished between the hard surfaces of his plastron and Leo’s shell, Don pulled Leo up further until he was settled on his lap.

Don’s dick then naturally settled between Leo’s thighs.

* * *

For a moment, neither said anything. Donnie’s hand had paused on Leo, and he seemed to be holding his breath as his brother stared at his cock.

Leo bit his lip, an unexpected surge of desire making him squirm against Donnie’s lap. All of his careful modesty and morals were tossed out the window, and he took Donnie’s advice; he indulged.

Leo’s hand reached between his legs, one finger stroking the head of Donnie’s dick. The lightest, most tentative touch had Donnie quivering, and Leo drowned in satisfaction when Donnie finally released his first churr.

It was low, unmistakably male, yet there was a hint of a higher note to it that sounded like a keen or whine. The noise rolled like gentle thunderclaps through Leo’s body, and before he even registered it he was churring in response.

“Love the sounds you make…” Donnie mumbled against him, resuming jacking Leo off. “B-but… I think that one takes the cake.”

“Ngh, Donnie… F-feels amazing…” Leo panted, his thighs twitching and squeezing Donnie’s cock between them. “W-why does it feel so much better when you do it?”

“Dunno,” Donnie grunted, his hips grinding against Leo’s ass, his cock thrusting between Leo’s clamped thighs and into his hand.

Donnie had to know, because there was no way Donnie went through with this unless he’d gotten to know everything he could about it. But Leo didn’t blame him for wanting to stop talking. Leo’s own brain was becoming a little fried from the pleasure, too.

For a few minutes, all the sounds they made were purely ones of indescribable pleasure. Then, it seemed to hit both of them at once. Both of them cried out as they rode the waves of their high, and this time they were not alone.

Leo knew, the moment conscious thought returned to his mind, that after that, he would never be satisfied with masturbation again. But the way Donnie was clinging to him, panting against his shell as he massaged Leo’s thighs…

And the way Donnie kept whispering, “Leo, Leo, Leo…”

Leo figured he’d never have to be alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cookie for those who get the undertale reference I threw in here.


	9. Dream

_**And all these sorrows I have seen,** _   
_**They lead me to believe,** _   
_**That everything's a mess.** _   
__   
_**But I wanna dream,** _   
_**I wanna dream,** _   
_**Leave me to dream** _

**\- "Dream" by Imagine Dragons**

* * *

 

Tomorrow. It was Donnie’s promise to him.

Less than 24 hours and Leo would have his leg back. Or so he was told. He didn’t doubt Donnie believed that, but Leo knew better than to place all his eggs in one basket. His skepticism would save him from being crushed, completely shattered if something went wrong.

And if their streak of recent luck was any indication, something was almost bound to go wrong.

Still, he couldn’t help feeling excited, hopeful. He could see it in his mind’s eye; running and leaping across rooftops and dodging opponents effortlessly, all the while feeling more like a nimble cat than a turtle.

But that was if Donnie did it right, Leo reminded himself. Donnie wasn’t perfect; for every successful experiment, there were tens of failures, maybe more.

Donnie had always been this way – perseverance was simply part of Donnie’s nature. He was curious, and intelligent, but he was also probably the most stubborn of all of them. Donnie never gave up, not even if all his numbers and statistics told him it was the best option, especially when it came to his family.

So, if this attempt didn’t work, Leo was confident Donnie would simply keep trying until it did. Leo could only hope it worked sooner than later.

Donatello stirred in his sleep, mumbling something unintelligible as he nuzzled closer to his brother. Leo smiled as warmth bloomed in his chest. He kissed Donnie’s forehead, and continued stroking the genius’ arm, which rested on his plastron. He looked so relaxed.

Donnie’s contentment was Leo’s as well, because everything was alright when the genius was relaxed. The world could stop spinning, reality could fall apart, but as long as Donnie was there looking like this, Leo wouldn’t care.

Donatello was the ground beneath Leo’s feet. Why had it taken so much time, so much tragedy for him to see that?

Donnie made another soft noise, squirming a bit before settling back against Leo, curling up around him. Leo chuckled, wrapping back around his taller brother as best he could. His chest was on fire, his cheeks hurt from smiling, and he couldn’t stop pressing soft, gentle kisses to Donnie’s adorable face.

Donnie. His Donnie. His genius, his love, his savior.

Donatello worked so hard, lost sleep and exhausted himself in the name of Leo’s future, and he’d promised – he’d _promised_ – that he wouldn’t stop until Leo was back to normal.

Leo was just beginning to drift asleep, riding the calming wave of Donnie’s promise, when he heard it.

A blood curdling scream.

 

* * *

 

He hated when they got all quiet like this. He wished they’d just say something already. At least then he’d know what they were thinking.

Mikey sat in his makeshift interrogation chair, wearing the biggest pout of his life, making sure even in the dim light that they saw just how unfair this was. Raph said Leo gave them the green light to act if they saw something, right? So, Mikey saw something. Then he acted. Why was everyone angry about it when that thing was still out there?!

“Michelangelo.”

Oh good, so they were talking to him now. Only, it wasn’t the kind of talking Mikey wanted. Because that voice Donnie was using? It was _that_ voice. The one he used on him when he was about to tear him a new one. Not that Mikey preferred the quiet tension from earlier, but he didn’t think he’d be getting _yelled_ at.

“You,” Donnie started, punctuating each word like it was its own sentence. “Attacked. April’s. Mother?!”

By the time he’d said ‘mother’ Donnie was inches from Mikey’s face. Sometimes, if he’d managed to make someone mad enough – red in the face, eyes bulging, teeth barred, snarling mad, which was kinda how Donnie was right now – Mikey would dissolve into this fit of uncontrollable giggles. Even if he was in the worst amount of trouble, and he’d be doing chores for months, it was like his very soul just wouldn’t let him stifle its glee at having caused such chaos.

And Mikey might’ve burst into that familiar fit of hysteria now, if it weren’t for the fact that he was still freaking out about what he’d seen earlier.

“I had to!” Mikey cried out, defending himself. “Raph, tell them! She’s some kind of Kraang alien mutant thing!”

“Mikey’s right, you guys,” Raph said firmly. One of his hands was gripping Mikey’s shoulder, the warmth like gentle flames along his skin. “I’ve been feeling it since day one. Something’s not right about her, and we’ve gotta find out what before she gets the drop on us.”

“Listen to yourself, Raph,” Donnie said, standing by Casey on the other side of Mikey’s chair. “You both sound like lunatics!”

“They’re right to be wary,” Leo cut in. “Raph told me her about her behavior, and I have to admit it seems pretty suspicious.”

“Come off it, Leo, you barely even know the lady!” Casey said angrily.

“You haven’t spent any time with her,” Donnie said in a far gentler tone. “She’s a good person, Leo. I couldn’t see her hurting a fly, let alone being part of some Kraang conspiracy.”

Donnie was placating, reasoning with Leo, even when he was shouting at everyone else. Why was it when those two were talking to each other, their eyes didn’t bite and snap like jaws? Why didn’t the words they spoke to each other sound harsh and sharp as knives?

“Oh, like you would know,” Raph snapped, “You’ve been too busy holed up in that barn for days on end to even get to know her yourself. She could have come in there wearing a Shredder costume and as long as she was handing you coffee you wouldn’t have noticed!”

“Enough, Raphael,” Leo practically snarled. He shifted just the slightest amount, enough for Mikey to see he had almost imperceptibly placed himself between Raph and Donnie.

Mikey felt the ever-present storm of anger within Raph coming to a boil and almost without thinking, placed his hand on top of Raph’s upon his shoulder. The action made Raph jerk to a halt, all the energy he’d been ready to let loose pausing in the wake of Mikey’s touch. Instead of the explosion he’d no doubt been preparing, Raph let out a low growl of warning instead.

“I told you both to stay vigilant,” Leo chastised, “Not to get trigger-happy.”

Mikey could tell Leo was already calmer now that he realized Raph wasn’t planning to retaliate. Much of Leo’s anger was reactive, defensive. If Raph didn’t blow up, neither did Leo.

“You knew about this?” Donnie asked, appearing confused more than angry.

“I did,” Leo confirmed calmly. “Like I said, Raph told me about his and Mikey’s concerns. And what I told them was to keep a low profile and not to engage unless they believed someone was in danger.”

“Yo, you told them to spy on her?” Casey asked. “That’s messed up.”

“I gave orders based on the information I had at the time,” Leo said, sounding for all the world the biggest authority on anything. “I trust my brothers’ intuition with my life, and given that this kind of thing has happened before, I decided it was worth considering. Are there any more questions you have as to my decision on the matter, Casey?”

Well, that shut Casey right the heck up. He looked like he wanted to say something, but settled instead for folding his arms across his chest and seething. Whether that was because he wanted to avoid getting schooled any further, or because he didn’t want to get into a fight a one-legged Leo, Mikey couldn’t tell.

“Now,” Leo said, his piercing, dark blue eyes locking Mikey in as their next target. “What _exactly_ did April’s mother do to make you attack her?”

 

* * *

 

“I saw her heading for the forest earlier,” Mikey said, beginning to recount his story.

Donatello watched his little brother’s face carefully.

It was no secret Mikey had a tendency for vastly over exaggerating even the smallest event, but Don knew what he’d seen last night. Mutagen, out in the woods. A figure looking suspiciously like April’s mother headed in that direction, then vanishing from sight.

He’d concluded Mikey was not lying on purpose. Pranks were one thing, but Mikey wouldn’t attack someone just to get a reaction.

And now that Don really put some thought into it, he conceded that Mikey wouldn’t have lied about his concerns just to get a reaction, either. Mikey was a lot of things, but cruel was not one of them.

“I followed her,” Mikey admitted, “Come on, guys. Who sneaks away in the middle of the night to take a walk through a dangerous, dark forest?”

“Someone who’s just woken up from a ten-year nap inside a Kraang ship?” Casey retorted. “Maybe she needed some air, dude.”

The hockey fanatic glanced at him for support, but Don pretended not to notice. Mikey’s point was valid, and held more weight than Casey’s. Even Don had thought the same thing when he’d been in Mikey’s position.

“What’d you see, Mikey?” Leo prompted.

“I think she knew someone was watching her,” Mikey said, “At one point she stopped walking and just stood there, still as a statue. Not people still, _mannequin_ still.”

Don swallowed. Mikey was a great storyteller when he put in the effort. He had a great sense of empathy; so much so that he could translate his own experiences in such a way that he made others feel what he felt. Usually, Mikey used these ‘powers’ for good; he liked to make people happy, make them laugh.

But if he really wanted to, he could scare the crap out of someone.

“I was high in a tree before she’d even turned around, and thankfully she didn’t think to look up. She couldn’t see me, but I could see her. Her… face, it was…”

When Mikey trailed off, uncertain, everyone leaned in, including Casey. Even if Casey was still skeptical, they were all captivated by the picture Mikey had painted in their mind’s eye.

“She looked like a mutant,” Mikey said quietly, his irises shining, his pupils pinpricks in his eyes. “Her eyes were glowing bright purple circles, and there were these gross, bulging veins all over her face. Her mouth was round with tiny, jagged teeth that looked like little needles. And her skin was grey and the air just smelled like someone had died drowning in a puddle of their own—”

“Thank you, Mikey, that’s quite enough,” Don said, trying to shake the mental imagery out of his head physically. Mikey was _too_ good at painting pictures, sometimes.

“Anyway,” Mikey continued, “It was only like that for a moment. A second after I saw it, it changed back into her regular face. I wasn’t fooled, though. I jumped down and started coming at her with my nunchucks. But… I couldn’t hit her. She held her arms up and screamed, and it was like I forgot what I’d just seen, because I froze up. I couldn’t hit her when she looked at me like that…”

“She was terrified, Mikey,” Casey said angrily. “You don’t just jump someone because you _think_ you saw something.”

“I did see something!” Mikey cried, brows furrowed in frustration.

“You guys don’t believe this, do you?” Casey asked incredulously. “He just described some kind of Silent Hill monster, not April’s mom.”

“Why would Mikey lie about this?” Raph challenged.

“The same reason he lied about tiny elves stealing his nunchucks and replacing them with mozzarella sticks?” Leo offered.

“Or the time he and Ice Cream Kitty entered a break dancing contest?” Don supplied, a brow raised.

“This is different,” Raph insisted, growing frustrated. “That’s just stuff Mikey says. This isn’t. He knows lying about this could get someone hurt. He wouldn’t attack someone unless he thought they were the bad guy.”

“Then maybe he did think that,” said Don. “Maybe he really did see her face change like that, because that was what he wanted to see.”

Even as the words left his mouth, Donatello knew he was wrong. Mikey didn’t hallucinate this, and implying he did was also implying that Don would believe anything other than Mikey’s word. His little brother’s face scrunched up in hurt and anger, and before Don could take back what he’d said, the orange banded turtle was marching for the door.

“If you don’t believe me,” he said, voice colder and more determined than Don had ever heard, “Then I’ll prove it.”

For a few minutes, everyone was silent. Then, Raphael, clearly holding back a flurry of unbridled emotions, whirled around and got in Don’s face.

“Nice job, asshole,” he cursed, shoving a finger hard against Don’s plastron to drive his point home. He followed Mikey, slamming the barn door behind him.

 

* * *

 

Leo turned the page of his book, subtly glancing up at Donnie to check on him.

They were in the barn, alone together. Casey had left in a huff, saying he was going to find April and her mother and make sure they were both okay. As soon as he was gone, Donnie had turned back to his section of the barn and delved into his work. Instead of trying to break Donnie’s barriers and get him to talk this out, Leo simply sat beside him and watched.

He drank in the appearance of his soon-to-be-leg and stared as Donnie’s hands ran so carefully and almost reverently along its sleek metal design. To Leo, the leg looked beyond perfect, but Donnie’s eyes were narrow, scrutinizing every possible detail as he worked.

After getting a good look, and complementing Donnie on his ingenuity – to which he’d received a grateful, genuine smile – Leo gave in to the rhythmic tapping and tweaking, dug out his book, and began to read.

That was three hours ago, and Donnie still hadn’t said a word. His face was a perfect mask, concealing his emotions. Leo sighed, marking his place and setting the book aside. He’d waited long enough.

“Donnie,” Leo started gently, “He knew you didn’t mean it.”

Donnie’s hands stilled. He let out a long sigh of his own, and slowly turned to face Leo. He looked miserable, and Leo’s chest tightened in empathy. Donnie’s pain was Leo’s pain.

“Do you think he’s right, Leo?” Donnie asked quietly. “Do you think April’s mother is some weird Kraang mutant?”

“I don’t know what to think just yet,” Leo said honestly, “But Mikey’s intuition is rarely wrong. He seems so adamant, and I don’t think he would lie about this.”

“I just didn’t want to believe it,” Donnie admitted. “This means so much to April. She’s… she’s always wondered about the fate of her mother. We used to talk about it all the time.”

Leo felt an unexpected swirl of jealousy writhe within him. He never knew April and Donnie had had long, meaningful talks. She’d always seemed to view him as a friend, and seemed uncomfortable when Donnie made advances. The thought of them bonding without his knowledge made Leo feel like he’d been excluded from something.

“I saw something in the woods, too,” Donnie said suddenly, not meeting Leo’s eyes. “I should have told everyone sooner, but it happened late last night, and I kind of forgot about it when we, uh…”

“What’d you find?” Leo asked quickly, afraid if they went down that road Donnie would forget his train of thought. They both would.

“Mutagen,” Donnie said darkly. He pushed his rolling chair back away from his desk so he could pull out a drawer. His hand dove inside, then reemerged with a small vial of the green liquid. “It was only a small amount, and I gathered every last drop I could find. It looked as though it’d been spilled recently, so hopefully it hadn’t gotten onto any animal’s fur and traveled deeper into the forest.”

“It sure looks like it did,” Leo said, eyeing the tufts of fur swimming around in the mutagen within Donnie’s vial.

“I scraped this off a bush,” Donnie said. “I guess the mutagen decided the leaves should turn into hair.”

Leo grimaced in disgust. “What were you doing in the woods in the first place?”

“Following a shadow,” Donnie said quietly, looking as though half his mind was somewhere else.

“A shadow?”

“A figure,” Donnie clarified. “I could’ve sworn it looked like April’s mother. I followed her not out of suspicion, but concern. I’ve encountered some of the wild animals in these woods and knew she could be in danger. But when I went in to look for her, all I ended up finding was this mutagen.”

Leo stared at the vial in Donnie’s hand and made up his mind.

“We need to go have a talk with Mrs. O’Neil,” said Leo. “It’s one thing for Mikey to be accusing her, but you’ve seen her acting suspicious as well. This can’t be coincidence.”

Donnie nodded, looking resigned. Suddenly, his eyes widened and he looked up at Leo.

“How long has it been?” Donnie said, “Since we’ve seen the others? How long?”

Leo swallowed, then reached for his crutches, standing swiftly and silently, now used to the new balance and shift of his gait.

“Long enough,” Leo answered. “Come on, we’ve gotta find them.”

* * *

 

The house was quiet. The lights were out, and though shadows were like a ninja’s second skin, the darkness only served to make Donatello feel more unnerved than safe.

Leo couldn’t fight, but he refused to hide and let Don go off on his own. While some part of Don was relieved at that, he was also terrified at the prospect of Leo being defenseless.

Don wasn’t making any assumptions about what was really happening with April’s mother, but he knew now that something was most definitely wrong. The house was dead – not only in terms of its physical silence and darkness, but it also felt empty as well. With how angry Raph was, and how eager Mikey was to prove his claims, the very stillness of the home felt like some kind of trap.

A trap they had no choice but to walk straight into.

Though Leo could not fight, he was still silent enough to not give away their position. As they made their way up the stairs, Leo expertly avoided the steps he knew were creaky without having to look. Instead, his eyes were concentrated on the top of the staircase, where the two of them had noticed a dim streak of light shining from the end of the hall. It was the first sign of life they’d seen since coming back to the house.

Don could hear people murmuring in low conversation. That was reassuring, but it didn’t shake Don’s worries completely. He held his bo in a defensive position, ready for a strike to come from anywhere.

He and Leo made it to the top of the staircase and saw that the light was coming from a crack in April’s bedroom door. Don could hear her voice, though he couldn’t make out her words. A few feet closer, and he could identify the second voice.

Low, soothing, feminine. The only other female here was—

Don stopped and held out his bo to keep Leo back. He met his leader’s eyes, trying to convey his newly acquired knowledge without breaking the precious silence. Somehow, Leo translated the firm set of Don’s jaw and read the truth in his eyes. Leo nodded his understanding, and pointed at the shuriken on his belt, reminding Don that he wasn’t totally defenseless.

They crept closer, hugging the walls and becoming the shadows around them. When they were inches from April’s door, Don leaned in slightly to peer into the crack…

And had to stifle his scream of terror. April’s mother was staring directly at him, unblinking, her expression completely void of any emotion. She and her daughter were sitting on April’s bed, and April was looking down at her hands, which were folded in her lap, so she didn’t notice. Don maintained eye contact with the woman, both determined not to look away, and terrified at the idea of it.

“I just wish I could make you understand, mom,” said April, still unaware of the situation. “I can’t leave the turtles. They’re like family to me.”

There was a brief moment of silence in which Mrs. O’Neil continued to stare intensely at Don. The turtle could sense nothing, no feeling or emotion swimming in her eyes. They were blank, void of everything except one; a challenge. April’s mother seemed to be daring him, seemed to think she had some sort of advantage in this situation, and Don read her message loud and clear.

_Come and get me, Turtle. Attack me like your brother did, in front of my daughter, and see how she turns against you._

Don clenched his teeth, and April’s mother finally tore her eyes from him to look at her daughter.

“I’m your family, April,” she said, and her voice was so calm and soothing after that terrifying display that it made Don shudder. “Mutants and aliens are the ones who took me away. I just don’t understand why you think these creatures are your friends.”

“They’re not just my friends,” April said, glaring at her mother. “I trust them with my life.”

Mrs. O’Neil’s mouth twitched in distaste.

“How can you say that?” she asked, sounding almost outraged. Don smiled smugly, feeling his fear burn away at April’s words. If her life truly was in danger, Don would save her. He would honor April’s trust in him.

“Because they’ve done it,” said April, struggling not to raise her voice. “More than once. I know they would do it again, just as I would do it for them. They’re my brothers, mom. I can’t just leave them behind.”

It was silent for a moment as Mrs. O’Neil mulled this over. Then, she let out a low snarl and roughly grabbed her daughter’s arm.

“No.”

“Hey! What are you doing?” April asked, trying to pull away. “Ow! You’re hurting me!”

“You will not stay with the turtles, April O’Neil,” her mom said in an eerily calm tone. “You will listen to your mother.”

“M-mom?” April asked, genuine fear in her eyes.

Don’s heart raced as he swiftly kicked the door open and charged into the room. He took an offensive stance and aimed the blunt of his staff at the bottom of Mrs. O’Neil’s jaw, knocking her back onto the bed. Probably a bit of an overreaction, Don could admit, but he didn’t like how she was handling April.

The woman’s grip on April relaxed, letting her daughter pull away and put some distance between them.

“Donnie!” April cried, rubbing at her wrist even as she glared at him. “What are you doing?”

“She’s not your mother, April,” Don said, trying to be gentle yet swift with his explanation. “Mikey saw her transform in the woods. She’s some kind of…”

He didn’t finish that sentence because there were tears in April’s eyes. One fell from her lashes and trailed down her cheek. Don had an irrational urge to wipe it away.

“Not you, too…” she said softly.

“ _Aaaapriiiilll_ …”

April’s confusion and pain shifted to fear as she turned to face the woman she thought was her mother. At her gasp, Don looked over as well.

The woman looked doll-like, sitting up with a posture so rigid it looked painful. Her eyes were wide open, and an almost cartoonish smile tore across her face. In a horrible second, she began to change. Her mouth split open, small needle-like teeth replacing her original ones. Her eyes shrunk to small, bright purple beads. Veins gathered and then bulged on her face, splitting her skin with a sickeningly wet sound.

“Oh my god,” April said, eyes wide and body trembling. Don somehow regained control of his body and moved to stand closer to her, his bo raised in a defensive position.

Mrs. O’Neil continued to transform in front of them. Her arms snapped and cracked as bones broke and reformed. Her limbs elongated, bent at impossible angles until she was on all fours. Her torso and abdomen swelled, and her neck stretched, and all the while there were the sounds of muscle tearing, skin peeling, tendons snapping and rearranging.

Suddenly, three shuriken appeared from the shadows of the hallway and embedded themselves into her neck. Don turned to see Leo in the doorway, using only one of his crutches so his other arm could hold and throw his weapons.

“Where are the others?” Leo asked them as the monster that was once April’s mother thrashed in agony.

“I don’t know!” cried April.

And that was all the time they had to talk about it, because the creature had managed to tear the shuriken from its flesh and toss them aside. The wounds began to heal immediately.

“Of _course_ it has super-healing,” Don muttered sarcastically. It was all he could do not to scream in utter horror. “Why _wouldn’t_ it have super-healing?”

“Not the time, Donnie!” April snapped. “We need to get out of here!”

Just as the last word flew from April’s mouth, the creature let out a horrifying screech and swiped one of its massive, spider-like arms at Leo. Leo used his one remaining crutch to help launch himself over the arm and landed next to Don, who helped steady him.

The monster was not deterred, however, and its next strike was no miss. This time, it sent its even more massive leg flying at them in the form of a powerful kick.

The three of them were knocked off their feet. Don’s head smacked hard against the wall, and he thought he heard something crack. What he knew he’d heard, however, was the sound of glass shattering.

Don peered through a spinning and swaying world to see the window in April’s room was broken. April was gathering herself up off the floor, and she was yelling something at Don but he wasn’t entirely sure what she was saying. His head seemed to be ringing, dull chimes replacing the sound of her voice.

“…lp Le—” he heard her say once sound began to work again. “…ell out of the… indo—”

Elp Leo…? Ell out of the… Hell? No, fell out of the indo…

_Help Leo. He fell out of the window._

Don crawled over to the window, barely feeling the glass digging into his hands and toes. Thankfully, his knee pads were doing their job nicely, keeping his vulnerable joints safe from harm.

He grabbed the ledge and pulled himself up and over it, until half of his body was hanging out of the window. He felt more pain in his arms and hands as the glass still stuck to the window sliced at his flesh, but what hurt the most was the image waiting for him on the other side.

Sprawled out in the middle of the grass outside, surrounded by shards of glass, was Leonardo.

He wasn’t moving.

Don thought he screamed his lover's name, but could hardly make out the sound of his own voice against the sudden shriek that came from somewhere behind him. He heard the sound of flesh tearing, but he couldn’t tear his eyes from Leo’s prone form, faced-down on the ground below.

And before he knew it, he was climbing out the window to follow him.

He ignored the pain and jumped from the window, landing as safely as he could with his head still spinning. He picked himself up and ran to his brother, who was thankfully beginning to stir.

But Don wasn’t completely out of it. After checking Leo’s pulse and finding it strong, the genius called out to April, whom he just remembered leaving in the upstairs bedroom. He almost started panicking when he didn’t see or hear her, but then the front door burst open, and April dove outside, narrowly escaping another swipe of the creature’s deformed arm.

“Go!” she screamed at him, already picking herself up off the ground. “The barn!”

Don didn’t need to be told twice; he gathered Leo into his arms and took off. Leo wasn’t heavy, and even if he was, Don wouldn’t have felt it. They’d each trained to be able to carry each other should the need arise. They had to be ready for moments like these, where one of them couldn’t run. Holding each other like this had become a natural response, a necessity in times of peril. Carrying each other was just another part of their difficult lives.

Leo clung to him, arms wrapped tight around his neck, and without thinking, Don pressed his lips messily against his brother’s head. Don admitted to himself that right now, Leo felt less like an injured brother and more like life itself.

“I’m okay,” Leo assured him, his voice sounding calm despite the chaos. Like the eye of a storm. No doubt he could feel Don’s intense worry and fear for him. “Donnie, I’m okay.”

“You’re not okay until this thing is dead,” Don whispered through heavy breaths.

When Don made it to the barn door, he hastily kicked it open. He had just enough sense to wait for April, but found she was already right behind him.

As Don ran to the back of the barn to find someplace safe to set Leo down, April closed the barn door and set the massive wooden beam in place to lock it. As soon as he was on the floor, Leo once more slipped out of consciousness.

“Donatello, you tell me right this instant what the heck is going on,” said April, sounding a combination of terrified and absolutely livid.

“How should I know?” he practically snapped at her, the fear and panic getting to him.

“Don’t give me that!” April practically snarled in response, her voice low and dangerous. “You’re the one who told me she wasn’t my mother. How did you know that? What is she?”

“I don’t know!” Don admitted. “We didn’t believe Mikey—”

Wood suddenly exploded behind them, sending chips and splinters flying. The monster stood just outside of a massive hole in the barn door. It crawled through the wreckage it’d created, eyeing its prey with a strange mix of fascination and delight.

“ _Aaaaprrriillll_ …” it moaned, stalking closer.

“Donnie,” she started, slowly drawing her tessen from their holsters. “I could really go for one of your last-minute-genius plans right about now…”

Both of their eyes were trained on the monster, but Don nodded anyways, adjusting his grip on his weapon. He began twirling his staff, capturing the creature’s attention. Then, against his instincts, he slowly moved away from Leo, trying to put as much distance between him and the monster so he could draw it away from his brother.

Don never once took his eyes off it. He breathed deep, and forced his mind to find a solution.

The monster leapt at him, and the battle began.

_No pressure, no pressure. Just think of something simple and efficient—WHOA! Close one. Keep moving, keep moving. Right, so she was in cryostasis when we found her, though I somehow doubt she’ll let us just talk her back into that chamber. And it’s not like I keep liquid nitrogen in here…_

April dared to get close enough to slice at the creature’s flesh. Don knew she wasn’t stupid – she’d seen how the creature had healed just as they all had. No, April was buying him time to think.

_Not ice, then, not cold. Perhaps, instead…_

“Heat!” Don shouted, backflipping to dodge a low sweeping kick. “We’ll attack it with heat!”

“How?” she shot back at him. “Do we have a flamethrower? Please tell me you have a flamethrower!”

“I’ll add it to my to-do list once we get out of this alive,” he said. “There’s an electrical box behind you, April.”

April made the mistake of whipping her head around to look for it, but Don had her back. His staff landed with a solid thwack against the top of the mutation’s head, punctuated with a sickening crack. The thing groaned and fell over, reeling from the blow.

By the time the thing recovered, Don had made it to his destination. He turned his back to the creature for just long enough to pry the safety panel open. The sudden movement made the creature lunge for him, and he dove back out of the way just in time.

The creature’s grasping hands that were meant for Don ended up jammed into the mess of wiring and circuitry, sending electricity jerking through its thick, grotesque body. The monster howled in agony, its body convulsing before them. Only when smoke began rising from burns on its skin did it find the strength to yank its hand from the trap.

Time seemed to stand still when the creature slouched over, limp. Neither April nor Don dared to speak.

And then someone pressed the play button, and the world returned to normal.

“Did we…?”

“I think so,” Don answered, though in truth he was hesitant to call the victory. Something didn’t feel right. He cautiously stepped closer, his bo held defensively before him as he tried to get close enough to tell what was setting off his senses.

The body was still. In fact, it was too still.

_Mannequin_ still…

“Donnie!”

He jumped back, but he wasn’t quick enough. Something long, slimy, and disgustingly warm wrapped around his torso, yanking him upward and off the floor in an instant. His staff was knocked from his practiced hands as if it were a toothpick in the hands of a Barbie doll, and suddenly the entire world was upside-down.

As the blood red, fleshy tube began to swallow him whole, all Donatello could do was scream.

 

* * *

 

This was not happening. This was _so_ not happening.

Just ten minutes ago she was sitting with her on her bed, talking about their future together now that they’d found each other again.

She was just getting used to calling someone mother again, and now…

The last of Donnie disappeared into it, and then the monster’s eyes turned on her.

“ _Weee can beee togetheeeer_ …” it moaned, slowly stalking closer.

April backed away, her nerves coming alive with something like heat. Her head was screaming, the throbbing pain like a white-hot fire as it seared through her skull and deep within her brain. She could feel it there, gathering, rising in temperature with every step the thing took.

What about the guys, her guys? What if she— it. What if it had…? What if they were…?

_I can’t do this alone._

_**I can’t!** _

The fire in her brain exploded in a shockwave of energy, and she could feel it everywhere it traveled. She felt it ripple through the air and find the beast. She felt it shoot through the creature’s flesh, searing it from within, boiling its blood and tearing its internal organs to ribbons, distorting every atom in its body until the pressure couldn’t be contained and everything that once was April’s mother was torn apart and reduced to organic mush.

April fell to her knees, drenched in blood and innards and wondering almost numbly if this was the most disgusting thing she’d ever been through. It was certainly the most horrific.

Her head was the definition of pain and she felt like an empty tank of gas, and she was very tempted to just keel over and take a hundred-year nap. She would have, if not for the sounds of teenage boys groaning like they’d just woken up with the world’s worst hangover.

Mikey, Raph, Donnie, and Casey were all sluggishly picking themselves up and out of the gore, so she joined them. After a brief moment of panic, her tired mind remembered Donnie had placed Leo out of danger earlier, and the monster hadn’t once noticed him after that. Looking over into the corner of the barn, she spotting Leo curled up, seemingly completely unconscious.

She envied him.

“April?” Casey asked, stumbling over to her. He was even more filthy than her, but she let him hug her anyways. “You alright, Red?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “I’m okay.”

_I am not okay._

She turned to Donnie, and without even thinking about it she ran into his arms. She hid it, however, pretending to hold him steady, placing her body beneath his to keep him up. He didn’t seem to need it any more than the others did, but, well, he was Donnie. Sometimes, usually after something particularly strange and awful had happened to her, Donnie was the only one she felt she could turn to.

And considering she just essentially killed her own mother with her inhuman psychic powers, now was definitely one of those times. She didn’t think Casey would understand a fraction of what she’d just gone through.

Besides, it’s not like Donnie would complain about her being affectionate, right? He’d only had a crush on her since he'd first lain eyes on her, after all.

 

* * *

 

 

“Leo,” Donnie mumbled, struggling to get out of her arms. “Where’s Leo?”

April gently let him go and pointed to the corner where his lay. Don rushed over to him, pushing past his dizziness and ignoring the sudden shifts in gravity as his world spun on a tilted axis.

“Leo?” Don asked, kneeling beside his brother and checking his vitals. Finding his pulse still strong, Don moved to pick him up.

“Wait, Donnie,” said April. “Wait until the dizziness wears off, okay?”

Turning to look at her, Don realized his behavior was contrary to what they all believed he felt. To them, he still had a thing for April. It had just occurred to him that pushing away from April to tend to Leo might’ve looked strange. Thankfully, however, no one appeared suspicious or confused. Leo looked injured, after all, so it wasn’t out of the question that his brothers would worry for him.

They all took the next few minutes to simply recover. Mikey vomited a bucket of the monster’s slime against the barn wall, which set off Raph and Casey. Thankfully, Don hadn’t swallowed that much…

Of course, the taste lingered in his mouth. Salty, slippery and the tiniest bit of metallic—

Donnie joined his brothers in purging his stomach of its contents.

“Oh no…”

Don groaned as the last of the slime left his system, shifting to look up at what Mikey was complaining about. Just as he laid eyes on it, he heard April gasp, heard Raph curse under his breath.

Don's makeshift lab was in ruins. At some point the creature must've crashed into it, sending his neatly organized experiments and projects flying. A large chunk of his solid wooden desk was missing, pulverized into nothing but a pile of wood chips and dust. Everything that lay on that particular area had been crushed, from the looks of it, beyond repair.

Unfortunately, what Mikey had been directly referring to was not the general ruination of Don’s lab area, but rather a certain project that had sat in the direct center of that destruction.

Just a day from completion, after days, weeks, months of backbreaking work and careful engineering, Leo's artificial leg was now nothing more than scrap metal.


	10. Painting Flowers

_**When I wake up, the dream isn’t done** _   
_**I wanna see your face and know I’ve made it home** _   
_**If nothing is true, what more can I do?** _   
_**I am still painting flowers for you** _

**– “Painting Flowers” by All Time Low**

* * *

 

Don sat by Leo’s bed, staring with unseeing eyes at his brother’s own.

Leo was still unconscious, now covered in small wraps and bandages thanks to the glass from April’s shattered window. Don sported a few of his own, due to jumping out right after him. 

Everyone else had gone to bed already, exhausted from the fight, but April was still fixing up a few last gashes on his legs. Her touch was soft and feather-light where once it would’ve been fire. 

“You’re doing it again,” she said quietly, not looking up from her work. When Don didn’t acknowledge her statement, she clarified. “Blaming yourself.” 

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Don said. He winced as she carefully plucked a shard of glass from his calf.

“Then what are you doing?”

“Wishing fate wasn’t so cruel.”

“Come on, Donnie,” she said, sounding both sympathetic and frustrated. “This isn’t the end of the world. I know you put a lot of hard work into it, but you can make another one.”

“I know,” he said. Her fingers paused, and Don tore his eyes from Leo to meet hers. “I have one more Kraang chip, and we can find more parts soon enough. I don’t care about the hard work, April. I care about the time.”

“The… time you put into it?” she asked, confused.

“The time it took to make,” he said. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “I promised Leo it would be done by tomorrow. Now it _is_ tomorrow, and I have who knows how long to go before it’s actually done.”

“You gave yourself a deadline,” she said understandingly, “And now you can’t keep it.”

“You think he’ll hate me?” Don asked miserably.

“No,” April said firmly, “And I know you don’t think that either. He’ll probably be upset, but he won’t blame you, and he certainly won’t hate you.”

Don nodded, but he still wasn’t so sure. What happened was out of Don’s control, so no, Leo wouldn’t blame him. But he might resent him for making promises and not keeping them. Would it keep him from trusting Don in the future? Did he ever even trust him in the first place?

“That’s the last one,” April told him, standing up. She looked at Leo then, not bothering to hide her worry. “He’s been out for a few hours now. You’re sure he’s okay?”

“Yeah,” said Don. “We’ve been hit with worse than falling out a window, but his body’s still healing from the… from what happened in New York. He’s just sleeping. He’ll be up by the time the sun rises.”

“That’s only a few hours from now,” April pointed out. When Don didn’t say anything, she sighed and turned to leave. “It’s been a long day. I’m gonna get some shuteye. Wake me if you need me, okay?”

Don hadn’t the energy for a verbal response, so instead he just nodded, not even looking back up at her. The entire time, his eyes were trained on Leo. He was afraid to look anywhere else.

He heard the door close behind him, and immediately crawled into bed beside Leo. His brother shifted slightly in his sleep, curling around him when he sensed Don’s presence.

Don heard April’s bedroom door click shut. It was then that he allowed himself to cry.

He hadn’t been lying to April when he said he didn’t blame himself. Logically, he understood that he couldn’t have possibly foreseen what had happened, especially not in the heat of the moment. He didn’t feel at fault for the misfortune.

But the thought of telling Leo, the thought of seeing the disappointment in his trusting eyes…

And disappointment would be a blessing compared to that… that _emptiness_ he’d seen when Leo had first woken up, when he didn’t have anyone to make bold claims sound like easily kept promises. If Leo didn’t have hope, then none of them did. It was he who unified them all, who brought out their strengths and utilized them to the best of their abilities. Without Leo, their team would fall apart.

Without Leo, Donatello would fall apart.

Keeping Leo hopeful, keeping him alive and willing to fight to take back what they’d _all_ lost – that was Don’s responsibility, because he was the only one who could do it.

And even if it wasn’t his fault, Don’s job had just been made severely more difficult.

Don buried his face against Leo’s shoulder, trying his best to be silent in his anguish.

“I’m sorry, Leo,” Don choked out, followed by barely contained sobs, “I’m so sorry—”

“Donnie?”

Don winced; he should have known his pitiful crying would wake his brother. He cleared his throat and tried to stop the fit, but his body refused to cooperate. He continued sobbing pathetically as Leo was fully roused, shifting so he could wrap his entire body around Don.

“Shh, shh…” Leo soothed without even knowing why Don was upset. “Hey, it’s okay, Donnie. I’m here…”

His soft voice and words of comfort only served to make Don cry harder. Don was so tired of pretending he knew what he was doing. He knew he had to keep it up, for Leo’s sake along with everyone else’s, but it was so much more exhausting than he could have anticipated.

For now, he only had enough strength to cling to Leo as his body purged itself of cortisol.

 

* * *

 

Leo didn’t know what else to do.

Donnie had been crying for a full ten minutes, trembling and jerking against him as his body worked out whatever negative energy had built up within it. Leo didn’t know why his brother was so upset, but instinct had him holding Donnie as tight as he could, his bandaged hands carefully running along Donnie’s body in soothing circles.

It didn’t feel like enough.

It hurt Leo to see Donnie like this, to not be able to help him with his presence alone. It had been more than enough for Leo when he’d needed the comfort. But perhaps this was something bigger than them, bigger than _him_. Leo could sense the weight Donnie’s body was trying to shrug off, and knew Donnie was not allowing it to fall. Whatever had his brother this upset was no nightmare; it was very real, and very painful, but Donnie was not letting it go.

“Donnie,” Leo said quietly, “Are you hurt? Is everyone okay?”

Sniffling, Donnie shook his head.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Donnie,” Leo urged, “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

For a while, Donnie didn’t answer. Just when Leo thought he was going to simply ignore his request, the genius sniffled and finally managed to choke out a few quiet words.

“I-I didn’t… I couldn’t…” Donnie whimpered, clinging tighter to Leo. “It’s broken, Leo. I’m so sorry…”

“What’s broken?” Leo asked, though he had a feeling he already knew the answer.

“Your leg,” Donnie confirmed, his voice muffled in Leo’s neck. “The thing that looked like April’s mother destroyed it during the fight. I couldn’t… I didn’t even see it happen. And now I’m back to square one. I told you it would be ready today and now…”

And now all of Donnie’s work meant nothing. Leo glanced down at his brother’s hands, wondering how many of the sores and cuts were from the fight, and how many were from simply working on fixing Leo’s life-altering mistake. It bothered him deeply that he couldn’t tell.

“P-please d-d-don’t h-hate me…”

Leo’s eyes snapped to Donnie’s. His brother was peeking up at him, and Leo saw immediately that there was no joke behind those words. Donnie somehow believed it was even a possibility.

“I could never hate you, Donnie,” Leo said fiercely, gripping Donnie’s body tightly and refusing to look anywhere but deep into his eyes. “ _Never_. There isn’t the tiniest, most infinitesimal chance that anything you do or say would cause me to feel that way towards you. Do you understand?”

Donnie looked almost scared at the intensity of Leo’s response, but Leo needed him to _know_. He needed Donnie to understand just how much he…

How _deeply_ he…

Unable to resist, Leo leaned forward and pressed his lips against Donnie’s. He kept his eyes open, and was pleased to see that though Donnie’s fluttered, they followed his brother’s directive and refused to close all the way. Donnie’s tears fell against Leo’s cheeks, making him look as though they were sharing each other’s pain.

Eyes and lips locked, Leo leaned in further, instinct telling him to tower over, to overwhelm and dominate—

But before it could come to that, Leo needed to make sure what he said was clear. Somewhat reluctantly, he pulled away from Donnie with a wet gasp. Donnie _moaned_ at the loss, trying to push back to regain Leo’s kiss, but Leo didn’t let him, even though the noise made him damn hungry for more…

“Do you understand me, Donatello?” Leo asked again, searching those redwood eyes for confirmation.

Donnie sobered up a bit, his still damp eyes focusing once more.

“Yes, Leo,” he said softly, sniffling the last of his pain away and wiping the tears from his eyes. “I understand.”

As much as Leo wanted to continue that kiss, there was more he needed Donnie to understand.

“It’s not just that, Donnie,” Leo began.

Donnie was staring at him, fully attentive, but one of his hands was absently stroking Leo’s upper arm. The touch was making it somewhat difficult for Leo to concentrate, but he didn’t want it to stop, so he said nothing of it.

“Yeah?” Donnie prompted him to go on.

“I don’t care about the leg,” Leo blurted, then immediately backtracked. “Well, I do. I mean, of course I do. I want to walk again, I just… What I meant was, I’m not gonna freak out over this. I don’t mind waiting. I’m mostly just upset that all your hard work was for nothing.”

“And I don’t mind doing the work,” Donnie said, watching his own fingers dance along Leo’s leaf green skin. “So where does that leave us?”

The answer seemed far too simple. If neither of them was upset, didn’t that mean that everything was okay? That they could both just bounce back from this? If that was the case, why did Leo feel like something was being held back? That something very important was being left unsaid?

“You’re not upset?” Leo asked slowly, watching Donnie carefully.

“Not after what you told me,” Donnie said. “I was just so afraid that you’d… but if you still believe in me, I’ll do all I can to keep moving forward.”

“’All you can’?” Leo repeated. “Donnie, the last time you did all you could, you worked so hard you nearly busted your hands open. You rarely slept. You might’ve starved in that barn if it weren’t for your family.”

“And I’d do it all again,” Donnie said firmly. “I _will_ , because I have to. There’s nothing more important than getting you back on your feet.” He paused, blinked as he realized what he’d just said, and chuckled nervously. “Uh, figuratively _and_ literally.”

“There’s plenty more important than me—”

“No, there isn’t,” Donnie insisted stubbornly, glaring at Leo. “You don’t get it, Leo. Without you, this team falls apart. Without us, what happened to New York will happen to the rest of the world.”

“It won’t—”

“But it _will,_ ” Donnie snapped, sitting up abruptly and tearing himself from Leo’s arms. “You don’t understand, Leo, if I don’t—” Donnie cut himself off, huffing a sigh. “Look, just trust me on this. We need you, which means the world needs you.”

Leo frowned at how easily Donnie dismissed himself along with Raph and Mikey. And what of Casey and April? Why should Leo be the centerpiece of anything?

“It needs _all_ of us,” Leo said. “Including you.”

Donnie said nothing, looking down at his bandaged hands.

“That’s why I’m not in pieces about this,” Leo said, “It’s because I know you’re not just gonna give up. You’ll scavenge what you can and rebuild. All I want is to make sure you don’t wear yourself out in the process.”

“I’ll do what I can to save you,” Donnie said stubbornly, his voice quiet.

“But not anything and everything,” Leo said firmly. “I don’t want to see you sacrifice yourself for my sake. In fact, I won’t let you.”

“What do you mean you won’t—mph!”

Leo interrupted Donnie with a kiss, swiftly reaching behind his head to keep him from pulling away. Leo smoothed the tension from Donnie’s frown, but was careful not to lose himself in the kiss. When Donnie stopped trying to fight it, Leo let him go.

“You can’t shut me up with a kiss, Leo,” Donnie said. He looked like he was trying so hard to glare indignantly, but Leo spotted the hint of red on his cheeks and smiled. Donnie sighed, fighting a smile of his own. “And you can’t just give me that pretty boy face and expect me to forget everything.”

“I don’t,” Leo answered honestly. “I’m not trying to shut you up or make you forget. I’m trying to make sure you’re listening.”

“You could’ve just asked,” Donnie grumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Not as much fun,” Leo said, nuzzling his beak against Donnie’s.

“Alright, well, I’m listening now.”

“Good,” Leo said, “Because I’m issuing an order.”

“An order?”

“Well, more than one,” Leo admitted, “More like general guidelines for how this is gonna work.”

“How what’s going to work?” Donnie asked. “Me rebuilding your leg?”

“Yes,” Leo said. “As the leader of this team, I order you not to tire yourself out.”

“Even if it’ll get the job done faster?” Donnie challenged. “Even if I can handle it?”

“You’re to spend at least five hours a day with your family,” Leo said seriously, “And an additional two hours a day training.”

“So, seventeen on the leg,” Donnie said quickly. “Deal.”

“You planning to sleep at all?” Leo asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I can get by on five hours,” Donnie said. “So I’ll have twelve a day for the leg?”

“Getting by and thriving aren’t the same thing,” Leo said firmly. “You’ll sleep seven hours a day at least.”

“Oh, sure,” said Donnie sarcastically. “And I’ll finish your leg in about a decade. Yeah, not gonna happen.”

“Are you defying my orders, Donatello?” Leo asked, furrowing his brows and delivering the line with his best Leader Voice. It’d been a while since he used that commanding tone, but he must’ve done it correctly; Donnie positively shrank upon hearing it.

“N-no, of course not,” Donnie said amiably. “I just meant that this needs to get done. I know you said you’re okay with waiting, but I’m not. We need to get back home. We need to be able to fight.”

Leo sighed, knowing Donnie was right. Yet he’d seen the effects that building this thing had had on Donnie. Leo didn’t want to see to the dull, exhausted look in his brother’s eyes, the dark circles beneath them. Not to mention the physical evidence of hard work that appeared on his olive-green skin in the form of burns and scrapes, bruises and cuts. He couldn’t stand by and let Donnie wither away like that again, this time even faster and harder due to the stress of their loss.

“I can’t lose you,” Leo said softly, taking one of Donnie’s hands in his own. “I need you to stay with us, Donnie. We all do.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Leo,” Donnie assured him gently, squeezing his hand. “You asked me not to think of you as fragile. I’m asking you to do the same for me.”

Leo met his brother’s eyes and found nothing but sincerity. If Donnie believed he had the strength for this, Leo had to believe in him too. Besides, his status as leader could only stretch so far. He wasn’t a dictator, and if his orders were more self-serving than strategic, Donnie had every right to ignore them.

But he wasn’t ignoring them, not really. He wasn’t giving in, either, but he was agreeing to Leo’s terms. Dividing Donnie’s time like this felt somewhat controlling, but without a schedule of some kind, he knew Donnie would run himself into the ground just like last time.

“Okay,” said Leo, “Five hours of sleep, five hours of family time, two hours of training…”

“And twelve hours a day for reconstruction,” Donnie finished. “I can work with that.”

Leo nodded, fighting back a frown. He could only hope Donatello was right.

Donnie yawned, which made Leo follow suit. Without having to say anything, Leo gently wrapped his arms around Donnie and pulled until they were both laying down. He reached over to turn off the lamp on the nightstand, drenching them in comfortable darkness.

“The sun’s almost up,” Donnie pointed out, but he didn’t seem to be fighting against Leo’s protective hold on him.

“Let it rise,” Leo said, already drifting off. “I feel like I could sleep through anything.”

“I doubt that very much,” Donnie said with a chuckle, but he yawned again, and settled in against Leo.

Leo was just about to fall asleep when a thought hit him. It was something about the things Donnie had said during their conversation earlier.

_"We need you, which means the world needs you.”_

_"I’ll do what I can to save you.”_

_“We need to be able to fight.”_

Donnie essentially said the fate of the world rests on Leo being able to fight again. It was why we was so adamant about blowing off his own health to fix the leg. And while Leo knew his brother had been exaggerating to argue his point, it wasn’t all a lie. They’d seen what happened the last time someone other than Leo had tried to run the team.

Leo may be no centerpiece, but he was as crucial as everyone else. Raph had better instincts than any of them, Donnie was vastly more intelligent than the others, and Mikey was imaginative enough to drag them out of the darkest situations, ones even Donnie saw no way out of.

It never came down to who was the better fighter because their teamwork was built upon other strengths. Leo recognized that, and could see the strategic advantages and disadvantages of their moves and countermoves.

And there was of course the responsibility that came with being the leader of a group of warriors. Should the day ever come where one of them didn’t come back home after a battle, it would be Leo’s fault. He’d come to accept this over the years, but he was sure his brothers had no idea he had, no idea it was even part of the job description.

But Sensei knew. It was fact; with every fight, they came closer and closer to that dreaded day where Leo’s decisions cost them all a brother— no, a piece of their _souls_. Because Leo knew now that they were all more than just brothers. If their love only went that deep, there was no way Leo could’ve fallen for Donnie like this.

Leo nuzzled his beak against the top of Donnie’s head, earning him a wistful sigh.

Leo was the only one equipped to deal with that burden. He was the only one capable of holding its weight. That meant, exaggeration or not, Donatello was right.

He needed to be able to fight.

 

* * *

 

The weather was really starting to warm up. Winter, it seemed, had finally passed, and life was once more free to flourish and grow in the warmth of Springtime.

The garden was nearly overflowing with food, the chickens plump and no longer huddling together in their coop to protect themselves from the chill. The trees had all filled out with lush greens once again. Finding berries was no longer a chore; almost every bush they came across teemed with deliciousness.

Michelangelo lay on the soft grass below a grove of trees near the farmhouse, his head supported by the trunk of the tree behind him. He’d just filled his training quota of the day with his bros, but he didn’t want to rush back inside to the TV just yet. Raph and Leo were still going at it, so Mikey decided to hang back and watch them.

It was pretty sweet to see how Leo could move around even without one of his legs. Raph had helped him rebuild the strength in his arms and torso, allowing Leo to make up for the lost limb creatively. Instead of having to rely on his crutches, Leo could now walk on his hands to get around. Sure, it looked kinda silly, but Mikey didn’t laugh about it, even if he wanted to. He’d rather have a mobile, upside-down Leo than see him in bed all day, unable to get anywhere for fear of being laughed at.

Right now, Raph and Leo were doing pull-ups on a low-hanging yet sturdy branch of a tree. Mikey watched his two strongest brothers in awe; any time Leo’s arms would start to tremble, Raph would cheer him on, work him up again so he had just enough strength to keep going. Eventually, though, they reached their count and dropped down from the tree. When Leo landed on his one leg, he didn’t even wobble, despite how tired he seemed.

“Nice one, Leo!” Mikey called, unable to help himself.

Leo smiled at the praise and grabbed his crutches from the tree they were leaning on. He made his way over to Mikey. Raph looked up, but didn’t follow, and Mikey suppressed his disappointment.

“Sorry if I interrupted you, dude,” Mikey said once Leo was closer, “I just wanted to cheer you on. You’re looking stronger every day!”

“Thanks, Mikey,” Leo said. “Raph’s been spending a lot of time helping me get back on track.”

Mikey glanced over Leo’s shoulder at the brother in question. Casey had popped out of nowhere and was saying something to Raph. After a moment, Raph looked over at Leo and Mikey, catching the latter’s eyes. Just when Mikey thought he’d turn down whatever request Casey had asked of him, Raph turned back to look at Casey and nodded. The two headed back to the house together.

“Yeah,” Mikey said softly, “I know.”

“Mikey?”

Hearing his name snapped him of whatever trance he’d been in, and Mikey quickly put a smile back on his face.

“Yeah, dude?” he asked.

“Everything okay?” Leo asked him, raising an eyebrow.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Mikey asked. Instead of letting Leo answer that, Mikey changed the subject. “Have you seen Donnie today?”

Leo immediately cast a worried glance over to the barn, frowning.

“No,” he said, “I’d guess he’s in the barn, though, if you’re looking for him.”

“Oh, right,” Mikey responded. He hadn’t actually been looking for Donnie. He’d only brought up the Turtle because it steered his mind away from Raph. “Yeah, I guess I’ll go pay him a visit. Wanna come?”

Leo met his eyes, his mouth opening and snapping shut a few times before he finally said something.

“U-um, no,” Leo lied, “I’m sure he’s very busy. I’m gonna head back inside for some lunch. Aren’t you hungry?”

For what felt like the first time ever, Mikey found he wasn’t.

“Sure,” he said, “But I’ll grab something later. You go on ahead.”

They parted ways, Leo heading for the farmhouse, which was where Raph and Casey were, and Mikey heading for the barn, which is where Donnie was. Something about it made Mikey feel weird. Since when did Leo eat right after practice? Since when did Mikey turn down food?

Why did they both want to avoid one of their brothers?

What was happening to his family?


	11. The High Road

_**Will you help me find the right way up** _   
_**Or let me take the wrong way down** _   
_**Will you straighten me out** _   
_**Or make me take the long way around** _

**– “The High Road” by Three Days Grace**

* * *

 

Mikey poked his head around the barn door, peering into the spacious room Donnie called his lab.

“Hello?” Mikey sang, pouting when he received no response. “Donnie?”

Thinking the barn was vacant, Mikey invited himself in. As soon as he stepped in further, however, he saw that Donnie was in fact there, sitting at his desk and working diligently.

“Hey, bro!” he said cheerfully. His smile fell when he realized Donnie wasn’t even reacting to him. “Um, ‘D?”

“Hm,” Donnie hummed in acknowledgment, nodding his head. He didn’t even look up.

Mikey drew closer, sneaking a peek at the project he knew Donnie was working on, and gasped. Leo’s leg was coming along much faster than he’d thought. It looked like a hollowed-out metal sculpture, with electrical thingy-ma-bobs suspended within it.

“Whoa…” Mikey breathed. “It looks like you’re almost done with it.”

“Unfortunately, I’m not,” said Donnie. He still didn’t look up, but at least he was talking. “This is just the skeletal structure. I was worried I’d have to redesign the whole thing and start from scratch, since it seemed to break apart so easily under stress. Turns out its design was actually what saved most of it; the panels collapsed inward, folding over each other, which is infinitely better than the whole thing having been crushed.”

Mikey nodded, only catching the gist of what his brother was telling him. Donnie was probably trying to get him to go away by boring him to death, but Mikey refused to budge. He’d much rather be back at the farmhouse discovering some weird old video game of April’s, but he was worried he’d run into Raph.

Mikey chewed on his lower lip. If the tough guy would rather spend time with Casey than him, then Mikey would rather spend time with Donnie. Even if spending time with Donnie meant his ears would be talked off.

That’s what Mikey kept telling himself, anyway.

“I’ve only some minor adjustments to make to its design, then I need more materials…”

Mikey had barely been keeping up with Donnie’s words, but he definitely heard the request in that last sentence.

“Consider it done, bro,” Mikey said with a stiff salute that was lost on Donnie since he still hadn’t looked up. “I’m pretty sure that old dude next door wouldn’t notice a few more scraps missing.”

“We’ll leave him some money, either way,” Donnie said, and Mikey nodded.

Donnie continued working, and Mikey took a seat not too far away to watch. He straddled his chair, resting his arms and head on the back of it. He tried to entertain himself by imagining tiny monkeys jumping around on Donnie’s arms as he worked, keeping him from getting anything done. The mischievous mammals kept batting the genius’ hands away, or running off with his tools.

Sometime later, Donnie broke the silence with a defeated sigh.

“I should’ve told you this sooner,” he said, finally setting down the tools he’d managed to keep hold of and turning to face his youngest brother. “But I’m sorry, Mikey.”

“For what?” Mikey asked, tilting his head.

“For not believing you,” Donnie answered, bowing his head. “When you told us about April’s mother… I wanted you to be wrong so badly that I refused to acknowledge your integrity. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you’re not worthy of trust.”

Mikey didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t forgotten Donnie’s harsh words – it had only happened a few nights ago, after all. But he hadn’t expected Donnie to apologize so sincerely for them. He hadn’t expected Donnie to understand how much words could affect Mikey, especially if they were said to him by one of his brothers.

They’d all said plenty of nasty things to him over the years, but rarely did they ever apologize, and never with such heartfelt sincerity.

“Oh, no worries, D’,” Mikey assured him lightly, “But you should know by now, I only take apologies in the form of food.”

Donnie chuckled, and nodded.

“I think I can live with that,” he said. “I’ll make you something special later. How’s that sound?”

Mikey sat up, brightening immediately. Donnie was no Top Chef, but what few things he knew how to make, he made well. Mikey looked forward to whatever Donnie was thinking of whipping up. He jumped up from his chair to nearly tackle his brother in a hug.

“Sounds awesome, bro,” Mikey said, nuzzling his cheek against Donnie’s. After a moment, he felt Donnie’s arms wrap around his shell, rubbing slow circles against his carapace. The touch felt good, long-overdue. Mikey’d had Raph to hold each night, but he missed falling asleep with Leo and Donnie’s warmth, as well. He resented the fact that couldn’t all just share a bed like they normally would during times like these.

They all belonged together, not separated or apart. Did none of them see that but him?

“I’ve still got another three hours before I turn in for the night,” Donnie said gently, though he didn’t stop rubbing Mikey’s back. “Come on, Mikey, let me up. I’ve gotta work on this.”

Donnie had to work. Leo had to heal. Raph had to train.

“Let me go, Mikey,” Donnie said again, his voice still gentle and patient. Like he knew. Like maybe he didn’t want Mikey to let go either.

“Don’t wanna,” Mikey mumbled stubbornly, burying his face against Donnie’s neck. He felt safe here. Not as safe as when he was with Raph, but still loved and protected.

“It’s strange to them” Donnie mumbled back, though his grip became tighter. He held on closer to his little brother, even as his words tried to pry them apart. “If April or Casey see us, you know what they’d think.”

What would it matter if they saw? They had to know by now that the Turtles weren’t just humans with green skin and shells, that they’d grown up with nothing but each other, that the words _brother_ and _family_ didn’t mean the same thing to them as it did to the people above.

And so what if they didn’t get that? So what if they didn’t understand? Mikey couldn’t imagine either April or Casey would judge them for it, would treat them any differently. They didn’t have to understand in order to accept.

“Mikey?”

Mikey perked up at Raph’s voice and pulled away from Donnie’s embrace to face him.

“Hm?” he asked, wondering why Raph wasn’t hanging out with Casey, and hating how bitter that thought made him feel.

“W-what are you doing?” Raph asked, glancing between him and Donnie.

“Seeing what Donnie was up to,” Mikey said with a shrug. He didn’t know why Raph looked so uncomfortable, but he didn’t want to let the subject linger anyways. “D’ says we need more parts for Leo’s leg. You down to go tonight?”

“Uh, yeah,” Raph said, shaking his head of whatever thoughts he’d been thinking on his way in here. “Casey can come too, right?”

Mikey bit back his annoyance, swallowing a pout. Instead, he kept a neutral smile up for everyone to see.

“Um, _duh_ ,” he said, “He came with last time, didn’t he? So why would there be a problem with him coming this time?”

Donnie was looking between them as if he were studying a specimen under his microscope. Raph was scratching the back of his head awkwardly. Mikey decided he’d had enough of this conversation.

Reaching down at Donnie’s desk, Mikey picked up a strange cube-shaped contraption and held it in front of his face, trying to hide some of the flush he could feel blooming on his cheeks.

“What’s this thing do?”

 

* * *

 

Don snapped his head around to see what Mikey held in his infamously destructive hands and gasped.

“Don’t touch that!” Don cried, yanking the cube from Mikey’s hands and pulling it close to his chest. After making sure Mikey wouldn’t try to grab it again, Don lifted it to the light, inspecting it for any sign of damage. “Inside this container is an invaluable piece of Leo’s leg. It’s Kraang tech that can’t be replaced, at least not until we get back to New York. I put it in there for safekeeping, not so you could toy with it.”

“Oh,” Mikey said lamely, frowning apologetically. “Sorry, D’, I didn’t know.”

“Would you not have touched it even if you did?” Don asked, raising a brow pointedly.

“I, uh…” Mikey trailed off, probably having trouble with the wording.

“Promise me you won’t touch it again,” Don said firmly, staring intensely into Mikey’s eyes.

“I-I promise, dude,” Mikey said, taking a step back, as if unnerved.

“Good,” Don said, “Because without this, Leo doesn’t walk. Do you understand, Mikey?”

“Hey, cut it out,” said Raph, surprising them both. He placed himself between Mikey and Donnie, one hand casually resting on the hilt of his sai. “Don’t put that on his shoulders. Besides, he was being careful with it. Weren’t you, Mikey?”

“I—”

“He was _touching_ it,” Don snapped, irritated at the threat in Raph’s tone. Why the shell was he defending Mikey on this? How many times over the years had they both witnessed Mikey destroy something precious? “He could’ve dropped it. That alone requires chastising. This Kraang chip is too precious to lose.”

“Is it so precious you can’t treat your own brother with some respect?” Raph snapped back at him. “He’s not some dumb kid. You don’t have to drill it into him.”

Don could feel his blood boiling within him. Unused to having to deal with such large amounts of anger, Don had to fight hard to keep himself in check. Here he was trying to literally save the world, and Raph was trying to slap him on the wrist for protecting the one piece of equipment they wouldn’t be able to replace.

“I never called him dumb,” Don said, setting the cube back down on his workbench. “This isn’t about Mikey, this is about getting back to New York. How about you back off and let me do my job?”

Don could see what he was doing, could see the rage building in Raph, but he was powerless to stop it. He’d already kicked the hornet’s nest. He felt foolish for it, but he no longer had enough self-control to backpedal himself out of this situation. All he had was forward momentum. All he could do was continue pushing until one of them fell over.

“Apologize to him,” Raph snarled in his face. “Say you’re sorry and I won’t beat your face in.”

“Raph, don’t—”

Don stood to his full height, taking an absurd amount of pride in how much he towered over Raph, and said, “ _Make_ me.”

Wrong move. He knew it as soon as he’d said it, but the words were out, and all Don could do was prepare himself for the full-body tackle he knew was coming at him. Raph’s grip on his weapons tightened, his stance shifted, and Don watch it all like it was all happening in slow motion.

He drew his sai. Then, Raphael did something none of them had done to each other in years.

He _growled_.

It wasn’t like a growl of anger or frustration, either. This sound had been ripped out from somewhere deep inside of Raph. It was delivered with wide, black pupils and snarling teeth, and it rumbled like thunder. Don would be flat out lying if he said it didn’t intimidate the hell out of him, which he knew was exactly what the noise was designed to do.

Don could feel his throat constrict, desiring to answer Raph’s growl with one of his own on instinct, but he held himself back, no longer wanting to escalate the situation. There was an incredible difference between kicking the hornet’s nest and setting it on fire.

“Woah, woah, time out!” Mikey cried, quickly placing himself between his brothers. The action stopped them both in their tracks, and Raph’s growl tapered off, dying like a heartbeat. “What’re you guys doing? Have you forgotten who the real enemy is?”

Raph was staring wide-eyed at the weapons in his hands as if he didn’t even remember drawing them.

“I…” Raph tried, clearing his throat. “I’m… I…”

He got that far, and then gave up. Giving them both a glance that conveyed a sense of panic and horror at what he’d done, Raph backed away until he made it out of the barn. As he ran, he sheathed his weapons once more. Don watched him disappear in stunned silence.

“What the heck just happened?” Mikey asked, staring at Don as if he knew any better than Mikey did. "What did you do?"

“I don’t know,” Don admitted. “I didn’t mean to get him so riled up, I was just…”

“Looking for a fight,” Mikey finished for him, meeting his eyes. Don couldn’t recall ever seeing the blue in Mikey’s eyes appear so menacing. “Well, you need to find a better outlet. Just because he’s got anger issues doesn’t mean you can use him as stress relief by provoking him like that. Raph’s not a punching bag.”

“I didn’t…” Don choked out, stunned at Mikey’s words. “I didn’t mean—”

“Hey, it’s fine, D’,” Mikey said, a smile pushing through the storm of emotions rarely seen on the youngest Turtle’s face. “We’re all just wound up too tight right now. We gotta look after each other. We can’t afford to fight amongst ourselves.”

Don bowed his head, feeling chastised, and rightfully so. Mikey was right; knowingly or not, Don had been trying to rile Raph up. For whatever reason, Don had been _looking_ for a fight. He’d provoked his brother hoping for an easy ignition of Raph’s infamous temper, and that wasn’t fair.

“You’re right, Mikey,” Don said, hot shame burning on his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“For treating me like a kid? Or for picking a fight with Raph?” Mikey finished. He was smiling, but Don could see the frown tugging insistently at the corner of his mouth, revealing how upset he really was. “Man, you gotta start watching it with these party fouls, dude. Looks like you’ll have to make me even more food now. Oh! Oh! How about some of those cookies you make? The ones with everything in ‘em?”

“The monster cookies?” Don asked, watching in fascination as the anger on Mikey’s face disappeared completely, to be replaced with absolute elation. He wondered if Mikey was better at hiding his emotions than he let on, or if he really did jump so easily between them.

“Yeah, those ones!” Mikey said, nearly drooling just from the thought of them. “You’re the best, D’!”

Don smiled, and probably said something amiable as his little brother followed Raphael out of the barn. But inside Don was dissecting his actions, hoping he hadn’t done nearly as much damage as he probably had. He’d treated both of his brothers with disrespect today. And for what?

Don held up the cube in his hands to the light of his lamps, once again studying the box meticulously for any nicks or damages. Seeing none, he sighed in relief and gently placed it back on its spot on his desk.

He’d fashioned the container from old video game console parts. Perhaps trying to keep his last remaining Kraang chip within something like that had been asking for trouble. He’d have to place it far from plain sight if he wanted to keep it out of Mikey’s destructive hands.

It pained him to think of Mikey as a possible hindrance in his quest to rebuild their brother’s leg, especially after telling him he was just as worthy of trust as any of them. But he couldn’t risk losing this vital piece of machinery. He didn’t know how to create one of these chips from scratch. Shell, he didn’t even know how to fix it if it just stopped working.

And who knew how fragile it really was? Because the last time he’d seen one destroyed, it’d been crushed nearly to metal slivers and dust, and that kind of dismemberment would kill _anything._

The only other way he could get his hands on another one of these was if they either happened upon a wild Kraangdroid out for a countryside stroll, or braved the remnants of New York and hoped they could somehow both take one down and then escape unseen and unscathed.

Don saw neither of those things happening any time soon, so he had to be protective of what he had. Much as he loved his little brother, Don was not going to let him bring upon the end of the world as they knew it.

Don checked the alarm clock to see how he was doing on time. He still had quite a while before he’d turn in for dinner and rest, but two hours felt like nothing when he still had so much to do.

After heaving a sigh and dragging his hands down the entire length of his face, Don got back to work.

 

* * *

 

“Raph? Raph. Come on, bro, I know you’re in there.”

Mikey heard a muffle noise on the other side of the door and paused, hopeful. A few seconds later and Mikey realized his brother wasn’t planning on coming out.

Mikey wasn’t entirely sure why his brother was so upset, but he knew he was. He could feel Raphael’s frustration through the door. It must’ve had something to do with that growling match he and Donnie had gotten into just now, right? If he hadn’t gone to Casey to talk, it had to be either a turtle thing or a family thing that was weighing on him.

All Mikey knew was that he couldn’t let Raph stew in his own emotions like this. Sometimes Raph needed his space, but right now was not one of those times.

“I’ll break down the door, Raph,” Mikey said with a pout, “Don’t you think I won’t!”

“Enough, Mikey,” came Raph’s muffled retort. “Just leave me alone!”

“Hey, you know what I just realized?” Mikey said with a raised voice, “I’m being kinda loud right now! Maybe the whole house can hear me! You should probably open the door if you don’t want them to hear us talk!”

He heard Raph curse and the squeak of the bedsprings as his brother got up. Mikey smiled triumphantly, unafraid of whatever wrath he’d incurred. A moment later, the bedroom door swung open, revealing a furious Raphael.

“I swear, you’re the most persistent, annoying—”

Mikey didn’t let him get any farther than that. He jumped into Raph’s arms, latching on like a starving leech. Raph tensed, as if trying to decide whether to fight the hold or just let it happen. With a frustrated huff, he pulled them both back into their room and shut the door behind them.

“What do you want, Mikey?” Raph said, shooting him a glare Mikey could feel hitting the back of his head and shell.

“I want to know why you’re upset,” Mikey said honestly, “And I want to make it better.”

“We haven’t growled at each other since we were toddlers,” Raph said, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

“So?” Mikey asked, pulling away just enough to meet his brother’s eyes. “We haven’t slept in the same beds since then either.”

“That’s different,” Raph insisted, looking away. “Leo needs us.”

“Leo’s gonna get better with or without us sleeping next to him,” Mikey pointed out. “We do it because it feels right. It _feels_ like we’re protecting him, even if we’re not. And that’s not a bad thing.”

“But growling is,” Raph insisted. “Growling at my brother, at my _family_ — that’s _bad_ , Mikey.”

“Why?” Mikey asked. “D’ was being a jerk. You only did it because that’s what your body told you to do.”

“I shouldn’t have listened,” Raph said quietly. “I shouldn’t have—”

Mikey reached up and placed his hands on Raph’s cheeks, making sure he could only look straight ahead, directly at him. The action stopped Raph mid-sentence, and his wide green eyes stared into Mikey’s own. The flames within him slowly quieted, calmed like a dying campfire.

“But you _did_ ,” Mikey said gently. “You growled at Donnie. And the world’s still spinning, bro.”

Raph froze, looking like he was very lost, but now that he’d found Mikey, he could cling to him and depend on him to bring him back home.

“Yeah,” Raph said, his voice soft. “Okay, Mikey.”

Mikey released his brother, feeling as if he were holding the string of a balloon that Raph was stuck in. He flopped onto their bed, and as if tugged by that very string, Raph followed, coming to sit beside his younger brother.

“Donnie’s making us cookies as an apology,” Mikey said, switching the subject so Raph could process what Mikey’d just told him.

“The monster ones?” Raph asked, just a hint of hope in his voice.

“Yep,” Mikey said with a smile. “Your favorite.”

“Yeah, well,” Raph mumbled, laying down next to Mikey. “He’s probably only making them ‘cause you asked for them. Which means they’re gonna have more than just M&M’s and peanut butter in ‘em. As long as mine don’t have spicy gummy worms, I’m good.”

“What?!” Mikey exclaimed, sitting up to look his brother in the eye. He needed to see the truth in Raph’s eyes to believe it. “How can you not like spicy gummy worms? It’s the best of both words! Spicy _and_ gummy, dude. It’s like a delicious flavor explosion!”

“For you, maybe,” Raph said, smirking. “You’re the one that likes all the weird flavor combos, not us.”

“I like to call that being adventurous,” Mikey said proudly. “It’s okay if he keeps in the marshmallows and lemon drops, right?”

“You can have whatever you want in your cookies, you weirdo,” Raph said affectionately, patting Mikey’s head. “They’re your favorite, too.”


	12. Found

_**Untie my hands and show me where to go, now** _   
_**It’s funny how we run away from love** _   
_**Bleeding through the lines of what I know now** _   
_**It’s you that I’ve found** _

**– “Found” by Trenton**

* * *

 

Under the cover of night, Raph, Mikey, and Casey jumped the measly three-foot fence surrounding the old man’s property. Well, ‘jumped’ was a generous term, because at some places the wooden barrier was so rotten, one push would collapse it into a heap of dust.

April told them to be careful, though. She liked the guy. Apparently he used to watch over her when her parents went to the general store nearby for groceries. She said he was kind, and didn’t deserve to have his property ruined. Before they left, she handed Casey some extra money to give him, saying she hated to steal from the old man.

But Raph didn’t think of it as stealing. Not since they were paying him back for his losses. Besides, what was he gonna do with all this old junk? Half of his yard was hollowed-out cars, sunken into the ground with time and weather, covered in rust. The other half was weeds that stood up to their elbows.

“Is it all the same stuff from before?” Casey asked, his voice muffled behind his mask.

“Yeah,” said Raph, handing Casey and Mikey each a copy of Donnie’s little grocery list. “I think so, at least. Most of the stuff’s gonna be in the shed, just like last time.”

As they’d figured out on their first run, the shed was where Mr. Johnson – the old dude’s name – kept all of his smaller, precious electronics. Cars and their parts, as well as other large machines were kept outdoors, but evidently Mr. Johnson had enough sense to store his more expensive, fragile parts indoors and away from the elements.

It was pretty massive, though, for a shed. It took up about a quarter of the yard, and was the size of a small market. Rows of tables held electronics of all sizes, including broken laptops and game systems, as well as small appliances. April had told them the man used to make his money with these things, once he’d retired from his job and come to live out here. He’d buy or find broken parts and fix them up just like new. The geezer seemed a lot like Donnie.

“I almost forgot how great he is at drawing,” Mikey said softly, staring down almost reverently at his copy of the list. “D’s pretty great, isn’t he?”

Raph felt his eye twitch, but did his best to keep his annoyance from showing.

“You said the same thing last time,” he said with a noncommitted shrug.

“Well I meant it,” Mikey continued. “I bet he didn’t even need a reference for these. How much do you wanna bet he could name each of these things just by looking at their pictures?”

“Nothing,” Raph said with an eye roll, “I’m sure he could. What does it matter if he can draw, anyways?”

“I dunno,” Mikey said, his bright blue eyes shining even in the dark as they drank in Donnie’s sketches. “Maybe I’m just happy one of us lives up to our namesake.” *****

Raph frowned, turning to scan Mr. Johnson’s yard for any sign of life. All lights in the house were off save for a dim glow coming from one of the upstairs bedrooms. That was where Mr. Johnson slept; he liked to keep a lamp on through the night…

Raph tried to focus on the mission, but Mikey’s comment kept nagging him.

“So, what?” Raph mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper and intended to be unheard. “I can draw, too.”

“Not like D’ can,” Mikey said, evidently hearing him. “I wonder if being a genius makes you better at drawing, too?”

“I doubt it,” Casey jumped in. “Me and April have this classmate whose brain is like a calculator, but his handwriting looks like a five-year-old’s scribbles. So D’s probably just got that as an extra talent.”

“Cool,” Mikey breathed, fingers tracing over the lines of Donnie’s sketches.

Raph clicked his tongue and scoffed.

“Whatever,” he grumbled, his face going all hot again.

“Why’re you being so hard on the nerd, Raph?” Casey asked, punching his shoulder hard enough to sting. “He deserves a little praise, don’t you think? The dude barely sleeps anymore. He’s giving it his all to help Leo recover.”

“So am I,” Raph said, glaring at his friend.

“Well yeah,” said Casey, raising his mask so he could give Raph a sincere look. “And you deserve praise, too. I just meant like… you’re not losing sleep over it or anything, you know?”

So, what? Just because he wasn’t losing sleep didn’t mean it wasn’t taking its toll on him. They didn’t get how hard it was to see his leader struggling to accomplish even the simplest exercises. Things they all used to be able to do flawlessly were now a challenge for Leo. Cheering him on, pushing him that extra mile, it was _exhausting_. There were times when a training session would take so much out of him that he had to lock himself in his room alone for a while just to recover.

Raph had no doubt Donnie was giving it his all, but at least what he was giving was physical. Leo needed to be healed both ways, but it was Raph who’d willingly taken up the harder task of mending his brother’s broken spirit.

As much as Raph wanted to argue that point, he couldn’t find the words to make it. He was afraid if he opened his mouth again, he’d just end up incoherently yelling at his friend, which was par for the course any other time, but not while they were on a mission.

“Just shut it,” Raph grumbled. “It’s time to move. Casey, you start at the shed. Mikey and I will stay back here to get the bigger things on the list. We’ll finish first, since it’s not much. When we’re done, I’ll meet up with you while Mikey keeps watch at the party wagon. We’ll leave the money when we’re done, uh, _shopping_.”

“Aw, why can’t I go to the shed with you guys?” Mikey whined.

“Remember last time?” Raph asked, crossing his arms. “You tried to wear a food processor as a hat and almost knocked over a full row of the guy’s stuff when it turned on.”

“How was I supposed to know it was battery operated?” Mikey defended, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. Raph couldn’t help but smile at the sight – Mikey could be dangerously adorable when he wanted to be…

Maybe… staying behind with Mikey, _alone_ , wasn’t such a good idea…

“I’ll see you in a bit, guys,” said Casey, lowering his mask once more and taking off.

Well, so much for changing his mind. Looks like he was stuck with his decision. He’d just have to make sure to be extra careful.

_Be cool, Raph. You’re just out for a supply run. You’ll be too focused on getting what Donnie needs to even think about…_

“You’re still mad at him, aren’t you?” Mikey asked as they walked, scouring the yard for parts.

“Unlike you,” Raph said, keeping his eyes peeled even as he talked. “I don’t accept cookies as an apology. If he’s sorry, he’ll man-up and say it to my face.”

“Sometimes it’s not easy to say what we mean with just words,” Mikey said calmly, poking his head into the hollowed out inside of an old car as if he’d find something there.

“What’s so hard about admitting to being a jerk?” Raph snapped. Mikey was right, which pissed him off even more. He spotted a sheet of aluminum not completely covered with rust and grabbed it, tucking it under his arm.

“Did you apologize for growling at him, yet?” Mikey countered. Raph sent him a glare, but Mikey wasn’t looking his way.

“Smartass,” Raph grumbled, reaching down for a small spool of wire sitting on one of the car’s seats. At the same time, Mikey went for the same spool. Their hands met, and _lingered_ …

Raph yanked his hand away as if he’d been burned, but Mikey seemed unaffected, calmly picking up the spool. They kept walking.

“Why’re you suddenly so fond of Donnie, anyway?” Raph blurted.

Damn it! _This_ is why he shouldn’t have let himself be alone with Mikey. He knew how to get under Raph’s skin like no one else. A few careful words and all of Raph’s defenses were down. Well no, it wasn’t _exactly_ like that; he didn’t just strike a few pressure points and down Raph’s walls went. It was more like he could suggest things that would make Raph curious, would make him poke out his head and look around. And then Mikey could get anything he wanted out of him.

And fuck if the little bastard didn’t know it.

“I’m not fond of him,” Mikey responded with an easy shrug. He placed the spool of wire on his head and held out his arms for balance, trying not to let it fall. “I just admire him. Same as I admire Leo.”

“Leo?” Raph asked softly, watching the shift in Mikey’s expression. The spool of wire fell from his head, but Mikey caught it, held it against his chest and looked down at it sadly.

“Yeah,” said Mikey, “You feel it too, don’t you? They’re both fighting their own invisible battles. They’re winning, for now, and I admire them for that. But to be honest, I’m worried about them both.”

“’Invisible battles’?” Raph repeated. “Mikey, what are you talking about?”

“Yeah, you know, like… battles of the heart, or soul,” Mikey answered. “It’s something Master Splinter told me a while ago. I guess I just mean they’re going through a lot of emotional pain, and they’re doing their best to hide it from us. Donnie’s pretending he knows what he’s doing, and Leo’s pretending he’s okay.”

The two of them had stopped walking, were now standing face-to-face, each holding materials their brother needed to rebuild their other brother’s new leg.

“He’s got a long way to go, but he’s definitely more than just ‘okay’,” said Raph.

“He’s always been good at making us think that,” Mikey said. “But I can feel it now. He can’t hide it from me anymore. I just wish he wouldn’t hide it from everyone else.”

Raph swallowed, unable to stand the look in his little brother’s eyes. Ever since he could remember, that shade of blue, bright as the sky on a sunny day, meant only one thing; happiness. To see them darkened with pain, and doubt, did terrible things to Raph’s heart.

Raph set down the sheet of aluminum by his feet and walked over to his brother, placing his hands square on Mikey’s shoulders.

“Hey,” he said gently. When Mikey didn’t look up, he said it again, “ _Hey_. Look at me. I know what you’re thinking; I can see the doubt in your eyes. You have to believe me when I tell you it’ll all work out. We’re gonna be okay, Mikey. I promise.”

Raphael watched as his words sunk into Mikey, slowly bringing those light blue eyes back to their former state; full of life, as they should be. Warm hands clamped onto his upper arms, pulling him down a bit and closer to Mikey. Before he knew it, Mikey’s lips touched softly to his cheek, barely brushing against the corner of his mouth. His brother pulled away, and Raphael was left stunned and ablaze, his whole body on fire.

Mikey wore the brightest, purest smile, and that adorable hint of blush was back on his cheeks. Raph couldn’t help but smile back, even as his nerves sang with fear and uncertainty.

Mikey stooped down to pick up the forgotten aluminum sheet Raph had dropped an eternity ago, setting it back in his brother’s stiff, unmoving arms before heading back to continue their search.

“Thanks, Raphie,” he said, as if the world hadn’t just stopped spinning.

 

* * *

 

Leo sat on the front porch, his shell supported by one of the beams on either side of the stairs.

He ate his lunch in peace, enjoying the rainy day under the shelter of the porch’s roof. He’d always liked rain; it provided the perfect natural white noise to meditate by, even if he wasn’t topside. Down in the sewers, the sound echoed through the tunnels, amplifying its effect.

It was so much different out here, though. When he concentrated, he could make out individual raindrops landing on different mediums. Wet soil, hard wood, the flexible, thirsty leaf on a vine. Each had a different tone, and each tone allowed him to tune into a different frequency of himself, like his mind was a radio station and he could turn the dial by channeling his focus.

He hadn’t meditated in such a long time. Not with success, anyways. Maybe it was time he give it another try…

Setting down the crusts of his sandwich, Leo crossed his legs, resting his stump on the ankle of his good one. He closed his eyes and evened out his breathing, focusing on the rain.

He calmly shifted his awareness to different sections of his body. He began with the fingers on his right hand, imagining wiggling each individual one without actually moving them. He traveled up the length of his arm, loosening his wrist and elbow, relaxing his muscles along the way.

Slowly, he willed every inch of his body to relax, to succumb to the meditation so that all residual energy could unwind.

Now deeper into the meditation, he continued shifting his awareness to his legs, imagining himself wiggling his toes without actually—

He… _felt_ himself wiggling his toes. The toes on _both_ of his feet…

And the shock of it snapped something within him. Without focus, the amalgamation of his being, his consciousness, didn’t know where to go. So it latched onto a place it deemed needed healing, a place Leo had tucked away deep into the recesses of his own mind.

A place he didn’t intend to tap back into for at least a few years, when he thought himself ready to relive the experience, to come to grips with what had happened to him that day, and…

_Snow, pure white as it is, makes the red of blood scream with color._

_Leo sees it, pooling beside him in the fresh powder, but it takes a moment for him to understand it belongs to him. He can’t make the connection between the sticky red liquid and the warmth inside of him, the sustainer of his life._

_And it’s leaving him. The life is literally leaving him…_

_“You’ve made a grave error on this day, Turtle,” says the man standing above him. The man who wants to kill his family. Whose only joy in life is seeing his father, his Sensei, in agony. “I trust my mercy will ensure you do not make it again.”_

_But this man has no mercy, Leo knows this. He has not known the meaning of the word for many, many years…_

_And he proves this now, by plunging his blade into the back of Leo’s calf muscle—_

“Leo! Leo, answer me!”

“… _Aaahhh!!!_ ”

Leo’s hands flew to his leg to make the pain stop, but they met only air. He tried again to latch onto the source of his pain, but there was nothing to hold onto. The flesh that screamed in agony simply did not exist, hadn’t been there for a long time.

“Make it stop!” Leo cried, unable to see anything because his eyes refused to open. They were clamped down so tight it hurt, but it paled in comparison to the burning in his leg. “Please, it hurts!”

“Go get Donnie!” he heard April yell. “I’m going to try to calm him down.”

Disappearing footsteps told Leo that whoever April had just talked to had gone, leaving them behind. He could feel her warm hands on either side of his face, and the friction against his cheeks had a calming effect on him. Still unable to open his eyes, he tried to lie still, tried to ignore the pain in his leg – the leg that was not there. The pain couldn’t be real if his leg was _not there_ —

“Leo, can you hear me?” April asked, her gentle voice serving to calm him a bit more. He nodded, trembling. “Can you open your eyes?”

He shook his head, his whole body shaking as wave after wave of agony still pulsed through him.

“H-hurts,” he muttered, gripping onto his friend tightly. “I-it hurts, April.”

“I know,” she said softly, “I know you’re in pain, Leo. I’m here to help. Casey’s gone to get Donnie, okay? They’ll be back real soon, just tell me where it hurts.”

“M-my leg,” he choked out, “B-below the stump, I can… I can feel it.”

“What?” she breathed. “But that’s… Leo, can you tell me what happened? Were you attacked?”

He told her about the rain. He was just trying to meditate, when he saw…

“What did you see?” she asked when he trailed off, but he shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter,” Leo said. April didn’t push him any further, and for the next few minutes she simply sat with him in silence, rubbing circles into his temples with the pads of her fingers.

The worst of it was over, though Leo could still feel a residual burning sensation in the place where his leg used to be. His eyes were no longer locked shut, and he slowly worked on blinking them back open. The first thing he saw was April’s worried face, blurred nearly beyond recognition.

“Leo!”

Leo slowly sat up to see a blurry Donnie racing towards him, a med kit in hand and trailing gauze behind him almost comically. A less blurry Casey followed close behind, catching whatever Donnie left behind. By the time his brother reached him, Leo’s eyes had cleared back up.

“Donnie, I’m fi—” Leo began, but was cut off by his brother.

“Don’t, ‘I’m fine,’ me!” Donnie cried, setting the med kit down beside them. “Tell me what happened. Tell me where it hurts.”

“Actually, it doesn’t hurt too much anymore—”

“Tell me,” Donnie repeated firmly, “What hurts.”

And that was when Leo saw them – the tears in his brother’s eyes. Donnie’s lips were pressed together into a thin line, his brows furrowed as he concentrated on not crying in front of their friends. Leo’s heart sank, and he had a strong desire to hold Donnie close and tell him he really was okay.

But he couldn’t, not with April and Casey watching. And he couldn’t exactly tell them to piss off after he’d just had some kind of _episode_ in front of them. They were worried too, and probably wouldn’t leave until he assured them he was feeling better.

“It was my leg,” Leo began softly. “It started hurting.”

“Did you bang it against something?” Donnie asked, keeping his eyes trained on Leo’s stump, probably to keep his mind occupied. “It doesn’t look like it’s bleeding, but I’ll have to take off the bandages to see.”

“Not there,” Leo said, nodding to his stump. “Lower, around my calf.”

“Wait,” said Casey, “You mean you started feeling pain where your leg _used_ to be? Isn’t that, like, impossible?”

“Actually, it’s not,” said Donnie, gently probing the area just above Leo’s bandages. “In fact, it’s quite common. It’s called phantom pain.”

“Huh. Wicked…” Casey mumbled, only to be elbowed hard in his side by an unamused April.

“What kind of pain was it?” Donnie asked, his hand resting flat on Leo’s thigh. His body was angled so that neither Casey nor April could see his thumb rubbing those soothing circles into his flesh. It was the most he could get away with while they were still here.

“What kind?” Leo repeated.

“Was it sharp, or like a dull ache?” Donnie clarified. “Burning, shooting, twisting…”

“Um, sharp, I guess,” Leo answered. “It felt like… a blade.”

“A blade?” Donnie echoed, free hand reaching up to scratch at his mask. “That’s oddly specific.”

“It’s what it felt like,” Leo said with a shrug. He didn’t mention it wasn’t just any blade, either. It was one of Shredder’s, and he could _feel_ it sinking in, just like the first t— “Ow!”

“What’s wrong?” Donnie asked, squeezing Leo’s thigh gently, the action unseen by their human friends. “Leo?”

“Nothing, just… My head kind of hurts, too,” Leo admitted.

“I’m going to help him back inside,” Donnie said, turning to April and Casey. “He needs some rest.”

“Do you need any help?” April asked as Donnie easily lifted Leo into his arms.

“I’m sure he’s got it, Red,” Casey said quickly. He nudged Leo’s crutches with the toe of his shoe and kicked them into the air, catching them nimbly and handing them to April. “We can take these in for him.”

He grabbed April’s shoulders and steered her back into the house, leaving Leo and Donnie in their dust.

Donnie carried Leo up the stairs and into their room, setting him down gently onto their bed. By the time they got there, Leo’s crutches were leaned against a wall, but April and Casey were nowhere to be found.

“What really happened?” Donnie asked as soon as he realized they were both alone. “Casey said you were screaming bloody murder.”

“It was just as I said,” Leo insisted. “It felt like someone had stabbed me with a sword. But when I woke up, it stopped feeling like a blade and switched to more of a burn.”

“When you ‘woke up’?” Donnie asked.

“I was meditating,” Leo answered. “Or, trying to.”

“Meditating…” Donnie repeated, one of his fingers coming up to brush his lips in thought. “And you said it felt like someone stabbed you? Did it happen to be a stab to the back of your calf muscle?”

Leo paled, suddenly wishing for a change of subject.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said. “I’m feeling much better now, Donnie. You can go back to what you were doing. I’m sorry to have interrupted you.”

“Now wait just a minute—”

“I said I’m done talking about it,” Leo said again, pulling the covers up to his chin and turning his shell to Donnie. When his brother didn’t leave, Leo curled up into an even tighter ball. “I _can’t_ , Donnie…”

“I know,” said Donnie, placing a hand on Leo’s shoulder. Leo hated himself for flinching. “I won’t bring it up, I just… wanted to stay with you for a while. If that’s okay.”

Leo slowly turned back, peeking over the covers at his brother. The look on Donnie’s face was pleading, and Leo suddenly remembered the tears in his eyes when he’d run over to him after hearing he was hurt. They’d all been in that position more than once; thinking they’d lose one of their own. It made that strange, primal desire to hold one another nearly unbearable.

Leo smiled, and lifted the covers. Donnie crawled in immediately, curling his larger body around Leo’s protectively. Only when they were pressed close together did Leo realize Donnie was trembling.

“I was so scared,” he whispered against Leo’s skin. “I thought…”

“Whatever you thought, Donnie,” Leo said, “You were wrong.”

“Heh, I know, I know,” Donnie sighed. Leo felt warm, wet drops fall on the back of his neck, and he took hold of one of Donnie’s hands that was pressed against his plastron, entwining their fingers. “It’s even stupider because I… I had this crazy, irrational idea. I somehow thought… they’d found us. That they’d tracked us all the way out here and…”

Leo wanted to soothe Donnie’s worries, but found that scenario wasn’t so irrational, after all. The farmhouse was listed in April’s family name. All their enemy would have to do is perform a quick internet search to find out this is the perfect place for them to hide. They’d been beaten once before; what was to stop them from being defeated again, this time for good?

“I won’t let that happen,” Leo said, “No one’s coming for us, Donnie. And if they are, they won’t lay a finger on any one of us.”

“It’s crazy to think you can stop an entire army, Leo,” Donnie said softly, sniffling even as he nuzzled closer to Leo.

“It’s not crazy,” said Leo, bringing their entwined hands up to his mouth so he could brush Donnie’s knuckles against his lips. “Not if it’s the truth.”

 

* * *

 

It didn’t take long for Mikey to start wondering if he’d done something wrong.

He and Raph hadn't had an actual conversation in at least three days, not since their talk in Mr. Johnson's junkyard. Any time their eyes met, Raph’s whole body went stiff as a board. If he managed to corner his brother to ask if they could spend time together, Raph would make up some lame excuse about having things to do.

At first, Mikey believed his brother. April was more like a parent than a big sister when it came to doing chores, so when Raph said April wanted him grab some more firewood or mop the floors, Mikey thought he was telling the truth. After all, April got on Mikey’s case if he didn’t feed the chickens or help her weed the garden. Living at a farmhouse came with a price, and that price was physical labor.

And when they _were_ spending time together, it wasn’t exactly recreational. Mikey didn’t count it as ‘hanging out’ if you had to stay ninja-quiet the whole time, like when they went out hunting, or if you were focusing on not getting your butt handed to you, like when they were sparring.

And of course, as soon as they were done doing that, Raph had plans he had to get back to. Plans that didn’t include Mikey, of course.

It didn't really occur to him that Raph was purposefully avoiding him until the third night he'd spent in his bed, alone.

Because of April and Casey, they had to be cautious. Despite their instincts screaming at them, they couldn't spend every night curled up together. It was just too risky. But three nights in a row without Raph had Mikey on edge. The soothing calm their togetherness provided was no longer in effect. He decided to try to sneak into Raph's room in the dead of the night. He craved that low rumbling noise Raph made whenever he'd tuck himself in next to him. He missed the way his big brother's arms automatically wrapped around him, even if he was deep asleep.

But on that third night, all Mikey found waiting to greet him was a cold, locked door.

When Mikey finally realized Raph had done that on purpose, he’d been hurt. Beyond hurt, in fact. Like, deep in the squishy heart-muscles hurt. But unlike Raph, or even Leo, Mikey didn’t like to just sit around in pain. He wasn’t a fan of wallowing. If something was unpleasant, he wanted to get it over with, and if something was wrong, he wanted to fix it as soon as possible.

But he wasn’t sure what needed to be fixed, here. And it’s not like Raph was letting him figure that out. So, he figured if he wanted to know what was going on here, he’d have to delve into his arsenal of tricks.

If Raph wouldn’t let Mikey approach him, Mikey would have to get Raph to chase him. There were plenty of ways to do that, and all of them were fun. Maybe if he couldn’t get Raph’s attention the hard way, he’d get results the easy, old-fashioned way.

It was time to play his favorite game of ‘poke the Raphie’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last line there was a major nod to Hummer's fic "The Pain Game", mostly because that line would NOT get out of my head.
> 
> * Fun Fact: Donato di Niccolò di Betto Bardi (aka Donatello, for whom Donnie here was named) is actually more famous for his sculptures than paintings or drawings, though he did have a few of those too.


	13. Running

_**You push, you pull, you’re feeding this longing for something more,** _   
_**All the beauty, it’s here, softly screaming,** _   
_**What are you searching for?** _

**– “Running” by Trenton**

* * *

 

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. Peaceful, quiet, relaxing.

Mikey was in the living room, enjoying a rerun of his new favorite show _Crognard The Barbarian_ along with Leo, April, and Casey. He’d gotten comfortable laying upside-down, his legs thrown over the back of the couch and his head dangling off the cushions.

With a faint squeak, the gentle sound of water running through the house’s old pipes halted. Raph must’ve just finished taking his shower upstairs. Mikey smiled to himself, humming the show’s theme song along with the television. When the show cut to commercial, April muted it.

The tranquil silence was suddenly interrupted by a distant clanking sound, followed by a distinct _splash_. The silence that followed was anything but tranquil.

“Mikey…?” April began to ask, sounding very worried, “Did you—”

They all looked upwards at the sound of wood creaking, followed by a soft _thud._

“ _Mikey!!!_ ” came Raphael’s enraged shout from upstairs.

“Maybe,” Mikey answered her with a smile.

“Rest in pieces, man,” Casey said while Leo sighed.

Mikey sprung from his position on the couch as soon as he heard footsteps stomping down the stairs.

“Well guys, it’s been fun,” he said, “But it looks like that’s my queue to leave.”

“Please don’t die,” said April, looking as though she were only half-joking. “I still need your help in the garden later.”

“I ain’t making no promises,” Mikey responded with a wink. By then, Raphael was almost down the stairs, so he knew he had to book it now or he’d never make it.

Mikey busted through the front door and ran as fast as his nimble legs could carry him, all the while barely suppressing a maniacal giggle at his success. It was a shame he couldn’t be there to see the looks on everyone’s faces when they saw exactly what he’d done to Raph, but it was a small price to pay for what he’d accomplished.

Tearing into the forest surrounding the farmhouse, Mikey expertly dodged low-hanging branches and jumped over overgrown roots. He could feel rather than hear Raphael chasing him, and it made the thrill of it all the more exciting.

He’d made sure this time Raph wouldn’t cut the chase off early, wouldn’t override his own rage in order to continue avoiding Mikey. Raph had been doing that all week; it’d become a pattern. Mikey would dance around one of his brother’s buttons like it was one big game, and then as soon as Raph could no longer tune him out, he’d _push_ it. Raph would blow up like he always did and give chase, a slew of threats he called promises flying from his mouth like sparks as he rocketed towards Mikey.

And then he’d stop.

Like he was coming out of a trance. Like he’d realized he was about to do something horrible, like that time he almost seriously hurt Leo just because he’d beat him in sparring. But this was just Mikey, just _normal_ , so when had the rules of their game changed? Why had Raph stopped following through?

Why did he stop chasing him?

It didn’t matter, though, because this time things were different. This time, Mikey had made sure Raph would be well and truly pissed. Not only that, but he’d managed to steer them both into the woods, which were filled with plenty of climbable trees. Trees that Raph could just as easily scale if he wanted to – which he would – but wouldn’t think to unless he knew Mikey was up in one.

Mikey didn’t intend for him to know that until he’d delivered his punchline, of course.

Hoping Raphael was far enough away, Mikey leapt for a sturdy-looking branch and used his momentum from the run to launch himself further up into the tree. He jumped from branch to branch, imagining Raph inches behind him, grasping at his mask tails as he flew, all the while feeling awake and alive…

He was halfway up the tree when Raph really did catch up to him, though he was still on the ground far below. As if sensing this, Raph stopped running and paused, scanning the bushes around him, fury in his bright green eyes.

Tears brimmed at the corners of Mikey’s eyes as he struggled not to burst into a fit of laughter. There was his brother, the hot head, the tough guy, covered from head to toe in fluffy white feathers.

Mikey’s trick had worked beautifully. All it took was a bucket filled with corn syrup (which he’d had April buy under the guise of wanting to bake some pies) and a bunch of feathers (which he’d saved over the course of the week from cleaning out the chicken coop).

And what was even better was the way the feathers had landed on – and stuck to – Raph’s face. Raph must’ve instinctively raised an arm to cover his eyes from the sticky assault, which would’ve left his beak wide open for a healthy splash of syrup. The feathers had clung in a fluffy, tangled mess to the area around his nostrils and mouth.

In other words, the feathers had given Raphael a huge, fluffy beard, and a mustache to go along with it.

“I know you’re out there, Mikey!” Raph yelled at no one. “If you come out now I won’t bash your head in!”

Mikey almost scoffed, but caught himself just before the noise could exit his body. Instead he remained quiet, watching the emotions play across Raph’s face with growing fascination. Anger, yes. Frustration, yes. But also a hint of something deeper, something… sad. Pained, maybe? Whatever it was, it didn’t make sense, and Mikey certainly hadn’t expected it.

“Dammit!” Raph cursed to himself in a harsh exhale of breath. Mikey could only hear him due to the sheer quietness of the forest. He wondered if his brother really did know he was here listening to him, or if he’d just yelled all that to make sure he _wasn’t_. “Stupid Mikey. Stupid syrup. Stupid _fucking feathers, argh_!”

Mikey held a hand over his mouth to suppress his giggle, but his amusement died when he saw the anger well up inside his brother once more. Raph growled low and long, practically snarling like an animal as he tore the sticky feathers off his face and body. Unsheathing his weapons, Raph screamed in rage, slashing savagely at the trunk of a nearby tree.

Mikey’s body went completely still as he witnessed the full extent of Raph’s rage. Mikey took a weird kind of pleasure in pissing off his brothers, liked the glares they shot him and the way their eyes got all huge and their nostrils flared. And he wasn’t a fan of the pummeling that came after he got caught, but he sure as shell lived for the _chase_ , felt a thrill whenever he managed to dodge a blow because he could convert that into a fuel that would further stoke the fires of rage.

But getting _Raph_ pissed was on another level entirely. The way his eyes shone like one of Sensei’s jade figurines when held to the light. It wasn’t particularly the _anger_ that Mikey craved to see in his hotheaded sibling, but there was something loud and distinctive and uniquely Raphael that roared out of him whenever he unleashed his inner fury.

It had always been breathtaking.

Mikey swallowed, his tongue suddenly feeling too thick for his mouth. His hand subconsciously drifted to that special area between his legs, brushing over the hidden pocket which held his penis. A shot of pleasure sparked within him from the light touch, and Mikey gasped in surprise.

That was all the noise Raph needed to pinpoint his exact location.

As his head snapped up, Mikey’s hand snapped down and away, gripping the branch beneath him in an effort to conceal himself without it being obvious that he was doing just that.

“Heya Raphie!” he called cheerfully, waving cheekily as Raph glared at him.

“You get down here, _now_ ,” Raph dared him, pointing one of his sai at Mikey.

“Why don’t you just come up here and get me?” Mikey taunted, “Or are you too _chicken_?”

Raph looked like he was about to roll his eyes and shrug off the tiny insult before the joke hit him, and he glanced down at the few yet stubborn feathers still clinging to his body.

For added flare, Mikey made a clucking noise.

Mikey dodged the sai just in time to see it whizz by his face, missing him by mere inches as it embedded itself in the trunk of the tree beside him. The sudden spin threw Mikey off balance, however, and the next thing he knew he was falling twenty feet onto the forest floor below.

When he hit the ground, all the air in his lungs escaped, leaving him gasping desperately. He figured his shell protected him from the worst of it, but he was still completely winded and, for the moment, unable to move.

This didn’t stop Raphael from pouncing on him like a predatory cat, pinning his limbs easily since Mikey couldn’t even fight back. Completely stunned, all Mikey could do was wait for Raph to fulfill his promise. He closed his eyes, expecting to be in a world of hurt any second now…

But Raphael never delivered.

Opening one eye to peek up at his brother, Mikey saw Raph above him, frozen as he battled with himself. Mikey could see a civil war going on inside his brother’s mind just by looking at the pain and confusion in his bright green eyes.

“Mikey…” Raph panted finally, tossing his weapon away so it was out of his reach. “I… fuck!”

Raph couldn’t get away fast enough, scrambling off of his little brother and immediately backing away as if his touch was poison.

“Raph,” Mikey choked out, finally catching his breath just enough to speak. “Stop. Don’t go.”

“’Don’t go’?!” Raph cried, “What, do you _want_ me to hit you?”

“No, I just—”

“Then why do you keep doing this to me?” Raph demanded, swiping off a few more feathers pointedly. “You’ve been doing this all week, Mikey, and I’m tired of it! In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve got more important things to deal with than your immature idea of fun. You know, like helping our brother recover from getting his fucking _leg_ cut off?”

“Dude, I just wanted you to _talk_ to me!” Mikey shouted with as much feeling as Raph was throwing at him.

“Why couldn’t you just _ask_ like a _normal_ person?” Raph yelled, barely hesitating at Mikey’s momentary show of vulnerability.

Mikey stood on shaky legs, using the trunk of the tree he’d just fallen out of for support.

“I _tried_ ,” said Mikey. “You’ve been avoiding me this whole week. How else was I supposed to get your attention?”

“Any other way than dumping syrup and feathers on me right after I’ve had a shower!” Raph countered. “Besides, we kinda live in the same house, remember? You had plenty of chances to talk to me.”

“Like when?” asked Mikey, crossing his arms across his plastron. “In the middle of practice? Or when you were hanging with Casey?”

“L-like practically any time we were alone together,” Raph said with a forced shrug, clearly uncomfortable. “Which happened a lot, because regardless of what your puny brain’s been telling you, I wasn’t avoiding you!”

“Then why—!” Mikey paused, the urge to yell dying on his lips. He sighed, and softly continued, “Then why did you lock your door?”

“I didn’t…” Raph started after a moment, but trailed off.

“Yeah, you did, bro,” Mikey said, letting just a portion of the hurt he felt bleed through his words. But this wasn’t about him getting his feelings hurt. This was about undoing whatever he’d done to make Raph hate him so much. “I don’t know what I did wrong, but I’m sorry. Okay? I won’t do it again, just… just tell me what I can do to make it better.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Raph said, huffing out a sigh of annoyance.

“Then what is it?” Mikey asked gently.

“It’s _that_ ,” Raph said, pointing a finger directly at Mikey’s mouth. “That thing you’re doing with your words. You’re pretty empty-headed when it comes to a lot of things, Mikey, but you’ve always had _that_ down to an art.”

“What are you talking about, bro?”

“You know how to play us,” Raph said, “I don’t know if the others know how damn good you are at it, but _I_ do. You can worm your way past our defenses and make us break down our own walls to get to you. Maybe that was okay before… before we came here, but things are different now. There’s some things we _gotta_ keep from each other, brothers or not. If we don’t, it could tear us apart.”

“Keeping things from each other _is_ tearing us apart, Raph,” Mikey countered, thinking of Donnie’s promises and Leo’s façades.

“You’re the one who said it, remember?” said Raph. “That night in the junkyard? There’s something going on with Donnie and Leo. Maybe they have good reasons for keeping things from each other. Maybe I have good reasons, too.”

“So, wait,” Mikey said softly, “You were avoiding me because you’ve got secrets you wanna keep, and you think I can read your mind?”

“Not exact- no, dammit Mikey, you’re doing it again!” said Raph, his hands balling into fists in what looked like frustration rather than anger, “I can’t hide anything from you, not even this. It all just starts spilling out. It’s not fair!”

“I’m not making you say anything you don’t wanna say,” said Mikey, “Everyone needs someone they can talk to. What’s wrong with talking to me?”

“There’s… things you don’t know about me, Mikey,” Raph said hesitantly. “Just trust me when I say you don’t need to figure out everything that goes on in my head.”

“I’m not _trying_ to, bro,” Mikey assured him. “I just wanna be there for you when you need to let some of those things out.”

“That’s one thing that hasn’t changed,” Raph agreed softly, offering a tiny smile to his brother. It soured into a frown a moment later, though, and he looked away. “Look, Mikey, I’ll stop avoiding you if you stop trying to get into my head. How’s that sound?”

_It sounds like you’re blaming me for something I’m not doing_ , Mikey thought to himself, but he didn’t dare say those words out loud.

“Sure, Raph,” he said instead, doing his best to smile through his confusion and frustration.

“Good,” said Raph, straightening as a smirk bloomed something familiar back onto his face. “Now, where was I…?”

Mikey yelped and attempted to dive out of the way before Raph pounced on him, but Raph was too quick.

As they wrestled in the mud, quickly becoming an even bigger mess of syrup and feathers and dirt and sweat, Mikey’s worries and confusion dissipated. He was flooded with familiar, yet somehow still completely foreign sensations; the smell of his brother, the feel of his strong arms locking his body into submission, and the hot breath in his ear. Suddenly, all of those things felt amplified, and _different_. The context hadn’t changed, but Mikey’s body didn’t seem to be getting the memo.

His skin was growing hot and sensitive, and despite his efforts, his tail was slowly relaxing away from his body. He was flooded with a sudden desire to spin in Raphael’s grip until their plastrons were pressed against one another, bodies flush until there was no space between them. But Raph’s hold had no give, and Mikey could only wait helplessly for his older brother to either pummel him or let go.

“Say it,” Raph grunted in his ear, his arms expertly pinning Mikey’s neck in a painful twist.

“Raphael is all-wise and powerful,” Mikey chanted automatically, the response almost instinctual with how often it had happened over the years.

“Damn right I am,” Raph said in a low voice that made Mikey shiver.

Releasing his brother, Raph stood up and gathered his discarded weapons, cleaning them off carefully. Mikey rose as well, making a big show about rubbing his sore neck and pouting at his older brother.

“Oh, and don’t forget about the mess you made,” Raph told him, sheathing in sai. “I’m gonna hit the showers. _Again_. But you’re gonna make sure April’s floor is just as clean as it was before. Got it?”

“You want me to scrub your shell, too, while I’m at it?” Mikey asked, rolling his eyes.

“No!” Raph cried, surprising them both with his fierce response. “Um, no. I’m good. Uh… you just focus on the mess, I’ll worry about my shell. Seeya later, Mikey!”

Raph took off, leaving a very confused Michelangelo behind to watch him run. He seemed to have solved his problem; Raph would no longer avoid him, wasn’t mad at him.

So why, then, did it feel like he’d taken one step forward and two steps back?

 

* * *

 

_Today, they choose their weapons._

_Leo, of course, discovers his calling for the twin katana before any of them even have an inkling of what to choose. Donnie and Mikey aren’t far behind, though. Mikey knows as soon as he touches them that the pair of nunchucks their father had salvaged from his old dojo are meant for him. Donnie shocks them all by picking the bo staff, and leaves them all wondering why the Turtle with the most complex brain picked the least complex weapon._

_But Raphael takes his time in choosing._

_Of course, as soon as he sees Leo holding up a sword, the hot-headed tyke tries to make a run for an even bigger one, one that Master Splinter isn’t even offering to teach because it’s too absurdly huge compared to them. Unable to even hold it up without using the strength of his entire body, Raph practically whines about it for the rest of the day, all the while their father stands steadfast in his decision._

_“How come Leo gets to learn two katana and I can’t learn just one_ odachi _?”_

_“Choose another, Raphael.”_

_And eventually, Raph does._

_After Sensei gives his son a long talk about choosing what’s best for him, and not worrying about what his brothers chose, Raphael finally decides on the short, stubby, blunt sai._

_They laugh at him because that’s what brothers do, but Raph surprises them all by insisting that this is the weapon for him. Master Splinter strokes his short whiskers and eyes his temperamental son thoughtfully._

_“I thought you wanted to ‘rip the bad guys to pieces’,” Donnie mocks him, “How’re you gonna do that with_ those _?”_

_“The sai is useful for trapping and blocking enemy attacks,” their father says sagely as Raph fights the red blooming on his cheeks. “However, if utilized properly, it can also do some severe damage to an enemy, though perhaps not as much as the katana or nunchaku.”_

_“You’re really gonna pick them, Raphie?” Mikey asks his older brother, elbowing him playfully._

_“Even if it makes me_ and _Mikey better than you?” adds Leo with a smirk._

_“Of course,” Master Splinter goes on to say, ignoring Mikey and Leo’s jibes to Raph, “In the hands of an expert wielder, the sai has been known to snap the blade of a katana.”_

_Leo shuts up then, his mouth pinching into a tight frown, while Raph shoots a smirk his way._

_Later that night, Mikey has a moment alone with his father, and ends up asking him why he thinks Raph had chosen the sai._

_“There is far more to Raphael than what he allows you to see,” says their father. “He is very strong, more than he will ever know, but he is also very afraid.”_

_“Raph? Afraid?” Mikey says, scoffing. “Raph’s not afraid of anything.”_

_“Perhaps. Raphael is also very brave,” Sensei concedes, smiling at Mikey. “His choice of weapon reflects this. At first glance, he appears to be primarily offensive, always willing to attack. Yet, he is also strategically defensive; it is this defense that gives him the_ strength _to attack.”_

“Mikey?”

He snapped out of his memory, looking up at Leo.

“Hey, bro,” he said happily, “What’s up?”

“You tell me,” Leo answered, looking amused. “Either you were deep in thought, or there’s something really interesting baking in that oven.”

Mikey swallowed and glanced back at the cookies he’d been watching bake. The rainstorm outside had cut off their electricity, and because it was late – and no one wanted to bother Donnie in the barn – they’d all just decided to get some rest. Except for Mikey, of course, who couldn’t seem to fall asleep.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Leo asked as if reading his mind. Mikey shook his head, and Leo walked over to him with the help of his crutches. “Nightmares?”

“Nah,” Mikey said with a shrug.

“Got a lot on your mind?” Leo offered instead, easing himself down to sit beside Mikey in front of the oven.

“No more than usual,” said Mikey, staring ahead. Maybe Raph was right, and he did have some sort of superpower that the others didn’t understand. Was that why his mind could race so fast while his words said so little?

“And how much is that?” Leo asked carefully. “You’ve always been quite a mystery to us.”

_Raph isn’t though, is he?_ Mikey wondered, _He needs to feel in control, like he has something to hide behind if he needs it. His defense is his strength, and somehow, for some reason, he feels like I’m taking that from him._

Maybe he _did_ have a lot on his mind, he thought, taking in the heat radiating from the oven. And maybe he baked these cookies for the oven’s warmth, and not the midnight sugar.

“Why’re _you_ up, anyway?” Mikey asked, changing the subject. “Did _you_ have nightmares?”

“No more than usual,” Leo echoed Mikey’s words with a sad smile. “The nightmares are… better, these days, since I have you guys.”

“Since you have Donnie, you mean,” said Mikey.

Leo suddenly snapped his head to look intensely into Mikey’s eyes. He studied them, as if looking for something, and in doing so left his own eyes open for Mikey to peer into.

And in them, Mikey saw fear.

“He’s the only one who can really help you,” Mikey continued, knowing something was being misunderstood here. “Talking about it can help, but Donnie’s the only one who can do something about it. And knowing he’s out there in the cold barn just for you must fill you with hope, right?”

The tension slowly slid from Leo’s face, replaced with one of his signature warm smiles. He looked away from Mikey then to stare at the cookies in the oven, and Mikey follows his example.

“Yeah,” Leo said softly, “I guess you’re right. Donnie really has helped.”

In the silence that followed, Mikey found his thoughts drifting back to Raph once again. He didn’t know why Raph thought he was trying to ‘get inside his head’ or whatever, but he did. When Raph was with Mikey, his defenses went down, and when his defenses went down…

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to give Raph some space. He wouldn’t avoid him, just… he wouldn’t chase after him anymore. Maybe he could spend more time with April instead, even if she might make him do more chores. If it would help Raph, Mikey would gladly make that sacrifice. Besides, April wasn’t bad company.

“You know, Raph was right,” Leo said suddenly, wrapping an arm around Mikey’s shoulders affectionately. “You’re a lot smarter than we give you credit for.”


	14. Cosmic Love

_**I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map** _   
_**And I knew that somehow I could find my way back** _   
_**Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too** _   
_**So I stayed in the darkness with you** _

**– “Cosmic Love” by Florence and the Machine**

* * *

 

_Snow, pure white as it is, makes the red of blood scream with color._

_Leo sees it, pooling beside him in the fresh powder, but it takes a moment for him to understand it belongs to him. He can’t make the connection between the sticky red liquid and the warmth inside of him, the sustainer of his life._

_And it’s leaving him. The life is literally leaving him…_

_“You’ve made a grave error on this day, Turtle,” says the man standing above him. The man who wants to kill his family. Whose only joy in life is seeing his father, his Sensei, in agony. “I trust my mercy will ensure you do not make it again.”_

_But this man has no mercy, Leo knows this. He has not known the meaning of the word for many, many years…_

_And he proves this now, by plunging his blade into the back of Leo’s calf muscle—_

Leo winced, feeling the now familiar phantom pain slice through the place his leg used to be. He focused on his breath, maintaining his composure and allowing the pain to wash over him like waves on a shore.

He had to continue. He had to remember. He would never get better if he didn’t.

Besides, there was something disturbingly satisfying about the pain. Sure, it hurt like hell, but it made him feel for a moment that he wasn’t crippled. It reminded him of what it was like to have a physical right leg below his knee.

And there was something else about it. Donnie told him phantom pain was largely documented by many scientists and doctors alike, but there had to be more to it than science and quantifiable data. Leo could feel it somehow, knew there was something more to it than that.

It was almost like… like his spirit was trying to tell him his leg wasn’t really gone. The flesh and bone was, of course, but his soul still had two legs, and even without the physical nerves to send electrical pulses to his brain, it was still somewhat capable of sensation.

He didn’t bring up his theory to Donnie, though. He knew he’d sound crazy, and getting Donnie to worry about his mental health too wouldn’t solve anything.

Leo inhaled deeply, felt the pain subside, and tried again.

_He proves this now, by plunging his blade into the back of Leo’s calf muscle._

_Leo screams, the sound ripped from somewhere deep inside of him, a cry of pure agony that would rival all other pain. He’s never felt this hurt, this amount of physical destruction. He can feel, and hear the muscle in his leg being sliced apart._

_It sounds like an orange being peeled—_

“Dammit,” Leo cursed under his breath, shuddering as the memory came back to him. There was so much more to it than he thought. Tiniest details revealing horrors his young mind shouldn’t ever have had to experience. But he had to let it in, now, all of it. How else was he supposed to accept it had happened and move on?

_It sounds like an orange being peeled. But Shredder isn’t done with him yet. His blade still embedded deep within Leo’s leg, the heartless man drags it upward, carving ruin into his enemy’s son._

_Leo tries to push past the pain, tries to gather up all of his energy to escape, to just get away from this nightmare, but Shredder’s a heavy man, and his metal-booted foot is planted square on Leo’s shell, holding his weakened, exhausted body down better than glue. Leo screams, tears running hot down his cheeks and the back of his throat tastes like blood._

_Shredder says nothing, probably doesn’t even flinch as he removes his blade from the mess of flesh he’s created from Leo’s leg. Leo is battered and broken and his entire body is one giant bruise, but it’s nothing compared to the fire in his leg. Even the removal of Shredder’s blade does little to relieve him of his anguish._

_He’s done, Leo thinks. He’s had his fun, and now he’ll let me die._

_But Leo is wrong. He is very, very wrong._

Leo couldn’t handle any more. He snapped out of his meditation and pushed the experiences far back into the recesses of his mind. He pulled his left knee up to his chin and sobbed, clinging to his last remaining leg as the panic subsided. Slowly but surely, he came out of his trance, and what felt like present moments became harmless memories once again.

When he was able to breathe normally again, he glanced down at his mask, set beside him, folded neatly. He’d left it there knowing he’d probably stain it with his tears during his intense effort to recall these dark memories. He didn’t want any of them to know he’d been crying.

He should be able to do this. If Donnie could stay up all night and still have energy to practice ninjutsu every day and interact with his family, Leo could face his nightmares and—

No, not nightmares. _Reality_. Shredder had done this to him, had literally torn him apart and left his heartbroken family to pick up the pieces. He’d tortured a teenage boy, had made him scream and bleed and wish for death to make the pain end.

And Leo hadn’t even forced himself to remember half of it. All he knew for certain was that it had only gotten worse with each passing second. There were dark things tucked away in his mind, pockets of negative energy he could feel clawing at the inside of his skull. And they wouldn’t go away until he worked through them, just like Mikey said.

And, as Leo was coming to understand about Mikey, the little troublemaker was actually far more insightful than they realized.

They always knew Mikey was heart-driven. Just look at what he’d accomplished with Leatherhead. Leo wondered if Mikey understood his own strength, and hid it from them on purpose. Or, as was often the case with Mikey, it was far less complicated than that, and in actuality their youngest brother was everything he seemed to be, and they were just the ones bad at reading him.

Wind rustled through the trees around him, bringing with it a few droplets of rain. Leo looked up at the sky, seeing dark clouds beyond the trees and knew he should get inside before his brothers started worrying about him.

He took a few more minutes to compose himself, pushing away any stress and fear in order to face his family. He’d done that almost all his life, but now it felt more important than ever. He couldn’t let them see this side of him – isolating himself in the woods so he could tremble at the past, cry for the uncertain future. That wasn’t the leader they knew, and Leo couldn’t allow them to see it. He took one last deep, calming breath, and then tied his mask back on.

He’d already let them down enough.

Another rush of chilly wind hit him hard enough to get him off his shell and start moving. He headed for the farmhouse, knowing exactly which direction it was and how far he was away from it. He would have never heard the end of it if he got lost out here, so he made sure that wouldn’t happen.

A few minutes later, rain began falling more consistently, urging him to move even quicker. Being a turtle meant he wasn’t afraid of a little water, but coming home soaked and chilled to the bone wasn’t a great idea.

The snap of a twig caught his attention, and he stopped, going completely still and focusing on the minute sounds of his surroundings. It was hard to hear past the rain, each droplet landing on a flat leaf sounding like a giant stomping to his heightened senses, but he tuned it out, pinpointing a sound that had him on edge.

Rough, ragged breathing, like something injured, or dangerous, or both. Fingers on a shuriken, Leo scanned the trees and bushes, ignoring how each raindrop was beginning to feel like an icy sting, and employed Master Splinter’s teachings in order to find out who was out there.

But as soon as he was attuned enough to find out, he felt alone in the woods once again. Whatever had been watching him seemed to have wandered off.

An animal, Leo decided, cautiously turning to head back though he didn’t put down his guard. Not surprising, in these woods. There were all kinds of wild animals out here. Mikey even had a few entertaining stories about being chased by them while trying to hunt.

What bothered Leo, and stayed with him for the rest of his walk back to the farmhouse, was the sensation he felt while being watched by this mystery forest creature. The animal hadn’t just watched him, curious or hungry or even indifferent.

It had been _studying_ him.

 

* * *

 

 It shouldn’t have affected him as much as it had.

Mikey kissed them all the time. Shell, he still sought them out to snuggle with them if he had a bad enough dream. While the rest of them could only be driven into that emotionally dependent, desperately affectionate state by close calls, Mikey expressed his love for his brothers every chance he got.

So why the shell was Raph getting all freaked out by one little kiss?

Sure, their lips had touched just a little bit, but Raph could blame that on their height difference. It wasn’t like Mikey had _meant_ to kiss him there. And even if he had, it’s not like it would’ve meant anything.

They were brothers, first and always. Sure, their definition of that was a little different from most – Raph didn’t know of any human brothers that still snuggled like kids – but that didn’t mean it could involve things like romance or desire. There was only so far any of them were allowed to push that boundary. It was impossible to have both.

Not that Raph wanted both! Brothers aside, Mikey was closer to a pig than a turtle when it came to food, eating anything and everything he could. It was gross! Plus, he seemed to take some kind of pleasure in messing with Raph, pranking him and teasing him endlessly. How could Raph ever want someone like that?

But at the same time, Mikey was so much more than all that surface stuff. He could be dumber than a rock sometimes, but he picked up on things no one else even thought about. Mikey probably understood them each better than they understood themselves.

And Mikey wasn’t _always_ gross. He was a pretty great cook when it came down to making something for his family. Some of his weird flavor combinations were actually pretty great.

That was the thing about Mikey, he was always thinking outside of the box, always coming up with alternative methods and ideas simply because he had a more creative mind than any of them. There was something beautiful about that, something that Raph found so precious he’d do anything to protect it.

He had to. Even if it weirded them out sometimes… a world without Mikey’s unique strangeness was not a world worth living in, simple as that.

Raph sighed and flopped his arm against the mattress, frowning when he found the sheets cold to the touch. He’d made sure his door was unlocked, night after night, but Mikey still hadn’t shown up. He’d figured after their talk that they’d gone back to normal, but maybe he was wrong. He hadn’t said something that would upset Mikey, had he?

But that still wouldn’t make sense, because if Mikey was upset he’d still come to Raph’s room and try to make amends. It took a lot for Mikey to actually pull away and brood like the rest of them, and Raph was sure whatever he’d said hadn’t been _that_ bad.

What if he went to Mikey’s room tonight?

He immediately shot down that idea, though it would solve his restlessness. He shouldn’t give in to his desires so easily.

But they weren’t desires – they were _needs_. When they got like this they _needed_ each other. He could feel his very soul being pulled out the door and into Mikey’s room. If he concentrated enough, he could feel how it would be to wrap his arms around his younger brother and know he was safe. He wanted that for Leo and Donnie, too, he wanted them all to just curl up together like old times.

First, he avoided Mikey. Now, Mikey was avoiding him. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn't they just...?

Screw these damned walls. Screw anything that kept them apart, even if it was their own hesitance and fear.

Before he could convince himself otherwise, Raph flung himself from his bed and strode over to his bedroom door. Silently twisting the knob and opening it, he peered into the dark hallway, then waited a few seconds before slipping out into the darkness. He reached Mikey’s door and twisted the knob.

With the faintest of clicks, the door yielded to Raph’s entry. Pushing it open revealed Mikey’s form curled up under a healthy supply of warm blankets, making him look more like a marshmallow than a turtle. Everything within Raph instantly softened. His anger for Donnie, his hurt at seeing Leo so broken, and his hatred for Shredder all shriveled to nothing.

What could be more important than this?

Raph silently stole across the room after shutting the door behind him. As he came closer to Mikey he noticed his little brother was shivering in his sleep, even with all the blankets. Frowning, Raph placed a hand on his brother’s forehead. He didn’t seem too hot or cold, but then Raph wasn’t the best at telling that sort of stuff. Mikey whimpered in his sleep, and Raph decided he’d had enough of speculation.

He carefully peeled back the blankets and slipped under the covers next to his brother. Without hesitation, he curled his body around Mikey’s protectively and securely, and to his surprise and satisfaction, Mikey immediately relaxed. Shifting, Mikey turned so that he was facing Raph. He curled into a tight ball and cuddled up right against Raph’s plastron, tucking his head beneath Raph’s.

“That’s it,” Raph said softly, all of his anxieties like nothing in the wake of this familiarity. “I’m here. Big bro’s gonna keep you safe.”

“Mmm,” Mikey hummed in his sleep, a happy smile growing on his face. He looked so content that Raph couldn’t help a smile of his own.

“You don’t feel cold,” Raph muttered, more to himself than his sleeping brother. “Why were you shaking before? Nightmare?”

“Hmm…” Mikey answered, nuzzling his beak against Raph’s neck. A shudder worked its way from his neck down his spine.

“W-whoa, uh, m-maybe you shouldn’t – _ah!_ ” Raph cried out in surprise as something warm and wet ran across the side of his neck. Instead of feeling weirded out by Mikey licking his neck – like he definitely _should’ve_ – he felt a shock of pleasure sing throughout his whole body.

His first instinct was to push away, but for some reason he hesitated, and that brief moment was all Mikey needed to tighten his hold. Raph could’ve easily broken out, but he didn’t want to, and—

He… didn’t want to.

“Raphie,” Mikey mumbled, mouth still against Raph’s neck. “Don’t leave.”

Did Mikey know what he’d just done, or had he done it in his sleep? Raph was too scared to ask, wasn’t sure he wanted to know. His brain seemed to be broken, he couldn’t form whole thoughts. All he could think about were Mikey’s lips against his skin, how hot his breath was on his neck.

“I-I’m not leaving, nutball,” Raph finally said, “I just got here.”

“Good,” Mikey mumbled, falling back into a restful slumber knowing Raph was by his side.

“Yeah,” Raph muttered, his hidden dick throbbing beneath his plastron due to Mikey’s intimate proximity. “G-good…”

 

* * *

 

“Do you even know how cute you are?”

Don froze, his hand dropping the tiny screwdriver he was using.

“C-come again?” he asked, turning to face Leo, who was seated a few feet from him, a book in his hands. Of course, his attention was no longer on said book, but rather was placed solely on Don himself.

“You heard me,” Leo said, his smile confident and teasing. “You’re not doing it on purpose, are you?”

“Doing what on purpose?”

“Sticking your tongue out like that while you work,” Leo told him, finally closing his book and setting it aside. He scooted his wheeled desk chair closer to Don, who was finding it very hard to breathe, suddenly. “Are you trying to seduce me, Donatello?”

“N-no, I… I just. I do that, I guess. Um…”

“Because it’s working,” Leo finished softly, leaning in to press their lips together in a sensual kiss. Don’s chest rumbled like an earthquake, a churr rolling out of him easily. “It’s been a while.”

It had been. Their first sexual experience in the bath together had been wonderful, but Don hadn’t felt very confident after that to make another move. The thought had crossed his mind plenty of times, however – he was a teenage boy, after all – but the timing never felt right. It was too risky during the day, and Don was usually too tired at night. Cuddling each night was easy because it was familiar, and so it felt safe. Everything beyond that still felt taboo, even kissing behind closed doors.

“I want to go further,” Leo said when Don was silent. Leo’s thumb traced along Don’s cheek as he cupped it sweetly. “If you’re okay with that.”

That was definitely more than kissing behind closed doors. A lot more than mutual masturbation in a bath tub. It was so beyond the few things they’d done that Don found himself wanting it, despite the alarm bells going off in his more rational mind.

“I am,” Don whispered, his heart fluttering at Leo’s sweet gestures. “Are you?”

As always, Leo knew exactly what Don was talking about. He smiled, a hint of sheepishness shining through the confidence.

“You can teach me,” Leo said, “If I do something wrong, just tell me, and I’ll make sure I do it right.”

“It’s not like I’ve got any more experience than you,” Don pointed out.

“Yeah, but you tend to know a lot about everything,” Leo answered with a smile.

Leo leaned in for another kiss, this time setting his hands on Don’s cheeks. The genius sighed into Leo's lips, melting against him as he began massaging his way down Don’s neck and shoulders. Too soon for Don’s liking, Leo broke the kiss, inhaling a shaky breath.

“Come on,” Leo said, kicking off of Don’s desk with his good leg, sending him rolling in the chair to reach for his crutches.

“Huh?”

“I’m not making love to you in this barn,” Leo said firmly, his words sparking heat in Don’s gut. “It smells, and there’s nothing comfortable to lay on.”

“We don’t have to do it lying down,” Don said, his words once again preceding his filter to catch them. “Uh, I mean—”

“We can get creative later,” Leo said, wheeling back over. He took Don’s face in his hands again. “Right now, I want you to be mine.”

“R-right _now_?” Don asked, tripping over Leo’s choice of words again. Leo nodded and stood, easily balancing his weight on his crutches and heading for the door. “What about the others?”

“April and Casey went to the store for supplies,” Leo reminded him, “Mikey and Raph are out hunting.”

“They could be back any minute!”

Leo stopped at the partly open barn door and turned, staring at Don with absolutely no filter to hide his desire.

“Then we should probably hurry,” he said softly, his voice low and smooth.

Don swore his heart stopped beating for a second. For the first time in a while, he took in the sight of his brother. Bare of most of his gear, Don could make out the subtle curvature of Leo’s body. He traced the defined muscles of his thighs, his arms, and stared a little too long at the spot on Leo’s neck he’d love to just—

“Donnie?”

“Coming!” he squeaked. He swiped the cube containing the Kraang chip off of his desk and tucked it into his belt, then jumped out of his chair and rushed over to Leo. Before he could even react, Don scooped Leo into his arms. Leo gave a short cry of surprise and looked at Don questioningly. “It’s, um, faster this way.”

“Sure,” Leo said with a chuckle. He laid his crutches on top of himself to make it easier for Don to carry him.

The walk between the barn and the farmhouse felt like an eternity. The sun was high in the sky, casting a warmth onto them both as Don strolled across the field with Leo in his arms. It felt daring to hold Leo like this when it wasn’t an emergency. If anyone came back right now, it might look like…

But he could come up with something, he was sure. He was a genius, after all, and besides, he’d come up with an excuse to make sure they were able to sleep in the same room. Convincing any of the others that carrying Leo bridle style across the field was necessary should be easy enough.

Don felt Leo’s eyes on him as he walked, but he couldn’t gather the courage to meet his brother’s eyes. He felt like he would burst into flames at any moment. Anxiety gnawed at him with each step, and despite the sudden tightness in his shell, he still felt a familiar fluttery worry in the pit of his gut.

“You’re sure you’re okay with this, Donnie?”

“Of course,” Don said right away, clearing his throat. “I just… It’s…”

“I know,” said Leo. “I feel it too.”

Relief flooded through Don’s system and he finally met Leo’s eyes. He saw nothing but affection and sincerity reflected in the endless blue irises.

Don carried Leo into the farmhouse and up the stairs, kicking open their bedroom door quietly, then closing it behind them. Instead of setting Leo down, Don walked over to their bed and leaned over it, gently laying his brother down on the soft sheets. The act was slow and sensual, and neither of them could resist bringing their lips together once more.

It never got old, kissing Leo. Don doubted it ever would. Leo’s hands found Don’s mask tails and began playfully tugging on them. As their lips found a familiar rhythm, Don began to divest himself of what little ‘clothing’ he wore – making sure to be careful with his belt, of course, since it held the cube with the Kraang chip in it – and did the same for Leo until they were both stark naked.

Don, still leaning over his prone brother, smiled against Leo’s lips.

“Top or bottom?” Don breathed, his hands unable to stop roaming Leo’s body. When Don’s fingers skimmed the growing bulge at Leo’s lower plastron, he sucked in a breath.

“C-considering how well me trying to top worked _last_ time…” Leo said, trailing off.

“I told you there’s more than one way,” Don reminded him, offering a small smile. Leo blushed, the faint red on his cheeks complimenting the stark blue of his eyes and mask.

“What do _you_ want?” Leo asked, searching Don’s eyes.

Thankfully, the choice wasn’t hard for Don. He already knew what he liked from his own solo explorations, and that was receiving. Not because he was meek or anything, but because having something inside of him felt incredibly satisfying. Not to mention hitting that special spot was on a whole different level of awesome.

But being on the receiving end didn’t have to be synonymous with being submissive. And now that they were in bed, with him hovering over Leo like this, alone together, Don felt his anxieties float away, and darker, more primal urges seeping into their place.

What did Donatello want? He wanted to ride his lover and make him scream. He wanted to pin Leo to the bed and mingle their scents until there was no distinction between them. He wanted to feel Leo’s cock deep inside of him, filling him with his hot seed, crying out his name as he came…

And now, nothing but his own insecurities could stop that from happening. Beneath him lie a willing, and clearly very eager Leonardo, practically offering himself to Don. Behind closed doors, with Leo as his only witness, Don finally felt free enough to seek out his desires.

“What I want is you,” he said, giving Leo another quick kiss. He smiled when Leo immediately went to return it, chasing him as he pulled away. But instead of drifting too far, he swung his leg over Leo’s body and planted himself on Leo’s pelvis, straddling his brother and leaning forward until his mouth was right next to Leo’s ear. “ _All_ of you.”

He felt Leo shiver beneath him, and confidence swelled through his chest.

“I want you inside of me, Leo. Would you do that for me? Will you _fuck_ me, Leo?”

“D-Donnie…” Leo moaned, the sound shooting straight to Don’s cock. Fuck, Leo sounded good like that, all hot and bothered by dirty talk Don was making up on the spot. “I-I can’t—”

“You don’t have to do anything,” Don assured him, soothing Leo’s frown with a series of soft, light kisses until it went away. “Just relax. I’ll take care of you, Leo.”

“I know you will, Donnie,” said Leo, stroking Don’s arm tenderly.

Don smiled, breaking out of his lustful haze for a moment to take in his lover’s face. They were doing this. They were really doing this. Okay, he had to focus. Back to the dirty talk and dominating traits he’d just employed, since Leo seemed to enjoy that so much…

Don reached between his legs, his hands flat against Leo’s plastron. He’d positioned himself so that he could palm Leo’s hidden erection while still straddling him. He was very careful not to even touch Leo’s stump, or anywhere near it, for fear it would ruin everything.

“Place your hands on my thighs,” Don said, suppressing a churr when Leo did as he was bid. “Good… Is there someplace else you want to touch me?”

“I, ah…”

“Yes, Leo?”

“Y-your butt…” Leo muttered, going red in the face.

“Do it.”

Without further question, Leo’s hands slid around to cup Don’s ass. Don sucked in a breath when Leo squeezed his flesh, seemingly unable to help himself.

“That’s it, Leo,” Don encouraged, pressing down a bit more firmly against Leo’s now barely-contained erection. Leo churred at the feeling, his eyes closing for a moment as he drank in the sensation. “I want you to keep doing that. Touch me whenever you want to, wherever you want to. I’m yours.”

“S-same here,” Leo stuttered, “I-I mean about the t-touching and— _hng_ , t-the being yours… part… _Uhn!_ ”

Leo dropped down into Don’s waiting palm. The genius eagerly gripped the warm shaft and began pumping it to its full size. Leo squeezed Don’s ass with one hand, while his other drifted even further around to play with Don’s tail.

“ _Good_ , Leo,” Don praised, shifting his hips as the pleasure rolled through him. Their tails had always been very sensitive, which is why they usually kept them hidden. “You’re doing so well…”

Leo either didn’t hear him, or didn’t process anything he’d said. The look on his face was lewd; he was peeking up at Don through one half-open eye, his mouth partly open and panting lightly as the pleasure began to build. Don swallowed, his own cock making an appearance to join Leo’s.

Don squeezed Leo’s dick on a slower upward stroke. Leo hissed at the firm pressure, and a generous amount of precum oozed from his tip. Don gathered the slippery substance onto his finger and shifted his position. He came up onto his knees, his body hovering over Leo’s just enough for him to reach down and paint his anus with Leo’s desire.

“Shell, Donnie, that’s beyond hot,” Leo choked out, his eyes locked on Don’s busy fingers.

Don knew he should keep up the game he was playing with Leo, but in truth the comment was so sudden and bold that he paused, his face burning red. Without saying a single word, he sat down fully on his index finger, pushing past the initial tight ring of muscle around his entrance.

“It gets better,” Don breathed. His dick twitched at the sensation of having his ass filled once again, though this time it was even better because he knew he would be getting much more than his finger.

As he worked his muscles loose, Don lazily stroked Leo’s dick to keep him occupied. He wasn’t sure he’d need to, though, with the completely enamored stare Leo was giving him. The leader couldn’t take his eyes off of Don’s finger disappearing repeatedly into his ass.

“T-there’s a spot inside males that feels really good,” Don explained, “I can’t always reach it, but it still feels good just having something inside…”

Leo’s breathing was irregular, and his hands kept routinely squeezing Don’s flesh. He gently pinched the tip of Don’s tail, and the genius curled the appendage around Leo’s finger affectionately.

“It won’t hurt you?” Leo asked, finally tearing his eyes from the show to meet Don’s. “When I…”

“Not if I do this first,” Don said. “It loosens up the muscles, allows them to stretch. It’d be easier with lubrication, but I can’t exactly ask April to go buy some of that for us. Our precum should be enough.”

“’Should be’?” Leo asked, worry showing on his face.

“Will be,” Don corrected, “You’re the self-sacrificing type, not me. If it’s too painful, we’ll stop.”

“Okay,” Leo said, his thumb running soothingly along Don’s thigh. Don breached himself with a second finger, hissing at the intrusion. “It _does_ hurt.”

“Distract me,” Don said, mirroring what Leo had told him last time they shared a bath.

Immediately, Leo sat up, wrapping his arms around Don’s waist and interlocking them behind his shell. He went for Don’s lips first, kissing him slowly. As soon as Don began to try and up the pace, Leo pulled away, but he didn’t go far. He trailed a line of kisses across Don’s cheeks, lowering them down to his neck. Don tilted his head, offering himself up to his brother. With a faint rolling churr, Leo inhaled deeply, flicking out his tongue as Don’s scent ran through his system. Don sighed as Leo found that delicate spot along his neck, a new kind of electricity sparking up his spine.

It was one of their vulnerable spots, one that wasn’t protected beneath their shell like their internal organs. Having Leo’s teeth nibble at such a sensitive area was about so much more than the pleasure. Letting Leo attack a place like that was a sign of complete and utter trust; it was Don proving to Leo that he was perfectly okay with having his life in Leo’s hands.

And as always, Don's trust in Leo was not misplaced. When offered such a sensitive spot, all Leo did was play with it, kissing and loving it just as sweetly as he held Don against him. If he could give Leo his very life, he could definitely give him his ass.

“I-I’m ready,” Don sighed, reluctant to say it only because he didn’t want Leo to stop what he was doing. Leo pulled away, and Don felt the loss keenly in the form of a sudden blast of cold to his neck.

Without another word, Don lifted his hips, once more balancing his weight on his knees and the balls of his feet. He pulled his fingers from his anal passage and gently guided Leo’s dripping erection to his entrance.

“You promise me it won’t hurt you?” Leo asked, staring hard into Don’s eyes, looking for honesty.

“It won’t if you let me set the pace,” Don answered. He gave Leo a soft kiss before pulling back with a smile. “This is going to feel very good for both of us, Leo, I promise.”

Leo nodded, biting his lower lip as Don pressed the head of Leo’s cock against his anus. Slowly and gently he began to lower himself onto his brother’s dick, feeling his muscles stretch wonderfully at the intrusion.

“You weren’t kidding,” Leo breathed, moaning against Don’s lips. “You’re amazing, Donnie. You feel _s-so_ _good_ …”

Don smiled, sitting fully on Leo’s cock and letting himself adjust to his brother’s size. He couldn’t stop touching Leo, running his hands over his lover like he couldn’t stand not to. He massaged his shoulders softly, then played with Leo’s mask tails, then held Leo’s gorgeous face in his hands, thumbing his cheeks affectionately.

It would be so easy to say it. He could feel the words ready to fall from the tip of his tongue, but he wasn’t fooled. He knew their true weight, all the damage they could cause. He knew not saying them wouldn’t make the feelings go away, wouldn’t stop his heart from racing every time he looked into the blue abyss of Leo’s eyes, but he _couldn’t_ —

He wasn’t _strong_ enough—

So he did the next best thing. He brought Leo’s face to his and kissed him. Slower this time, softer. He began to move, easing himself into a gentle rhythm, and as their bodies became one so did their breath. Leo exhaled a shaky sigh, a moan dancing on his air and straight into Don’s mouth. Don could feel the heat – hotter than usual, he noted – and his lungs drank in everything Leo had to give.

And as they made love for the first time, Don realized how much he needed it. He’d spent so much of his time cooped up in that barn doubting himself and pretending he wasn’t riding on a whole lot of hope, a whole lot of _nothing_ instead of his capabilities as a genius. It was so freeing, to forget about his responsibilities and just surrender to the basic pleasures that kept his higher brain functions working.

Don leaned back very slightly, and the angle allowed Leo to hit his prostate. He broke the kiss to cry out at the sudden burst of pleasure, resting his forearms on Leo’s shoulders.

“G-good?” Leo stuttered, his eyes half closed but trained on Don’s like magnets.

“Yeah, very good…” Don breathed, his thighs trembling as he ground down against Leo’s hips once more, hitting that spot again. “ _H-holy_ …”

Leo churred, squeezing Don’s ass hard and going in for his neck again. As Don bounced on Leo’s cock, the leader shoved Don down to meet each thrust of his own. Leo didn’t have much leverage with just one leg, but it appeared he wasn’t letting that stop him from taking charge.

Gone was the notion that Don was in control here. He'd given up on the dirty talk and air of confidence a while ago, and now all he could do was submit to Leo’s power. He whimpered as his senses began to shift into overdrive, and the only conscious thoughts he could process were of Leo. The way his thrusts were so strong they were making his entire body shake. The way his teeth grazed over his pulse point, playing with his life so dangerously but so precisely. The shape and girth of his dick pounding deep inside of him, hitting that spot with unerring accuracy, so exactly like every one of his movements.

Leo was everything Donatello wanted. He was everything he needed. He was quick, and measured, and he always knew what to do, even when Don didn’t. And when the weight of the world came crashing down around him, burying him so deep underground he couldn’t see a way out, Leo was always there to dig him out, to remind him where the sky was.

“Leo,” Don moaned into his brother’s ear, feeling his entire body shudder with imminent release. “Leo…”

“D-Donnie, I…” Leo panted, “Oh god, I… I’m…!”

Leo came first, his hot seed shooting deep inside of Don, marking him as his own, making their bodies one. The heat, along with the sudden lubrication easing their movements just that much more, triggering Don’s own orgasm. For those few blissful minutes of absolute pleasure, Donatello forgot everything he knew about everything. Schematics, hydraulics, mechanics, chemical compositions, everything he’d studied so carefully ever since he could read.

“ _Ah!_ Oh, Leo! Yes, _yes_ , mmm…!”

Cum spurted from his dick, most of it landing on their plastrons. A small amount landed on Leo’s cheek – a fact Don only noticed after the fact. As he came down from the high, bathing in the afterglow, he barely even thought about what he was doing as he licked his essence from Leo’s cheek, swallowing his own ejaculate.

Leo stared at him for a few moments, stunned at what Don had just done, and all Don could do was stare right back, waiting for his leader to say something about it being disgusting or strange.

And then Leo kissed him. Fiercely, passionately, unrelenting in his effort to prove something to Don. His teeth nibbled at Don’s lips, then soothed away the pain with the heat from his tongue. When Leo finally pulled away, Don’s lips felt swollen and tender, and he loved the sting of pain that came with it.

“I need you, Donatello,” Leo told him. “Sometimes you’re the only thing that keeps me here. I feel like, without you, I… I don’t know what I’d do.”

Don’s heart swelled in his chest, Leo’s words like fireworks in his mind. He pressed his forehead against Leo’s, staring at the stark blue of his irises.

“I need you too, Leo,” Don admitted. _I need you like I need air,_ he thought.


	15. Perfect

_**I’m not perfect** _   
_**But I keep trying** _   
_**‘Cause that’s what I said I would do** _   
_**From the start** _

**– “Perfect” by Hedley**

* * *

When Raphael woke up, he was clinging to Mikey’s body with every piece of his own. His arms were wrapped tight around Mikey’s shell, his legs bent at the knees and crossed at the ankles behind Mikey’s. Even the nutball’s head was tucked under Raph’s chin. Sometime in the night, Raph had completely encased his brother's body with his own.

For a while after opening his eyes, Raph didn’t move. He felt rigid, and wanted to stretch, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Other than the stiff limbs from sleeping more than a few hours, he was very comfortable.

And it kind of scared him.

Because this wasn’t the calm, soothing feeling of cuddling with his sibling after a few horrific nightmares. It was warm, and filling, like drinking hot chocolate by a fire on a cold night. He had never felt that before – at least, not about an actual person, but he still knew exactly what it meant.

He just... couldn’t really put it into words. Or maybe he could, but he was afraid to. If he gave the thought validation, that would make it real.

These feelings being real would be wrong, unhealthy, harmful. So he tucked the thought away, and did his best to ignore it.

Mikey squirmed in his sleep, his legs rubbing along Raph’s since they were so entwined. Only, Raph had wrapped his legs around Mikey’s, which meant they were between his, which meant the place they were rubbing wasn’t all that innocent a place to be rubbing…

Raph groaned softly, very aware of the problem down south that was beginning to peek out of its pocket. A swift glance told him he’d drop down any second, and their proximity meant Mikey would probably end up with a very damp leg.

And that was wrong – that was _so_ wrong. He couldn’t do that to his little brother, even though he wanted to…

He _did_ want to. He’d already accepted that because it made sense. When Mikey had kissed him back at that old guy’s junkyard, he’d felt the stirring in his lower plastron, the swell in his heart. He knew what it meant then, too, but he was so afraid of those feelings, of having them for Mikey.

This was beyond messed up, and it wouldn’t just affect Raph if he took the wrong step here. He couldn’t allow himself to succumb to it like all of his other demons and—

Mikey squirmed again, his leg brushing up against Raph’s swollen erection.

“Damn,” Raph moaned, suppressing a shudder.

No, no, this was not right. He couldn’t go down this road. Not with Mikey; not if there was the _slightest_ chance he’d hurt Mikey.

Gently detangling himself from Mikey’s arms, Raph carefully snuck out of bed and headed for the door. He cracked it open, peeking into the hallway to make sure no one else was nearby, before darting to the bathroom at the end of the hall, one hand covering his barely contained erection.

As soon as the bathroom door closed behind him, he dropped down. Ignoring his desires for a moment, he turned on the shower and stepped under the spray of clean, hot water.

He grasped his dick and began stroking, shuddering as a wave of pleasure coursed through him. As he jerked himself off, his mind began to run, conjuring images of his fantasies. Usually, those images had no faces, were merely shadows with the proper equipment to cater to his desires. He’d see himself holding them down, fucking them hard as they begged him for more.

This time, though, the image had a face. Unsurprisingly, it was Mikey’s.

Raph felt incredibly dirty for masturbating to his brother, but being filthy was what got him off. And at least this was harmless, thinking about it behind closed doors, privately, without actually doing anything to hurt Mikey. It was harmless, and it was incredibly hot, so Raph let his mind wander.

Closing his eyes, he saw Mikey going down on him, kneeling before him in the shower and lapping his tongue along the bottom of his dick. Raph churred at the thought. Even in his fantasies Mikey was a mischievous little shit.

It went on that way for a few more minutes, his mind switching their positions, having him drive his cock deep inside of Mikey, his little brother pressed flush against the wall, keening in delight at feeling his ass to thoroughly filled…

Raph came all over the shower wall, biting his bottom lip to keep his voice down. When his vision cleared, he saw his mess had already been washed down the drain, leaving no trace of his sins behind.

He felt dirty again, but this time it was no longer stimulating like before. Instead, he sat down in the shower, letting the water run down his body, washing away sweat and grime from the day before. Maybe if he sat there long enough, it’d wash away his guilt, too.

He couldn’t be with Mikey. Even if it could happen, even if Mikey could reciprocate this… whatever it was, it wouldn’t end well. Setting aside the fact they’re brothers, it just wouldn’t work. Not the way Raph wished it could, at least. Raph was all fire and hunger and rage, and Mikey would get crushed – no, _consumed_ by him, the little ball of sunshine that he was.

And that was just the tip of the iceberg.

All four brothers knew what sex was, and the general mechanics of it from the awkward talk Splinter had tried to give them many years ago. But Raph didn’t know how much of it Mikey had been paying attention for, whether he even understood desire, or felt it. How would he react to Raph’s? They all knew how mad Raph could get, how upset. But none of them could possibly understand how _ravenous_ he could be when he wanted something bad enough.

And thanks to some great, divine joke, he wanted Mikey bad.

He pictured himself pinning Mikey to a wall, claiming his neck where his scent was the strongest and grinding roughly against his body. He imagined the blank shock on his innocent brother’s face, maybe scared, definitely freaked out. Mikey was more resilient than all of them combined, but if he hardly knew a thing about sex, seeing Raph like that might terrify him, might drive them apart.

Raph sighed, drawing his legs to his chest and burying his face against his knees and forearms. He couldn’t let this get away from him. This time, he had to work even harder to keep these feelings down, or else find some other method of release. He couldn’t let Mikey know what was going through his head.

Especially not now that he himself knew what was inside it.

 

* * *

 

When Leo woke up, he was almost painfully hard.

Without hesitation, he dropped into his hand, flashes of his dream still replaying in his mind. He’d dreamed of Donnie, bent over on all fours as Leo took him from behind, teasing him with a medium pace, just enough so Donnie was left wanting, begging him for more…

“Good morning to you too, Leo,” Donnie said from beside him, making Leo sleepily shift his gaze to his brother. Without another word, their lips connected, igniting a fire in Leo’s gut that he couldn’t act on. Not without causing him pain. He’d have to wait until he got his leg back to do everything he saw in his dreams.

For now, though, he found he really wanted Donnie to get back on his lap again…

“Want you…” Leo slurred, hazy from grogginess and desire. “Can we do it again, Donnie?”

“Mm, not… not that I don’t want to,” Donnie said in between Leo’s kisses. He groaned when Leo nipped his bottom lip gently. “But I’m a bit sore, and… W-we’ve got alternatives.”

“I’m up for alternatives,” Leo said with a smile, snaking his hand around Donnie’s neck. He knew he couldn’t rest his body over Donnie’s like he wanted to, but laying on his left side didn’t hurt his stump, and it brought him closer to his brother. In this position he was able to grind his exposed dick against Donnie’s body, aiming for the exact spot he knew would drive his genius wild.

“You seem ‘up’ in general,” Donnie pointed out, his eyes half lidded with desire. God, but he looked divine like that. That complicated brain of his reduced to near mush as his body demanded raw unfettered pleasure…

The thought made Leo’s cock twitch, which Donnie no doubt felt against his body.

“Guess I am,” he said against Donnie’s lips, before moving once more to the junction of his neck. He took a deep breath, inhaling the alluring scent of his brother’s arousal, which fueled his own desires. He wrapped both arms around Donnie, pulling him as close as possible to himself. “You smell so good…”

“You smell even better,” Donnie said, shuddering in Leo’s arms. “My… derrière is out of commission, but I’ve got another idea.”

“Am I going to like this idea?” Leo asked, mildly cautious.

“Don’t you always like my ideas?” Donnie teased.

“Not when they end in unnecessary explosions,” Leo said with a soft chuckle.

“Aw, you’re no fun,” Donnie said. “But yes, you will like this one. It’s sort of adventurous.”

The lower tone of Donnie’s voice as he said that last word was enough to pique Leo’s interest. He pulled away from licking and biting and his lover’s neck to stare into his redwood eyes.

“How adventurous?”

Instead of answering, Donnie moved for a demonstration. He sat up, pushed Leo gently back onto his shell, and carefully swung his leg over his body. He ended up seated on Leo’s lap, facing the opposite direction Leo had expected to see him.

“Now, just go with your gut,” Donnie told him, slowly bending over so that his exposed tail could wag in front of Leo’s face. “It’s rarely wrong. Plus, I want to see if you can get where I’m going with this.”

Donnie gave him no further warning before leaning forward, closing the distance between his mouth and Leo’s aching dick. The effect was instantaneous; Leo made a choked noise, gripping the sheets at the force of the pleasure coursing through him. He’d never even thought of that, Donnie putting his mouth there. It hadn’t even been a thought in his mind.

And now he was seeing Donnie’s mouth in an entirely new way. He’d explored it at some length with his own, their tongues dancing until he’d memorized every inch of it. But now he could feel it in an even more intimate place, felt every swirl of Donnie’s tongue, every minute movement. How his jaw worked open to take him in, the back of his throat contracted against the head of his dick whenever it hit it.

Leo knew he’d come soon, but he wasn’t about to let Donnie go without his own release. Doing as Donnie said, following his gut, Leo let his tongue peek out. He began lapping against the bulge in Donnie’s lower plastron, which was conveniently right next to his mouth.

Donnie made a noise of approval against Leo’s cock, and the slight vibration of his vocal chords sent a shudder running up Leo’s spine. As soon as Donnie dropped down, Leo reached out and guided his lover’s dick into his willing mouth, as eager to please as Donnie.

The taste was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. All he knew was that he liked it. It was distinctly Donnie, as unique as his scent, his voice, that enchanting color of his eyes. Leo reveled in it, trying to copy Donnie’s techniques with his own tongue. The sounds coming out of his lover suggested whatever Leo was doing, he was doing it right.

The feeling of having Donnie’s mouth around his member was quite different from being buried deep inside of him. It felt like there was more control this way, more attention to detail. The tongue was an amazing muscle, and Leo found new things to like about it with every passing second.

“Leo…” Donnie moaned, briefly removing his mouth from Leo’s dick to take a much needed breath of air. Leo did the same, though he kept the tip of his tongue trained on the head of Donnie’s penis, lapping up the steadily leaking beads of precum and enjoying its unique flavor. “Ngh, y-yes…”

Encouraged, Leo gripped the backs of Donnie’s thighs, his fingers digging into the supple flesh. His thumbs nestled just under the curve of Donnie’s ass, effectively cupping the cheeks in his palms. As he felt Donnie’s thighs begin to quiver, his hips bucking gently as he approached his orgasm, Leo reached one hand to tweak the tip of Donnie’s tail.

“Mmph!” Donnie cried out, his mouth full of Leo’s dick. His hips jerked in a rough thrust, his thighs trembling in ecstasy as his cum shot directly down Leo’s throat. Surprised, but quick to adjust, Leo swallowed the slippery substance. The sound of the cum squirting from Donnie’s dick rang in his ears, the taste flooding his senses until all he knew was pleasure.

Leo’s churr started somewhere deep within his chest and bloomed out of him. He could feel it rumbling throughout his body. He didn’t hesitate, held nothing back as everything he was, everything he was going through came rushing out of him.

All of this desperation, this clinging to another being with everything he had after having lost it all.

Donnie was his _new_ everything. He was the only one who could complete him like this, could fill that void of doubt, fear, pain. Donnie was the only one who could fix him, and the realization that Leo had to hold onto that, or risk losing everything, made his orgasm that much more powerful because it was filled not only with desire, but _need_.

Life-changing, undeniable need.

Donnie continued licking gently at Leo’s wilting cock, sending jolts of pleasure through his overly sensitive system. He squirmed, a whine escaping his throat. Donnie chuckled at the noise.

“Sorry,” he said, finally releasing Leo’s member. Donnie sat up, carefully getting off of Leo so he could lay beside him. They settled together so naturally, their bodies fitting so perfectly it was almost alarming. “So, uh, was that adventurous enough for you?”

In response, Leo simply stared at Donnie, words escaping him. He watched a bead of sweat travel from Donnie’s forehead down his chin. He memorized the flushed, sated look on his brother’s face, and tucked that memory away because even in his own exhausted haze he knew how precious it was.

He shifted onto his side again, took Donnie’s face in his hands, and kissed him long and slow. Their lust had died down for now, but lust wasn’t all that made a kiss wonderful. It was the mUSC, the rhythm of their tongues, their pulses syncing until their hearts beat as one.

Leo knew then that he could never give this up. Not even if his family didn’t approve. Not even if his father ordered him to stop. Not even if the whole world would end otherwise.

“Donnie, I—”

“I’m almost done with your leg,” Donnie blurted suddenly. The words overrode any other emotion Leo could’ve felt at having been interrupted, and he froze in Donnie’s arms.

“What?” he muttered, his own voice sounding far, far away.

“It’s almost done,” Donnie repeated. “I know it probably didn’t look like it last night, but it’s true. I’ve finished the hard parts. The inner mechanism is complete and calibrated. I just need to assemble it, and then you can test it out.”

“I can… test?” Leo asked, still in a daze. He saw Donnie’s mouth running, understood that he was speaking, but it was as if his mind had put up a filter. He could only catch certain words. Words he needed to hear. Like “finished,” and “complete,” and “ _can_.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll work,” Donnie hurried to say, “I just want to make sure it works the way it should, you know?”

“Of course,” Leo said, hating how clinical he sounded. To soothe out that tone, he pressed a soft kiss to the tip of Donnie’s snout, enjoying his cute blink of surprise at the gesture. “Thank you, Donnie. I owe you so much more than I can ever repay.”

“Yeah, well, so does the rest of the family, but what’s one more giant debt on top of another?” Donnie smirked, nudging Leo’s snout playfully with his own.

Donnie was teasing, but the words still gave Leo pause. He wasn’t the only one who owed Donnie a great debt. How could they have possibly conquered some of their most deadly enemies without Donnie’s ingenuity?

They had all each saved each other’s lives countless times. In that, debt was simply forgotten. It became a baseline, another routine, to keep each other safe.

But with Donnie it was different. He had saved them all in other ways – in addition to the baseline. Less dire, perhaps, but no less important. He’d made their lives in the sewers into a cool alternative, overshadowing the truth of their exile with everything that made a place a home.

And what had any of them ever done for him in return?

Leo knew what _he’d_ done. He’d asked for more. More time, more stress, more work for his already overworked little brother. Get it done, Donnie. Faster, Donnie. Can’t you fix this, Donnie?

Leo swallowed, suddenly feeling sick.

“I wish we could even begin to repay you for all you’ve done for us,” Leo insisted quietly.

“I was only kidding, Leo,” Donnie said with a frown. “I meant it when I said you owe me nothing. I’d do anything for my family, any of us would. That never has a price.”

Didn’t it, though? Was the only reason Donnie did so much more than the rest of them because he _could_? If all of them were geniuses, would the burden be evenly distributed amongst them?

His doubt died when Donnie kissed him again. It was soft, sweet, at first. But then Donnie opened his mouth and stole Leo’s air from his lungs, and soon both of them were panting and moaning, hands roaming freely along each other’s bodies.

And yet – and this was strange – there was nothing sexual about it.

Leo didn’t feel a stir in his loins, yet he wanted more. There was something desperate about the kiss, something telling but he couldn’t quite figure it out. All he knew was that he was starving for Donnie, but not in the way he was a few minutes ago. It was only when Donnie pulled away that Leo remembered he needed air to breathe.

“Two days,” Donnie promised. “Two days and I’ll have you walking again. Nothing will stop me this time.”

“Donnie, maybe we shouldn’t—”

“Nothing,” Donnie repeated firmly. “Don’t you trust me, Leo?”

“With my life,” Leo breathed.

“Then trust me with this,” Donnie said. “You’re getting your leg back in two days, no matter the cost.”

Leo frowned, but nodded, because there was no convincing Donnie he was wrong in this. But as they left their bed and got ready for the day, Leo couldn’t get one thought out of his head.

If Leo owed Donnie nothing – if none of them owed him anything – then who was supposed to pay that cost?

 

* * *

 

Two days later, Don’s promise became a reality.

The genius sat staring at his creation for a while after placing the final screw into place. He wanted to make sure it was perfect before announcing its completion to Leo, but he wasn’t entirely sure what to look for.

Mechanically, it was sound. It was supposed to work similarly to Metalhead’s limbs, only with more fluid, quiet movement thanks to the padded design. Don had worked with Kraang tech before, but only in terms of mechanics. The bridge between organic and inorganic present in the Kraangdroids, as well as their other technology, had always fascinated him, but he hadn’t had any time to study its specifics. He wasn’t entirely sure what it was specifically about these chips that made the flesh to metal interface possible, and he was tired of sitting in this barn hypothesizing.

Science, and its success, is dependent on trial and error, gathering data until a resolute conclusion is reached. Promising Leo he would get this right was one thing, but in his haste to make sure Leo clung to hope rather than fall into despair, Don had effectively promised he’d get it right on his _first try_.

And that was all that scared him now. The thought that maybe he’d gotten it wrong this first time, and that he’d have to test his other theories until one of those was right, and with his every failure, Leo’s hope would slowly drain away. And after enough failures, Leo would become unreachable, distant beyond repair. He’d revert to that husk Don pulled out of the bath tub forever ago, the light in his eyes gone, the strength in his voice abandoned.

Don would do anything to keep that from happening. He only wished it was in his power to do so.

All he could do was try, and he hated it. He hated not having a simple solution to this mess. He hated the feeling of dread hanging over him like a dark cloud, of having to smile when his insides were on fire. He was the doctor, the mechanic, the you-break-it-I-fix-it turtle, and if he couldn’t do this, what reason would Leo ever have to trust him in anything else?

And what if there was no solution? What if he couldn’t find any?

_What if, what if, what if…_

“It’s finished,” Don told himself, his head in his hands. He hadn’t realized he was pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes until it started hurting. When he pulled them away, purple static swam in his vision, slowly clearing and leaving a dull ache behind. “It’s done. I’ll show him, we’ll try it, and if it doesn’t work… if it doesn’t, then I’ll just keep trying. I have to. I have to keep trying…”

But what if he kept trying, and _still_ he couldn’t—

“I’ll _keep_ trying,” he said again, trying to beat back the mist of his mental doubt with the more tangible volume of his voice. “That’s all I can do. I promised I would. I won’t stop trying until—”

_Until when, Donatello? What is your breaking point?_

“Ugh…” Don groaned, a headache blooming just behind his eyes.

No more of this. He had to show Leo, _now_ , or he feared he never would. He couldn’t progress further without knowing if it would even work at all.

It was late, well past the time everyone else had turned in for the night. Don expected to find Leo in their bedroom, but instead found him wide awake on the living room couch, curled up under a blanket and watching reruns of _Space Heroes._

Don smiled to himself, but it soured into a frown as the relentless self doubt creeped back into his head.

_What if, what if, what if…_

“Are you just gonna stand there, or are you gonna join me?”

Don blinked, snapping out of his thoughts to meet Leo’s eyes. His brother smiled, and nodded his head, a gesture for him to come over.

“A-actually, I wanted to show you something,” Don said, swallowing nervously. “It’s, uh, it’s in the barn.”

Leo sat up straighter, his mouth opening, then snapping shut.

“Did you…? Is it…?”

“Yes,” Don said, pouring in every ounce of confidence he did not have. “Your new leg is ready, Leo.”

The smile on Leo’s face was like sunshine, and for the entire time he wore it, all of Don’s doubt and worry and fear were cast aside like shadows.


	16. Forever

_**But you chased me down and broke in just when** _   
_**I was done believing** _   
_**Spun me ‘round so close now** _   
_**I can feel you breathing** _

**– “Forever” by Red**

* * *

****Donnie didn’t bother offering to carry him to the barn, and for that Leo was thankful. He struggled making it across the field, as he always did, but this time it was different.

This time, every time he stumbled, he was filled with determination rather than shame. He felt stronger, hardened, like all would be right if he could just make it to that barn on his own. If he made it there, he’d never fall again.

And when he got there, the last ounce of his doubt evaporated, because there, sitting on Donnie’s workbench, was his new leg.

It looked simple enough, but Leo knew it had to be complicated beyond his comprehension. Beside it were a set of straps and buckles that Leo imagined was some kind of harness, designed to hold it in place. Its surface reminded Leo of the armor Karai wore, how the metal seemed to be molded perfectly to her form, and no matter how she moved, the metal moved with her. He wondered if his leg would act the same way, if he could indeed use it exactly like the one he’d lost.

He couldn’t wait to try it out. It was true he hadn’t wanted Donnie to exhaust himself, but now that the leg was complete, Leo’s heart pounded with anticipation. He wanted it back. He wanted to walk again, to be himself again. He wanted to be able to fight, to protect his family and anyone else who needed it.

He was tired of the darkness encroaching upon him, was itching to kick it away with this new beginning.

“How do I put it on?” Leo asked, so filled with energy he could barely stand still.

“It’s kind of like putting on our knee pads,” Donnie explained excitedly, Leo’s enthusiasm catching like fire. “Here, sit and I’ll show you.”

Donnie pulled his work bench chair out for Leo. When Leo was seated, his crutches cast aside, Donnie carefully brought the leg down onto the floor in front of him.

“First, you slip it on,” Donnie told him. “Then, you buckle the straps around your thigh. I tried to make them as soft as possible so it wouldn’t cut into your skin. The straps will need to be somewhat tightly secured to ensure the prosthetic doesn’t slip when you’re wearing it. If the thigh harness doesn’t work, I’ve also designed a full-body harness that may help to secure it even further.”

“Okay,” Leo said, trying not to tap his foot. “Okay, let’s put it on.”

“There’s just one more thing,” Donnie said. “I… want to check how well you’re healing first.”

“Sure,” Leo said quickly, not bothering to argue since he knew it’d just waste more time.

Donnie unwrapped his bandages, and as always, Leo looked away. He’d never actually _looked_ at the end of his stump, because what was under those bandages was not him. Mangled flesh, open sores, scar tissue, bumpy and ugly and disgusting. He could only imagine what it looked like, but he didn’t want to know. He just assumed it was terrible, a physical reminder that would always be there anyways, hidden beneath Donnie’s marvelous creation. And if it would almost always be hidden, why should he have to look at it at all?

“Hm… There’s only a few small sores that still have to close,” Donnie told him, eyes narrowed. “The reason I wanted to check was because in order for the neurotransmitter to work, I believe it needs to be in direct contact with your flesh. That’s why I’ve installed it at the very end of the prosthetic, see?”

Leo peered into the cupped end of the leg, where the metal would meet the flesh of his stump. Nestled neatly within the center was the glowing, purple Kraang chip Donnie had been so careful to preserve.

“It’s also the reason there’s no padding there,” Donnie went on. “I thought any barrier between your skin and the chip might mess with its functionality. But since you’re not fully healed, it may be too uncomfortable for you to put the leg on without the padding. We can always add it and see if it still works, though.”

Leo took in all of this information in silence, partly because he was still awe-struck at the fact that he’d be able to walk again, and partly because he was deeply moved by how thoroughly his brother had thought this all through.

“Oh, I should also let you know that the leg is designed to come apart at the joint,” Donnie continued. He tilted the leg to show Leo a small, barely noticeable button on the inside, right underneath the artificial knee joint. “This way, if I ever need to work on the more intricate parts like the toes or the ankle joint, I can simply remove it without having to take off the entire leg. The harness can take a few minutes to secure properly, especially for the full-body version, so if ever in the heat of battle I need to fix a part, it’ll save us precious time.”

An image of Leo and his brothers battling the Shredder popped into his mind. He saw himself off to the side with Donnie frantically repairing his mechanical leg, and a flash of real fear swept through him. He hoped they would never be in that kind of predicament, but with their kind of luck, that was almost a guaranteed outcome. Thankfully, Donnie was prepared to deal with that kind of situation.

But then, that was always the case. Donnie was the only other Turtle who sided more with plans and strategy rather than an impulsive brute attack. Sure, Mikey tended to avoid the conflict if it ever became a yelling match between Leo and Raph, but Leo knew Mikey was on Raph’s side. The two of them tended to rely on emotions to guide them, whereas Leo and Donnie always felt safer knowing they had back-up plans for their back-up plans.

It was one of the many things they shared, him and Donnie.

“Also, I know you didn’t want anything fancy, but I figured you wouldn’t hate something practical,” Donnie added, nervously scratching the back of his neck. “There’s a hollow space closer to the ankle that you can open manually. You can store some small weapons inside. It’s also padded, so they won’t rattle or make any noise when you move. And unless an enemy removes your leg entirely, you’ll always be armed, just in case.

“I also hid an emergency extension within your knee joint,” Donnie continued. “It’s essentially a collapsible metal tube, designed to only activate if the lower section is removed. It had to be compact to fit into the joint, so it won’t be the same as the true leg, but I thought it might be useful if the damage to the lower section was too extensive to repair on the spot. So, again, unless your leg is removed entirely, you’ll always be able to get around on your own.”

Leo realized he hadn’t said a single word in quite a while, and knew this was what was making Donnie so nervous he couldn’t help but ramble. But Leo had no words with which to quell his brother’s worry. There was nothing he could say that would convey exactly how he felt. That warmth in his chest, the way his eyes stung and his hands itched to reach out and just _touch_ Donnie somehow, physical or not, to just _touch_ that part of him that Leo had already given…

No. Leo was wrong. There _were_ words to describe that feeling.

In fact, there were three.

Leo reached down and took Donnie’s face in his hands, staring deep into his eyes as he poured out his heart.

“I love you,” he said, and he’d never been more honest in his life.

Donnie let out a tiny puff of air, his pupils blowing wide at the confession, and Leo knew his words hadn’t been misunderstood. After a beat, Donnie slowly placed his hands on top of Leo’s, pressing them against his cheeks and nuzzling them affectionately.

“I… I love you, too,” he said softly, a toothy grin slowly growing on his adorable face. “No more waiting now; it’s time to get you back on your feet.”

Heart pounding for multiple reasons, Leo could only nod. It had been about a month or so since he’d first woken up in that bathroom, since he’d first come face to face with the feeling of complete and utter hopelessness. At the time, wallowing in his pain had felt strangely good. Now, he feared that place, knew the danger of it, and how much strength it took to pull yourself out.

Feeling a strange mix of nervous and elated, Leo scooted closer to the edge of his seat so he could more easily fix his stump into the metal socket. With trembling fingers, Leo took hold of the end of it, guiding it towards the end of his leg.

Cold metal greeted his scarred and sensitive flesh, and Leo hissed at the feeling. It didn’t hurt too badly, but it was still uncomfortable. Donnie looked like he wanted to say something, but he held his tongue. Thankful not to be doted on, Leo offered him a smile.

“It’s okay,” he reassured. “It just feels a little weird.”

Leo slowly and very carefully wiggled the leg until it fit snugly against his stump. By then, the pain felt like nothing compared to the comfortable feeling of having something far more useful than bandages embracing that area.

“How does it fit?” Donnie asked. “Is there any discomfort?”

“No,” Leo lied, ignoring the sting of his still-healing sores touching the metal. “It feels fine, and it fits great. Show me how these straps work.”

“Sure,” Donnie said, his smile more radiant than usual. “First, you hook the—”

It hit him like a shock, raw and unfiltered like lightning in a storm. It felt like a thousand tiny needles were piercing his skin, the wounds that had just barely finished healing breaking open once more.  
The pain was so sudden, so forceful, that all Leo could do was cry out and attempt to separate himself from the cause of it.

But couldn’t seem to get a good grip on it. Every time he pulled on the prosthetic, his stump was pulled with it. Confused, and far too crazed to even think about what was happening other than the immense _hurting_ , Leo gave up on trying to get it off.

Donnie was yelling something frantically, but Leo could hardly hear it. All he could do was writhe in his chair and grip the armrests so hard the old wood splintered. Giving up on words, Donnie tried to help him remove the prosthetic, but each tug only brought another wave of agony.

“Donnie!” Leo cried through gritted teeth. “Stop, _please_ , no pulling!”

“Y-you don’t want me to take it off?” Donnie stammered.

Leo didn’t want him to do anything. He just wanted the pain to stop, but if pulling the prosthetic off of him didn’t work, Leo couldn’t imagine what would.

There was a crescendo, a final blast of agony that had him seeing stars. He could feel his head growing lighter, and the room begun spinning, but just when he thought the sweet embrace of nothingness would take him, the pain began to fade.

Somewhere in that chaos he had stopped screaming, but in the wake of silence Leo found he could barely move. All of his muscles had tensed up, leaving him exhausted. All he could do was lie back in the chair, heaving as the aftershocks slowly died. Maybe he _had_ blacked out…

“—god, Leo, please talk to me, say something. I’m so sorry, I don’t know what went wrong but I’ll fix it. I promise I’ll make it better, please believe me. I’m sorry, Leo, please, I just wanted to help, I didn’t mean for—”

Leo turned his head to look into Donnie’s eyes. His vision was blurry, but after blinking a few times, he realized that was because they had filled with tears.

“Leo,” Donnie said, his voice breaking, “Leo, can you hear me? Are you still in pain?”

“No,” Leo said softly, his throat feeling scratchy from all the screaming he must have done. “No, I’m… I’m okay, now.”

“Oh, thank god,” Donnie practically sobbed. “Leo, I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I had no idea that would happen. I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay, Donnie,” Leo said softly, slowly coming to sit up in the chair again. He’d somehow slid almost all the way out of it. “It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known that… that… uh, Donnie?”

But Donnie was staring down at his leg, mouth slightly agape, his eyes wide. When Leo followed his brother’s gaze, he saw no reason for Donnie’s awestruck stare. Perhaps the genius had noticed something Leo could not.

“Donnie, what—”

“It moved.”

Leo paused, studying his brother’s eyes.

“What?” Leo breathed. “What mo—”

“Your leg,” Donnie said, his voice no louder than a whisper. “I swear I saw it move.”

Leo tried to swallow, but found his throat was too dry. He glanced back down at the prosthetic, studying it. Donnie hadn’t gotten a chance to strap the leg in place, yet somehow it didn’t fall away from Leo’s body. It was as if it had become glued to him, _attached_. And when he looked closer, he realized the line between flesh and metal appeared almost seamless.

“Donnie, I don’t—”

“You do,” Donnie said, his eyes finally tearing away from the prosthetic to meet Leo’s. “Leo, move your toes.”

“M-my…” Leo stammered. “You mean…”

A slow smile spread across Donnie’s face.

“Move your toes,” he repeated softly.

So Leo did.

He looked down at his legs, at _both_ of them, and he wiggled his toes.

The toes on both of his feet responded.

“Oh my god,” he breathed, “D-Donnie, you…”

_You did it. You saved me._

“We have to make sure it works properly,” Donnie said quickly. “Here, let’s see what happens when you try to stand.”

Leo was almost afraid to try. Almost. But he knew now was not the time for cowardice. Now was the time to tap into the very core of his being and find the courage that had earned him his nickname.

Gripping the armrests of his chair, Leo pushed himself up, and for the first time in almost two months, he stood.

He expected to feel some level of pain, but there was none. He didn’t feel any sort of pressure at having the end of his stump press down on the metal. It was almost as if the prosthetic had somehow actually _merged_ with his body. Like the metal had just fused with his flesh. Was that even possible?

Was it… a good thing?

When Leo took his first step, he felt like a baby learning to walk. By the time he crossed the barn, he felt like himself again. It felt like he’d really gotten it back. He could bend his knees, roll his ankles, twist his leg just the same as he used to.

The only difference between this new leg and his old one was that it was metal, inorganic, which meant he couldn’t actually feel anything. The smaller things, like dirt beneath his feet, for example, or the wraps supporting his ankles. But then, he’d already gotten used to that loss of sensation, so he couldn’t bring himself to be too disappointed.

It was strange, though, to feel his new appendage attached to him, acting just like the leg he’d lost, and yet not have sensation below where his stump used to be. He’d gotten used to hobbling around on his crutches and feeling that lack of mass, of _existence_ where strong bone and toned muscle once was. But now it was as if he’d regained half of that.

He had the mass, but it felt as though his leg still lacked _existence_.

“You’re sure it doesn’t hurt?” Donnie asked, somewhat skeptical. His arms were crossed, his eyes narrowed as he studied Leo’s walk. “Not at all? Because you said that the first time, and then nearly gave us both a heart attack.”

“I promise,” Leo said, in the middle of practicing one of the more simpler katas he knew. “And it didn’t really hurt at first, either. It stung a little, but I figured that was normal, and I didn’t want you to stop me from trying it on.”

“But if you’d told me, I could’ve saved you that pain,” Donnie pointed out.

“That pain was nothing if it gave me this,” Leo said. “I can _walk_ again, Donnie. Who knows what else this thing is truly capable of, if it lets me do that? I’d go through that pain a hundred times over if it meant I could keep this.”

Donnie frowned, looking unsure. Leo walked over to him – because it was just so _easy_ now – and he set his hands on Donnie’s hips. He pulled his brother close, until their plastrons connected with a soft clack, and he kissed Donnie until he was pretty sure both of them had forgotten what it was like to be apart.

When they finally parted with a soft, wet noise, Donnie’s eyes were glazed over. With their plastrons touching like this, Leo could feel the light rumble building up in Donnie’s chest. The rumble of pleasure that – much like an ember to a fire – would evolve into a wonderful churr if fed enough fuel.

Leo intended to give his brother plenty of that fuel tonight, possibly enough to ensure he had to spend all of tomorrow recovering.

And it occurred to him then that all he’d wanted to do was now possible. Images began to flash in his mind, each one of Donnie in various states of ecstasy, each one of Donnie lying beneath him. He could pin his brother down, now, dig his feet into the mattress as he thrusted in and out of him. He could control the speed and roughness and do all the work so Donnie didn’t have to.

“I think we’re going to need that lubrication you were talking about,” Leo husked out, unable to tear his eyes from Donnie’s swollen lips.

“Why?” Donnie breathed. “We did well enough without it last—”

“This isn’t going to be like last time,” Leo promised. “This time, we’re going to need it.”

 

* * *

 

Don was beginning to wonder if he should install a bed in the barn.

Despite not yet regaining all the muscle he’d lost during his coma, Leo had managed to scoop Don into his arms and set him up on his own desk, a feat that was both intriguing and hotter than the surface of the sun.

Like an instinct, Don’s arms wrapped around Leo’s neck, and his legs settled comfortably around the back of his shell, all to pull him closer. Leo pulled away from Don’s lips to sigh out his question.

“Lube?”

“In the kitchen,” Don rasped, his brain knowing the answer before his mind did. As usual, he was right. The only things he could think of that were safe to use were natural oils, like coconut or olive. Thankfully, April had both. Unfortunately, both were back at the house, and not within arm’s reach, as Don desperately wished they could be.

“What are we using?”

“Olive oil,” Don decided, “The Romans used to—”

“Where?”

“Second cabinet on the left from the front door,” Don answered. Leo smiled, and after another, tamer kiss, his smile grew into a smirk.

“I’ll be right back,” he said. Then he spun on his heels and tore out of the barn, presumably to grab their substitute lube.

A minute passed in silence, and slowly Don’s arousal faded, to be replaced with stress. He couldn’t believe Leo didn’t hate him for the pain he’d endured after putting on the leg.

Don hadn’t foreseen that happening at all, and now that he was alone with his thoughts, he realized how much it worried him. What else could happen that he hadn’t even considered? He thought he’d been prepared for nearly every scenario involving the leg, whether it be in combat, at home, and even in different weather conditions, but he hadn’t anticipated the strange and horrifying flash of pain Leo had experienced, nor the fact that the leg would apparently bond to his body like it had.

And maybe it was a miracle to Leo now, but Don couldn’t help but ask himself: now that it was attached to Leo, what if he couldn’t remove the leg?

“I hope you’re not thinking about us, with that look on your face.”

Don looked up from the spot on the floor where he’d been staring. Leo stepped closer, wagging the bottle of olive oil teasingly before his expression sobered. He set the bottle down and reached up to brush his fingers lightly along Don’s cheek.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

“Fine,” Don lied with a smile. “Just thinking about how we should tell everyone.”

Leo’s hand stilled, dropping to his side as he studied Don’s face. His own had fallen behind a mask, all emotion drained from it so that Don couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“About us?”

Don felt his stomach drop. _That_ sure was a can of worms he was nowhere near ready to open. And judging by the sudden concealment, perhaps Leo wasn’t ready either.

“N-no,” he assured his brother quickly. “Um, a-about the leg.”

“Oh,” Leo said, his face warming up once again. “Well, we’ll think about that after.”

“A-after wha—mmph!” Don was silenced with Leo’s lips.

Almost immediately, Don’s eyes closed and his anxieties fell away. His hands found the back of Leo’s mask and played with the tails, wrapping one of them around his finger absently as their tongues danced. It wasn’t just the desire in Leo’s kiss that left him breathless, it was the way he held him. One arm wrapped securely around his shell, supporting his whole body so that he could lean back without fearing he’d fall.

He felt protected, coveted, cherished. It was somewhat new to him, and he supposed that in itself should have been upsetting. But perhaps not. Maybe this was the difference, the clear line between brother and lover that he’d been wondering about lately.

He loved his brothers because they were his family. They would defend each other with their lives, no questions asked. But there was more to love than devotion and loyalty. There was this feeling, this fire in his gut. He felt it in his heart, how it felt like it wanted to leap out from his chest to join Leo’s. It was in the intensity of their gaze, the grinding of their hips, the way Leo squeezed his flesh in his firm hands…

It was overwhelming, terrifying, but Don didn’t want to stop. He didn’t want Leo to think he didn’t care, especially not when the reality was that he cared far too much.

When Leo let his teeth graze against the sensitive flesh of his neck, Don let out a long, satisfied churr. When Leo began to suck, Don practically whined at the feeling, but he still pulled away.

“They’ll see,” he managed to whisper. Leo immediately backed off, though he didn’t stray far. He began pressing kisses to Don’s collar bone, nipping gently. When Don made an embarrassing squeaky sound, he felt Leo’s smirk against his throat. “S-sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Leo assured him, meeting his eyes for a beat to grab his attention. “I like the sounds you make.”

Leo then knelt on the floor, lining his beak up with Don’s crotch. Don held his breath in his anticipation.

“You said a distraction would help the pain of stretching you, right?” Leo asked, his mouth about an inch from Don’s slowly parting slit. The leader exhaled, his hot breath sending a shudder through Don’s entire body. “Would this help?”

“Definitely,” Don sighed, his hands gripping the edge of the desk for dear life.

“Excellent.”

Leo ran his tongue along the length of his slit, and Don could feel the heat of it on his hidden cock. As Leo teased him with his mouth, one of his hands reached up to take hold of the bottle of olive oil. He set it beside his knees, returning his focus to Don’s growing bulge, but now that the genius was reminded of the oil’s presence, he couldn’t get it out of his mind.

“Come on out, Donnie,” Leo hummed, running his hands along Don’s inner thighs. “I wanna taste you…”

Don dropped down with a shudder, Leo’s words like electricity in his veins. He wasn’t sure Leo had it in him to talk dirty like this, and had no idea he himself would like it so much.

Leo’s mouth closed around the head of his penis, and Don covered his mouth with one of his hands to stifle the choked noise that came out of him. Leo began to take in the rest of his length, the action producing wet sucking noises that rang in Don’s ears. Leo gently pressed a hand against Don’s abdomen, encouraging the genius to lay back until his shell rested comfortably against the sturdy barn wall.

Don wasn’t sure when Leo had gotten the bottle open, nor when he’d poured a generous amount onto one of his hands, but he definitely was attentive the moment he felt Leo’s slick finger run along the length of his exposed tail.

“Hah…” Don sighed, his hands balled into fists.

Leo’s finger left a trail of oil that ran from the tip of his tail to his anus. Here he paused, his eyes flicking up to meet Don’s in a silent look that the genius tried to decipher. Leo flicked the tip of his tongue along the slit at the end of Don’s dick, and when Don threw his head back and groaned, he used the distraction to press his finger past the tight ring of muscle he’d been playing with.

The intrusion wasn’t painful at all, and only slightly uncomfortable. Yet as soon as Leo’s finger began to worm its way deeper into him, Don couldn’t help but spread his legs further apart, churring to encourage his brother to continue.

“You like that, Donnie?” Leo asked, his finger continuing to stroke Don’s walls deeper and deeper with every passing second. “You like it when I’m inside you?”

“P-please, Leo…”

“Please what?” Leo teased. The tip of his finger found Don’s prostate, and the genius practically melted into the table.

“Ahhn… M-more,” he begged, his toes curling as Leo massaged the area thoroughly. “P-please, Leo. I want you…”

It was freeing, in a way, to be reduced to this state. Begging for pleasure, his mind focused only on positive outcomes. And hearing Leo taking over like this made everything so much better than the last time they’d done this.

It was then that Don realized he’d given Leo back far more than his ability to walk. He’d given him back his confidence.

And damn if the consequences weren’t sexy as hell.

“If you say so, Donnie,” Leo purred. He gently pulled his finger out of Don and rose to his feet, bringing the oil with him.

 

* * *

 

Hours later, after a stealthy trip back to the farmhouse, and much needed shower, Leo watched his brother sleep.

Against all odds, Donatello had kept all of his promises. He’d given back everything that Leo had lost and more. Donnie had told him he wanted nothing in return, but Leo felt like he owed a great debt, one that may never be repaid, and it bothered him greatly.

It wasn’t just the physical leg that had been returned to him, but an entire sense of himself that he had almost forgotten he once possessed.

It was his ability to hope.

Ever since he woke up in that bath tub he’d kept telling himself his negative thoughts were realistic. If he didn’t dare to hope, he couldn’t be disappointed when it all went wrong. Even when Donnie had made his promises, Leo still held that belief at the front of his mind. It had slowly diminished over time, but it was always there, a constant reminder to protect himself from heartbreak and despair.

That had all changed when he’d taken his first step in months. Even walking into the barn and seeing the leg wasn’t enough to change his mind, but that first step was.

Just like that, all of his lingering doubts had vanished. Donnie had not only made his promises, but he’d kept them. He’d started working on a tangible solution from day one, and had not stopped until he’d made good on his word.

That was one thing Leo loved most about Donnie, the fact that he wasn’t all talk. It was exactly what Leo needed after what happened in New York. Promises that weren’t empty. Something solid to keep him from floating away.

Leo curled up against his brother, all of his limbs wrapping around Donnie’s body. For the first time in months, his muscles could relax entirely. His breath felt almost fluid, his body felt light. All of his worries had faded to nothing. Because he could _walk_ again. Maybe he could do more. With enough training he could be just like he was before his life-changing mistake.

He could be himself again.

Leo closed his eyes, smiled against Donnie’s shoulder. He traced a vein on his brother’s neck, focusing on the lulling rhythm of Donnie's heartbeat, and slowly began to fall into a deep, relaxed slumber.

Just before dropping off into the realm of dreams, Leo felt his new leg twitch.


	17. The Breaking Light

_**Watch the shadow lines fade away** _   
_**Brother you will return** _   
_**Let your lion heart cleave the way** _   
_**Brother you will return** _   
_**In the breaking light** _

**– “The Breaking Light” by Vienna Teng**

* * *

****Mikey woke with a start, gasping for breath as though he’d been running for miles.

The last wisps of his nightmare were fading, and all Mikey could remember was something about an encroaching storm. It was strange, though. He didn’t feel fear when he thought of facing that storm. He just felt dread, like he knew it was inevitable. It was coming for them all, and there was no way to avoid it…

Glancing outside, he saw a clear sky, with barely enough wind to stir the tree branches. It was still dark out, but his nerves kept him from falling back asleep. Well, that and the long, loud rumble that came from his midsection.

“Alright, alright,” he whispered harshly to his stomach. “I’ll go make us something to eat, just be quiet, already. There’s people sleeping, you know.”

He slipped out of bed and headed downstairs. All the lights in the house were off save for the kitchen light, which told Mikey that someone else was awake as well. His stomach did backflips when he saw that it was Raph.

He was sitting at the kitchen table, his feet propped up and his usually bright green eyes, now dimmed with sleep, staring down at the t-phone in his lap. Mikey swallowed and approached quietly, unsure as to why he felt so nervous around his own brother.

As soon as Mikey’s foot fell onto the kitchen tile, Raph glanced up at him. Mikey greeted him with enough volume to keep up his cheery disposition, but not enough to wake up the whole house.

“’Sup, Raphie! Too cool for sleep, huh?”

Without stopping to wait for an answer, Mikey headed straight for the refrigerator. He felt Raph’s eyes on him the whole time, but he said nothing.

Mikey opened the freezer to grab some frozen waffles he could pop in the toaster. Ice Cream Kitty was curled up into a ball, sleeping soundly in her sub-zero paradise, but her ears flicked up when he opened the door. She greeted him with a faint, curious noise, which Mikey returned as he gave her chin a scratch.

Finally, Raph decided to respond.

“Nightmare,” Raph said from behind him. Keeping his shell facing Raph, Mikey focused on making breakfast.

“Me, too,” he replied, feigning nonchalance.

“What was yours about?”

There Mikey paused. He slowly turned to look at Raph, expecting his brother to avoid his eyes. Even with Mikey, Raph didn’t usually like to talk about what he considered to be weaknesses. Like his fears, for example. He seemed to be setting up to do just that now, however. Raph had a habit of getting his conversation partner to open up just before he did.

“It was cold,” Mikey said, letting some of the sense of dread from the nightmare bleed into his voice. “I don’t really remember much about it, which is weird ‘cause I usually remember my dreams. But all I can really say is that it felt like… something was coming our way. A storm. I didn’t know what worried me so much about it, and I’m not sure I want to know.”

Raph’s eyes held Mikey’s, but this time the intensity of that gaze blocked out the other fluttery feelings Mikey might’ve felt at the prolonged eye contact.

“What was yours about?” Mikey asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.

When Raph didn’t answer for a minute, Mikey started to panic. He’d told himself he’d back off from chasing after Raph, and would make sure not to ask anything that even sounded _close_ to prying, but had this question been too much? He was just figuring out a way to change the subject when Raph answered.

“A storm,” said Raph quietly. “It just came out of nowhere, and I couldn't outrun it.”

“A storm,” Mikey breathed. “Is that… weird? That our dreams were so similar?”

Raph shrugged. “Master Splinter would probably find some meaning to it, but I don’t. They’re just nightmares, Mikey.”

If that were true, then why could neither of them go back to sleep?

“Are we the only ones up?” Mikey asked instead of voicing his concern. He didn’t want to breathe any more life into that sense of impending doom feeling hanging in the air between them.

“I think so,” Raph answered. “The lights are out in the barn, so I think even Donnie’s catching some z’s.”

“With Leo, I bet,” Mikey said bitterly. “I wish we could sleep with him, too.”

Mikey didn’t miss how Raph checked the stairwell to make sure their human friends weren’t hiding in the shadows. He suddenly remembered that cuddling up with your brothers wasn’t considered normal behavior, and that he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone they still did it.

“Same,” Raph said after a moment. “But it’s enough to bunk with me, right?”

“Definitely, bro,” Mikey answered, a pleasant warmth that was part familiar and part brand new swelling in his chest. “I have less nightmares when you’re there. I guess always feel safer when I’m with you, Raph. Even in my sleep.”

He stole a glance at his older brother. Raph was staring hard at the t-phone still held in his grip, but Mikey noticed the screen wasn’t even on.

“That’s why we do that, isn’t it?” Raph asked quietly. “To make each other feel safe?”

“Well, yeah,” Mikey said, treading carefully. “We’ve done it since we were little. It’s a turtle thing. Why else would we do it?”

Raph didn’t move an inch, his whole body still save for the bump in his throat that bounced lightly along his neck.

Mikey waited for some kind of answer, not sure what he even wanted to hear, but before Raph could say anything, the waffles popped out of the toaster. Mikey immediately busied himself with smothering them in butter and maple syrup. He even added a dash of hot sauce for a nice kick. He thought about staying at the counter to eat his breakfast, but figured that’d just make Raph feel even more uncomfortable.

This new dance he was doing with Raph was proving to be seriously exhausting. He had to be sure to think before he spoke, and that was incredibly difficult for Mikey. It wasn’t that he couldn’t, it was that he couldn’t do it fast enough to go undetected. Maybe Leo and Donnie were good at self-editing, and Raph could generally keep himself from crossing certain lines, but Mikey had never bothered to hone that skill.

It had never been so important to him to censor himself like that. But if he didn’t want to drive Raph away again, he would have to.

“Glad to see I’m not the only one suffering.”

Mikey looked up from his meal to see April nearing the bottom of the staircase. Her hair was down from its usual ponytail, hanging in messy, tangled waves around her face. She looked exhausted, with dark circles beneath her eyes.

“You too?” Raph asked, raising a brow.

“Well, I’m not sure why you two are up,” she said, making her way to the countertop for some coffee, “But I had a pretty bad nightmare.”

“Was it about a storm?” Mikey asked quietly. He shared a quick look with Raph.

“Sort of,” April said. “I can’t remember everything, just a few details. Everywhere we went, there was this dense fog, and lightning kept flashing above us. We kept looking for a way out, but it just kept getting thicker… Now that I think about it, though, it wasn’t actually scary as much as it was… sad. It felt depressing, like we were just… stuck there, with no way out.”

Mikey shuddered. Twice might be a coincidence, but three was definitely a pattern. Something bad was about to happen, he could feel it. The problem was, he had no idea what that something was, and therefore had no idea how he could prevent it from happening.

Before he could work himself up too much with worry, Mikey quickly derailed his own train of thought and easily jumped to an entirely different track. It was one of his many talents, and it had saved him more times than he could count.

“Bummer. So, are you weeding the garden again today, April?” he asked, breaking through the silence effortlessly.

“Um, if I can stay awake for that long, sure,” she answered as she stirred in a spoonful of sugar into her coffee. “Why? Are you volunteering to help me?”

The last part was said with amusement. April didn’t expect him to actually say yes, but the more Mikey thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea. He didn’t like doing chores, but if it was with April it wasn’t so bad. Besides, it gave him an excuse to give Raph some space. Which of course meant he had less chances to accidentally say the wrong thing and make Raph mad again.

“Yeah, actually,” Mikey said. April stopped stirring her coffee and turned to look at him. Raph looked up from his t-phone, eyeing Mikey with (understandable) suspicion.

“Really?” she asked. “I figured you’d have plenty of other more entertaining things to do than help me pull some weeds.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I definitely do,” Mikey admitted casually. He leaned back in his chair, reached his arms back to rest his head against them. “But doing that stuff _every_ day gets boring. It’s good to change it up every now and again.”

“Um, alright,” April said, caution in her voice and an eyebrow raised. “Well, assuming Ashton Kutcher isn’t about to pop out of the corner with ten cameramen, I’ll take you up on your offer.”

“What about practice?” Raph asked. “Did you forget? Or is _that_ why you want to help April do yard work?”

Mikey actually _had_ forgotten about practice. The chance to see Raph showing off his sweaty muscles in the gleaming sunlight was a nice prospect, and unlike quiet downtime with Raph – in which he had a higher chance to say the wrong thing – it couldn’t be avoided.

Plus, it wasn’t like they’d even get the chance to talk about anything substantial. They’d all be too busy focusing on their forms.

“Alright, you caught me,” Mikey said, throwing up his hands. The tense air of suspicion fled the room swiftly in the wake of his lie. Now both of them thought getting out of practice was his ulterior motive. “I thought you’d cut me a break if I was doing something productive instead, at least.”

“Yeah, well, nice try,” Raph said. “There’s a reason we practice, knucklehead.”

“I know that,” Mikey replied, not having to fake the indignant tone.

“Then stop trying to get out of it,” Raph said seriously. “We’ll practice, and then we’ll hunt.”

Mikey cringed. “Do we have to?”

“We’re running low on cash, and—”

“You mean _me and Casey_ are running low on cash,” April cut in with an eye roll.

“Okay,” Raph said, raising a brow. “The _humans_ are running low on cash, and meat’s expensive.”

“I just don’t understand why we can’t live off pizza,” Mikey said, only half-joking. “You can get sausage or pepperoni if you want meat, and add some peppers or onions for veggies. Oh, and M&Ms for a hint of sweetness! It’s the perfect food!”

“A balanced diet is essential for a balanced mind,” April chimed in, quoting Master Splinter. Mikey’s mouth pulled to one side, something twisting in his gut at the memory of his father. He buried the feeling as quickly as it had sprouted up, though.

Mikey wondered if he could get out of this, but then found himself wondering if he needed to. Hunting involved absolute silence and an acute awareness of their surroundings. It was like practice in that there would be no talking, and therefore no way for him to mess things up.

“Y-yeah,” he said quietly. “Alright, we can hunt after practice.”

Before any of them could ask why he sounded so sad about it, they all perked up at a sudden sound. From the top of the stairs, they heard a door open and gently close. Within seconds, Donnie came shuffling down the steps. He didn’t look as exhausted as he probably was, but Donnie was always good at hiding that. And of course, Mikey was good at spotting the truth anyways.

When Donnie’s eyes landed on the trio already gathered in the kitchen so early in the morning, he didn’t look worried or confused. In fact, he looked pleasantly surprised.

“Oh, good, you’re all here,” he said cheerfully, and with more energy than the three of them had combined.

“Um, yeah,” April said. Her fingers tapped on the warm sides of her mug nervously. “You seem pretty chipper for someone who’s awake.”

“It’s six in the morning,” Donnie said after glancing at the clock.

April, Raph, and Mikey all glanced out one of the kitchen windows. The sky was now a soft shade of blue. Mikey was sure he’d woken up somewhere around 4. Had it really been two hours already?

“Are you headed to the barn before practice?” Raph asked, probably more to remind Donnie that attendance was mandatory. Seeing as he thought Mikey had already tried to get out of it, it made sense.

A smile bloomed on Donnie’s face, catching them all off-guard. “Nope!”

Without explaining why he was so happy, nor why he wasn’t going to spend the next hour or so working on Leo’s leg, Donnie crossed to the fridge and started preparing himself a bowl of cereal.

Mikey knew they all wanted to ask, but it was Raph who spoke first.

“Taking a break?” Raph asked, sounding relieved. “Good, you deserve it.”

“Oh, I’d say he’s earned the break of a century.”

They all spun around to find Leo standing at the foot of the stairs, and— and…

_Standing… He’s standing on two legs._

“Oh my god,” April said, her hands flying to her mouth. Raph didn’t seem to be breathing, was just sitting there frozen in disbelief, and Mikey couldn’t blame him.

For the first time in months, their brother was whole again.

 

* * *

 

Leo absorbed the looks on their faces, and knew he’d never forget them. The surprise, the joy, the relief. April had tears in her eyes, and was covering her smiling mouth with clasped hands. Raph’s jaw was on the floor, the only moving parts on him his bright green eyes, quietly absorbing the new development.

Mikey stood up so fast his chair crashed to the floor behind him. He didn’t seem to notice, or care. He practically hopped the table in his haste to reach Leo. Then he threw himself in Leo’s arms, knowing somehow that Leo could catch him now.

He did, and Mikey buried in face in Leo’s neck and cried.

“I told you,” he said into Leo’s neck, shivering from such strong, pure happiness that Leo could feel it soaking into him like water to a sponge. He smiled, his lips brushing the top of Mikey’s head affectionately, and he hugged his little brother back tight. “I told you, I told you, I told you…”

“Look at you…” said Raph from somewhere behind them. Leo gently set Mikey back down and met Raph’s smiling face.

“It’s amazing!” April cried, staring at Leo’s new leg. She knelt down and reached towards the metal of his knee, but hesitated just before her skin made contact. “Oh, may I?”

“Uh, sure,” he said with a shrug.

He tried hard to pretend like he didn’t care, but the truth was it was a bit of an ego boost to suddenly have a part of himself be regarded with fascination, rather than sorrow. And he knew he wouldn’t miss those looks of pity she’d shoot him every time she thought he wasn’t looking.

When she touched him, Leo was surprised to actually _feel_ something. It wasn’t the same as someone touching his skin, but it was almost like he could sense where her fingers were, even if he looked away. It was less of a physical sensation and more of a mental one. He wondered if that was some kind of bonus brought on by the alien tech Donnie had used, or if he was just imagining things.

As April continued to examine Donnie’s handiwork, Raph just stared at Leo, and Leo knew exactly what he was thinking. He wasn’t concerned with Leo’s new leg, the physical replacement he’d been given. It was the part _inside_ of him he’d regained that Raph was admiring. He knew, without having to exchange a single word, that Leo had been put back together in more ways than one.

“It’s good to have you back, bro,” Raph said, a genuine, tender smile lighting up his face. Leo found himself returning that love with a smile of his own.

“It’s good to be back,” he said.

Just then, he ‘felt’ Aprils fingers exploring his knee joint, and he looked down to see her studying the area with interest.

“Does it work just like…” she trailed off, cleared her throat. “Just like normal?”

He knew what she was going to say before correcting herself. _Just like the old one?_

“Yeah,” said Leo. He felt Donnie’s eyes on him, and looked up to see his lover smiling at him as he took a careful sip of his coffee. “In fact, I’d say it works even better than the old one. Wouldn’t you say, Donnie?”

To the rest of them, Leo’s tease was imperceptible, but Donnie knew just what Leo was implying, and choked a bit on his coffee. Recovering before anyone noticed, he cleared his throat and squeaked out a quick affirmative.

“I can’t wait to see how well it works in the field,” Raph said, radiating genuine excitement. He smirked, his eyes conveying a challenge that fed Leo some of that fiery energy. “I call first spar with you, Leo.”

Feeling confident he could take Raph – and confident that Raph wouldn’t try to throw the fight by going easy on him – Leo accepted.

 


	18. What If

_**What if what I want makes you sad at me** _   
_**And is it all my fault or can I fix it please** _   
_**Cause you know that I’m always all for you** _   
_**Cause you know that I’m always all for you** _

**– “What If” by Safetysuit**

* * *

Don sat in the soft grass, watching Leo and Raph spar.

The sight of Leo performing so gracefully was not only inspiring, but surprisingly sexy. Don hadn’t realized how much he missed the fluid way with which Leo moved. How his muscles flexed and tensed with every strike. The nimble, complicated twists of his wrists that directed his twin katana with unerring perfection. It was quite a sight to witness, and Don still couldn’t believe he’d been the one to make it possible.

Leo had lost this. This part of himself, of all four of them. They’d been raised into this life, and like it or not, ninjutsu was embedded into their minds, their souls. And there had been a time – for exactly how long, Don wasn’t sure – that Leo truly believed he’d never get this back.

And if he were honest, Don could understand why. He hardly believed he’d managed it himself, but after all his work, and perhaps an insane amount of luck, they’d all been given a second chance. He was so glad that he’d shouldered all of that responsibility and stress. It was unquestionably worth the agony.

He was free to be optimistic, now. Free to believe in happy endings, even after they’d been down the darkest road. They conquered this, and that meant they could conquer anything. The sun seemed brighter, warmer on his skin and he stretched his legs out to take in more of its radiant, hopeful energy.

In that moment, Don felt they were all so incredibly invincible.

That was the moment Leo fell.

 

* * *

 

Leo felt the adrenaline course through him, the sweat dripping from his body, the ache in muscles not as used to this treatment as they used to be. He felt exhausted, and that was glorious. Because it meant he was already getting better. His heart pumped clean, fresh blood through his veins, waking him up.

It felt like a resurrection.

And he had Donnie to thank for it all. He knew better than to take his eyes off Raph for long, but he caught his secret lover staring at him in his peripheral. He saw how relaxed he was, how his legs stretched out in the sun. The content look on his face as he openly took in Leo’s every movement. That was okay, though. No one else seemed to notice.

And Leo didn’t exactly mind the ego boost.

He couldn’t help but show off a bit. Not like he really had to, because Donnie knew just how skilled he was, as they all did. But it didn't hurt to flex his muscles a little more than he needed to. To make sure he worked up a good sweat, though with how out of shape he’d been – even with Raphael’s help in restoring some of his muscle loss – it wasn’t exactly that hard.

Donnie seemed to notice his efforts. At one point, Leo caught him biting his bottom lip, his eyelids falling into that wonderful half-lidded position that indicated arousal. It excited Leo to no end, but he knew if Donnie got too worked up, Mikey or even Raph might notice.

It happened without warning. One second, he was brushing off Raph’s playful challenges, the next he was back in that construction site, with Shredder. It was a harmless glint of sunlight reflecting off of his brother’s sai that shot him back into that horrid memory. The white light blinded him for a moment, but a moment was all it took.

_Snow, pure white as it is, makes the red of blood scream with color—_

Something jerked inside of him, a physical yanking sensation that originated at his leg. He immediately lost his balance, and only instinct and years of practice kept him from impaling himself on his swords.

“Leo!”

He felt more confusion than actual pain. Master Splinter had taught them how to fall properly, and of course he had his knee pads on, so he had avoided any real injury. Mikey and Donnie rushed over to him, and Raph knelt beside him to see if he was okay. The embarrassment that burned in Leo’s gut was fierce. Some ninja he was, stumbling over his own feet like that.

He tried to get up quickly, to brush himself off and try again – preferably before anyone started treating him like he was fragile as glass – but realized he couldn’t move his metal leg. It wouldn’t respond to his commands. He took a deep breath and tried again. This time it twitched, but it wouldn’t bend at the knee.

He couldn’t get up. A second ago, he was fighting, performing backflips and kicks, and now he couldn’t stand. The jump between those two states was so jarring that Leo couldn’t even process it.

“Leo, what’s wrong?” Raph asked, noticing Leo’s discomfort immediately. He glanced at Leo’s twitching leg, and Leo saw the nervous bob of his Adam’s apple. He lowered his voice, careful. “Did you fall on it?”

“No,” Leo said. By then, Mikey and Donnie had reached them. “I’m fine, guys.”

“You don’t look fine, dude,” Mikey said, sounding worried. Leo sent him a glare, hoping Mikey wasn’t pointing out the scrapes on his palms that made him feel like a toddler again. But his glare fell away immediately when he saw Mikey was instead staring at his leg.

“Uh, yeah,” Leo said, feeling even more sheepish now. They knew. They all knew that it had stopped working. For some reason, that made Leo feel sheepish, like it was his fault. “It just… It stopped working, for a moment.”

_It’s just a small malfunction_ , Leo thought, reassuring himself, _just some technological mishap. Donnie can fix it._

_Donnie will fix it._

Something seemed to come back online, and suddenly he had full control of his leg again. Before anyone could even attempt to offer to help him up, Leo jumped off the ground and brushed himself off.

“Is it responding properly now?” Donnie asked, straining to keep the worried tone from his voice.

“Yeah,” Leo said, testing it out by performing an easy, basic kick. He rolled his metal ankle, did a few squats. Not even a shudder of hesitation from his leg. “Let’s go again, Raph.”

“Can we take a break, actually?” Raph asked. When he noticed Leo’s look, he raised his hands in defense. His left hand pointed to his right forearm. “Hey, not for you. For me. That thing is _solid_.”

Leo took a closer look, noticing only now that his brother’s forearm was now swollen, blotches of dark purple smattering his skin. Leo remembered the kick that made it happen; a swift downward strike by his metal leg that Raph couldn’t catch with his _sai_.

Leo thought he’d been careful enough. He was very aware that his new leg was not made of flesh and bone, after all. But had he really gotten so caught up in the fight that he’d forgotten to pull some of his hits?

And if that was the case, why had Raph waited until it got this bad to say something? Sure, Raph liked to play the tough guy in the field, but they all knew that wouldn’t fly for injuries sustained during practice. In a battle, you had to fight for your life and those of your team, but sparring wasn’t meant for brave faces and pretending not to feel pain.

Donnie stepped in to take a closer look at the damage. He tenderly took hold of his brother’s arm and frowned when Raph winced at his gentle touch.

“Really, Raph? You could have said something sooner.” Donnie sighed, then began leading Raph back to the farmhouse. “Come on, let’s go make sure you didn’t fracture anything. Leo, if you want, you can continue with Mikey. _He_ knows when to call it quits.”

“Maybe that’s not such a good idea,” Leo said, though it was more to Mikey than Donnie, as he and Raph were already gone. “I don’t want to hurt you, too.”

“Relax, Leo,” Mikey said, sliding his ‘chucks from their straps and twirling them with practiced ease. “You won’t hurt me. You’d have to catch me first, and we both know that’s not gonna happen.”

With a smile and quick roll of his eyes, Leo fell into a ready stance. Internally, he promised not to get carried away this time.

 

* * *

 

Raphael was alone with Donnie.

The air between them was still a bit tense, as the last time they’d truly interacted directly was when Donnie tried to pick a fight with him. Raph held little resentment for that, though. He could sort of see why Donnie had been so on edge then. After all, he’d just battered his own arm for the same reason Donnie had spent so much time in that barn.

There were certain things Leo needed from them in order to fully heal, and Raph knew what he had to do.

“Letting him wail on you probably isn’t the best way to make him feel better about himself,” Donnie said softly.

Raph looked up from his bruised arm, but Donnie wasn’t looking at him. Figures the genius would put two and two together soon enough. Raph sighed, his bottom lip pouting outward as stubbornness welled up inside of him.

“He needed that fight. I wasn’t about to take it from him by wimping out.”

“It’s not 'wimping out’ if your arm’s broken.”

“It’s not broken.”

“Fractured, then.”

“It’s not fractured, either.”

Donnie gingerly tested the flesh of his forearm, and Raph tried hard not to wince. He already felt much better than when he’d been standing in the field, though. The swelling had also gone down considerably. He and Mikey had been the ones to break limbs more often growing up, so Raph knew from pure experience that the bone was intact.

“No, I suppose not,” Donnie said. “But you don’t have to sacrifice yourself just to make him feel normal again.”

“You mean like how you went without a decent night’s sleep for months at a time?”

“That was different,” Donnie said stubbornly. He pressed the ice pack into Raph’s arm a little harder than he needed to. “Things were… dangerous, then. I wasn’t sure what he thought his future looked like, but I knew he didn’t see anything good. Nothing to… look forward to. So I pushed myself to create what I knew he needed. The hardest part is over, though. He doesn’t need reassurance, anymore.”

“He’s always going to need reassurance, Donnie,” Raph said.

Donnie looked down, his shoulders slumping and the very air around him drenched with misery. Raph felt guilty for once again blurting out his thoughts before thinking of the consequences. He remembered that, sure, Leo would always need reassurance, but so would Donnie.

“He always has,” Raph continued. “We all do, I guess, but Leo’s convinced he’s got the world on his shoulders. I doubt taking on that amount of responsibility – and drowning in constant self-doubt on top of that – is healthy.”

Donnie was quiet as he wrapped a cloth loosely around Raph’s arm to hold the ice pack in place. It was just a convenience thing. Raph also knew the ten on, ten off policy from experience.

When Donnie was done, he leaned back, his eyes fixed on a spot beyond Raph’s shoulder.

“There has to be a better way to give him that reassurance than letting him get too rough during what’s supposed to be friendly fight.”

“We’ve each got our way of helping him recover,” Raph said firmly. “This is mine.”

 

* * *

 

Don was still, completely unmoving high up in a tree.

Small animals skittered along the forest floor below him, and though they were few, Don heard bird calls echoing amongst the trees. He had been perched in his position for nearly an hour, gaining the forest’s trust so that game would wander by.

Their main source of protein for the next two weeks came in the form of a young buck, grazing around the roots of trees for fresh blades of grass and other sprouting plants. The only thing Don moved were his eyes, following the buck and resolving to watch him until he was in range of his arrows.

A few minutes passed by, and the buck came close enough to hit. Very, very slowly, Don drew his bow back, the arrow already notched, and silently took aim.

Immediately the deer looked up, no doubt sensing in that mysterious way animals do, that he was in imminent danger. But his legs would not move until he was sure, and by then, Don had already loosed his arrow.

It took a few long seconds – and Mikey’s comment – for Don to accept that his arrow hadn’t struck its target.

“You missed,” Mikey observed as they both watched the buck sprint away and disappear into the trees.

“Y-yeah,” Don replied, lowering his bow. “Guess my luck’s not so great today. You wanna give it a shot?”

Mikey eyed the weapon Don held out for him. His eyes flicked up to Don’s, and the genius saw a hint of that inner wisdom Leatherhead insisted he possessed. With a gentle, knowing smile, Mikey simply took the offering and hopped down from his branch, landing silently on the slightly damp earth below.

“Luck’s got nothing to do with it,” Mikey said, watching as Don followed his lead and leapt from the tree. “Either you’re way out of practice, or you missed on purpose.”

Actually, it was neither. Don supposed he missed because his mind was elsewhere, which didn’t exactly mean he did it on purpose, but it was the closest to Mikey’s suggestion.

“Guess I don’t feel like killing today,” he said with a noncommittal shrug.

“Well… yeah,” Mikey said, sounding almost cautious. “None of us _like_ it. But it’s like Raph said, we gotta eat, and apparently grocery store meat’s too expensive.”

“He said that?”

“Pretty much.”

“Hm, and I wouldn’t trust the meat at that tiny store down the road, either.”

“Raph said that, too.”

“Guess that means we should really bring something home, then,” Don said. “We could still go after that buck. It couldn’t have gotten too far, and we could both use the practice on our tracking skills.”

Mikey agreed, and together they set off in the direction the deer had run. They followed the discreet trail of trampled leaves and disturbed brush. Small, snapped twigs and nibbled bits of grass led their way, and all the while they remained completely silent.

Only, Don’s mind couldn’t seem to shut up. He kept thinking back to earlier, when Leo had fallen during practice. At first, Don had assumed Leo had somehow tripped over a rock. But that wasn’t like Leo.

Besides, Don knew what he saw. Leo hadn’t hit his foot against something in the grass that could cause him to trip. It was his entire leg that had stopped moving at once, frozen with no warning and apparently, without Leo’s prompting.

That loss of control, temporary as it was, meant something was wrong. Leo would have him look at it tonight, and Don would agree. He wasn’t sure what he’d find, but he was terrified it could be something he couldn’t fix.

More than that, he was terrified of what he’d _do_ if he wasn’t able to fix it. The leg melding to Leo’s stump had been entirely unforeseen, and while it seemed to be a good thing at the time, Don knew it would make any kind of maintenance or repair far more difficult, perhaps even—

No. No, he couldn’t even allow himself to think that. If that leg stopped working, and Don couldn’t fix it, he would have to… to…

What _would_ he have to do? What options did he even have? He didn’t know exactly how attached the leg was to Leo’s body. What he did know was that somehow, thanks to the strange, inter-dimensional Kraang tech, Leo’s flesh had been fused to the metal.

But how deep did that connection go? What if there was some kind of connection error that required Don to take a look at the place where flesh and metal now met? Would it hurt Leo? And if the leg ceased to work at all, and if he couldn’t find a way to fix it, would he have to amputate his brother’s leg again?

Flashes of a memory that still haunted him came to him then, and Don stopped walking. He stared into the forest but instead of seeing trees, Don saw the living room of the farmhouse. The kitchen table, where before him Leo lay unconscious, his right leg pulverized so completely that it was just a mangle of torn flesh and shattered bone. There was so much blood, and April was trying so hard not to cry, and Don’s hands were trembling as he took that saw blade in hand, and he was trying to keep himself together even as he took his brother apart—

He was hyperventilating now, tears in his eyes and he realized only then that he was alone. Mikey must have gone ahead, or Don must have lagged behind. Mikey was nowhere to be seen, could be half a mile away by now, still hunting that stupid deer Don couldn’t even hit with an arrow.

But he was alone, and he used that because he needed it. Without the eyes of his family on him, Don could let out some of that anxiety he’d been containing. They couldn’t know how much it physically hurt to keep these worries in his head. It was like a nest of angry wasps, constantly buzzing and occasionally being provoked into a swarm.

“What if I can’t fix it?” Don choked out, because he was so tired of keeping those words inside. “What the _fuck_ do I do if I can’t fix it?”

And he realized then that this game of pretending was so very far from over. Maybe it was like Raph said, and Leo would always need reassurance. Maybe he would always need someone to promise him everything would be okay, even if they didn’t believe it themselves.

What if that empty, hopeless person Don had seen in Leo was still there, just buried so far down it appeared to be absent? If Don couldn’t keep Leo believing in him, could he at least keep him alive?

The fact that he didn’t know the answer to that question told him exactly what he had to do. He had to keep Leo optimistic, because he didn’t know what would happen if he didn’t. And the thought of that dark possibility, slim as the chance may be, was not something Don was prepared to risk.

He would take years of anxiety, countless panic attacks, endless nightmares, just to ensure Leo kept believing that lie he’d created. The lie that everything was okay, and that if it ever wasn’t, Don would find a way to make it okay again.

_I’ll do it for him_ , Don thought. And he felt that weight sink back onto his shoulders like it was a physical force. Dread seeped back into the pit of his stomach and it was like he’d swallowed a gallon of glycerin.

_I’ll do it for him._


	19. Buried Beneath

_**I’m suffocating** _   
_**I need you to breathe** _   
_**So reach down and pull me up, pull me out** _   
_**Before I am buried beneath** _

**– “Buried Beneath” by Red**

* * *

It was an all-too-familiar scene. The two of them, alone in the barn, everyone else lounging in the farmhouse knowing nothing of their strange new secret.

Part of it was thrilling, but a lot of it was just another weight to add to the pile on Don’s shoulders. Except this was one he was sharing with Leo, so at least it was evenly distributed.

Besides, he thought as Leo fucked him hard against the barn wall, the benefits weren’t all bad.

“N-ngh, I thought that you w-wanted me to look at – _ffffaah_ – at your leg,” Don managed to say between Leo's very well-aimed thrusts.

“Mm, I think that can wait,” Leo said directly against his ear. His arms were wrapped firmly around Don’s midsection, his tongue and teeth doing wonderful things to Don’s shoulder and neck. “There are more pressing matters at hand, here.”

Don chuckled but it fell into a moan. He clenched his fists against the sturdy wood as Leo fought to drive into him even deeper.

It was such a wonderful feeling, being filled like this. He could feel how every one of those soft muscles inside of him clenched against Leo’s shaft, urging him to continue almost desperately. Most of the soreness Don usually felt after their couplings was starting to diminish, as well. His body was getting used to Leo’s frequent abuse, and Don loved every second of it.

“I can’t get enough of you, Donnie,” Leo said, his voice soft and tender and so easily touching Don’s heart. “I-I thought I could control myself at first, b-but lately it’s like you’ve awakened something inside of me. Now every time I see you I think of the things we’ve done,” he gave a particularly hard thrust, making Don cry out in surprise, “and the things we’re going to keep doing. A-and I know I should feel shame, but I don’t, Donnie. I don’t.”

Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, and Don felt something in his chest swell. Suddenly, he didn’t want to face the wall anymore.

“Leo, stop, stop,” he urged, gently batting at the arms around him. Leo complied immediately, kissing at Don’s shoulder gently.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?” Leo asked. Don found his legs had turned to jelly, and Leo was supporting what was essentially dead weight.

“N-no,” Don said. “Here, just… turn me around.”

Taking only a moment to process Don’s request, Leo slowly pulled out of his brother and began to let Don go so he could turn. He quickly realized Don could barely stand on his own, and with a brief smug smirk, he gathered Don back into his arms and turned him around so they were facing each other.

Leo gripped the underside of Don’s thighs, supporting him and keeping them close at the same time. They were both panting fairly roughly, Don from the rough handling and Leo from the exertion of constantly driving himself into his brother. Don met Leo’s eyes, wrapped his arms around Leo’s neck, and just… _stared_.

Making love with Leo was one of the very few things that could completely take his mind off of the stress he was under. It seemed to wipe his mind clean, if only for a short while. But if having sex was like a medically induced coma, getting lost in Leo’s eyes was like a dose of anesthetic. It reminded him that taking on all of this responsibility was worth it, and it gave him a reason to push past the pain.

“No,” Don repeated softly. “You didn’t hurt me, Leo.”

He leaned forward to initiate a wonderful, soft kiss. They moved against each other for a few precious minutes, simply connecting in this now very familiar dance. Without pulling his lips away, Leo slowly began massaging the flesh of Don’s legs, humming appreciatively against his lips. Don’s legs crossed around Leo’s shell, locking him in place as Leo began rutting against him once more, their dicks rubbing together with a wonderfully slick sound. Don let out a soft, keening churr to let Leo know he was quite eager to continue where they left off.

Leo finally pulled away to line himself up with Don’s entrance. His cock easily slipped back inside, the sudden return of that glorious warmth causing them both to groan.

The noises produced from their lovemaking were enough to drive Don mad. Excess olive oil – their lube of choice – leaked from Don’s ass and dribbled onto Leo’s thighs, and with each thrust Leo gave him, a slick, wet _slap_ accompanied it like a lewd echo.

“Faster,” Don moaned softly. “Please, Leo, I’m so-o close…”

Leo complied, his fingers digging into Don’s ass cheeks so hard Don wondered for a brief moment if they’d leave marks, and if they did how he would explain them away. But that moment was soon over because Leo was now hitting his prostate with every single thrust and all he could think about was how _good_ Leo was at this—

“Ah! A-ha, oh god, Leo!”

Don curled up against Leo as his entire body shook with the force of his orgasm. After a few seconds of pure bliss, Don came down from his natural high and slowly released his brother from his death grip.

He was almost too sensitive for Leo to continue climbing towards his own peak, but ignored the discomfort in favor of Leo’s pleasure. Movements suddenly jerky and erratic, Leo squeezed his eyes shut, his mouth hanging open and his breath coming in short, hard gasps.

“D-Donnie… I-I’m…”

“Go ahead,” Don whispered, pressing his forehead into Leo’s.

With a low, satisfied groan, Leo obliged. Don watched his face in wonder, memorizing it as he felt Leo’s seed spurt deep inside of him. As Leo began to slow, Don captured his lips for a long, calming kiss. When he finally pulled away, lips tingling and lightly swollen, Leo was still. He simply held Don for a moment, their bodies still connected though the desire had burned out. One of Leo’s hands reached up to cup Don’s cheek, and the genius wondered if Leo found the same tranquility in his eyes as he did.

Eventually, the moment between them gently fell away. Leo carefully pulled out of his brother and set him down. He let go when he realized Don could hold his own weight again, and reached for the towel on the desk beside them. Don was happy they’d thought to bring one this time, as sneaking back into the farmhouse with olive oil leaking from his anus and running down his thighs was a lot more mortifying than getting to wipe up most of the mess from here.

They’d still need to shower, of course, but thanks to the towel, it could wait just a bit longer. Don wanted to make sure they actually did what they said they were going to do, and with most of his anxiety freshly wiped away, now was a better time to face the unknown than ever.

“Can I take a look now?” Don said, folding the soiled towel before placing it back on the desk. “I think those pressing matters are taken care of for the rest of the night.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Leo said with a playful wink. “But yes, you can check on it.”

Don had Leo take a seat and prop his leg up on another chair. He went down on his knees and leaned in to study his creation.

He could tell very little just by looking at it. Everything seemed to be undamaged, and Don of course had just experienced for himself how well it was working now. But that one minute from earlier today kept nagging at him, and he knew he’d have to take it apart to really understand the problem.

Don placed his hand on Leo’s metal shin, his thumb gently drawing circles against the metal. He was surprised to find it wasn’t cold to the touch, though it was still far less warm than the rest of Leo.

“Feels nice,” Leo said softly. When Don looked up to him in shock, he noted that Leo’s eyes were closed, a relaxed expression on his face. Don didn’t want to alarm him, but he really shouldn’t be able to _feel_ anything…

“It does?” he asked cautiously. “You can feel this?”

Leo opened his eyes, looking somewhat startled, as if he hadn’t meant to admit he could.

“Um, a little,” Leo said, not appearing to notice the way Don’s heart had jumped to his throat. “It’s faint, kind of like when someone touches your shell. You can sense that something’s there, but it’s not as sensitive as our skin.”

Don swallowed and looked down at the… metal? Was it really metal anymore, or had something happened beneath that smooth surface that he couldn’t see? He took a closer look at the only place the connection between organic and inorganic was visible.

At first glance, the metal appeared to be its own separate entity, but as Don drew closer, he noticed how the green of Leo's skin seemed to blend in with the silver of the metal. Gently rolling Leo’s leg side to side, Don witnessed the skin and metal moving as one, as if the prosthetic had somehow become part of Leo’s body.

He suddenly remembered studying the inside of that Kraang ship buried in the basement. He’d been more focused on gathering parts at the time, but he’d noticed the control hub looked like a series of parking spots for the Kraang. Little pockets where their strange tentacles could tap at unseen keys, or even slip into the sockets where Don had found the three Kraang chips.

Where flesh could connect with metal…

It was absolutely fascinating, but it would have been great if that fascination wasn’t tainted with the mountain of dread he was feeling along with it. He was pretty sure that, at least for the Kraang, the connection was supposed to be temporary.

Was it because Leo’s body was laced with mutagen? No, it couldn’t be that, otherwise Fishface would have had the same reaction. Perhaps it was the type of alloy Don had used, or that he’d allowed Leo to try on the prosthetic when his wounds had not fully closed…

“So, what’s the diagnosis?”

“Hm?” Don hummed as he looked up at Leo.

“You’re really deep in thought,” Leo said. “I hope most of those thoughts at least are good ones.”

“They are,” Don lied, smiling to better sell it, “I’m just trying to figure a few things out, is all.”

“Like what?”

_Like how not to be a complete and utter failure of a brother. Like how not to lose your trust while keeping up this lie. Like how I’m going to keep pretending I know what I’m doing without falling to pieces._

“Like how I can make repairs to your leg if you have sensation there,” Don admitted instead. “I can’t exactly administer anesthetic for any pain you might feel if I have to take it apart.”

There, some of the truth. A slight weight off his shoulders. Leo had to figure Don was at a loss for some things, at least, or else the lie would be too easy to see through. After all, the fusion hadn’t been foreseen, so it would make sense that Don was still putting pieces together. All that really mattered was that Leo continue to believe Don _could_.

“Take it apart?” Leo asked. “You’re talking about that joint button, right?”

Don hadn’t been, but he figured it wouldn’t hurt to let Leo imagine simply popping off the end of his prosthetic as opposed to the horrid imagery of cutting away the metal fused to his flesh.

“Yes,” Don said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t think you will,” Leo said. “But there’s only one way to know for sure.”

Leo reached down to press the button himself, giving Don little time to do anything but cry out gibberish to try and stop him.

Thankfully, everything seemed to do as it was designed to. With only a faint whir and a series of clicks, the lower half of Leo’s leg detached from its knee joint. Leo shuddered and blinked in surprise, but he didn’t seem to be in pain.

“That felt… _weird_ ,” he said, “but at least it didn’t hurt.”

“I’m glad it didn’t,” Don said sincerely as he calmed himself down. Then, he delivered a series of light smacks to Leo’s arm, which caused the leader to laugh. “Maybe some more warning next time before you give me a heart attack!”

“You worry too much, D,” Leo said, still chuckling softly. “I know you. You would have insisted we wait while you tried to find a less risky way. But if we didn’t try it now, we wouldn’t have found out what we needed to know.”

Don knew Leo was right, but the pout still stayed.

“Hey,” Leo said, gentler this time. “It’s off now. You can take a closer look at it without worrying. See if there’s a reason it stopped working earlier.”

“Alright,” Don said with a light sigh. He did just that, setting the prosthetic on his desk and opening it up to look at its innards while Leo leaned back in his chair and watched.

“It’s kind of funny,” Leo said after a while. Don didn’t turn away from his work, but Leo knew he was listening. “Even when you take it off, I don’t feel like I’m missing anything. It’s not like it was before. I don’t feel… incomplete.”

Don swallowed, wishing he knew how to respond to that. He wasn’t sure he was meant to. But as the silence stretched on, the only noise their soft breaths and Don’s tinkering, the genius knew he couldn’t let Leo’s profound statement get steeped under the rug.

“You were never incomplete, Leo.”

A full minute passed, and then Don felt warm arms wrap around him from behind. Leo’s cheek pressed into the back of his head, and soft lips ghosted along his left shoulder. He could feel Leo’s pain like it was a physical force emanating from his body and into Don’s own. But he could also feel his love, warm and stronger than anything else Don could name.

“How’s it looking?” Leo asked, peering over Don’s shoulder.

“Excellent,” Don said. He bit his lip.

“That’s good, right?” asked Leo.

_No, because if the problem isn’t in this part of the leg, it must be in the other part. The part fused to your flesh._

“Of course,” Don said. “But it also means we have no answer as to what happened earlier. Perhaps there was some kind of trigger. Did anything happen right before the malfunction?”

Leo stiffened behind him, but Don felt him shake his head against his shoulder.

“Not that I can remember,” he said. “You know, Donnie, maybe it was just a fluke. Don’t you think if there was something really wrong with it, it wouldn’t have started working again?”

Don wanted to agree with Leo, for both their sake’s, but in his experience with machines – of which he had quite a bit – malfunctions were always a possibility, and therefore weren’t a good indicator of the machine’s health. Sometimes things appeared to break, but only needed a tune-up. Other times, something could be working perfectly fine one second, and then never work again the next, with zero warning beforehand.

But then maybe Leo was right this time, and this machine – _his_ machine – was perfectly fine. In fact, Don wanted to believe that so badly that he was willing to overlook this one incident. Perhaps it really had been just a fluke, after all.

“And even if it wasn’t,” Leo said, leaning forward and placing his hand on Don’s shoulder, “you have nothing to worry about. I believe in you, Donnie. I know you’ll find a way to fix it.”

 

* * *

 

Raph was settling down for the night in his room, feet propped up on a pillow and a handheld game system chirping and ringing under his skillful thumbs. He was just about to beat his high score when Mikey barged in, startling Raph enough to make him screw up his game and lose.

“Dammit, Mikey!”

“Something’s wrong with Leo and Donnie.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Raph said with an eye roll. “Thanks a lot, by the way. It took half an hour to get that far.”

“Sorry,” Mikey said, “I just… I need to talk to you.”

“About Leo and Donnie, right.” Raph closed out his game and set the system aside. Seeing the expression on Mikey’s face washed away much of the irritation he felt. “So what do _you_ think is wrong with them? Because I’ve got a list.”

“They’re hiding things from each other,” Mikey said. He began pacing around the room, his hands fidgeting and eyes wide. “From all of us. It’s not right. A-and it’s like, every time I’m near them I can feel their heads buzzing and they just won’t let it out and it’s driving me crazy!”

“Whoa, woah, calm down,” Raph said. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Mikey so upset. “Come here before you wear a trench in the carpet.”

Mikey immediately came over, but instead of taking a seat on the bed, he dove into Raph’s arms and wrapped his arms around Raph’s midsection. He nuzzled his face against Raph’s plastron, looking like he was trying to hide from everything. Raph blinked in surprise, but recovered quickly and began rubbing the back of Mikey’s shell. He hated when Mikey got like this. It made him hurt, too.

He knew what Mikey was talking about, though. It was part of the reason Raph was determined to rekindle Leo’s confidence. It was no secret their leader liked to wallow in self-doubt, and there was no questioning that he was doing it now.

But Donnie was a bit more of a mystery. Sure, it was all on him to make sure Leo got to walk again, but now that the vision was a reality, there was no more need to stress, right? Yet Donnie did that kind of stuff all the time. He worried more than the rest of them combined, but that was just how it had always been.

“Cheer up, Mikey,” Raph said softly. “Everything’s gonna work itself out.”

“I know,” Mikey said, voice slightly muffled. “But it doesn’t make it any easier. I don’t know how to help them if they don’t want to talk about it.”

“Have you tried?” Raph asked. “Talking to them, I mean.”

“No,” Mikey admitted quietly.

“Why not?”

“They wouldn’t tell me anything,” Mikey said. “I think they’re scared of what might happen if they admit they need help. D’s so stressed I’m surprised his shell hasn’t gone grey on us, and Leo’s—”

“Doubting himself,” Raph said. “Yeah, I know.”

“Not just that,” Mikey said. “He’s hiding something, Raph. Whatever that something is, it’s been eating at him this whole time, and it’s gonna keep eating at him until he lets it out.”

“Which will happen when hell freezes over,” Raph added, “or when you convince him to.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Mikey said miserably. “No one in this family _talks_.”

“Sometimes it’s easier not to.”

“It’s _always_ easier not to,” Mikey said. He pulled away from Raph slightly to look up at him, looking a strange mix of stubborn and sad. “Doesn’t mean it’s not good for you.”

Raph didn’t know what to say to that. He agreed with Mikey, but at the same time he hated talking his feelings out. He much preferred using his fists. It was more productive that way.

“But you’re right,” Mikey said, “I should try.”

With that said, Mikey decided to curl up against Raph even more. He was always very affectionate, but he was even more so when he was distressed. Raph sighed and leaned back until his shell rested against the wall behind his bed, and Mikey’s arms clung to him in a death grip.

Raph simply held his little brother, rubbing his shell as Mikey attached himself to his body like a little green leech. Raph smiled to himself at the mental comparison. In some ways Mikey was more like other animals than just a turtle. He cuddled like a cat, and loved like a puppy, and wormed his way into your heart like a…

Raph swallowed, attempting to bury those thoughts before they arose again. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t pursue this desire. It was just another thing in life he wasn’t allowed to have. Like living on the surface without ridicule or judgement or someone trying to dissect him.

A dream that would never come true.

“Raph, I have something to tell you,” Mikey said suddenly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” said Mikey. He pried himself from Raph and sat back on his heels. “But I know you don’t like talking.”

“I can listen, though,” Raph said with a light frown. “Come on, Mike, tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s not wrong,” Mikey said quickly. “Well, at least _I_ don’t think it is. Others might. But I only really care about whether or not _you_ might.”

“Am I missing something here?” Raph asked, raising a brow. Mikey was being cryptic, which was a fairly unusual thing for him to be. These days, though, Raph wasn’t so sure.

“I don’t know, Raph,” Mikey said softly, searching Raph’s eyes for an answer he probably didn’t have. “ _Are_ you?”

“Mikey, for fuck’s sake I don’t know what the hell you’re—mmph!”

Raph was frozen, unable to move even an inch as Mikey’s lips found his. For a whole ten seconds (he _counted_ ) Raph did nothing but sit there, eyes wide as dinner plates and hands clenching fistfuls of bedsheets. He kept waiting for Mikey to pull back, timid and shy and unsure of what he was even doing. At which point Raph would calmly explain to him why this was impossible and Mikey would agree and they’d never ever speak of this again.

But then Mikey began moving his mouth.

Raph didn’t know what he’d been thinking but there was nothing shy about that kiss. Mikey’s tongue was damn persuasive and Raph finally allowed him in. Their tongues came together, and the feeling was unlike anything Raph had ever before experienced. With a groan he felt like he’d been holding in forever, Raph lost himself in the kiss.

Eyes closed softly, his arms wrapped around Mikey’s body, pulling him closer until Mikey fell forward and landed on his lap. After a bit of squirming to get comfortable, they picked up where they left off.

They explored each other as they’d never done before. They were no strangers to each other’s bodies but this was incredibly, amazingly different. They’d sparred and wrestled and even cuddled together but they’d never caressed, never lingered.

When Mikey softly pulled away, hands cupping Raph’s cheeks and his blue eyes brighter than they had been minutes before, he let out an adorable, tiny chuckle and smiled.

“Man, I’ve been wanting to do that for _ages_ ,” Mikey said softly.

Raph didn’t know what to say. Something in Mikey’s expression urged him to just say what was on his mind, to tell him that he, too, had been wanting that kiss for quite a while now. But he was also so very afraid of going down this road. He wanted this more than he could even comprehend but he also didn’t want to see the look of disappointment – or worse, _disgust_ – in their family’s eyes.

“M-Mikey,” said Raph, so entranced by the soft look in Mikey’s eyes that he was physically unable to look away. “Maybe we shouldn’t—”

Raph was interrupted by a scream. The two of them jumped in surprise, but recovered in a heartbeat. They untangled themselves from each other and dove off of the bed, racing out of Raph’s bedroom and unsheathing their weapons. They tore out of the house, sprinting to the edge of the woods where the scream had originated.

That scream… That _voice_ …

It had been April’s.


End file.
